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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 31 2015 03:47 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2015 02:47 IgnE wrote:
My question is, did you go home and jack off afterwards? Are you shying away from sex with real people in order to masturbate? What the actual fuck? xD.... seriously what the hell is wrong with some people not understanding to take things slow/having something else on the top of their list then just having sex. I am not offended by that, but it is by far one of the stupidest things I have red so far in this thread. There was some nice advice which I will take on later, but this... wtf? xD So in other words: no. two no for the guy that hopefully never gets into psychology.
I think IgnE is on to something.
Why just go home to rub one out alone when you could have had sex?
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Blackarachnia: Why are you always talking to yourself?
Megatron: Because I enjoy intelligent conversation.
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On July 31 2015 03:47 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2015 02:47 IgnE wrote:
My question is, did you go home and jack off afterwards? Are you shying away from sex with real people in order to masturbate? What the actual fuck? xD.... seriously what the hell is wrong with some people not understanding to take things slow/having something else on the top of their list then just having sex. I am not offended by that, but it is by far one of the stupidest things I have red so far in this thread. There was some nice advice which I will take on later, but this... wtf? xD So in other words: no. two no for the guy that hopefully never gets into psychology.
The concept is sound. It is often easier to choose masturbation over real sex because the latter requires an intimacy that many people can't handle. The bullheadedness of the inquiry was rude, but he could easily be right. You may be rationalizing away your hesitation with all sorts of surface reasons. After all, what was the point of detailing all your thought processes in an advice thread?
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Mexico2170 Posts
On July 24 2015 16:12 [Phantom] wrote:
Last week I told a girl I know that we should go hangout and maybe drink a coffe or something. She hasn't answered yet, but that's alright. Surely her cellphone ran out of battery and she's taking a vactaion on those no electricity jungle hotels right? I mean, what else could it be
Remember her?
She finally answered! This goes to those non believers! She says she would love to see me soon! What should I do now? Answer her? Wait for a week too and then answer? confess my eternal love to her?
On July 24 2015 23:43 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2015 21:39 JoeCool wrote:On July 24 2015 16:12 [Phantom] wrote:
Last week I told a girl I know that we should go hangout and maybe drink a coffe or something. She hasn't answered yet, but that's alright. Surely his cellphone ran out of battery and she's taking a vactaion on those no electricity jungle hotels right? I mean, what else could it be Someone else is texting her! You should definetely call her a couple of times and/or send her messages just to make sure. If shes responding, ask her what took her so long. And if she doesn't, call again and again and again... until she responds. And then ask why she's ignoring you. Or you listen to Acrofales... +1, you've seen it in all the romantic movies, you need to fight for your love, you're not gonna give up are you?! Just find her address using your friend calling her pretending to be a government official and then turn up in her place with an awesome gesture like this: ![[image loading]](http://www.juliebuxbaum.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/cusack2.jpg)
Thanks for your suggestion, I will do that gesture next time I see her!
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As a lesbian, I never had luck in dating.
Mainly cause I was either crushing on straight girls, getting cheated on or dumped for someone "better" (aka someone who had masculine genitalia lmao), or simply had nothing in common with them.
But I met the love of my life on Tumblr 2 years ago, we were both reading a webcomic called Homestuck and playing Team Fortress 2. Then, we found out that we live in the same city and decided to meet up, and we're now in a happy 10-month relationship. We also got engaged in March.
In April I convinced her to play League with me. We're filling the all-chat with memes and bullshit, make dumb teams like "5 support team" or troll picks. Pissing people off in-game in normals or ARAMs is our favourite couple activity. 
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That sounds really fun 
I am also really looking forward to a relationship, I think they are quite a lot of fun
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On July 31 2015 16:42 [Phantom] wrote:
She finally answered! This goes to those non believers! She says she would love to see me soon! What should I do now? Answer her? Wait for a week too and then answer? confess my eternal love to her?
Text her and set up a date?
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On July 31 2015 18:18 DogBlood wrote:As a lesbian, I never had luck in dating. Mainly cause I was either crushing on straight girls, getting cheated on or dumped for someone "better" (aka someone who had masculine genitalia lmao), or simply had nothing in common with them. But I met the love of my life on Tumblr 2 years ago, we were both reading a webcomic called Homestuck and playing Team Fortress 2. Then, we found out that we live in the same city and decided to meet up, and we're now in a happy 10-month relationship. We also got engaged in March. In April I convinced her to play League with me. We're filling the all-chat with memes and bullshit, make dumb teams like "5 support team" or troll picks. Pissing people off in-game in normals or ARAMs is our favourite couple activity.
What a nice success story
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On July 31 2015 18:18 DogBlood wrote:As a lesbian, I never had luck in dating. Mainly cause I was either crushing on straight girls, getting cheated on or dumped for someone "better" (aka someone who had masculine genitalia lmao), or simply had nothing in common with them. But I met the love of my life on Tumblr 2 years ago, we were both reading a webcomic called Homestuck and playing Team Fortress 2. Then, we found out that we live in the same city and decided to meet up, and we're now in a happy 10-month relationship. We also got engaged in March. In April I convinced her to play League with me. We're filling the all-chat with memes and bullshit, make dumb teams like "5 support team" or troll picks. Pissing people off in-game in normals or ARAMs is our favourite couple activity.
That's amazing! Congratulations!!!
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On July 31 2015 09:03 IgnE wrote:
Oh come on dude, don't get so indignant. It's an honest question. It's not like you are "taking it slow" because you have some kind of ethical structure that requires certain parameters to be met before sexual intercourse takes place. You aren't restraining yourself from your sexual lust. You seem to have simply said that you don't even feel sexually attracted to this girl that you apparently admit is attractive. I am just wondering whether you have a low libido or whether you are still jacking it (multiple times) every day.
Sorry if my response sounded harsh, it was mend to show that I got genuinely confused by your post which sounded like some weird psycho-analysis. Couldn't really understand your line of thinking. I don't restrain myself from my sexual lust. Saying a women is attractive is just simply confirming her beauty, it doesn't mean that you want to fuck her. If you see an attractive women on the street, you don't immediately think "I want to fuck her", or at least you shouldn't. I would find it pretty disrespectful solely thinking about someone that way. I know there are some who think like that, but I believe its a state of mind that you develop over time. Just think about it, would be quite weird for a women having to imagine how every guy who has given you a compliment to immediately having thought about fucking you and vice versa. You should be able to honestly admire the beauty of someone, disregarding their gender, while also not immediately thinking about fucking him/her.
And for me there are some parameters to be met before I am confident to have sex with someone. I know this will be the part where I start to sound a bit odd, but anyways. Regarding certain things, I am a very serious person, partially because of surroundings, partially because its always been that way and I figured that it isn't wrong. Like I don't make promises easily, because to me holding my word is very important, even if it might have negative consequences for me. I try to always speak truth and when I call someone a friend in my native language, it means that I care a big deal for him and he can be sure of my support. I am also very serious with physical gestures of affection, as I believe they lose their meaning if used frivolous. I don't really care that most people don't see it that way, but for me it is important to stick to it. I untighten things a bit recently because of practicality, but for the most part its still intact.
Sex usual has an physical and an emotional aspect to it, both are important, but the emotional part is way more important to me. If I have sex, it is not just a way to satisfy my drive for it. Its a gesture, that ensures caring, interest and honesty. Its a way of displaying the desire to be as close as possible to another person. It is important to me that I can honestly tell myself that I never have slept with someone that I hadn't those feeling for, because for me it would devaluate the gesture by some degree, just like your word losing its value, if you give it out easy and therefore break it often. Just accept that this is important to me and then think about this:
Compare the first time you had sex with a partner of yours to the sex later on in the relationship. If you where really lucky, the physical level was initially good, even compared to the sex later on. But usually, the initial sex is pretty mediocre on a physical level and probably doesn't even beat good masturbation. Usually you just don't know enough about the preferences of your partner, his desires and vice versa. But the emotional part of it made it so that it still beats masturbation, which doesn't have a real emotional part to it. There is no mutual intimacy and no one who's vulnerable, no feeling of closeness etc, which makes even mediocre sex with someone you love good. And as you learn how to improve it physically as well as mentally, it gets awesome.
I just don't care for random sex that's somewhat better then mediocre at best, if I devalue the meaning of it for myself in the process. Or just keep in mind that you probably wouldn't have found me taking it slow odd, if I where a girl  . Men can be sensible too you know.
That it is indeed a bit odd that I seem to have almost zero sexual desire for someone up until one point I don't refuse. Might be a side effect of growing up with a lot of sisters or whatever, I can assure you though that there is some evidence that my libido is a-ok.
On July 31 2015 00:56 LemOn wrote:
Yeah dude
can't see any difference between normal dating,
Hang out, have fun, do whatever's comfortable, if she brings it up ...
Ask her what does she mean exactly by asking and what does she feel
and then tell her you'd love to get to know her a bit better before you pork her
No need to bring it up yourself or overthinking.
although I did think it's generally accepted that when a girl invites you inside her flat overnight she wants you inside of her as well - maybe with other girls don't stay over until you want that?
"Just wait if it comes up and discuss it then". Pretty simple solution that I didn't come up with for some reason. I will go with that and wait if it will be necessary to discuss it and also make keep in mind not to send wrong signals.
I also didn't realize that I cant really be certain about how she sees this whole thing, so thanks for that lohdon.
About the supposed obviousness of her invitation, in my defence it was very late at that time, so getting back to my place would have involved waiting for the next train for about an hour. The day also was pretty tiring, so I didn't think much about the offer. In the past I often had friends/buddies of both genders stay at my place overnight just because it was more convenient. I will keep it in mind.
Date will be tomorrow, going to the market and then cooking at her place, shouldnt be able to fuck things up this time
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On August 01 2015 00:36 waffelz wrote:Date will be tomorrow, going to the market and then cooking at her place, shouldnt be able to fuck things up this time
Weeee !
It seems to go great for everyone in this thread at the moment!
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United States15275 Posts
And Igne is the one doing weird psychoanalysis. Waffelz, you're turning into a gold mine for any therapist.
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Hey, there is a difference in telling how yourself think/feel about stuff and suggesting someones sexuality is fucked up.
After your edit: Maybe, but I dont really see how this fits in relation to my post. People can have different priorities, and I function well.
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United States15275 Posts
On August 01 2015 01:40 waffelz wrote:
Hey, there is a difference in telling how yourself think/feel about stuff and suggesting someones sexuality is fucked up.
I think you're revealing things about yourself that run counter to your own claims. But you're not my patient, so there's no reason to make a fuss about it.
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Waffelz are you familiar with the term "rationalization"?
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Probably. May I counter with have you heard about the ways to have a proper discussion? - A great example for what is not a way to have a proper discussion. I don't want to sound rude, but either you answer in a way that doesn't require your opposition to ask what you mean, or you should not have spoken to begin with. It is neither the proper way to hold a discussion, nor good etiquette in general.
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On August 01 2015 00:36 waffelz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 31 2015 09:03 IgnE wrote:
Oh come on dude, don't get so indignant. It's an honest question. It's not like you are "taking it slow" because you have some kind of ethical structure that requires certain parameters to be met before sexual intercourse takes place. You aren't restraining yourself from your sexual lust. You seem to have simply said that you don't even feel sexually attracted to this girl that you apparently admit is attractive. I am just wondering whether you have a low libido or whether you are still jacking it (multiple times) every day.
Sorry if my response sounded harsh, it was mend to show that I got genuinely confused by your post which sounded like some weird psycho-analysis. Couldn't really understand your line of thinking. I don't restrain myself from my sexual lust. Saying a women is attractive is just simply confirming her beauty, it doesn't mean that you want to fuck her. If you see an attractive women on the street, you don't immediately think "I want to fuck her", or at least you shouldn't. I would find it pretty disrespectful solely thinking about someone that way. I know there are some who think like that, but I believe its a state of mind that you develop over time. Just think about it, would be quite weird for a women having to imagine how every guy who has given you a compliment to immediately having thought about fucking you and vice versa. You should be able to honestly admire the beauty of someone, disregarding their gender, while also not immediately thinking about fucking him/her.
You can tell my brain that, but my one-eyed trouser snake has its own ideas about such things, and it is prone to override my brain when it comes to choosing who is an interesting candidat for fucking. Do you have to ACT upon those feelings? Of course not, and most probably don't. But I don't think there is anything wrong (quite the opposite really) in being turned on by attractive women.
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On August 01 2015 02:44 Acrofales wrote:
You can tell my brain that, but my one-eyed trouser snake has its own ideas about such things, and it is prone to override my brain when it comes to choosing who is an interesting candidat for fucking. Do you have to ACT upon those feelings? Of course not, and most probably don't. But I don't think there is anything wrong (quite the opposite really) in being turned on by attractive women.
I wasn't talking about unconscious reactions, sorry for not making that clear enough. Getting a boner isn't always a thing you can control especially when you are aroused that easily, which is fine. Putting that aspect in the foreground of your awareness however is in your control and consciously/actively thinking about having sex with said source of arousal, disregarding the circumstances is something entirely different. I don't buy that "man think with their dick"-shit. Its the excuse of the weak and lazy men in my opinion.
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Dammit
just realized I'm still that insecure little boy I always was and I've got a long way to go
So I just texted the girl I'm dating and I'm super into how cool it was that she brought me whisky tasters the other day
and she replied immediately
"!!! U remember that guy from work, that I liked? The one who helped me and stuff?"
I say yeah and that she told me he left, what about him?
And now no response for an hour
My little old insecure self is starting to make up stupid ass scenarios on her being into him etc, kissing him, how am I gonna reply if she cancels our date...
I got internally really good at indifference, and getting girls in the initial few weeks, but now that I'm starting to fall in love with this broad my emotions and insecurities get the best of me again. I wasn't into anyone this much in my life before, so I guess in a sense, it's my first time and like with losing virginity being great at it from the get go is not to be expected :D
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You know, Lemon, I wouldn't worry about it. I feel like that is a text 99% of guys would get insecure about, and I'm not sure why your girl would send it to you in that first place.
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EPT
