EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 318
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
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Impervious
Canada4200 Posts
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On November 17 2013 08:46 SixStrings wrote: What's the etiquette on talking to girls on public transport? I once said "It's a shame that nobody talks on busses." as an opening, and we talked for had a nice chat for five minutes. Another time, in a very crowded tram, I said to a girl: "Feels like we're driving straight to Auschwitz, doesn't it?" That wasn't as well received. Do you think it's generally against some unwritten law to talk to strangers on public transport? Would it in any way be excusable to just give stranger you number in that situation? Of course it's okay to talk to people in public transportation. There's nothing else to do and everyone is just standing around, so why not? The problem in that scenario was clearly your opener. You can simply just open with a Hello, where are you going, etc, except try to make it not boring. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
On November 17 2013 09:03 Impervious wrote: Have you ever been on a date and felt like you misrepresented who you are during that brief period in time? And on another note, do you have anything better to do? she lives kinda far away. and yeah, I could be writing my papers. although she is attractive, she thinks she is more attractive than she is and that everyone is in love with her. which means that she is not putting enough thought into whether *I* like *HER*. She might just be a little too immature for me. And she is smart but not really that well-read  | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On November 17 2013 09:23 Najda wrote: Of course it's okay to talk to people in public transportation. There's nothing else to do and everyone is just standing around, so why not? The problem in that scenario was clearly your opener. You can simply just open with a Hello, where are you going, etc, except try to make it not boring. Yeah, I suppose I could put to use all the trips I take over the week. Though I think it's not time to retire the Ausschwitz-line yet. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On November 17 2013 09:24 sam!zdat wrote: she lives kinda far away. and yeah, I could be writing my papers. although she is attractive, she thinks she is more attractive than she is and that everyone is in love with her. which means that she is not putting enough thought into whether *I* like *HER*. She might just be a little too immature for me. And she is smart but not really that well-read didnt you say she was a 10? she must think she is an 11 which is impossible. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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WombaT
Northern Ireland25419 Posts
On November 17 2013 04:53 sam!zdat wrote: sometimes people are just a little too interested in themselves edit: would you guys go on a second date with someone you had a nice time with but have reservations about? It's early doors man, depends what your reservations are actually? I for one wish a couple of girls in my past had seen past the relative awkward/not optimal first encounter and at least seen where it goes when you get more comfortable with each other and drop the facades. First dates can often = one or both of you talking a bit too much about yourselves to appear interesting. Also, being intelligent > being well-read. I'm pretty fucking poorly read but I can usually hold my own conversationally. Nothing worse than people who spout off on esoteric topics sometimes, it's nothing you couldn't comprehend if you encountered it, but if you haven't you're kind of excluded. That said, from previous posts you gave me the impression she kind of presented herself as being well-read and sharing interest in some of the thinkers you're reading, so it's natural to feel a bit disappointed that she isn't as au-fait with them as you had pictured mentally. DAMNIT SAM. I have been waiting for an update all week, preying to a God(s) that I don't believe in for your success in finding love  On the other hand 'When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.' If you're not feeling it instinctively, there's probably something behind it. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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sluggaslamoo
Australia4494 Posts
On November 17 2013 08:46 SixStrings wrote: What's the etiquette on talking to girls on public transport? I once said "It's a shame that nobody talks on busses." as an opening, and we talked for had a nice chat for five minutes. Another time, in a very crowded tram, I said to a girl: "Feels like we're driving straight to Auschwitz, doesn't it?" That wasn't as well received. Do you think it's generally against some unwritten law to talk to strangers on public transport? Would it in any way be excusable to just give stranger you number in that situation? Some people are just weird with strangers, there's nothing wrong with talking to strangers in public places, it does take a few tries to learn how to make it as not-weird as possible. When I'm high I talk to almost every stranger I walk past and I've almost never had a time when it wasn't well received, but every now and then you get someone who just doesn't like strangers. You can get a phone number any time any place, it just matters whether you hit off or not. If you just plain give a stranger your number they are gonna give you a weird look and they aren't gonna call you though. IMO its better to avoid the indirect stuff, just face the person and talk to her directly. Start with hey hows it going, and she will let you know if she wants to talk to you or not. If she responds with a smile, start talking about any cool/funny stories you have and keep her engaged. After a while it will feel like the right time to get her number (usually a while after you start having a laugh together and have some back and forth chatter going on) and you simply just ask something like "hey you seem really cool, wanna hang out?". Also you will often have a feeling before she answers whether she's gonna say yes or no, often if I don't see us really engaging well I will not bother to ask. Sometimes its just easier to move on than to risk ruining your motivation, you will be warmed up and your second encounter often does a lot better than your first anyway. Also how you carry yourself makes a big difference, its a bit hard to come off confident when you are indirect which is why I stopped doing it. Even when you do by coincidence both see the same event (a car crash or something) and start off like "whoa! did you see that?", how do you transition that into a conversation? "soooo uhhhh... hows... life?" it just seems really awkward. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
She knows about philosophy (which is what we talked about) but maybe not about other things as much? it might also just be me being a snob because I have an expensive education and she doesn't. Which is a horrible class thing but at the same time what am I supposed to do She texted me today and said she'd like to hang out again... We talked about going for a hike which sounds fun anyway regardless of whether I want to date her but it probably won't be for a little bit... I don't mind making a new friend but it's far away and I'm busy and I don't want to lose sight of the goal, which is that sam needs a girlfriend... Anyway we will probably hang out again so maybe things will go better and I should probably give her another chance. Partly she annoyed me because I very patiently and empathetically listened to her talk about shit she was worrying about with her life but then when I started to talk about my life she told me I was being boring. seriously :O So I'm like, okay, maybe I'm boring, but not everything you said was utterly fascinating either and I want to date somebody who's actually interested in listening to me and willing to put in some effort... which goes back to the point of how she was consciously auditioning me but didn't seem to put much thought into the fact that the opposite was also true... On November 17 2013 10:09 WarSame wrote: ^ While a girl reading a lot is definitely cool and somewhat attractive it wouldn't really make much of a different to me whether to date her or not. As a symptom of a desire to learn and some good knowledge of culture it would be a good indicator, but those aren't necessarily correlated. it's just a sam thing. I only like girls who read books. My ex studied psychology but she really loved russian literature which was incredibly hot. Mostly I just have nothing in common with people who don't read books. edit: despite all of this it was mostly an enjoyable experience for both of us. I guess I was just hoping she would be a little bit more on my wavelength. I think she is lacking some perspective in various ways but that is just a maturity thing I think... | ||
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babylon
8765 Posts
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Zooper31
United States5710 Posts
On November 17 2013 10:39 sam!zdat wrote: she's not as attractive as her pictures. shocker right? she's slightly heavier than my taste (I like curvy women but she is a little outside that range I think). She is pretty though. She knows about philosophy (which is what we talked about) but maybe not about other things as much? it might also just be me being a snob because I have an expensive education and she doesn't. Which is a horrible class thing but at the same time what am I supposed to do She texted me today and said she'd like to hang out again... We talked about going for a hike which sounds fun anyway regardless of whether I want to date her but it probably won't be for a little bit... I don't mind making a new friend but it's far away and I'm busy and I don't want to lose sight of the goal, which is that sam needs a girlfriend... Anyway we will probably hang out again so maybe things will go better and I should probably give her another chance. Partly she annoyed me because I very patiently and empathetically listened to her talk about shit she was worrying about with her life but then when I started to talk about my life she told me I was being boring. seriously :O So I'm like, okay, maybe I'm boring, but not everything you said was utterly fascinating either and I want to date somebody who's actually interested in listening to me and willing to put in some effort... which goes back to the point of how she was consciously auditioning me but didn't seem to put much thought into the fact that the opposite was also true... it's just a sam thing. I only like girls who read books. My ex studied psychology but she really loved russian literature which was incredibly hot. Mostly I just have nothing in common with people who don't read books. edit: despite all of this it was mostly an enjoyable experience for both of us. I guess I was just hoping she would be a little bit more on my wavelength. I think she is lacking some perspective in various ways but that is just a maturity thing I think... I think you're expectations are way too high. | ||
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babylon
8765 Posts
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
On November 17 2013 10:53 Zooper31 wrote: I think you're expectations are way too high. probably. I dislike most people. If I weren't trying to find somebody I liked and respected, it would be easier to get laid, but my priorities are different and I'm picky On November 17 2013 10:49 babylon wrote: It's funny 'cause the advice guys give to other guys in this thread is, "Assume you're the shit, don't show any insecurities at all, and assume that she's already interested in you!" Maybe she got the same advice, lol. haha kinda On November 17 2013 11:05 babylon wrote: Well, and at least you know you're being a snob too re: the schooling thing. Tbh I think it's really easy to find people (esp. if you're doing online) who don't have an expensive education but are still pretty well-read and very intelligent, but it depends on where you look and such. I'm not proud but it is what it is | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On November 17 2013 10:53 Zooper31 wrote: I think you're expectations are way too high. my experience is that girlfriends are for fucking and male friends are for philosophical conversations. hard to find both in one person. but she did say you were boring. that is alternately enraging and disappointing. at the very least rude. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On November 17 2013 11:06 sam!zdat wrote: probably. I dislike most people. If I weren't trying to find somebody I liked and respected, it would be easier to get laid, but my priorities are different I feel the exact same way. I'm really picky about who I like, and I rarely find people worth getting to know. I'm starting to think this is a counterproductive mindset for me to have though, as once you get to know someone you can find out they are different from your first impressions, and they can also introduce you to more people as well. Unless she comes off as cocky I don't really see the problem. If she's into you and you're into her, would it matter if she thinks she is more attractive than she is? Because either way she thinks you're on her level. | ||
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sam!zdat
United States5559 Posts
On November 17 2013 11:11 IgnE wrote: my experience is that girlfriends are for fucking and male friends are for philosophical conversations. hard to find both in one person. but she did say you were boring. that is alternately enraging and disappointing. at the very least rude. the truth is, I AM boring, at least to most people. And most people are boring to me. I just want somebody who is interested in listening to me talk about the things I spend all of my time thinking about (not just "listening to me" but "talking about with me"). If you're somebody who thinks classical Chinese philosophy and economic history are boring, we're just not going to get along On November 17 2013 11:12 Najda wrote: If she's into you and you're into her i'm just a little unsure about both of those things is all. | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
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