|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis.
I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now, it's far more important to spend time with an individual and get to know them, than just stereotype the person based off a single word ("religious").
|
On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now.
I'm 90% sure he was just demonstrating the rediculousness of the claim with hyperbole, but the further explinations in the (marks) makes it seem less joking. Oh how I wish there was a sarcasm font.
It's funny this discussion of religion in a relationship should arise because that's exactly what I was thinking when I said in my post 2 pages back
There are a few things I don't know about her/she doesn't know about me that I wanted to clarify before any sort of date happened.
I was just trying to avoid the discussion though because it changes so much from person to person there isn't much to gain through any discussion.
|
On November 04 2013 00:55 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now. I'm 90% sure he was just demonstrating the rediculousness of the claim with hyperbole, but the further explinations in the (marks) makes it seem less joking. Oh how I wish there was a sarcasm font. It's funny this discussion of religion in a relationship should arise because that's exactly what I was thinking when I said in my post 2 pages back Show nested quote +There are a few things I don't know about her/she doesn't know about me that I wanted to clarify before any sort of date happened. I was just trying to avoid the discussion though because it changes so much from person to person there isn't much to gain through any discussion.
Yeah I think the best thing to do is spend time with a person and get to know them- regardless of what stereotypes and labels they give themselves- and make the call on your own.
|
On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now, it's far more important to spend time with an individual and get to know them, than just stereotype the person based off a single word ("religious").
Maybe I should have made that more clear, but re-reading it, I'm sure it's intelligible.
I meant to say for someone to be religious, there's the slim chance they're just a terrible person and a much larger chance that they're victim of childhood indoctrination.
Perhaps I use 'religious' in a stricter sense than you do. I don't object to spiritual people, to deistic people, to agnostics etc., I just object (strongly) to everyone who subscribes to, believes in and acts according to Christian, or even worse, Muslim religions. I went to catholic schools for 13 years, I've had my fill of those sanctimonious pricks.
|
On November 04 2013 01:04 SixStrings wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now, it's far more important to spend time with an individual and get to know them, than just stereotype the person based off a single word ("religious"). Maybe I should have made that more clear, but re-reading it, I'm sure it's intelligible. I meant to say for someone to be religious, there's the slim chance they're just a terrible person and a much larger chance that they're victim of childhood indoctrination. Perhaps I use 'religious' in a stricter sense than you do. I don't object to spiritual people, to deistic people, to agnostics etc., I just object (strongly) to everyone who subscribes to, believes in and acts according to Christian, or even worse, Muslim religions. I went to catholic schools for 13 years, I've had my fill of those sanctimonious pricks.
Fair enough. I know plenty of people (including my girlfriend) who went to a Catholic/ religious school, and are quite warm-hearted and friendly... and I know plenty of non-religious people who are quite sanctimonious and prickish too. I would just caution someone not to judge a book by its cover... even if the cover is somewhat related to religion.
|
Plenty of my school mates, plenty of my teachers and plenty of people who attended church regularly were 'quite warm-hearted and friendly'. Those were the ones who didn't stop using their mind independently, despite their surroundings.
You're, of course, absolutely right about books and covers.
|
On November 04 2013 01:13 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 01:04 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now, it's far more important to spend time with an individual and get to know them, than just stereotype the person based off a single word ("religious"). Maybe I should have made that more clear, but re-reading it, I'm sure it's intelligible. I meant to say for someone to be religious, there's the slim chance they're just a terrible person and a much larger chance that they're victim of childhood indoctrination. Perhaps I use 'religious' in a stricter sense than you do. I don't object to spiritual people, to deistic people, to agnostics etc., I just object (strongly) to everyone who subscribes to, believes in and acts according to Christian, or even worse, Muslim religions. I went to catholic schools for 13 years, I've had my fill of those sanctimonious pricks. Fair enough. I know plenty of people (including my girlfriend) who went to a Catholic/ religious school, and are quite warm-hearted and friendly... and I know plenty of non-religious people who are quite sanctimonious and prickish too. I would just caution someone not to judge a book by its cover... even if the cover is somewhat related to religion.
It's different in the USA versus Northern Europe. imo, being religious in the Netherlands at age ~20 (outside of immigrants & people from specific backgrounds) is like being a college republican at the same age in the US. It tells me that we would not be compatible.
|
On November 04 2013 01:18 Grumbels wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 01:13 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 01:04 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now, it's far more important to spend time with an individual and get to know them, than just stereotype the person based off a single word ("religious"). Maybe I should have made that more clear, but re-reading it, I'm sure it's intelligible. I meant to say for someone to be religious, there's the slim chance they're just a terrible person and a much larger chance that they're victim of childhood indoctrination. Perhaps I use 'religious' in a stricter sense than you do. I don't object to spiritual people, to deistic people, to agnostics etc., I just object (strongly) to everyone who subscribes to, believes in and acts according to Christian, or even worse, Muslim religions. I went to catholic schools for 13 years, I've had my fill of those sanctimonious pricks. Fair enough. I know plenty of people (including my girlfriend) who went to a Catholic/ religious school, and are quite warm-hearted and friendly... and I know plenty of non-religious people who are quite sanctimonious and prickish too. I would just caution someone not to judge a book by its cover... even if the cover is somewhat related to religion. It's different in the USA versus Northern Europe. imo, being religious in the Netherlands at age ~20 (outside of immigrants & people from specific backgrounds) is like being a college republican at the same age in the US. It tells me that we would not be compatible.
It sounds like less of an issue of what their beliefs are and more of an issue of you valueing your beliefs on matters suchas politics and religion highly and therefore require similar beliefs for compatibility. This is why I say it's so personal, because those things matter to you, but for me in a relationship at this stage of my life I really couldn't care less. I know there are girls out there though that wouldn't date me for being an athiest.
If I were looking for a girl to marry though then I would put more value on compatibility of our belief systems.
|
On November 03 2013 14:15 Maski wrote:
Okay guys, update on my situation (opening post on page 299):
Tonight at a party, I finally decided to tell her how I feel about her. I know I missed a perfect opportunity last Sunday and reading your feedback made me feel really bad about myself. But it was true. I was a coward and I have to change. So tonight, despite it not being the perfect situation, I finally took the courage to tell her. I wanted to have closure, even though I knew that it's not going to happen. I just couldn't think of anything else the entire week and I had to get this out of my head. She made it pretty easy for me though. I went out on the porch and told my close friend to come get her (obviously did not want to tell her in the kitchen with a thousand people around us). My friend came back and told me that she said she knew and she did not want to talk to me because she did not want to make it awkward. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? It took me a lot of courage to finally express my feelings, and all I get is a "I know but I don't want to make it awkward?". Well, what do you think is going to happen now? I thought I would be sad and desperate, but right now I am just angry and disappointed. I find that to be totally disrespectful towards me. At least dump me in person. I deserve that and not that stupid other way. I hoped that we could be friends after she dumped me, but right now, I really do not want to talk to her. I am just mad and angry.
you werent even dating, stop being a big baby.
also, other than 12 year olds, who goes and has their friend tell someone else 'so and so really likes you!'
|
On November 04 2013 03:54 QuanticHawk wrote:Show nested quote +On November 03 2013 14:15 Maski wrote:
Okay guys, update on my situation (opening post on page 299):
Tonight at a party, I finally decided to tell her how I feel about her. I know I missed a perfect opportunity last Sunday and reading your feedback made me feel really bad about myself. But it was true. I was a coward and I have to change. So tonight, despite it not being the perfect situation, I finally took the courage to tell her. I wanted to have closure, even though I knew that it's not going to happen. I just couldn't think of anything else the entire week and I had to get this out of my head. She made it pretty easy for me though. I went out on the porch and told my close friend to come get her (obviously did not want to tell her in the kitchen with a thousand people around us). My friend came back and told me that she said she knew and she did not want to talk to me because she did not want to make it awkward. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? It took me a lot of courage to finally express my feelings, and all I get is a "I know but I don't want to make it awkward?". Well, what do you think is going to happen now? I thought I would be sad and desperate, but right now I am just angry and disappointed. I find that to be totally disrespectful towards me. At least dump me in person. I deserve that and not that stupid other way. I hoped that we could be friends after she dumped me, but right now, I really do not want to talk to her. I am just mad and angry. you werent even dating, stop being a big baby. also, other than 12 year olds, who goes and has their friend tell someone else 'so and so really likes you!'
I agree, you should have acted interested instead of telling her your interested (especially through a friend). I don't feel like confessing your love ever works, or rather works very rarely, because it shows you like them so very strongly and unless they already feel the same way it will be wierd and she will most likely say no. It's much safer to just start flirting with her more directly and let the feelings build gradually or dissipate with little awkwardness if she rejects the flirting.
You had that opportunity when watchin movies on her bed together, but failed to capitalize. It would have been wise to wait for/create another moment like that, but hindsight is 20/20. Anyway, don't be angry at her, she didn't dump you, you were never together. You two can still be friends, just as long as you still can act normally around her.
|
My rules for religion is pretty simple. I don't really mind if a girl is religious so long as you wouldn't attempt to make me go to church or follow any general dumb life rules. If she personally believes in any God but it doesn't really alter my life or our relationship in a noticeable way then I don't really care.
I'd be prepared to get married in a church and let any kids be christened because they're one off's I just wouldn't give up every Sunday morning, wait for sex until marriage or follow any other general nonsense.
|
...I just got a weird phonecall (lasted 2 hours). Two of my best friends (one female - one male (potential future roomie)) spent the night together. They were really worried about my reaction and actually agreed to not tell me - but the girl was honest about it anyway.
I'm cool with it and all. However, I don't get why they would expect me to not be? Would you guys have an issue with two single friends (who only know each other through you) doing anything?... My only issue with this could be:
1: If they become so awkward I can't have them both e.g. at parties/birthdays/when we hit the city
2: Finding out they did it without me knowing
Would you have any problems with this at all? I can't see, why it should bother me at all really
|
Maybe she thought you had a crush on her? Otherwise I don't know either.
|
They had sex in your bed?
|
On November 04 2013 08:55 Najda wrote:
Maybe she thought you had a crush on her? Otherwise I don't know either.
This is the only thing I could think of. Otherwise, why the fuck would it matter if you knew or not, why is this a big deal lol.
|
On November 04 2013 07:51 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
My rules for religion is pretty simple. I don't really mind if a girl is religious so long as you wouldn't attempt to make me go to church or follow any general dumb life rules. If she personally believes in any God but it doesn't really alter my life or our relationship in a noticeable way then I don't really care.
I'd be prepared to get married in a church and let any kids be christened because they're one off's I just wouldn't give up every Sunday morning, wait for sex until marriage or follow any other general nonsense. You wouldn't mind raising your kids to believe in something you thought was fiction?
|
On November 04 2013 09:25 calgar wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 07:51 Aeroplaneoverthesea wrote:
My rules for religion is pretty simple. I don't really mind if a girl is religious so long as you wouldn't attempt to make me go to church or follow any general dumb life rules. If she personally believes in any God but it doesn't really alter my life or our relationship in a noticeable way then I don't really care.
I'd be prepared to get married in a church and let any kids be christened because they're one off's I just wouldn't give up every Sunday morning, wait for sex until marriage or follow any other general nonsense. You wouldn't mind raising your kids to believe in something you thought was fiction?
Letting them be baptized/christened for the sake of making you significant other happy, isn't the same as making them believe in something he believes is false.
That's an easy thing to give in on imo. But then again you shouldn't really try being in a relationship with someone with competing beliefs imo also.
|
On November 04 2013 08:48 Mentalizor wrote:
...I just got a weird phonecall (lasted 2 hours). Two of my best friends (one female - one male (potential future roomie)) spent the night together. They were really worried about my reaction and actually agreed to not tell me - but the girl was honest about it anyway.
I'm cool with it and all. However, I don't get why they would expect me to not be? Would you guys have an issue with two single friends (who only know each other through you) doing anything?... My only issue with this could be:
1: If they become so awkward I can't have them both e.g. at parties/birthdays/when we hit the city
2: Finding out they did it without me knowing
Would you have any problems with this at all? I can't see, why it should bother me at all really
She has a crush on you. Your other friend has a crush on her. She is to shy to ask you out, he makes a plan. He tells her, tell him we slept together and feel out how he feels about that. He knows that you now will not admit having any feelings for her to keep your pride, he knows that she will lose any hope you two come together, he planted the thought-seed of both of them having sex in her mind. Well played by your friend i guess :D
|
On November 04 2013 00:55 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On November 04 2013 00:47 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:On November 04 2013 00:29 SixStrings wrote:On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote:
religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. I'm about as vocal an atheist as they come, and even I'm not silly enough to equate all religious people as *either racist or just generally bad people*, simply because they're religious. Come on now. I'm 90% sure he was just demonstrating the rediculousness of the claim with hyperbole, but the further explinations in the (marks) makes it seem less joking. Oh how I wish there was a sarcasm font. It's funny this discussion of religion in a relationship should arise because that's exactly what I was thinking when I said in my post 2 pages back Show nested quote +There are a few things I don't know about her/she doesn't know about me that I wanted to clarify before any sort of date happened. I was just trying to avoid the discussion though because it changes so much from person to person there isn't much to gain through any discussion.
There is, the strikeout font.
You were just never loved enough as a child to be taught it.
See. Also I'm pretty sure the guy's comparison is saying they're either racist (AND/OR) a bad person, or that they are indoctrinated, not that they are always a bad person. Not that his paradigm is true at all.
|
On November 02 2013 07:16 Najda wrote:
Yea it just took me so long because I wanted to wait to have her isolated before I asked her out but I just said fuck it and asked her on facebook since an opportunity was just never going to arise in person. There are a few things I don't know about her/she doesn't know about me that I wanted to clarify before any sort of date happened. I was going to learn those things of her and then ask her out/decide not interested at the end of our day.
Found out she's only 17. Abort mission, gg no re.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
