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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4558 Posts
In Belgium you would almost always go for the kiss on the cheek. Even when you get introduced to a friend of a friend which you've never met before, kiss on the cheek is normal. But in the UK (where I studied 4 years) this is much less common. At least in the posh south where I was studying. Handshakes all round, or nothing at all, just a "hi". In the US, I have no idea  | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46618 Posts
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BurningSera
Ireland19621 Posts
On December 07 2015 21:09 Laurens wrote: The answer to this question very much depends on your location as well. In Belgium you would almost always go for the kiss on the cheek. Even when you get introduced to a friend of a friend which you've never met before, kiss on the cheek is normal. But in the UK (where I studied 4 years) this is much less common. At least in the posh south where I was studying. Handshakes all round, or nothing at all, just a "hi". In the US, I have no idea Rofl, yes that part I can highly relate to, upnorth is so much chilled, down south is more uptight, but I always greet with a hug and kiss on cheek no matter where I go (as soon as I know the person well, strangers/first time meeting 50/50 it depends). In a dating scenario, I always push for hug+kiss on cheek at the least when we greet (and then keep some distance, just so to make it clear that you are not some pervert and makes her to want you more rofl), if she is coming out 1on1 with me plan to spend the evening with me, I don't care what is the outcome of the night, I will take the lead focusing on showing her a good time. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46618 Posts
On December 07 2015 20:42 LemOn wrote: Yeah, I'd go for a quick hug and a cute greeting when my intentions are not clear and I want to set the tone straight (1st date off online dating. Ambiguity with e.g. a girl I've known non-romantically that I'm taking on a date. Last date was meh, often 1st one) If things are going well, there's strong chemistry, last date was physical I'd be missing out if I'd go for anything more than a a tap on the shoulder. It's just so much better to have ambiguity, let the chemistry do the work and let passion grow/build up for both of you with time. Same with words, just being silent for a while, observe your own feelings, get used to her presence, notice her body language, how she moves today etc. I don't want to miss out on that! It often takes a few hours before the first kiss on a date (with my girlfriend), but when it comes the passion from the built up energy (or sexual tension however you want to call it) just makes it so much better. If you want a passionate relationship with lots of PDA then total lack of initial PDA is paradoxically the way to go. EDIT: This reminded me of this podcast https://www.datingskillsreview.com/ep-62-neuroscience-of-sex-sexuality-andrea-kuszewski/ Definitely recommend to show you to see how routine is bad. And with the no initial affection approach every single date will be different, and you'll get physical at different times when it feels right instead of falling into a routine. While I agree that too much routine (especially early on), can lead to monotony, I wonder how contextualized the whole attempt at a portrayal of being the mysterious silent type actually is. I know that plenty of women prefer someone who's warm, a good conversationalist, enthusiastic, and interesting. Some women also like clear signs a lot of the time, like physical contact, just so they have reassurance and an understanding of when progress is being made. Obviously, spontaneity is good too, and I think it's really important to be reciprocating the moves that she's making towards you. So if she's smiling and looking you in the eyes and playfully touching your shoulder (or anywhere else), it's important to follow suit appropriately because it shows that you've acknowledged her message and you feel similarly. If you refuse to talk and she's actually been holding up her end of the conversation, then she might think you're uninterested due to a lack of participation in the discussion. I worry that a lot of inexperienced daters might go a bit over-the-top with some of the counterintuitive ideas that you recommend. | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
But kinda think of it yeah, you need to be confident in yourself when you do sit down eventually to use that approach. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46618 Posts
On December 08 2015 05:51 IgnE wrote: Based on Lemon's posting style I don't think he's in danger of being thought an introverted, weird, possibly psychopathic person. Some of the other people posting here seem like they might risk coming off like that though if they tried that shit. Work on being a decent, interesting human being first. Oh yeah, I'm sure that Lemon has that style down very effectively. I was just worried about those who have very little experience in the dating scene in general... It wouldn't come off nearly as well with them, I think. On December 08 2015 06:49 LemOn wrote: Yeah, I'm talking about the initial greeting here + start of the date not changing your personality or anything like that. But kinda think of it yeah, you need to be confident in yourself when you do sit down eventually to use that approach. Gotcha  | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On December 09 2015 00:55 LemOn wrote: meeting gf's mother for the first time (Will just come up to say "hi" and then I'm leaving for dinner with my gf) what's the protocol here - do I bring a flower or something? :D Go for the oiled up thing^^ On a more serious note: I would not bring anything, and I dont know anybody who would in that situation. You can bring flower when you get invited for family dinner ore something imo. Not whren you just say "hi". | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4558 Posts
That's what I did but ofc my gf didn't share anything, just ate them all herself, oh well | ||
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On December 09 2015 00:55 LemOn wrote: meeting gf's mother for the first time (Will just come up to say "hi" and then I'm leaving for dinner with my gf) what's the protocol here - do I bring a flower or something? :D Ask your girlfriend if her mother expects you bringing something. Had I once a girlfriend which parents where a bit old fashioned when it came to that. They didn’t necessarily expected me to bring something, but it was something they looked out for. In this particular case it was a proper cigar for the father and some sweets for the mother. If they aren’t like that I would say just do what feels natural to you. I wouldn’t bring something if it isn’t required, besides something that fits like some cake etc. Chistmascookies would be fitting if you meet for a cup of coffee for example. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Her perception of me is vital for our relationship - I want her to let me keep her daughter overnight to pork her, so far she's always been really needy and my gf had to lie about where she is when she stays overnight, EDIT: fuck it, texting my friend right now about flowers | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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herokiller_
92 Posts
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herokiller_
92 Posts
I have a really good female friend (we've known each other since university 7-8 years now) we do not meet very often, but have good times together when we do (our characters match pretty well I would say) and I do find her attractive too. I mean I would like to try to date/build long term relationships with her. The problems is she told me several times that I'm "not her type" (like there no spark, dunno how to say it in english) I guess first thought would be - "you're friendzoned, gg", but I don't think it's your typical friendzone. It's not like I'm being used, and I'm not like "crazy in love" and suffering. Also, I haven't actually directly stated my feelings once. I find it complicated because we know each other for a long time. Also she once had a relationships with one of my friends which ended up poorly. (I think he still hasn't got over her). (Note: I didn't consider her a love interest at that time, but we were on good terms). I also know she doesn't date anybody at the moment ( and didn't since that time with my friend). Sorry for poor english, what are your thoughts? | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8939 Posts
how deep do you feel the chemistry goes? do you guys talk about light topics and kinda just cruise along or do you see eye to eye with her even on very serious topics. if she did accept you as her boyfriend how well do you think you guys would go together at an emotional level? if you think she would take the relationship seriously and you guys are right for each other enough that you can go a long way, then i suggest you be a little more patient. her saying youre not her type is probably going to be because of your appearance. its a little shallow but hopefully she will overlook it at some point when she matures up, which is when you can make your move. alternatively you can just brute force your way in by confessing now and hoping she takes a leap of faith, but its high risk. as for the friend problem, well how close are you to him? its bad news already that he still hasnt gotten over her, because if you go out with her you will definitely damage your relationship with your friend | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 09 2015 10:40 B.I.G. wrote: Flowers? For a Ukranian mom? She will merely laugh at how weak and soft western men are. Go there and present the still beating heart of a bear you killed in single combat if you want to impress her. loool :D | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On December 09 2015 14:31 WarSame wrote: I'm 22 and I've never had a girlfriend, but it doesn't really bother me. It'll happen eventually. Is that weird? Not if it doesn't bother you! As long as you don't subsidize real relationships with porn and social media, and you're at a stage in life where you focus on your passions, working on yourself and are fulfilled without females it will come eventually and it's not unhealthy or anything. | ||
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