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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 17 2013 09:38 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 06:43 MightyBill wrote:On December 17 2013 01:26 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 16 2013 23:30 MightyBill wrote:On December 16 2013 03:11 Volband wrote:
Recollecting my thoughts and reading back others' posts as well, the question that striked me was how much change is acceptable around your date?
You want to get laid, so you have to make some concessions. But you always want to pull her over to your side of the line more than you move over to hers. Always radiate in a way that you don't mind being nice and compassionate, but that whenever she tries to put you on a leash, that you MIGHT be gone. An example of something I did in the past: Some girl once made me wait in the rain for an hour, (I moved somewhere inside because standing in the rain is just retarded). By the time she showed up I was, rightfully so, pissed off. I told her in a very cocky way that it's not very nice of her to make me wait that long, but that she still deserved to have a nice date (I never give any reasons or explanations why she would deserve a good date. Just tell her and then go talk about other shit). So I took her to a different bar (because I know my way around you know), and gave her a very enjoyable date for about 25 minutes, after which I sayd something along the lines of "Well was a great date, wish we had more time, I'll see you next time!". Make sure you're gone before she realizes that you basically just ditched her, but do extend her the line for a possible next date. On the next date, I was about 15 minutes late BUT I bought her flowers from a flower shop.. I told her literally "Sorry I'm 4 minutes late, I couldnt find the perfect ribbon for these handpicked flowers". She knew I was just fucking with her, but she was still getting flowers, a romantic date, she didnt feel guilty for making me wait cuz I'd do the same to her, but she did knew that if she ever tried to put me on a leash too much, that I'd be gone. Makes dating more exciting for her as well, as it turns into a game of "how far can we go?". Lol worst advice ever. Sounds like you're caught up in playing games with girls, which is stupid because games are for teenagers. When you play games with girls like this they won't just stop and be like okay he won, they will try to one up you and then you try to one up her and etc.... just for "control" in the relationship. Every time I start to date a girl I tell them straight up that I'm not down to play any stupid games. I tell them I send message replies when I feel like it instead of reading then waiting so I don't seem desperate. I just act like myself not trying to be anyone I'm not or win some sort of stupid mind game so I wear "the pants" in the relationship. Girls really respect me when I say things like this to them because honestly they aren't down to play games either. It shows them that I'm confident in myself and I don't need to act like a dick to give myself an ego boost. That being said obviously don't become some lost love puppy that follows her around, be a man, but you don't need to act like a dick to do that. This concept of "bringing her over to your side of the line" is just petty teenage romance grow up lol. And to be honest from my own experience and what I see from my friends interactions with girls, girls often win these mind games because at the end of the day, they are the one who decide when you are getting laid and when you don't because they claim to be less horny then men(which is a lie). Games are for everyone. You are bad at advice, you should refrain from sharing it. Games are horrible, and most genuine women don't want to deal with that bullshit. If you're after girls, go ahead and play games. If you want a woman, be straightforward, upfront, and don't bother with the bullshit.
Pretty much this. Playing games can be fun, but it doesn't lead to anything good in the long run.
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On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer.
In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one?
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On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one?
I guess its completely situational and really depends on the girl. Maybe you just have a very friendly/outgoing personality and some girls could misinterpret that for flirting and just feel obligated to mention it to you.
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On December 17 2013 11:37 FreedomMurder wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one? I guess its completely situational and really depends on the girl. Maybe you just have a very friendly/outgoing personality and some girls could misinterpret that for flirting and just feel obligated to mention it to you.
that too could easily be true! although I haven't been trying to hit on a girl in... years I think ahah.
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On December 17 2013 11:37 FreedomMurder wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one? I guess its completely situational and really depends on the girl. Maybe you just have a very friendly/outgoing personality and some girls could misinterpret that for flirting and just feel obligated to mention it to you.
Reminds me of this:
+ Show Spoiler [image] +
If someone is in a serious relationship I feel like it will naturally just be mentioned because mentioning any recent experiences will likely involve the boyfriend. If you've been friends with someone for a while and they never mention the existence of a boy/girlfriend it's probably pretty likely they don't have one.
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On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator.
Fuck it just ask her!
Me: "Hey I just found this great coffee shop lets go check it out?"
Her: "I have a boyfriend."
Me: WELL FUCK YOU!
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Ok don't say "fuck you" . Just smile and find a new girl.
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Seriously I've been in a situation where I spent WAY TOO LONG trying to strike up a connection only to find out she has a BF. Plus she was a lot older than I expected. Sometimes you just gotta cut the bullshit and go straight for the kill.
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The friend zone sucks balls. I've been there done that several times. Some girls are pretty clueless (no offense to female TL viewers). They will not catch the hint that you like them more than a friend. So you have to be more aggressive, but not creepy at the same time! Nothing worse than wasting days, weeks, MONTHS, only to find out you've been friend-zoned since DAY 1.
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On December 17 2013 09:38 chadissilent wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 06:43 MightyBill wrote:On December 17 2013 01:26 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 16 2013 23:30 MightyBill wrote:On December 16 2013 03:11 Volband wrote:
Recollecting my thoughts and reading back others' posts as well, the question that striked me was how much change is acceptable around your date?
You want to get laid, so you have to make some concessions. But you always want to pull her over to your side of the line more than you move over to hers. Always radiate in a way that you don't mind being nice and compassionate, but that whenever she tries to put you on a leash, that you MIGHT be gone. An example of something I did in the past: Some girl once made me wait in the rain for an hour, (I moved somewhere inside because standing in the rain is just retarded). By the time she showed up I was, rightfully so, pissed off. I told her in a very cocky way that it's not very nice of her to make me wait that long, but that she still deserved to have a nice date (I never give any reasons or explanations why she would deserve a good date. Just tell her and then go talk about other shit). So I took her to a different bar (because I know my way around you know), and gave her a very enjoyable date for about 25 minutes, after which I sayd something along the lines of "Well was a great date, wish we had more time, I'll see you next time!". Make sure you're gone before she realizes that you basically just ditched her, but do extend her the line for a possible next date. On the next date, I was about 15 minutes late BUT I bought her flowers from a flower shop.. I told her literally "Sorry I'm 4 minutes late, I couldnt find the perfect ribbon for these handpicked flowers". She knew I was just fucking with her, but she was still getting flowers, a romantic date, she didnt feel guilty for making me wait cuz I'd do the same to her, but she did knew that if she ever tried to put me on a leash too much, that I'd be gone. Makes dating more exciting for her as well, as it turns into a game of "how far can we go?". Lol worst advice ever. Sounds like you're caught up in playing games with girls, which is stupid because games are for teenagers. When you play games with girls like this they won't just stop and be like okay he won, they will try to one up you and then you try to one up her and etc.... just for "control" in the relationship. Every time I start to date a girl I tell them straight up that I'm not down to play any stupid games. I tell them I send message replies when I feel like it instead of reading then waiting so I don't seem desperate. I just act like myself not trying to be anyone I'm not or win some sort of stupid mind game so I wear "the pants" in the relationship. Girls really respect me when I say things like this to them because honestly they aren't down to play games either. It shows them that I'm confident in myself and I don't need to act like a dick to give myself an ego boost. That being said obviously don't become some lost love puppy that follows her around, be a man, but you don't need to act like a dick to do that. This concept of "bringing her over to your side of the line" is just petty teenage romance grow up lol. And to be honest from my own experience and what I see from my friends interactions with girls, girls often win these mind games because at the end of the day, they are the one who decide when you are getting laid and when you don't because they claim to be less horny then men(which is a lie). Games are for everyone. You are bad at advice, you should refrain from sharing it. Games are horrible, and most genuine women don't want to deal with that bullshit. If you're after girls, go ahead and play games. If you want a woman, be straightforward, upfront, and don't bother with the bullshit.
What are you doing on a starcraft 2/dota2 team website if you think games are horrible? I was talking about games in general :o)
Anyway I don't really play mindgames. I just frame shit positively for myself, think of what I'd find cool to do on a date, and make it interesting. If you do stuff with confidence you're good any way. Especially if you do what you like to do, be it playing a game, writing stuff on a forums telling someone that he gives bad advice, or dating a girl.
Just to be clear, I don't treat women as objects, and it hurts me that people jump to conclusions so incredibly fast with so much negativity. But thank you for jumping in to defend women/goodhearted guys wanting to date them.
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makeouts make everything better. true fact.
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On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one?
It's normally something they bring up yea. And if you're really unsure what's the issue with just straight up asking? It doesn't hurt anything lol.
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On December 17 2013 16:47 LeeDawg wrote:
makeouts make everything better. true fact.
A hug says more than 1000 words!
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On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one?
Nope. Usually within the first longer conversations they mention it somehow.
Although I never understood whether it is a default or if they only do it, because they seem to think I was trying something with them?
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Does anyone understand this?
There's a girl whom I've known for years, and she asks me out every few months or so.
She always initiates the contact, always suggests we meet. I haven't even shown up for our 'dates' in years, because - without fail - she always cancels last minute.
I find this really weird, I don't think she's getting much out of it, since my part in the exchange isn't much more than 'Sure, when and where?'. The first two times, when I still showed up, I felt rather stupid, though.
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On December 17 2013 17:46 Restrider wrote:Show nested quote +On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:On December 17 2013 01:40 FreedomMurder wrote:On December 17 2013 01:32 lantz wrote:
Answer this question for me:
How the heck do you find out a girl is single or not without hinting you want to go out with her?
1. If shes not single, then friends is fine (don't want to hurt friendship that's why I don't want to hint)
2. If she is single, then make the move.
PS: I will not hire a Private Investigator. Ask her to go out for drinks with you at a place with a fairly intimate setting. If she says yes and goes with you she is most likely single and you have a date. If she says no or she asks to go somewhere that is much less romantic or more friendly instead you have your answer. In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one? Nope. Usually within the first longer conversations they mention it somehow. Although I never understood whether it is a default or if they only do it, because they seem to think I was trying something with them?
I think if they're not interested in you, they probably drop it rather quickly, just to make 100% sure you don't think there's even the slightest chance anything is going to be happen.
When you're rather ugly, there's a chance you'll hear it within the first minute or so, whereas when you're good looking, they probably won't mention it until a bit later, like after you had sex four times.
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On December 17 2013 19:00 SixStrings wrote:
Does anyone understand this?
There's a girl whom I've known for years, and she asks me out every few months or so.
She always initiates the contact, always suggests we meet. I haven't even shown up for our 'dates' in years, because - without fail - she always cancels last minute.
I find this really weird, I don't think she's getting much out of it, since my part in the exchange isn't much more than 'Sure, when and where?'. The first two times, when I still showed up, I felt rather stupid, though.
Some girls who have low self-esteem, or liked you in the past and have moved on, get satisfaction out of knowing that they could still "get you" if they wanted. Just forget about her and don't talk to her when she messages you. My ex-gf attempts stuff like this all the time, she wants me to want her. Just stay strong and don't give in to their childish ways.
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On December 17 2013 10:44 babishh wrote:
In my experience they always end up mentioning it fairly quickly if they have a boyfriend, it's like they want to let me know they do have one. And this happens quite usually, am I the only one?[/QUOTE]
My experience showed that a lot of girls mention they have a boyfriend even when they do NOT have one. Its kind of a defense mechanism.
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On December 17 2013 19:00 SixStrings wrote:
Does anyone understand this?
There's a girl whom I've known for years, and she asks me out every few months or so.
She always initiates the contact, always suggests we meet. I haven't even shown up for our 'dates' in years, because - without fail - she always cancels last minute.
I find this really weird, I don't think she's getting much out of it, since my part in the exchange isn't much more than 'Sure, when and where?'. The first two times, when I still showed up, I felt rather stupid, though.
Suggest Starcraft to her if she wants to play games.
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MightyBill has the worst advice ever on women.
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So there's this really cute girl I was wanting to ask out. Pretty sure she's into me based on a bunch of things, that's not the problem. She's older though... I'm 22 and she's 27. Problem?
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That's no problem unless you make it one. 22 and 27 are likely in similar stages of your lives. 5 years would matter if it was like 22 to 17 with one finishing college and the other likely still in highschool
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EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/dExiMCz.jpg)
