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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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kaykaykay
Singapore637 Posts
I did too. Last night while we were screaming at each other faces over another unrelated issue. " But the way you came off you sounded really jealous of them!" "why should i be jealous of them, i can't be jealous of them because i like you!" "okay.. WAIT WHAT?" ( took her like 1.5 seconds for my words to sink in. ) No more was spoken about us. :/ | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On November 03 2013 14:15 Maski wrote: Okay guys, update on my situation (opening post on page 299): Tonight at a party, I finally decided to tell her how I feel about her. I know I missed a perfect opportunity last Sunday and reading your feedback made me feel really bad about myself. But it was true. I was a coward and I have to change. So tonight, despite it not being the perfect situation, I finally took the courage to tell her. I wanted to have closure, even though I knew that it's not going to happen. I just couldn't think of anything else the entire week and I had to get this out of my head. She made it pretty easy for me though. I went out on the porch and told my close friend to come get her (obviously did not want to tell her in the kitchen with a thousand people around us). My friend came back and told me that she said she knew and she did not want to talk to me because she did not want to make it awkward. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? It took me a lot of courage to finally express my feelings, and all I get is a "I know but I don't want to make it awkward?". Well, what do you think is going to happen now? I thought I would be sad and desperate, but right now I am just angry and disappointed. I find that to be totally disrespectful towards me. At least dump me in person. I deserve that and not that stupid other way. I hoped that we could be friends after she dumped me, but right now, I really do not want to talk to her. I am just mad and angry. Zooper said it already, but you didn't have the courage to even get her yourself. Yes you would have opened your heart up if she showed up, but she doesn't want that. When we suddenly decide that we are going to love a person from all of our heart or get dumped, we discard the person that we are, we let go of the values that are close to us, and invest massively on this other person EVEN THOUGH we have done nothing together to really justify such actions. Invest in a person depending on how much they are willing to invest back, not how much you happen to think you like them. Don't TELL her how much you like her, SHOW her how much you like her with your actions. Show her what you are willing to do, and invest only as much as she gives you back. Easier said than done, obviously, but IMO still a good guideline to follow when possible, because that is what creates attraction. When you are playing poker with someone, you at least want a good hand instead of showing your pair of two's. | ||
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dongfeng
731 Posts
We recently talked about having sex, and found out that she's had it before (not surprised), however I haven't gone all the way before. When we talked about it, i told her it wasn't a big deal, but why do i feel it is? As an aside, I'm kind of disappointed that I can never be the first, and by the way she talked about her first time, she was kind of pressured into it. I really care about her and want to make her feel good when we are both ready for it. I'm a bit anxious about it all - comments/advice/feedback would be appreciated! | ||
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synapse
China13814 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States43767 Posts
On November 03 2013 18:27 synapse wrote: girl i like lives very far away and is also super religious... why am i doing this to myself TT Probably because you really, really like her? Although obviously, you should assess if it's worth the long distance relationship and any possible future conflicts you may have (apparently her religion is an issue to you). | ||
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craz3d
Bulgaria856 Posts
On November 03 2013 18:26 dongfeng wrote: So how do I start...I've had pretty much bad luck/not enough game/awesomeness to get with the girls which i find attractive. Earlier this year i was strung along by this girl who probably wasn't interested (it takes two to tango..i don't blame her entirely). Recently I've started seeing this really awesome girl, and everything just clicks - the positive feeling is magnified by contrasting it with the bullshit i had to put up with earlier in the year. We recently talked about having sex, and found out that she's had it before (not surprised), however I haven't gone all the way before. When we talked about it, i told her it wasn't a big deal, but why do i feel it is? As an aside, I'm kind of disappointed that I can never be the first, and by the way she talked about her first time, she was kind of pressured into it. I really care about her and want to make her feel good when we are both ready for it. I'm a bit anxious about it all - comments/advice/feedback would be appreciated! Invite her over for a movie (or whatever). Kiss her, bite/caress her body, work your way down to the vagina, stick your fingers in there, get her really wet, take dick out, put condom on, put dick in vagina and enjoy. Don't be anxious about it. Let her do the worrying, you're the man! :D | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States43767 Posts
On November 03 2013 18:26 dongfeng wrote: So how do I start...I've had pretty much bad luck/not enough game/awesomeness to get with the girls which i find attractive. Earlier this year i was strung along by this girl who probably wasn't interested (it takes two to tango..i don't blame her entirely). Recently I've started seeing this really awesome girl, and everything just clicks - the positive feeling is magnified by contrasting it with the bullshit i had to put up with earlier in the year. We recently talked about having sex, and found out that she's had it before (not surprised), however I haven't gone all the way before. When we talked about it, i told her it wasn't a big deal, but why do i feel it is? As an aside, I'm kind of disappointed that I can never be the first, and by the way she talked about her first time, she was kind of pressured into it. I really care about her and want to make her feel good when we are both ready for it. I'm a bit anxious about it all - comments/advice/feedback would be appreciated! When you feel ready to make the move, just go for it. Make sure you have a condom, of course. It'll be your first time, so you'll probably suck at sex. You'll probably last 30 seconds and be embarrassed when it's over. But as with most other things, practice makes perfect. You'll learn the rhythm of your bodies together, and you'll get better over time. It's a good thing she knows you're a virgin, or else she might have much higher expectations of your first time with her. She should be understanding and even guide you to do the right things during sex, as she's slightly more experienced (and if she's not that experienced, you two can learn together). Also, find the clitoris. | ||
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iPlaY.NettleS
Australia4315 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States43767 Posts
On November 03 2013 21:29 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: General advice, preferably from someone with experience in this area.Is it still common for christian girls to wait until marriage before they have sex? The girl i met on the weekend was christian, taking her out Wednesday night. That strongly depends on exactly how religious she is, although being religious doesn't necessarily mean she won't ever put out (and vice-versa). My girlfriend comes from a pretty religious family (and I don't), but she wasn't of the mindset that we should wait until marriage. I didn't particularly pressure her into sex either; we were both virgins and both had the same philosophy that we wanted to have sex with people we were comfortable with so that it had some level of meaning besides physical. I wouldn't bring up the topic on a first date, but if it matters that much to you, I'd find out sooner rather than later. Don't assess her based on a stereotype though; bring it up in context and find out her specific views on the matter. | ||
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Aeroplaneoverthesea
United Kingdom1977 Posts
On November 03 2013 21:29 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: General advice, preferably from someone with experience in this area.Is it still common for christian girls to wait until marriage before they have sex? The girl i met on the weekend was christian, taking her out Wednesday night. Nah, not in Western Europe/Australia. Maybe in America quite a few people but in the rest of the Western world it's not. Don't think I know or have met a single person my age who has waited male or female. I would imagine that if she was so religious that she was planning to wait she wouldn't be looking to meet random guys who aren't religious (because it's pretty obvious they'd want sex and she probably wouldn't want to marry a none believer). So you should be fine imo. | ||
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Aeroplaneoverthesea
United Kingdom1977 Posts
On November 03 2013 18:26 dongfeng wrote: So how do I start...I've had pretty much bad luck/not enough game/awesomeness to get with the girls which i find attractive. Earlier this year i was strung along by this girl who probably wasn't interested (it takes two to tango..i don't blame her entirely). Recently I've started seeing this really awesome girl, and everything just clicks - the positive feeling is magnified by contrasting it with the bullshit i had to put up with earlier in the year. We recently talked about having sex, and found out that she's had it before (not surprised), however I haven't gone all the way before. When we talked about it, i told her it wasn't a big deal, but why do i feel it is? As an aside, I'm kind of disappointed that I can never be the first, and by the way she talked about her first time, she was kind of pressured into it. I really care about her and want to make her feel good when we are both ready for it. I'm a bit anxious about it all - comments/advice/feedback would be appreciated! If you're concerned about cumming way too soon then buy/wear a thick condom. | ||
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isleyofthenorth
Austria894 Posts
On November 03 2013 21:29 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: General advice, preferably from someone with experience in this area.Is it still common for christian girls to wait until marriage before they have sex? The girl i met on the weekend was christian, taking her out Wednesday night. no way. maybe a bit in rural areas of some of the more more religious countries in europe like poland italy or so. but generally almost gone in our generation id say | ||
white_horse
1019 Posts
I have a close friend who dated a super religious christian girl and he ended up getting converted by her. They aren't together now but still go to the same church. | ||
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RvB
Netherlands6190 Posts
On November 03 2013 21:47 isleyofthenorth wrote: no way. maybe a bit in rural areas of some of the more more religious countries in europe like poland italy or so. but generally almost gone in our generation id say I live in a very christian village and even here only the extremely religious people wait until marriage. | ||
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Fumanchu
Canada669 Posts
On November 03 2013 21:29 iPlaY.NettleS wrote: General advice, preferably from someone with experience in this area.Is it still common for christian girls to wait until marriage before they have sex? The girl i met on the weekend was christian, taking her out Wednesday night. It really just depends on their upbringing and their peer christians. If all of her friends waited until marriage, chances are pretty good she will too. I used to be christian and every one of my girl friends all waited. Around 20+ people in my group. However, I can only think of two that didn't do anything. To be blunt, a lot of the girls would blow the dudes they were with, but they would abstain from vaginal sex. Edit: I live in Vancouver | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7028 Posts
edit: if you are not religious yourself and only a red flag in terms of whether the relationship will work out. Personally religiosity and smoking are my two main reasons to instantly decide not to pursue someone. | ||
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Fumanchu
Canada669 Posts
On November 03 2013 18:26 dongfeng wrote: So how do I start...I've had pretty much bad luck/not enough game/awesomeness to get with the girls which i find attractive. Earlier this year i was strung along by this girl who probably wasn't interested (it takes two to tango..i don't blame her entirely). Recently I've started seeing this really awesome girl, and everything just clicks - the positive feeling is magnified by contrasting it with the bullshit i had to put up with earlier in the year. We recently talked about having sex, and found out that she's had it before (not surprised), however I haven't gone all the way before. When we talked about it, i told her it wasn't a big deal, but why do i feel it is? As an aside, I'm kind of disappointed that I can never be the first, and by the way she talked about her first time, she was kind of pressured into it. I really care about her and want to make her feel good when we are both ready for it. I'm a bit anxious about it all - comments/advice/feedback would be appreciated! If you have real feelings for this girl, and she for you, then there's no need to feel worried about it. You guys will find delight in delighting each other. It's so awesome at the beginning because you get to explore each other and find out what turn ons you each have. When you have your first time with her, take it slow. Don't just rush to the vagina and the clitoris. Kiss her everywhere first. It always surprises me what zones make a girl excited. Take your time to discover her. And don't be afraid to talk. Just make sure you don't keep asking, "do you like it when I.." or "how does this make you feel...". If something is making her feeling uncomfortable she'll let you know. And if she does let you know, it's not a big deal, just make a note of it and move on. I find that most girls want you to take control. Don't be forceful, just know what you want to do, and then do it. Halfway through your exploration, flip her over and discover her backside as well. Throw in a mini massage. YOU decide when you want to proceed to the actual start of intercourse. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote: religious = red flag, imo Yeah, religiosity is definitely the largest character-flaw you can find in a woman. It either means (unlinkely) that she has the same traits as a racist (sense of own superiority, borderline retardation, extreme prejudice towards atheists or "inferior" religions) and is generally a bad person, or, which is much more likely, is victim to childhood indoctrination. If she was mentally abused in the way Christians do to their children (telling them they're born with a terrible guilt they can't get rid of, threatening them with eternally burning in hell for slightest transgressions etc.), there isn't much in the way of rationality you can do to help her. I'm so glad to live in a society where the church is virtually a non-issue for the younger generations and the old, homophobe religious people are dying out alongside the last Nazis. | ||
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Najda
United States3765 Posts
On November 04 2013 00:13 Grumbels wrote: religious = red flag, imo It really depends a lot more on the individuals than the beleifs. As long as both partners are accepting of eachother's beliefs and are looking for the same thing in a relationship then it doesn't matter. | ||
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SixStrings
Germany2046 Posts
Spiritual individuals are all right, but if she subscribes to any of the mainstream religions, particularly the cancerous Abrahamic ones, I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole. I had a thing with a Turkish girl ones, and she'd only do anal. Asking her why, she said she had to stay a virgin. I couldn't understand that, thinking she'd disapprove on ethical grounds. So I voiced my objection (something along the lines of: "Surely if your God disapproves of vaginal sex, he'd object to anal."), and this horrifying little titbit of religious insanity was revealed to me: On her wedding night, her father and brother were to check the bedsheets for blood, making sure she was a vagina-virgin. If she weren't, her husband could annul the wedding, just like you can return damaged goods to the vendor. I didn't take this from ASoIaF, this happens in the real world and in the 21st century. | ||
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