Dating: How's your luck? - Page 669

On July 29 2015 01:19 GoTuNk! wrote:
I rarely post here anymore, but I'd like to get advice here as I'm totally lost.

How do you approach a girl that is extremely naive, doesn't drink and doesn't go out at night, never. By naive I mean she is 22 and I'd be surprised if she has kissed 3 boys in her life. I see her regularly at gym (CF Girl) and we always talk. I mean, how do you escalate or what shoud I ask her out to do?

On July 30 2015 07:26 waffelz wrote:
I possibly had the most awesome date of my life.
Also, some weeks ago I explained how I don't feel like going for the early kiss and how I feared that it would hinder me in terms of dating, I decided to make a change and it turned out to be some sort of success.

A few month ago, I met a girl at the municipal office. We stood next to each other in a huge line, because bureaucracy and general workspeed in public offices, so there was plenty of time to chat. She studies in the same city than I do, but different university and different subject. Though a few courses dip into my subject and vice versa. Since each of us could provide the other with much more insight on certain subjects than our fellow students, we proceed to meet occasionally for university matters. She had a pretty big assignment at the end of this semester, on which I helped her a lot since she felt lost. As it turns out, she did very well, best grade of her semester, her professor even asked her if she would like to tutor other students next semester for this course. As a "thank you", she invited me to the zoo because at some point I told her that I wasn't at the zoo for quite some time and since I don't drink alcohol, the typical "I buy you a beer" wouldn't work out.

So we went to the zoo, had a good time and chatted a lot, but less about university and more about personal stuff this time. When I told her that I am into martial arts, she asked my what kind of/where I practice it. I haven't been in a sports club for quite some time, but I practice/work out at some kind of private gym of a friend of mine. It is basically a few big rooms with lots of equipment that got accumulated over the time, sandbags and a few fighting-rings. It started out as his own training place but over the time, he invited a people to come over, old equipment that's no longer used go donated to him and now we have a place where we can train/go at each other, and he know quite a lot of former martial arts-trainers/fighters that also go there. On the weekends there are also sometimes fights happening. Its a pretty cool place and since I am friends with the owner, I even got a key for it.
I explained it a lot worse to her though I think, because she immediately imagined it being like the cellar in "fight club". To be fair, yes besides one all of our fighting-rings are in the cellar and only a few rooms have paint on the wall, but it is clean. There is also bare-knuckle fighting happening, but that the beauty of it - you can do whatever suits you, as long as it is remotely safe, and we never had serious injuries besides some broken bones which happen even in the most careful sports-club.
After I told her that, she said she would like to see it and since it is in the same city, I told her we could go after the zoo, which we did. At the gym she was surprised since she imagined it way smaller and darker, also she imagined the people being less friendly. After I showed her around, she jokingly demanded a demonstration, so I did a few rounds with 2 friends of mine. After that, she asked if I would dare to try my luck against her. She told me before that she also had trained martial arts for some years, but not recently. I agreed, we got her proper clothes and here begins the part where I initially fucked up.
Since she was very vague about it, I didn't knew how experienced she is, so I gave her a quick introduction how to make a fist, tips when falling etc. which wasn't really necessary and during which she had mistaken my joking manner for not taking her seriously.
Since I wasn't really comfortable hitting her, I initially purely relied on grappling, which again, made her feel like I don't take her seriously.
Also, I have the terrible habit of being a nuisance, so when I got someone locked down, I proceed to gently poke their eye or flinch my finger against their earlobe or the tip of their nose. Also, the whole fight was not really going her way. I also failed to recognize that she got really angry.
At this point, she was really mad at me and was no longer holding back. As it turned out, she can seriously kick and must have rubber bones. I got her pinned down again, but somehow she still was able to kick me against the backside of my head/neck which made me losing orientation for a moment in which she escaped. I still was dizzy when she hit me against my chest with a hard kick. At this point I at least realized that she was really serious, also my ego kicked in since I didn't want to lose against her in front of my friends. When she was going for another spin-kick I pulled my favourite dick-move against all spin-kicks: A nice kick against the inner part of the thigh. If you use enough force, you can knock somebody out with that, but if you use less, the whole leg just becomes completely numb like it fell asleep. And apparently, that was the point where I stopped fucking it up.
As expected, she fell down and wasn't able to stand up for some time. I got her a cooling-pad and then casually layed down and started to chat with her. She then explained to me how she got mad/why, I told her my reasons and that I didn't realized her being mad - in the end we had a good laugh about the whole situation. My neck was blue and a bit swollen at that time though and my whole right chest was deep purple like a plum and felt squishy. Since I have a terrible history of not going to the doctor when needed and my friends pointing that out, she demanded to take me to one. So we first head to her place, each took a shower and then headed to the hospital and got me checked after some waiting time, in the end it wasn't serious and moved on. By that time it was evening, a bit windy but not really cold, so we walked down the waterside of the river that's flowing trough the town, continued chatting and got some ice cream. When it got late, she asked if the gym would still be full and after I told her that by now it should be empty/almost empty since nobody that doesn't have a key should be there by now, she asked if we could head back so that I can show her some leverages/grappling stuff. So we headed back, gym was almost empty and we started sparring again, much more relaxed this time though. I also noticed some change in her behaviour. When I once again had pinned her down, I got closer to her face and while realizing that she seemed very comfortable with it, I proceeded to kiss her which she gently replied on. We continued to kiss/cuddle for a while and headed back to her place then, to watch a movie I told her about before and take a shower again. During the movie, we also cuddled/kissed and after it we talked for a bit until we decided it gotten way to late. She told me I could stay overnight, so I slept on the couch. The next day she had some appointment, so she already got up and left when I woke up, but she left me breakfast and a sweet note in which she agreed upon a second date next weekend in advance(or in other words, she told me to ask her out for next weekend^^). So I ate breakfast, did the dishes and headed back to my place, later I called her to set the date for next weekend.

In conclusion:
- I had a pretty great date, even though only in hindsight I realize that it was one
- I got my date really mad at me
- I technically knocked my date out
- I don't know how many signs from her I missed
- I still managed to make it a success
- Despite I generally don't feel like it, I went for a kiss and it turned out good
-bonus points: my right chest-muscle is purple and double the size of my left one at this point


The only problem I have is, that I am not sure how I feel about her. As I said in earlier posts, I seem to be unable to have serious romantic feelings for someone until I got to know them to some extend. Despite having spend quite some time with her, It was mostly because of university-stuff and provided only small insights about her, even though it gave me some good insight about certain character traits. I feel like I have a good guess about her personality by now, but still.
I didn't feel the desire to kiss her(even though it definitely didn't feel bad), but I did anyways, because she seemed to desire it. Also, she is a pretty awesome person and impressed me greatly that day, but over the next month, there would be no real occasion where we would have met otherwise. Semester is done on her part, my exams end in a few weeks and afterwards I will go on a few weeks of vacation, so I felt like I had to make a move if I do want to have a chance in the near future. Given what I know about her and what I learned during that date, I can see myself falling for her, there are already some feelings, I just don't know if it goes beyond her being a great buddy and love in general tends to be a bitch that doesn't care that much about objectively being a great fit.
I will have about 2 weeks until I get on vacation, which will last for at least 2 weeks, so I do have some time to get myself together, but I already am scared of the possibility of seeing her just as a awesome buddy. Imagining me having to explain to her that I went for the kiss because I wasn't sure but didn't want to waste chances sounds a bit dick-ish to me.
I also thought about breaking it to her during our next date, telling her that I am sorry/why I acted that way and then asking her if she wants to spend some more time with me so we can get to know each other better so I can make up my mind. From a moral standpoint, this seems to be the better solution, but on the other hand, it seems weird leaving her in this state of tension and hope. Also, she could get mad at me for going for the kiss despite not having serious feelings for her to begin with/making her feel like I have, which would blow the while thing. While I can get behind my reasoning, I also see how weird/stupid it can look to someone else. Basically, I don't want to hurt/exploit her, but also would like to not ruin my chances.

Maybe there is a third, better way that I don't see or some advice from someone that has been in a similar situation before?

On July 30 2015 11:26 waffelz wrote:


Afterwards I also realized that "could stay at her place" probably mend more then me sleeping on her couch. As I said, I am not good at spotting theese signs lol. Didn't really matter that i missed that one though since I wouldn't be up for it anyways. Its not about being gentlemen or making my mother proud(she actually would have probably rolled her eyes and called me a dork if I told her), its just the way I am.

About the feeling stuff you could be right. I do like her for sure, the question is how much do I like her. The kiss easily could be the result of me having spend a good portion of the day grappling aka aggressive cuddling with her, which breaks a lot of distance and her being an attractive women. I am certain that I like to spend more time with her, but there isn't a real desire for romantic contact at the moment.


My main problem is, that I do respect her own ability to make her own decision. To make a proper decision, she needs to have the proper information. When you date someone, there usually is an implied agreement, that you both are interested in each other in the same way, which I don't really think is the case at this point, but I have signalled something else. I know how I feel when I have strong feelings for someone and kiss/cuddle with them and in this case it wasn't there. Which isn't surprising, since this always takes some time with me, but I didn't want to miss the chance if those feelings do come up.
And I could completely understand her being upset about that. Just think about it, its pretty much the same as if someone pretends to love someone just to have sex with them, only with a better motive. I know that I view such matters very differently at times though(like not empathising going for a kiss on the first date), which is why I decided to ask for some different opinions.

The principle of honesty tells that I should tell her what's really going on, but at the same time I fear the possible consequences. Continuing not telling her also could lead to some problems. I know that I move very slow when it comes to dating/relationships and that my views are often uptight. Previously I wouldn't have gone for the kiss, but since I decided to make some compromises, I went for it, but I wouldn't go beyond without seriously being interested in her.

I also can assure that this isn't a way to protect my ego. I definitely want to see her again and I definitely want to find out how I feel about her, despite possibly leading to rejection. My only problem is how I should approach it from this point, before I see her again this weekend.