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Well, I never thought I'll ever write in such a topic, but here I am! So I've started dating a girl this week whom I know for years, but never met before. Our first meet/date (call it whatever you like) was Monday, and the first 5-8 minutes were one of the worst moments in my life, cuz I had to do my best - my heart was killing me - but my brain was like "let's just shut down for now", but she was really helpful, always bringing up topics, and letting me get enough confidence, to actually put sentences together. I thought I wasn't that bad, I mean she regularly beat me up towards the end. I was joking to her how badly it hurt, bit it actually did, lol.
Then we met again Wednesday - Tuesday was getting drunk with friends and asking for advice about The kiss. At this point I should probably note she's 19, I'm 3 years older and she's my first one. She was a nazi at the beginning, like pointing me out the door, implying I should open it for her, and making me do stuff, like finding a place to sit, bringing her straw, etc; she even paid for the first drinks, cuz she did it while I was looking for a free table. It felt reaaalllyy awkward, and I didn't even dig the place at all, so I offered her to go some place else, where she made the biggest mistake in her life telling me she will drink whatever I'll order. Yes guys and girls, that means absinthe for me, and after that, I was finally on track - another note: I should probably drink sth before we meet. We could finally talk smoothly, and I could be pretty funny, when I'm not sweating like hell, while my heart acts like I have some kind of a heart-failure. I don't want to get into every detail, so let's just jump to the point where she actually helped me to get more confident, by grabbing my hands. Before that, I was like "maaaan, if I can't muster up the courage now, I'll definetly kiss her at the very end", but that hand-holding was enormous help, and after that things went really really great, and the kiss happened. Now, I'm pretty sure I sucked; I neve rimagined it like this, our teeth met sometimes and she bit my tonguer numerous times - jesus fuck, that could hurt, though I kinda liked it. ANYWAY, we didn't continue it for too long, because time was running up, and since I was a bit afraid I really suck, I didn't press the issue that much. Though I did cute (or retarded, I'm not really sure), like kissing her nose, or a little bit her neck. But we even had fun after that, so I thought I'm on track - my only regret, that I gave away my sensitive side a bit. I wasn't that drunk, but the kiss made my heart go crazy, so I was talking shit like I'm the jealous type (she seemed to like this fact), I wasn't going to get serious with you, but I really got to really like you, etc, don't make me remember it.
I thought the next day will be the best, howewer she said it's no good to her, and we've finally arrived to my problem. She has to meet with her gf, to make up with her, etc., so I told her to come in for an hour then, but no (and keep in mind, the next good day for me is Monday). Also, before she didn't know I'm a jealous type, she never talked about her dance partner, now she even named him, while talking about where they go to pick up the dance clothes. If you, dear TLers suffer from the same sickness as me, called "being jealous", then you know how maddening it is. But we still talked (phone) ~ 40 minutes - most of it on her account; but still, what the fuck does that mean? If she changed her mind, a) why not tell me; b) why talk that much, and if she still wants it, while make her, but mainly me wait at best till Monday?
And don't tell me things "btw, you should be more confident", I know I'm pretty far from that at the moment, but telling me to be more confident won't make me any more confident.
On November 15 2013 18:23 Volband wrote: Well, I never thought I'll ever write in such a topic, but here I am! So I've started dating a girl this week whom I know for years, but never met before. Our first meet/date (call it whatever you like) was Monday, and the first 5-8 minutes were one of the worst moments in my life, cuz I had to do my best - my heart was killing me - but my brain was like "let's just shut down for now", but she was really helpful, always bringing up topics, and letting me get enough confidence, to actually put sentences together. I thought I wasn't that bad, I mean she regularly beat me up towards the end. I was joking to her how badly it hurt, bit it actually did, lol.
Then we met again Wednesday - Tuesday was getting drunk with friends and asking for advice about The kiss. At this point I should probably note she's 19, I'm 3 years older and she's my first one. She was a nazi at the beginning, like pointing me out the door, implying I should open it for her, and making me do stuff, like finding a place to sit, bringing her straw, etc; she even paid for the first drinks, cuz she did it while I was looking for a free table. It felt reaaalllyy awkward, and I didn't even dig the place at all, so I offered her to go some place else, where she made the biggest mistake in her life telling me she will drink whatever I'll order. Yes guys and girls, that means absinthe for me, and after that, I was finally on track - another note: I should probably drink sth before we meet. We could finally talk smoothly, and I could be pretty funny, when I'm not sweating like hell, while my heart acts like I have some kind of a heart-failure. I don't want to get into every detail, so let's just jump to the point where she actually helped me to get more confident, by grabbing my hands. Before that, I was like "maaaan, if I can't muster up the courage now, I'll definetly kiss her at the very end", but that hand-holding was enormous help, and after that things went really really great, and the kiss happened. Now, I'm pretty sure I sucked; I neve rimagined it like this, our teeth met sometimes and she bit my tonguer numerous times - jesus fuck, that could hurt, though I kinda liked it. ANYWAY, we didn't continue it for too long, because time was running up, and since I was a bit afraid I really suck, I didn't press the issue that much. Though I did cute (or retarded, I'm not really sure), like kissing her nose, or a little bit her neck. But we even had fun after that, so I thought I'm on track - my only regret, that I gave away my sensitive side a bit. I wasn't that drunk, but the kiss made my heart go crazy, so I was talking shit like I'm the jealous type (she seemed to like this fact), I wasn't going to get serious with you, but I really got to really like you, etc, don't make me remember it.
I thought the next day will be the best, howewer she said it's no good to her, and we've finally arrived to my problem. She has to meet with her gf, to make up with her, etc., so I told her to come in for an hour then, but no (and keep in mind, the next good day for me is Monday). Also, before she didn't know I'm a jealous type, she never talked about her dance partner, now she even named him, while talking about where they go to pick up the dance clothes. If you, dear TLers suffer from the same sickness as me, called "being jealous", then you know how maddening it is. But we still talked (phone) ~ 40 minutes - most of it on her account; but still, what the fuck does that mean? If she changed her mind, a) why not tell me; b) why talk that much, and if she still wants it, while make her, but mainly me wait at best till Monday?
And don't tell me things "btw, you should be more confident", I know I'm pretty far from that at the moment, but telling me to be more confident won't make me any more confident.
So you started dating a girl this week and you're already acting like a jealous asshole? No wonder you're 22 and she's your first girlfriend. I don't really know what to say but basically you come off as an awful person here.
On November 15 2013 18:23 Volband wrote: Well, I never thought I'll ever write in such a topic, but here I am! So I've started dating a girl this week whom I know for years, but never met before. Our first meet/date (call it whatever you like) was Monday, and the first 5-8 minutes were one of the worst moments in my life, cuz I had to do my best - my heart was killing me - but my brain was like "let's just shut down for now", but she was really helpful, always bringing up topics, and letting me get enough confidence, to actually put sentences together. I thought I wasn't that bad, I mean she regularly beat me up towards the end. I was joking to her how badly it hurt, bit it actually did, lol.
Then we met again Wednesday - Tuesday was getting drunk with friends and asking for advice about The kiss. At this point I should probably note she's 19, I'm 3 years older and she's my first one. She was a nazi at the beginning, like pointing me out the door, implying I should open it for her, and making me do stuff, like finding a place to sit, bringing her straw, etc; she even paid for the first drinks, cuz she did it while I was looking for a free table. It felt reaaalllyy awkward, and I didn't even dig the place at all, so I offered her to go some place else, where she made the biggest mistake in her life telling me she will drink whatever I'll order. Yes guys and girls, that means absinthe for me, and after that, I was finally on track - another note: I should probably drink sth before we meet. We could finally talk smoothly, and I could be pretty funny, when I'm not sweating like hell, while my heart acts like I have some kind of a heart-failure. I don't want to get into every detail, so let's just jump to the point where she actually helped me to get more confident, by grabbing my hands. Before that, I was like "maaaan, if I can't muster up the courage now, I'll definetly kiss her at the very end", but that hand-holding was enormous help, and after that things went really really great, and the kiss happened. Now, I'm pretty sure I sucked; I neve rimagined it like this, our teeth met sometimes and she bit my tonguer numerous times - jesus fuck, that could hurt, though I kinda liked it. ANYWAY, we didn't continue it for too long, because time was running up, and since I was a bit afraid I really suck, I didn't press the issue that much. Though I did cute (or retarded, I'm not really sure), like kissing her nose, or a little bit her neck. But we even had fun after that, so I thought I'm on track - my only regret, that I gave away my sensitive side a bit. I wasn't that drunk, but the kiss made my heart go crazy, so I was talking shit like I'm the jealous type (she seemed to like this fact), I wasn't going to get serious with you, but I really got to really like you, etc, don't make me remember it.
I thought the next day will be the best, howewer she said it's no good to her, and we've finally arrived to my problem. She has to meet with her gf, to make up with her, etc., so I told her to come in for an hour then, but no (and keep in mind, the next good day for me is Monday). Also, before she didn't know I'm a jealous type, she never talked about her dance partner, now she even named him, while talking about where they go to pick up the dance clothes. If you, dear TLers suffer from the same sickness as me, called "being jealous", then you know how maddening it is. But we still talked (phone) ~ 40 minutes - most of it on her account; but still, what the fuck does that mean? If she changed her mind, a) why not tell me; b) why talk that much, and if she still wants it, while make her, but mainly me wait at best till Monday?
And don't tell me things "btw, you should be more confident", I know I'm pretty far from that at the moment, but telling me to be more confident won't make me any more confident.
So you started dating a girl this week and you're already acting like a jealous asshole? No wonder you're 22 and she's your first girlfriend. I don't really know what to say but basically you come off as an awful person here.
What the hell with the hate?
First of all, I'm NOT jealous of him anymore than I'm jealous of everyone. I never tried and never will to restrict her, I just don't like to hear about these things - if she wants to talk about these, fine, I won't tell her not to, I will listen to her, but let me have the right to not like this topic without being labeled as an asshole. I might be an awful person, but I'm pretty sure it's not because of this. Also, we know each other for ~3 years.
Don't listen to Aeroplaneoverthesea. Period. You're not an aweful person, you're awesome.
You kissed her, you did fine. I mean everyone has to learn, and that includes her. Sure you might have sounded like a jealous type etc, but that generally just stems from insecurity. She still liked you, so you're fine. Also, experience helps you with insecurity. And the thing about experience is: You get it along the way! Not having it does not mean that you will never get it But just don't get distracted by the negative side of events. She dumps you? Too bad, but you still managed to get a kiss.
Also giving away your sensitive side is not a problem, as long as you are yourself. If you say something like "I like to cry during movies", only say it if you actually mean it. Because one thing that is important in dating is just being consistent. If she doesnt like your sensitive side, well too bad. But it should not make you any less yourself, because you're a cool person. Especially if you're sensitive! If she does not respect that, it's her loss. There are plenty of people that will respect you for being you.
Anyway last thing, never contradict yourself to fit the opinion someone else. Don't say something like "oh I hate people that do drugs", followed by "well I don't hate it, I just don't like it myself but it's okay for you to snort 20 grams of cocaine in my room!". This is also important for being consistent. You can be very inconsistent for fun though, by making jokes (if that's you), but the other party has to realize that it's a joke otherwise it's just awkward.
I don't mean to offend anyone, since I'm the one asking for advice from You, but my questions/concerns had little to none to do with jealousy, I just noted that since she knows I'm like this (an asshole, a terrible person, antichrist, name being a jealous type whatever you want), she talked more about her dance partner. I figured you might know what that means, but then again, it wasn't my question.
But if you really want to get on with this topic: I know it's a bad trait, but it's not something you can control - you either feel it, or not. It will bother me, but I won't make a fuss about it; I'm convinced it shoul be enough.
On November 15 2013 19:24 IgnE wrote: You haven't even slept with her yet and you are freaking out about her dance partner? It's a miracle she let you kiss her.
Some girls like jealousy. They know it means you care. Personally I can't stand jealousy and insecurity. I dated someone who made my life a living hell because of their insecurity. I couldn't go out with friends, I couldn't talk to people etc. It just got worse and worse. I will never date someone like that again because I just had no freedom and no friends. Just my 2c. Alsoi really hate this thread and I should reading and posting in it.
You're not offending everyone. I think she's just trying to make you feel more comfortable that she has a dance-partner. The more defensive you get about it, the harder she will try making her dance-partner appear to be a cool guy. Just show a little bit of interest in her hobby and she'll probably stop talking about him.
Anyway being defensive in general is very bad. The world is full of trolls, not just on the internet. Defending yourself to every troll is very energy-consuming while the troll is just having fun.
On November 15 2013 19:21 MightyBill wrote: Don't listen to Aeroplaneoverthesea. Period. You're not an aweful person, you're awesome.
You kissed her, you did fine. I mean everyone has to learn, and that includes her. Sure you might have sounded like a jealous type etc, but that generally just stems from insecurity. She still liked you, so you're fine. Also, experience helps you with insecurity. And the thing about experience is: You get it along the way! Not having it does not mean that you will never get it But just don't get distracted by the negative side of events. She dumps you? Too bad, but you still managed to get a kiss.
Also giving away your sensitive side is not a problem, as long as you are yourself. If you say something like "I like to cry during movies", only say it if you actually mean it. Because one thing that is important in dating is just being consistent. If she doesnt like your sensitive side, well too bad. But it should not make you any less yourself, because you're a cool person. Especially if you're sensitive! If she does not respect that, it's her loss. There are plenty of people that will respect you for being you.
Anyway last thing, never contradict yourself to fit the opinion someone else. Don't say something like "oh I hate people that do drugs", followed by "well I don't hate it, I just don't like it myself but it's okay for you to snort 20 grams of cocaine in my room!". This is also important for being consistent. You can be very inconsistent for fun though, by making jokes (if that's you), but the other party has to realize that it's a joke otherwise it's just awkward.
I don't know if it's a contradiction or not, but even though I hate smoking I was the one telling her on our first date to feel free to smoke, no need to restrain herself. I find it somewhat hot as well, so yeah.
About sensitive things... I'm still not sure how it comes off. Sure, it's myself, but according to almost e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e, the most important thing is confidence. Now when I somewhat open my heart I can't imagine myself coming off as a confident guy. We had good fun, joked a lot, so it seems fine that I have a childish style, but I'm sure girls require some "WOW, HES SO MANLY HE DID THAT!" things.
About fear of failure... it disappeared after the first 5-8 minutes, after that, I knew I'll make it through somehow, that's why I told her to meet up the day after our first kiss. I was sure I sucked, but as you said, we have to keep trying and then eventually we won't suck, but then she said she's meeting with her girlfriend, and she can't even come in for at least an hour, when she knew the next good day for me will be Monday. That completely leaves me hanging, while I'm not even sure why she was like that. She still seemed interested, I mean, why the hell would we talked for 40 minutes, but I felt it's much more important for me. I just don't get women language, and I'll be eating myself up on the weekends.
Ugh I know people are going to say the Friend zone doesn't exist.. but jeez, I am the most unluckiest guy in this aspect >.>
Seems I am always attracted to the girls with the most fubar dating/relationships ever.. first one obsessed with my best friend. Second one turns out to be a manipulative bitch with a crazy obsessed 'BF' and now another who is in a long distance relationship with a dick of a guy who treats her like shit, but she still wants to marry him, have his kids, get a house together etc...
Two out of these have come out with all there little secrets to me, ones they wont tell anyone else. And even worse have had there relationships want them to commit suicide at a point. How the hell can I progress with anything when they just see me as someone they can talk with >.>
On November 15 2013 19:54 draverjai wrote: Some girls like jealousy. They know it means you care. Personally I can't stand jealousy and insecurity. I dated someone who made my life a living hell because of their insecurity. I couldn't go out with friends, I couldn't talk to people etc. It just got worse and worse. I will never date someone like that again because I just had no freedom and no friends. Just my 2c. Alsoi really hate this thread and I should reading and posting in it.
Yep, the reason I won't say anything to her about these things, because I've been that person you just described now once, and it was terrible for both of us; really, the only positive side to it is that now I know I have to control it.
On November 15 2013 19:55 MightyBill wrote: You're not offending everyone. I think she's just trying to make you feel more comfortable that she has a dance-partner. The more defensive you get about it, the harder she will try making her dance-partner appear to be a cool guy. Just show a little bit of interest in her hobby and she'll probably stop talking about him.
Anyway being defensive in general is very bad. The world is full of trolls, not just on the internet. Defending yourself to every troll is very energy-consuming while the troll is just having fun.
How does that supposed to make me more comfortable?:D The mindset of someone like me is something like this: "oh boy, they must be close. I'm sure they'll drink after it. I bet they'll kiss. Maybe they've already done that. Why did she chose him in the first place, anyway?" etcetc. Keeping it at bay is one thing, but showing deep interest in it is another one. This brings up another topic: sometimes I found myself not caring that much about what she was talking about. Don't get me wrong, it was at the beginning, and throughout the story I was thinking "what the hell am I supposed to say to this", but I went along with it, because I saw from her body language, that it's important to her and wants to share it with me. I don't know if I really didn't care that much, or it was just one of the many consequences of being afraid as fuck, but it happened. When I felt more confident (first drink) the conversations were smooth(er).
Edit: oh shit, I just remembered this: I even told her I like to compare myself to others
And before someone says "well, you two clearly doesn't click!", I'd like to disagree, there were a lot of moments, when I felt this interesting thing, that finally someone understands my shit and vice-versa.
Edit2: I think the biggest mind-fuck for me is that once she's keeping distance, and giving me a hard time (ie. letting me know what am I supposed to do on a date in an awkward way), but then helping me a lot (talking about us like we are granted to be a couple; making the first kiss reaaaal easy; being fucking dumb together)
You were asking for an answer, I gave you one. I'm trying to make you feel better, but I mean it's the internet and I'm just bored at work, so don't expect miracles :D
And stop trying to be ahead of people:
And before someone says "well, you two clearly doesn't click!", I'd like to disagree, there were a lot of moments, when I felt this interesting thing, that finally someone understands my shit and vice-versa.
The only thing you do here is drawing attention to "that you guys might not click.". You're just voicing your insecurities, while saying "but don't talk about my insecurities because I rationalized some loophole in my head which says it's okay!"
I'd say that one kiss doesn't exactly mean that you two are a pair. But say you two were to get closer and you two becomes one, then remember that she chose YOU. Not some fancy ass dance partner that she sees for an hour/week or whatevs. You are the one she wants to hang around.
That being said, I still feel you bro. I get jealous too. It sucks. You'll get over it though.
On November 15 2013 20:30 MightyBill wrote: You were asking for an answer, I gave you one. I'm trying to make you feel better, but I mean it's the internet and I'm just bored at work, so don't expect miracles :D
And before someone says "well, you two clearly doesn't click!", I'd like to disagree, there were a lot of moments, when I felt this interesting thing, that finally someone understands my shit and vice-versa.
The only thing you do here is drawing attention to "that you guys might not click.". You're just voicing your insecurities, while saying "but don't talk about my insecurities because I rationalized some loophole in my head which says it's okay!"
Hah, I guess you are right.
But yeah, thanks, if at least one people doesn't label me an asshole while I'm trying to get some advice, then that should be ocnsidered a success.=)
On November 15 2013 20:37 TOCHMY wrote: I'd say that one kiss doesn't exactly mean that you two are a pair. But say you two were to get closer and you two becomes one, then remember that she chose YOU. Not some fancy ass dance partner that she sees for an hour/week or whatevs. You are the one she wants to hang around.
That being said, I still feel you bro. I get jealous too. It sucks. You'll get over it though.
Yes! But then she's like doesn't! My biggest concern is that I don't really get if she wants or doesn'T want to hang out with me; there are signs for both in my head - which is a strange place.
And THAT. I feel so "gay" that my heart pumps like this all the time (I'm not even sure why's that: am I just horny, or is it the regular thing when you like someone, or is it love). It was a real work not coming off as desperate while I was trying to convince her to somehow reschedule her day.
On November 15 2013 18:50 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
On November 15 2013 18:23 Volband wrote: Well, I never thought I'll ever write in such a topic, but here I am! So I've started dating a girl this week whom I know for years, but never met before. Our first meet/date (call it whatever you like) was Monday, and the first 5-8 minutes were one of the worst moments in my life, cuz I had to do my best - my heart was killing me - but my brain was like "let's just shut down for now", but she was really helpful, always bringing up topics, and letting me get enough confidence, to actually put sentences together. I thought I wasn't that bad, I mean she regularly beat me up towards the end. I was joking to her how badly it hurt, bit it actually did, lol.
Then we met again Wednesday - Tuesday was getting drunk with friends and asking for advice about The kiss. At this point I should probably note she's 19, I'm 3 years older and she's my first one. She was a nazi at the beginning, like pointing me out the door, implying I should open it for her, and making me do stuff, like finding a place to sit, bringing her straw, etc; she even paid for the first drinks, cuz she did it while I was looking for a free table. It felt reaaalllyy awkward, and I didn't even dig the place at all, so I offered her to go some place else, where she made the biggest mistake in her life telling me she will drink whatever I'll order. Yes guys and girls, that means absinthe for me, and after that, I was finally on track - another note: I should probably drink sth before we meet. We could finally talk smoothly, and I could be pretty funny, when I'm not sweating like hell, while my heart acts like I have some kind of a heart-failure. I don't want to get into every detail, so let's just jump to the point where she actually helped me to get more confident, by grabbing my hands. Before that, I was like "maaaan, if I can't muster up the courage now, I'll definetly kiss her at the very end", but that hand-holding was enormous help, and after that things went really really great, and the kiss happened. Now, I'm pretty sure I sucked; I neve rimagined it like this, our teeth met sometimes and she bit my tonguer numerous times - jesus fuck, that could hurt, though I kinda liked it. ANYWAY, we didn't continue it for too long, because time was running up, and since I was a bit afraid I really suck, I didn't press the issue that much. Though I did cute (or retarded, I'm not really sure), like kissing her nose, or a little bit her neck. But we even had fun after that, so I thought I'm on track - my only regret, that I gave away my sensitive side a bit. I wasn't that drunk, but the kiss made my heart go crazy, so I was talking shit like I'm the jealous type (she seemed to like this fact), I wasn't going to get serious with you, but I really got to really like you, etc, don't make me remember it.
I thought the next day will be the best, howewer she said it's no good to her, and we've finally arrived to my problem. She has to meet with her gf, to make up with her, etc., so I told her to come in for an hour then, but no (and keep in mind, the next good day for me is Monday). Also, before she didn't know I'm a jealous type, she never talked about her dance partner, now she even named him, while talking about where they go to pick up the dance clothes. If you, dear TLers suffer from the same sickness as me, called "being jealous", then you know how maddening it is. But we still talked (phone) ~ 40 minutes - most of it on her account; but still, what the fuck does that mean? If she changed her mind, a) why not tell me; b) why talk that much, and if she still wants it, while make her, but mainly me wait at best till Monday?
And don't tell me things "btw, you should be more confident", I know I'm pretty far from that at the moment, but telling me to be more confident won't make me any more confident.
So you started dating a girl this week and you're already acting like a jealous asshole? No wonder you're 22 and she's your first girlfriend. I don't really know what to say but basically you come off as an awful person here.
What the hell with the hate?
First of all, I'm NOT jealous of him anymore than I'm jealous of everyone. I never tried and never will to restrict her, I just don't like to hear about these things - if she wants to talk about these, fine, I won't tell her not to, I will listen to her, but let me have the right to not like this topic without being labeled as an asshole. I might be an awful person, but I'm pretty sure it's not because of this. Also, we know each other for ~3 years.
You have serious issues. Normal people do not get jealous that a friend they've kissed once spends time around other men. Seriously, it's no surprise at all you haven't had a girlfriend until 22 because there is nothing less attractive to women than the super needy, over emotional and super insecure jealous type. It's like you're writing a guide on how not to be around women.
On November 15 2013 19:24 IgnE wrote: You haven't even slept with her yet and you are freaking out about her dance partner? It's a miracle she let you kiss her.
Indeed, the exact kind of guy any girl would be better off without. Even if they were married with kids freaking out over a dance partner would be ridiculously lame and this is some friend zone girl he's kissed once and is "dating" (he's not dating her, they've kissed once).
And THAT. I feel so "gay" that my heart pumps like this all the time (I'm not even sure why's that: am I just horny, or is it the regular thing when you like someone, or is it love). It was a real work not coming off as desperate while I was trying to convince her to somehow reschedule her day.
This isn't hard at all. You tell her straight up that you like her, ask her out to dinner/movie/whatever the fuck and she either says yes or no. This makes you seem confident, assertive and gets you a straight up answer there and then no bullshit required.
On November 15 2013 18:50 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
On November 15 2013 18:23 Volband wrote: Well, I never thought I'll ever write in such a topic, but here I am! So I've started dating a girl this week whom I know for years, but never met before. Our first meet/date (call it whatever you like) was Monday, and the first 5-8 minutes were one of the worst moments in my life, cuz I had to do my best - my heart was killing me - but my brain was like "let's just shut down for now", but she was really helpful, always bringing up topics, and letting me get enough confidence, to actually put sentences together. I thought I wasn't that bad, I mean she regularly beat me up towards the end. I was joking to her how badly it hurt, bit it actually did, lol.
Then we met again Wednesday - Tuesday was getting drunk with friends and asking for advice about The kiss. At this point I should probably note she's 19, I'm 3 years older and she's my first one. She was a nazi at the beginning, like pointing me out the door, implying I should open it for her, and making me do stuff, like finding a place to sit, bringing her straw, etc; she even paid for the first drinks, cuz she did it while I was looking for a free table. It felt reaaalllyy awkward, and I didn't even dig the place at all, so I offered her to go some place else, where she made the biggest mistake in her life telling me she will drink whatever I'll order. Yes guys and girls, that means absinthe for me, and after that, I was finally on track - another note: I should probably drink sth before we meet. We could finally talk smoothly, and I could be pretty funny, when I'm not sweating like hell, while my heart acts like I have some kind of a heart-failure. I don't want to get into every detail, so let's just jump to the point where she actually helped me to get more confident, by grabbing my hands. Before that, I was like "maaaan, if I can't muster up the courage now, I'll definetly kiss her at the very end", but that hand-holding was enormous help, and after that things went really really great, and the kiss happened. Now, I'm pretty sure I sucked; I neve rimagined it like this, our teeth met sometimes and she bit my tonguer numerous times - jesus fuck, that could hurt, though I kinda liked it. ANYWAY, we didn't continue it for too long, because time was running up, and since I was a bit afraid I really suck, I didn't press the issue that much. Though I did cute (or retarded, I'm not really sure), like kissing her nose, or a little bit her neck. But we even had fun after that, so I thought I'm on track - my only regret, that I gave away my sensitive side a bit. I wasn't that drunk, but the kiss made my heart go crazy, so I was talking shit like I'm the jealous type (she seemed to like this fact), I wasn't going to get serious with you, but I really got to really like you, etc, don't make me remember it.
I thought the next day will be the best, howewer she said it's no good to her, and we've finally arrived to my problem. She has to meet with her gf, to make up with her, etc., so I told her to come in for an hour then, but no (and keep in mind, the next good day for me is Monday). Also, before she didn't know I'm a jealous type, she never talked about her dance partner, now she even named him, while talking about where they go to pick up the dance clothes. If you, dear TLers suffer from the same sickness as me, called "being jealous", then you know how maddening it is. But we still talked (phone) ~ 40 minutes - most of it on her account; but still, what the fuck does that mean? If she changed her mind, a) why not tell me; b) why talk that much, and if she still wants it, while make her, but mainly me wait at best till Monday?
And don't tell me things "btw, you should be more confident", I know I'm pretty far from that at the moment, but telling me to be more confident won't make me any more confident.
So you started dating a girl this week and you're already acting like a jealous asshole? No wonder you're 22 and she's your first girlfriend. I don't really know what to say but basically you come off as an awful person here.
What the hell with the hate?
First of all, I'm NOT jealous of him anymore than I'm jealous of everyone. I never tried and never will to restrict her, I just don't like to hear about these things - if she wants to talk about these, fine, I won't tell her not to, I will listen to her, but let me have the right to not like this topic without being labeled as an asshole. I might be an awful person, but I'm pretty sure it's not because of this. Also, we know each other for ~3 years.
You have serious issues. Normal people do not get jealous that a friend they've kissed once spends time around other men. Seriously, it's no surprise at all you haven't had a girlfriend until 22 because there is nothing less attractive to women than the super needy, over emotional and super insecure jealous type. It's like you're writing a guide on how not to be around women.
On November 15 2013 19:24 IgnE wrote: You haven't even slept with her yet and you are freaking out about her dance partner? It's a miracle she let you kiss her.
Indeed, the exact kind of guy any girl would be better off without. Even if they were married with kids freaking out over a dance partner would be ridiculously lame and this is some friend zone girl he's kissed once and is "dating" (he's not dating her, they've kissed once).
And THAT. I feel so "gay" that my heart pumps like this all the time (I'm not even sure why's that: am I just horny, or is it the regular thing when you like someone, or is it love). It was a real work not coming off as desperate while I was trying to convince her to somehow reschedule her day.
This isn't hard at all. You tell her straight up that you like her, ask her out to dinner/movie/whatever the fuck and she either says yes or no. This makes you seem confident, assertive and gets you a straight up answer there and then no bullshit required.
Please, tell me more about what I'm allowed to feel and what not. I give you something you can blow out of context even more: I'm even jealous on a friend.level, talking about strictly man-man relationships. BURN ME!
Though you might be right in regard of these traits are one of (if not THE) worst things, and no woman should be around someone like that, but I think the important part is that whether I can control it, or not. I adore your way of thinking that insecure, control-freak, jealous people should be shot or at the very least die alone, but these are all traits you can work on. You judge me for something I feel and not for something I do, yet I'm the asshole.
About asking her: We'll meet again, so that part is covered, and I guess I should (or rather, must) ask her this, I'm just afraid of (aside from rejection, but that's been a possible scenario since the beginning, so that won't hold me back) being too pushy. I imagine it could kill the moment if I just ask her "Will it work, or not? Straight answer. Now!".
On October 23 2013 04:10 IronManSC wrote: On november 2, I'll be proposing to my girlfriend. We're gonna go repelling in the mountains at a 180 ft waterfall. At the bottom will be some GoPro cameras set up (hidden), and i'll have her older brother film it while hiding. When she gets down to the bottom (after I go first), i'll be in the water pond next to the waterfall on one knee :D mabye i'll post the video when the time comes.
Well, she said yes! I'll have more pictures and the video up later this week hopefully, but here is the pic of approval
EPT
But just don't get distracted by the negative side of events. She dumps you? Too bad, but you still managed to get a kiss. 
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/WOh42D3.jpg)
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/dDZjaJO.jpg)
