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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Killscreen
188 Posts
I guess my point is that being narcissistic like this guy seems to be will get you girls. It's kind of a shame, but its true, so it's kind of difficult to argue you shouldn't be a narcissist, but rather take the longer, more difficult, but more rewarding route of balancing that with compassion and empathy. Guys just don't want to hear it, because they are finally getting laid  | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On November 23 2013 00:16 Killscreen wrote: See, I never understood how people are able to hold a belief while simultaneously knowing that belief to be false. Guys have told me, and very successful guys at that, that one of the keys to success is being able to hold contradicting beliefs. That is something I have never been able or even wanted to do. I guess my point is that being narcissistic like this guy seems to be will get you girls. It's kind of a shame, but its true, so it's kind of difficult to argue you shouldn't be a narcissist, but rather take the longer, more difficult, but more rewarding route of balancing that with compassion and empathy. Guys just don't want to hear it, because they are finally getting laid "I belief that you need to be narcissistic to get laid easily." "I never understood how people are able to hold a belief while simultaneously knowing that belief to be false." We use models and believes that we know to not be true on a daily basis, especially when trying to teach others certain aspects of a subject. It's completely normal and accepted everywhere in society. Hell, we teach our children | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
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farvacola
United States18838 Posts
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
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decafchicken
United States20074 Posts
On November 23 2013 04:42 Volband wrote: When should you introduce your +1 to your friends? She was nagging me to meet one of hers, which I did, but I told her there's absolutely no point doing this until we are not officially a couple. Like, who does that? "Hey guys, so she's the one I'm seeing recently, though we might only last one more week!". Ugh i would never date someone that i wasn't comfortable with her friends and her comfortable with mine. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On November 23 2013 04:56 farvacola wrote: Why does it matter that your relationship is new, she just wants to meet your friends.......Are they hideous monsters or racist neo-nazi's or what? Do you feel the need to hide them? No, they are great guys and I think she'd enjoy their company (don'T know about vice-versa), but it's not like we've been together 0-24 all the week - we met twice (2x4 hours) when she brought up that I should meet with one of her gfs, and I'd rather enjoyed her company yet some more than being introduced to others who potentially "sabotage" me. Also, I'm somewhat afraid about a possible outcome, where we didn't turn out to be a couple, and I already introduced her to my friends. "You remember that great girl last week? Well, it didn't work out between us!". | ||
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farvacola
United States18838 Posts
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decafchicken
United States20074 Posts
On November 23 2013 05:45 Volband wrote: No, they are great guys and I think she'd enjoy their company (don'T know about vice-versa), but it's not like we've been together 0-24 all the week - we met twice (2x4 hours) when she brought up that I should meet with one of her gfs, and I'd rather enjoyed her company yet some more than being introduced to others who potentially "sabotage" me. Also, I'm somewhat afraid about a possible outcome, where we didn't turn out to be a couple, and I already introduced her to my friends. "You remember that great girl last week? Well, it didn't work out between us!". Umm yeah. This happens probably once every week or two with my friends. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
On November 23 2013 05:45 Volband wrote: No, they are great guys and I think she'd enjoy their company (don'T know about vice-versa), but it's not like we've been together 0-24 all the week - we met twice (2x4 hours) when she brought up that I should meet with one of her gfs, and I'd rather enjoyed her company yet some more than being introduced to others who potentially "sabotage" me. Also, I'm somewhat afraid about a possible outcome, where we didn't turn out to be a couple, and I already introduced her to my friends. "You remember that great girl last week? Well, it didn't work out between us!". She probably wanted you to meet her friend as a test. People tend to care what their friends think of their potential boyfriend/girlfriend as the group of friends are already a pretty carefully selected group of whom you are compatible with. She probably wants to meet yours because: 1) She hopes you are taking the dating seriously, 2) She is curious if you are putting on a facade (our friends say quite a great deal about us). | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
So this girl I met a couple years back through work. She was a stand-in security guard during summer holidays. Awesome girl, beautiful and funny and open-minded. I kind of fell in love with her instantly. I met her a few times since then. A few times when she stood in for sick leave colleagues and a few times out on the club. Not many times at all though, maybe 5-6 times during work and 3 or so outside of work. Last time I met her must've been January or December when she came down to a local pub when my old man's band had a live performance. That time she had her boyfriend with her. I felt like she was kind of hitting on me, but I figured she was just being nice and maybe a bit drunk. Anyways, fast forward to friday, 2 days back. Our employers had a huge "christmas" party for all employees and I met this girl there. We started chatting and talked about everything between heaven and earth and had a generally good time. We danced a lot, and got very close and intimate. When she was about to leave, a bit early due to work in the morning, she said out of the blue: "You know, I'm not together with *boyfriends name* anymore. We broke up in February." I made my move instantly and kissed her. Then she went home, and we said we'd hook up tomorrow (yesterday). "you got my number, right?" Yup I had her number. "Text me when you wake up." Will do. Come tomorrow(yesterday). I woke up quite early and waited til noon until I texted her "So and so time at this place, works for you?" She answered after an hour or two "I have so much school work right now. Can we delay our date?" Fine by me, I said. Let the waiting game commence.... It's like... I have to wait for her to text me about a date now, right? I don't wanna text her after three days with a "you know that date?". I'd come off as impatient and maybe even needy. We had this discussion just a few pages back. I hope I didn't blow it when I kissed her. But damn, why'd she bring up her non-existant boyfriend out of the blue if she didn't want it to happen. Tell me you're with me guys T_T | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
I should start going to the sauna, because I have a great line for that. | ||
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Danglars
United States12133 Posts
On November 24 2013 20:33 TOCHMY wrote: God I hate the waiting game... So this girl I met a couple years back through work. She was a stand-in security guard during summer holidays. Awesome girl, beautiful and funny and open-minded. I kind of fell in love with her instantly. I met her a few times since then. A few times when she stood in for sick leave colleagues and a few times out on the club. Not many times at all though, maybe 5-6 times during work and 3 or so outside of work. Last time I met her must've been January or December when she came down to a local pub when my old man's band had a live performance. That time she had her boyfriend with her. I felt like she was kind of hitting on me, but I figured she was just being nice and maybe a bit drunk. Anyways, fast forward to friday, 2 days back. Our employers had a huge "christmas" party for all employees and I met this girl there. We started chatting and talked about everything between heaven and earth and had a generally good time. We danced a lot, and got very close and intimate. When she was about to leave, a bit early due to work in the morning, she said out of the blue: "You know, I'm not together with *boyfriends name* anymore. We broke up in February." I made my move instantly and kissed her. Then she went home, and we said we'd hook up tomorrow (yesterday). "you got my number, right?" Yup I had her number. "Text me when you wake up." Will do. Come tomorrow(yesterday). I woke up quite early and waited til noon until I texted her "So and so time at this place, works for you?" She answered after an hour or two "I have so much school work right now. Can we delay our date?" Fine by me, I said. Let the waiting game commence.... It's like... I have to wait for her to text me about a date now, right? I don't wanna text her after three days with a "you know that date?". I'd come off as impatient and maybe even needy. We had this discussion just a few pages back. I hope I didn't blow it when I kissed her. But damn, why'd she bring up her non-existant boyfriend out of the blue if she didn't want it to happen. Tell me you're with me guys T_T If she brings up unsolicited that she broke up with her boyfriend, that was a fine move. Don't wait for another week to pass if you don't hear from her. You can be forward, or just friendly, but whatever tone you take you're calling or texting her if you don't hear back and arrange something. You don't know if its last minute misgivings or anything else, but you gotta make contact again if she doesn't. | ||
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Deleted User 183001
2939 Posts
Basically, I have 3 girls who wanted to continue seeing me, and became f-buddies because I can't tell them off without causing infinite drama, but they are trying to move it into a relationship, and I'm just like no... this is terribly frustrating. I am literally in a bind where I even regret having spoken to them in the first place. They will go through hell and high water to cause drama and problems for me if I tell them off. Most seriously, I will become public enemy #1 in two of my student orgs. I'm pretty active in, so this is a real challenge that I honestly don't know how to deal with  I hardly care for the sex so much as I care for a real relationship. I don't see that happening with these girls or any others I've had opportunities with since my budding relationship described here: http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=273445¤tpage=272#5423 It sucked for me that her parents intervened for reasons I won't mention for the sake of her parents, but the person who was really sad and heartbroken about it was the girl herself. Poor girl... what hurt me the most is that she was hurt. Anyways, I'm looking forward to going back home for Thanksgiving and winter break. I'm going to start dating this one girl. Certainly not the prettiest girl I've dated, (she's still pretty though), but she's a whole lot of fun, we have a lot in common, and she dances and lifts, among other things. On the contrary, I can't take a girl seriously who deliberately does everything in her power to avoid exercise of any kind, and to eat badly. So huge respect to this lady I've been talking to her a lot for the past month or more, and so far, I still like her, which is typically a good sign for me. Hopefully this goes some place. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
On November 24 2013 20:33 TOCHMY wrote: It's like... I have to wait for her to text me about a date now, right? I don't wanna text her after three days with a "you know that date?". I'd come off as impatient and maybe even needy. We had this discussion just a few pages back. I hope I didn't blow it when I kissed her. But damn, why'd she bring up her non-existant boyfriend out of the blue if she didn't want it to happen. Tell me you're with me guys T_T I love that escalation. The kiss was awesome (maybe a bit late, right before leaving kinda sucks but w/e). She answered after an hour or two "I have so much school work right now. Can we delay our date?" Fine by me, I said. This is where you maneuvered yourself into an awkward spot. In a situation where she mentions something like this I would always put the responsibility for setting things up on her. Among the lines of "Awesome, then you can deal with setting something fun up - what are we doing when? =)" The other options are suggesting another time/date (which sucks balls if she doesn't have time there again), being like "fine by me" and sitting the dark simply because you left any kind of responsibility up in the air (done that, didn't like it). Your options now are giving her another date soon (which we just established kinda sucks), waiting until she's like DIDNT YOU WANT TO DATE ME WTF?! ask her when she has time for you since you would obviously make time no matter what (yeah, right) and (my favorite) pretend that it was obvious that the ball is now in her court. Among the lines of "Yo when is that surprise happening that you wanted to show me?" - "???" - "Since you obviously hated the place I wanted to drag you to it's now your turn to drag me somewhere fun! When and where?" | ||
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Merany
France890 Posts
So basically, I've been single for quite a while so I decided to give a shot to online dating sites. I've started to send messages to all the girls that seemed cute and interesting. At about the same moment, I started to talk to those 2 girls at the same time. It's been a week of emailing, both going very very well. I've proposed both to meet up for a first "date" (beer in a nice downtown pub with both^^) and I'm seeing one tomorrow, the other one, probably Tuesday or Friday. I've never ever been in a situation quite like that. I doubt that both dates are going to so well that I would need to "make a choice" like right there but really, the most important thing for me is "I don't want to be an ass"! How should I approach those two dates? What could I say that's the most gentle, in case I need to? | ||
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julius33
Estonia79 Posts
On November 25 2013 05:50 Merany wrote: Hihi TL, I need your help! So basically, I've been single for quite a while so I decided to give a shot to online dating sites. I've started to send messages to all the girls that seemed cute and interesting. At about the same moment, I started to talk to those 2 girls at the same time. It's been a week of emailing, both going very very well. I've proposed both to meet up for a first "date" (beer in a nice downtown pub with both^^) and I'm seeing one tomorrow, the other one, probably Tuesday or Friday. I've never ever been in a situation quite like that. I doubt that both dates are going to so well that I would need to "make a choice" like right there but really, the most important thing for me is "I don't want to be an ass"! How should I approach those two dates? What could I say that's the most gentle, in case I need to? The only stupid generic advice i can give you is: be observant of them and be confident in what you say. Dont hold yourself back on some stupid moral ethics etc. You can be somewhat of an ass if you are confident. :D That is pretty much all there is to it. | ||
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Broetchenholer
Germany1947 Posts
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Merany
France890 Posts
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Ghostcom
Denmark4782 Posts
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