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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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KillerSOS
United States4207 Posts
On November 14 2013 06:42 bloopie wrote: Hm offtopic, just wondering. In my opinion, the pushing and throwing things is def wrong but asking for water seems like an ok thing to do. Dodge the projectiles and bring water obv | ||
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kaykaykay
Singapore637 Posts
On November 13 2013 17:33 MightyBill wrote: You shouldnt have apologized to her. Just something along the lines of "Was a great party, a little bit too great for me! Next time we'll go get a coffee". And not invite her the next day. I mean she responded that it was okay, but awesome as you are, you already know that it's okay anyway. Sometimes it just happens that you get completely wasted, and she knows it as well as you do. No need to apologize to her for getting drunk. Don't get me wrong though, because you did fuck up. And you know it. The thing is that she knows it too. But the second you let her confirm that you fucked up, and let her tell you that "it's okay", she does not feel bad for ditching you anymore. I tend to agree with him. Saying sorry and everything can be done after you 2 are together. Before that though, you don't want to make it seem like you are too serious or even self reproaching, especially if she has already convinced herself that last night "just happened and it's no big deal", Everyone would love to hear the other party say their sorrys but not everyone has the maturity to think "it's okay, everyone is falliable.  " | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On November 14 2013 15:27 kaykaykay wrote: I tend to agree with him. Saying sorry and everything can be done after you 2 are together. Before that though, you don't want to make it seem like you are too serious or even self reproaching, especially if she has already convinced herself that last night "just happened and it's no big deal", Everyone would love to hear the other party say their sorrys but not everyone has the maturity to think "it's okay, everyone is falliable. "You wrote it nicer than I did :D Basically what I mean is: Don't tough-guy up, but don't be all "ohhhh I'm sorry!" to a person you want to get laid with. I'll just write out what I would do in three different situations. 1 : I puke in front of someone that I invited to a party where she doesnt know anyone. What I would do in this situation is send a text message to her saying "Wow it was a wild party, let's grab a coffee next time!" And then just get the chat going when I meet up with her face to face, and maybe apologize there, but keep the apology casual and funny, like "Yeahhh I was a bit stupid to be that drunk! But I was so sad when you left *wink* Hahaha nah it's cool!" 2 : I puke in her face. What I would do in this situation is send a text message saying: "Oh my god I'm so sorry for puking in your face. You were awesome and taking care of me, and I just puked all over you! I'll make it up to you, romantic dinner for 2 and I'll get a cola after each tequila shot!" (or whatever, it depends on the person, but I would apologize if I did something like this, but still not make a big deal out of it) 3 : I puked on her friend, called the girl a slut or a bitch, and insulted her again on her voicemail when she left the party gone. Okay this would never happen for me. But in this situation I would expect my friends to say that I have to get my shit together. Then I would apologize to my friends, saying that my whole life is fucked up, find a therapist, and write the girl a personal letter saying that I'm sorry, that I'm unfucking myself right now, and that I wish her a lot of luck in her life. I'm not a pickup-artist by the way  | ||
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MightyBill
93 Posts
On November 14 2013 03:59 Kiett wrote: Uh... That's exactly what he's advocating for: expecting you to apologize when he is clearly the one responsible. He wants to feel high and mighty for waving off the collision (which he purposely caused). Sure, I tend to apologize on reflex for run ins, because it's usually as much my fault as the other person's. But if you fucking run into me on purpose and stand there waiting for an apology, you've got another thing coming. I'm not going to think you're an "extremely cool guy." I'm just going to think you're a dick. Which you are. This last weekend I had a pretty unpleasant night when my boyfriend got really drunk and started pushing me around, throwing things at me, and ordering me to get him water. The next day, he apologized. And it was okay. If he hadn't, we would have had a problem. When you're the one being the drunk asshole, you do not get to be the "cool guy" the next day. You apologize for your actions. End of story. You should find a new boyfriend. I mean what's going to happen in the future? Are you going to accept his apology every time he does shit like that? "Yeah I'm really sorry! I didnt mean to shove your around and order you to do stuff... *But I'll do it again next week when I'm drunk!*" | ||
dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
On November 14 2013 19:30 MightyBill wrote: You wrote it nicer than I did :D Basically what I mean is: Don't tough-guy up, but don't be all "ohhhh I'm sorry!" to a person you want to get laid with. I'll just write out what I would do in three different situations. 1 : I puke in front of someone that I invited to a party where she doesnt know anyone. What I would do in this situation is send a text message to her saying "Wow it was a wild party, let's grab a coffee next time!" And then just get the chat going when I meet up with her face to face, and maybe apologize there, but keep the apology casual and funny, like "Yeahhh I was a bit stupid to be that drunk! But I was so sad when you left *wink* Hahaha nah it's cool!" 2 : I puke in her face. What I would do in this situation is send a text message saying: "Oh my god I'm so sorry for puking in your face. You were awesome and taking care of me, and I just puked all over you! I'll make it up to you, romantic dinner for 2 and I'll get a cola after each tequila shot!" (or whatever, it depends on the person, but I would apologize if I did something like this, but still not make a big deal out of it) 3 : I puked on her friend, called the girl a slut or a bitch, and insulted her again on her voicemail when she left the party gone. Okay this would never happen for me. But in this situation I would expect my friends to say that I have to get my shit together. Then I would apologize to my friends, saying that my whole life is fucked up, find a therapist, and write the girl a personal letter saying that I'm sorry, that I'm unfucking myself right now, and that I wish her a lot of luck in her life. I'm not a pickup-artist by the way Uh. I still disagree. People are different though. Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. You obviously care enough about Sycamore to go to his party on your own. You don't know anyone there except him. But when you arrive he is roaring drunk and being sick. It is an unpleasant situation to be in. You'd be quite okay with him saying something cocky like you described above? I don't know, maybe some women like that. If it had been me I would be completely put off as I would consider him an asshole. The fact that he so earnestly apologised and admitted he fucked up instantly is his saving grace. But thats just my opinion. I'm not really an apology seeker but I think it takes more balls to man up and say sorry than play it casual. As for Kiett's situation, I don't think it is nice to be treated like that regardless of sobriety levels. As the above poster said, if he can treat you like that once then a second time is also a possibility. Don't take shit like that. Like almost all things, a once off offence is a learning curve and can be talked through. A repeat offender is something you should avoid where possible. | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
On November 14 2013 19:36 MightyBill wrote: You should find a new boyfriend. I mean what's going to happen in the future? Are you going to accept his apology every time he does shit like that? "Yeah I'm really sorry! I didnt mean to shove your around and order you to do stuff... *But I'll do it again next week when I'm drunk!*" And that new boyfriend should be MightyBill | ||
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Truez
Australia147 Posts
I wouldn't be sorry for it, but rather turn that situation into a joke next time you meet up. Poke some fun at yourself, give her a laugh - however what you did afterwards was a chump move, putting it bluntly. | ||
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sluggaslamoo
Australia4494 Posts
On November 13 2013 04:42 Sycamore wrote: Im such a fucking dumb idiot. I invited this girl I really like (we dont know each other for long) to the houseparty of my flatshare. Managed to be completely drunk to the point of puking (as early as 0:30) before she even arrived. So when she did arrive I could only barely communicate with her - being drunk as fuck and she had only drunk a little bit before (I think) - and had to lay down on my bed alone in my room doing nothing. She even watched me puking when we were both in my room. She didnt know any other person at the party but me (tho a girlfriend of her was coming later). Imagine that shitty situation. AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhh I behaved like a stupid careless shitfuck. Later when her girlfriend arrived I think they left. I apologized via textmail in the same night twice and she texted back that I "should stop worrying" and "everything is ok : )". Today I texted her and asked her if she wants to meet up for cooking (because I wanted to see her again and settle things). She doenst answer. Fuck my life . Its really no big deal, you didn't need to text her at all and you didn't fuck up. Why do guys always use every excuse to text a girl, they never think about just not saying anything? It makes you look like you have no life other than her. This is why so many girls hate giving out numbers  Just act like nothing happened, because really, nothing did happen. There is nothing to be settled, this happens all the time, you rock up late to a party, you're mate is super drunk, what's not normal about that? When you're a random at a party you expect yourself to be social not stick around with the one mate all night. you:Hey I'm so sorrry lets make up? her: its fine 1 hour later you: I'm so sorry! her: its fine! Next day you: Make up? her: WTF THERES NOTHING WRONG JESUS CHRIST! You're being very needy. If this was a guy friend, would you do the same thing? Probably not, its just as weird for the girl. What you did wrong was not take advantage of your drunkenness and hook up with her. She came to your house-party having had pre-drinks cmon! And yeah when you do hookup with her, don't text her 5 times straight after! Be cool! Also seriously guys should try not-texting every once in a while, its super effective. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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QuanticHawk
United States32164 Posts
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Aeroplaneoverthesea
United Kingdom1977 Posts
On November 15 2013 00:42 sluggaslamoo wrote: Also seriously guys should try not-texting every once in a while, its super effective. IMO this is utter nonsense. Maybe YOU don't like it when guys spam you with texts but a lot if not most girls like you hear from someone they're dating more than every few days. | ||
white_horse
1019 Posts
Later he said he was sorry it happened and said it would never happen again, etc. Am I supposed to be angry that he did this? Because I basically didn't care what they were doing and just said it was fine. Would people be unhappy that their roommate does this because it puts them in an awkward position? Can someone explain please. | ||
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dAPhREAk
Nauru12397 Posts
On November 15 2013 11:02 white_horse wrote: My roommate recently started dating this girl and he brought her over to our apartment and had sex with her one afternoon. With me next door in the other room (we live in a 2-bedroom apartment). So I could hear them getting it on. Later he said he was sorry it happened and said it would never happen again, etc. Am I supposed to be angry that he did this? Because I basically didn't care what they were doing and just said it was fine. Would people be unhappy that their roommate does this because it puts them in an awkward position? Can someone explain please. if you arent angry, then you shouldnt be angry since it obviously doesnt bother you. as for whether people should be unhappy, probably not since sex is just one more thing people do in their homes and you have to expect it with roommates. generally though, people should at least play music loud enough that you cant hear the grunting and skin slapping. | ||
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Pulselol
Canada1628 Posts
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
On November 15 2013 01:21 QuanticHawk wrote: this blackout drunk puke test needs to be verified by all the single dudes here asap Its about as solid as the vertical line test! | ||
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lannisport
878 Posts
For whatever reason I felt that I needed to be in a relationship the moment I moved to this new city. But I clearly don't need to be. I've always been happy doing my own thing and having casual relationships on the side and will continue to do so. Poll: Where do you meet quality girls? Friends of friends (4) Mutual Hobby (4) In school / class (3) Clubs / Pubs (2) Online Dating Site - OKcupid/Tinder/POF/ (1) Events/Parties/Dinners (1) Other (Explain) (1) Meetup / a similar social site (0) At Work (0) 16 total votes Your vote: Where do you meet quality girls? (Vote): In school / class | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
I meet girls anywhere and everywhere except at work or online dating sites. I don't like to shit where i work. If a girl interests you than you should just go talk to her. | ||
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dravernor
Netherlands6192 Posts
On November 15 2013 16:51 MysteryMeat1 wrote: @lannisport I meet girls anywhere and everywhere except at work or online dating sites. I don't like to shit where i work. If a girl interests you than you should just go talk to her. You should have a heart to heart with someone from our irc channel about girls you work with. My response to finding dates: friends of friends mostly. And I met someone I dated through uni after we spent an all nighter playing dota 1 in the classroom. Meeting people online is great for making friends but pretty meh for dating. But that might just be me because of my location. | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
On November 15 2013 17:21 draverjai wrote: You should have a heart to heart with someone from our irc channel about girls you work with. My response to finding dates: friends of friends mostly. And I met someone I dated through uni after we spent an all nighter playing dota 1 in the classroom. Meeting people online is great for making friends but pretty meh for dating. But that might just be me because of my location. i'm drawing a complete blank  what did i miss... | ||
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TOCHMY
Sweden1692 Posts
On November 15 2013 11:02 white_horse wrote: My roommate recently started dating this girl and he brought her over to our apartment and had sex with her one afternoon. With me next door in the other room (we live in a 2-bedroom apartment). So I could hear them getting it on. Later he said he was sorry it happened and said it would never happen again, etc. Am I supposed to be angry that he did this? Because I basically didn't care what they were doing and just said it was fine. Would people be unhappy that their roommate does this because it puts them in an awkward position? Can someone explain please. You should not be angry (anger leads to hate and the dark side etc). Instead, rejoice that your homeboy got himself some tail. | ||
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