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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On August 13 2013 06:08 Recognizable wrote:
That's the problem. Sometimes I want it. Sometimes I don't. Depends entirely on how horny I am. We humans are really just animals after all. Our thinking get's this much disturbed by hormones.
You said it yourself - no strings attached. A booty call. You say you want to when you're horny - then call her when you're horny. Don't call her when you're not.
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On August 13 2013 04:22 sunprince wrote:Show nested quote +On August 12 2013 19:29 Killscreen wrote:On August 12 2013 08:40 sunprince wrote:On August 10 2013 23:45 BisuEver wrote:On August 10 2013 19:03 sunprince wrote:On August 10 2013 17:46 BisuEver wrote:If this is what one can expect I don't think I want a relationship. Ever. It's like sticking your penis in a blender. I would rather become gay or marry my hand if this is what I could expect. Just terrible people. If you are a shitty person the quality of relationship you can expect will be shitty. Because you have shitty people. Just-world fallacy. If anything, you've got it backwards: being a bad person increases the likelihood that you will be taking advantage of other people rather than the other way around, so if you are a "shitty" person you are less likely to date "shitty" people. No, I'm saying it will be a shitty relationship. There's 2 people in 1. It's like a prisoner's dilemma thing. Either you can be a worse person or they can be a better one. Otherwise you're both in for some shit. Your assumption here is that in any relationship, one partner rises to the level of the other and/or one partner sinks to the level of the other. You have absolutely no basis for that assumption, aside from possibly too many romance movies. There is also the assumption that having a new partner lined up before ending it with the previous one makes you a shitty person. It doesn't. It stings. Trust me I know it does, but it doesn't make her a bad person you should harbor resentment for. It makes you a shitty person if the other person is unaware that this is acceptable behavior in your relationship. And while this varies across cultures, I would argue that this is typically not considered acceptable in modern first-world societies unless specified beforehand.
I don't care what any particular society expects. If following society's rules is the primary concern then fine, but realize this:
Every society has these constructs that protect men from jealousy. The problem is that they are all misogynistic in nature, designed to control women with guilt under the guise of moral and religion, so that they may not wield the power of sexual jealousy over men. I refuse to obey such archaic, unnatural and evil constructs. They became obsolete with the condom.
Jealousy is an illusion.It is simply your brain giving you a chemical signal, so that you focus your time and resources on your own offspring. Not having this response increases the risk of raising another male's offspring and thus not efficiently reproducing yourself. It is a chemical response to an ancient problem we no longer face, and yet it so severely limits our life, if we let it. Learning to handle jealousy makes you a better man and gives you a more fulfilling love life with less drama. No jealousy means no shame, guilt or inhibition.
Conquering jealousy is no easy task, but then most worthwhile tasks in life aren't.
Without jealousy, you are sad to see the girl go, but glad she has found someone who makes her happy, and glad you got to fuck her while she looked around. Without jealousy she can even be honest about it, and you too can see other people. It's just better that way. No anger, resentment or drama. Just love.
Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 03:00 ffadicted wrote:
I hope no one is actually taking this Killscreen guy seriously hahah I think he's trollin, no one can be THAT clueless. If you think it's ok to heavily flirt/actively look for others/open to "replacing" your current relationship, then you're not in a monogamous relationship haha It's not hard to understand tbh And this has nothing to do with "women" knowledge, same applies for any LGBT combination of couples. Explaining why trolls are wrong can still provide valuable information to other people reading the thread. Dismantling trolls is also a good skill to practice and develop.
Bring it! 
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On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions?
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On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions?
Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored.
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On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored.
I daresay that this conception of emotionality will be most unsatisfying to those of us who, for whatever reason, feel before they think.
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obsolete with the condom hahaha
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On August 13 2013 06:48 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. I daresay that this conception of emotionality will be most unsatisfying to those of us who, for whatever reason, feel before they think.
I'm not sure I understand you. I would say that i too feel before I think, but as an adult am capable of controlling my emotions so that they do not control me. My time being single exposed me to plenty of situations where I would experience jealousy but with each one my tolerance grew. It was painful at times, but worth it.
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On August 13 2013 06:56 QuanticHawk wrote:
obsolete with the condom hahaha
You're basically a parrot who watches Oprah and plays Starcraft arent you?
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A girl from college that I haven't seen for a long time called me and asked whether I wanted to go to a concert with her. I liked the band and wasn't in any relationships at that time, and I said yes. We went out, had dinner, and the concert was pretty good, I had good time. As we departed for the night, she said she'd like to spend more time together later on and she'll wait up for my call.
Now I am kind of eager to make that call because 1) I know her already so it's easier to form a connection 2) She's quite alright in terms of looks and she falls into my type and 3) I feel like I really need a relationship.
However, I really don't know what would be the best meet up location for a second date. A dinner and movie? Dinner and taking a walk, having a chat? A museum trip? I sort of feel like after our first "date" so to speak, the concert kind of set the bar high and I need to do something as great in terms of importance.
Is this just stupid line of thinking? I feel like she already likes me because if she didn't she wouldn't have called me up after a long time and if she had a bf she would go to the concert with him already. So to me it feels like all the signs are there. Now, how should I act?
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Northern Ireland26361 Posts
On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored.
You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you.
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On August 13 2013 07:10 Wombat_NI wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you.
It is not an arbitrary distinction at all. We need our other emotions. We absolutely depend on them, but nothing good ever comes from jealousy. And I think it is wrong for a value system to enslave women so that we may be spared some slight emotional stress.
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On August 13 2013 07:09 Bleak wrote:
A girl from college that I haven't seen for a long time called me and asked whether I wanted to go to a concert with her. I liked the band and wasn't in any relationships at that time, and I said yes. We went out, had dinner, and the concert was pretty good, I had good time. As we departed for the night, she said she'd like to spend more time together later on and she'll wait up for my call.
Now I am kind of eager to make that call because 1) I know her already so it's easier to form a connection 2) She's quite alright in terms of looks and she falls into my type and 3) I feel like I really need a relationship.
However, I really don't know what would be the best meet up location for a second date. A dinner and movie? Dinner and taking a walk, having a chat? A museum trip? I sort of feel like after our first "date" so to speak, the concert kind of set the bar high and I need to do something as great in terms of importance.
Is this just stupid line of thinking? I feel like she already likes me because if she didn't she wouldn't have called me up after a long time and if she had a bf she would go to the concert with him already. So to me it feels like all the signs are there. Now, how should I act?
Relax, don't stress. Calm down. Your over thinking it. She likes you. Just relax and do whatever you think will be fun and you will be fine. Just make a move when you feel the time is right.
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On August 13 2013 07:14 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 07:10 Wombat_NI wrote:On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you. It is not an arbitrary distinction at all. We need our other emotions. We absolutely depend on them, but nothing good ever comes from jealousy. And I think it is wrong for a value system to enslave women so that we may be spared some slight emotional stress.
It's an arbitrary distinction regardless. Just because one emotion is overwhelmingly negative and despicable doesn't mean it can be dismissed or whatever. Jealousy had led people to accomplish important things in terms of scale. Also, jealousy has undoubtedly led to good things.
It's easy to look at something bad and just assume nothing good could ever come of it. Life is not a fairy tale. People do bad shit all the time, but jealousy can also get people to better themselves.
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On August 13 2013 07:17 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 07:14 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 07:10 Wombat_NI wrote:On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you. It is not an arbitrary distinction at all. We need our other emotions. We absolutely depend on them, but nothing good ever comes from jealousy. And I think it is wrong for a value system to enslave women so that we may be spared some slight emotional stress. It's an arbitrary distinction regardless. Just because one emotion is overwhelmingly negative and despicable doesn't mean it can be dismissed or whatever. Jealousy had led people to accomplish important things in terms of scale. Also, jealousy has undoubtedly led to good things. It's easy to look at something bad and just assume nothing good could ever come of it. Life is not a fairy tale. People do bad shit all the time.
I don't mean to be rude, but do you know what "arbitrary" means? edit: never mind, dont answer that. Lets move on and not get sucked into semantics.
What has jealousy led people to accomplish?
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On August 13 2013 02:26 Killscreen wrote:
That's OK. We can't all be smart.
Generally in life you'll want to take advice from people who have experience on the topic at hand.
The problem is that our male egos will try to fool us into thinking we are experts on the subject, particularly with women, and particularly online where we can pretend to be someone else, which makes it very difficult to separate the people who can and want to help and those who just want to stroke their ego by going online, giving dating advice and talk about women so they can tell themselves they are players. These people do more damage than good, and need to be checked.
I could qualify myself here, but I'm not going to. They would just be words, and guys lie about their success with women to get validation. For all you know, I could be another loser trying to get validation, or I could be a guy who actually has some insight in the subject after many years of experience. You and you alone have to make that distinction.
You might think I am full of shit, that is your right, but you should apply the same level of skeptisism to a 19 year old boy who thinks he has everything figured out and nothing left to learn. There is no correlation between how much someone talks about women and how much they understand them.
This post can be applied directly to yourself.
You open this post by making a quick stab at the previous poster, insinuating that he is stupid. This is enough to show that although you claim that you have been
sleeping with women since [he] was in Kindergarden
,
your mindset has barely aged a day. Tell me, Mr. Maturity and Wisdom, how are you any different than those with
male egos [that] will try to fool us into thinking we are experts on the subject, particularly with women, and particularly online where we can pretend to be someone else, which makes it very difficult to separate the people who can and want to help and those who just want to stroke their ego by going online, giving dating advice and talk about women so they can tell themselves they are players. These people do more damage than good, and need to be checked.
All your previous posts have outlined is that you are older than him, and therefore have more experience with women, as well as better advice. I would like to ask you another thing: Just because you're older than someone, does that innately make you more experienced in all fields of life? If you've come to your senses, you'll realize that answer is "no". You're doing no better than posters automatically disregarding what those with fewer post-counts say.
I would also like to remind you that the last two paragraphs of your post are common knowledge. There's only one reason why I could possibly believe you needed to post them for everyone to see: You are not everything you claim to be, and through those paragraphs feel you will deflect investigation into your OWN past. As you have no "birthday" listed on your profile, it appears that you have no basis for your claims of being "older, therefore more experienced"
So, Killscreen, the ball is in your court. Let's hear some of your so-called experience, making you the biggest "player" of them all, the chosen one who was called into action to prove that these posters clearly have no idea what they're talking about.
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On August 13 2013 07:19 Killscreen wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 07:17 Djzapz wrote:On August 13 2013 07:14 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 07:10 Wombat_NI wrote:On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you. It is not an arbitrary distinction at all. We need our other emotions. We absolutely depend on them, but nothing good ever comes from jealousy. And I think it is wrong for a value system to enslave women so that we may be spared some slight emotional stress. It's an arbitrary distinction regardless. Just because one emotion is overwhelmingly negative and despicable doesn't mean it can be dismissed or whatever. Jealousy had led people to accomplish important things in terms of scale. Also, jealousy has undoubtedly led to good things. It's easy to look at something bad and just assume nothing good could ever come of it. Life is not a fairy tale. People do bad shit all the time. I don't mean to be rude, but do you know what "arbitrary" means? What has jealousy led people to accomplish?
Yes I know what arbitrary means, I've been around the block. It's an arbitrary distinction because there's no proper justification for why the emotion should be disregarded.
And I have to say that you'd be lying if the gut wrenching feeling of being jealous had never given you a good reason to better yourself and try to do better so that you could get those things.
Jealousy doesn't always get people to try to take stuff from others. It's not uncommon for fat nerdy guys to be jealous because they can't get the girls, they don't like being jealous so they get shit done and then their life is better for it. To deny the fact that those things happen would be ridiculous and very much in touch with what I said - people know jealousy is bad so they tell themselves that it's all bad. Shallow BS.
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On August 13 2013 07:09 Bleak wrote:
A girl from college that I haven't seen for a long time called me and asked whether I wanted to go to a concert with her. I liked the band and wasn't in any relationships at that time, and I said yes. We went out, had dinner, and the concert was pretty good, I had good time. As we departed for the night, she said she'd like to spend more time together later on and she'll wait up for my call.
Now I am kind of eager to make that call because 1) I know her already so it's easier to form a connection 2) She's quite alright in terms of looks and she falls into my type and 3) I feel like I really need a relationship.
However, I really don't know what would be the best meet up location for a second date. A dinner and movie? Dinner and taking a walk, having a chat? A museum trip? I sort of feel like after our first "date" so to speak, the concert kind of set the bar high and I need to do something as great in terms of importance.
Is this just stupid line of thinking? I feel like she already likes me because if she didn't she wouldn't have called me up after a long time and if she had a bf she would go to the concert with him already. So to me it feels like all the signs are there. Now, how should I act?
I can understand that. It's normal to compare.
I suggest you think about what you what, and what she wants. You both just want to have a good time, be entertained: You can be confident that looking good will follow if you are somewhere you feel good.
My first idea would be to invite her somewhere you already tought of going, or that you would go anyway.
Second one, and this is my kind, but take it with a grain of salt: Often when I have such a fear/reserve, I just play to the opposite: In this case do something so simple that it obviously cannot be compared . But that's because I love some svery simple stuff. So I guess the main point is:
TL:DR : Invite to something you really love and planned on doing anyway. The most important thing is that at least one of the 2 is enthousiast and easy. It's the reason to be there.
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On August 13 2013 07:26 Basic Basic wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 02:26 Killscreen wrote:
That's OK. We can't all be smart.
Generally in life you'll want to take advice from people who have experience on the topic at hand.
The problem is that our male egos will try to fool us into thinking we are experts on the subject, particularly with women, and particularly online where we can pretend to be someone else, which makes it very difficult to separate the people who can and want to help and those who just want to stroke their ego by going online, giving dating advice and talk about women so they can tell themselves they are players. These people do more damage than good, and need to be checked.
I could qualify myself here, but I'm not going to. They would just be words, and guys lie about their success with women to get validation. For all you know, I could be another loser trying to get validation, or I could be a guy who actually has some insight in the subject after many years of experience. You and you alone have to make that distinction.
You might think I am full of shit, that is your right, but you should apply the same level of skeptisism to a 19 year old boy who thinks he has everything figured out and nothing left to learn. There is no correlation between how much someone talks about women and how much they understand them.
This post can be applied directly to yourself. You open this post by making a quick stab at the previous poster, insinuating that he is stupid. This is enough to show that although you claim that you have been , your mindset has barely aged a day. Tell me, Mr. Maturity and Wisdom, how are you any different than those with Show nested quote +
male egos [that] will try to fool us into thinking we are experts on the subject, particularly with women, and particularly online where we can pretend to be someone else, which makes it very difficult to separate the people who can and want to help and those who just want to stroke their ego by going online, giving dating advice and talk about women so they can tell themselves they are players. These people do more damage than good, and need to be checked.
All your previous posts have outlined is that you are older than him, and therefore have more experience with women, as well as better advice. I would like to ask you another thing: Just because you're older than someone, does that innately make you more experienced in all fields of life? If you've come to your senses, you'll realize that answer is "no". You're doing no better than posters automatically disregarding what those with fewer post-counts say. I would also like to remind you that the last two paragraphs of your post are common knowledge. There's only one reason why I could possibly believe you needed to post them for everyone to see: You are not everything you claim to be, and through those paragraphs feel you will deflect investigation into your OWN past. As you have no "birthday" listed on your profile, it appears that you have no basis for your claims of being "older, therefore more experienced" So, Killscreen, the ball is in your court. Let's hear some of your so-called experience, making you the biggest "player" of them all, the chosen one who was called into action to prove that these posters clearly have no idea what they're talking about.
Who do I claim to be? I am a 30 year old guy with an above average sex drive. I've always been a horny fucker :D
Beyond that I will not qualify myself to you.
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On August 13 2013 07:26 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On August 13 2013 07:19 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 07:17 Djzapz wrote:On August 13 2013 07:14 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 07:10 Wombat_NI wrote:On August 13 2013 06:40 Killscreen wrote:On August 13 2013 06:38 farvacola wrote:
On what basis is jealousy less "real" than other human emotions? Other emotions serve a real purpose. Jealousy can safely be ignored. You're just making an arbitrary distinction between jealousy and every other human emotion, I don't really see how that is not the case. There's nothing wrong with giving preference to certain things within a value system, but that's what it is, it's not jealousy not being a 'real' emotion or what have you. It is not an arbitrary distinction at all. We need our other emotions. We absolutely depend on them, but nothing good ever comes from jealousy. And I think it is wrong for a value system to enslave women so that we may be spared some slight emotional stress. It's an arbitrary distinction regardless. Just because one emotion is overwhelmingly negative and despicable doesn't mean it can be dismissed or whatever. Jealousy had led people to accomplish important things in terms of scale. Also, jealousy has undoubtedly led to good things. It's easy to look at something bad and just assume nothing good could ever come of it. Life is not a fairy tale. People do bad shit all the time. I don't mean to be rude, but do you know what "arbitrary" means? What has jealousy led people to accomplish? Yes I know what arbitrary means, I've been around the block. It's an arbitrary distinction because there's no proper justification for why the emotion should be disregarded. And I have to say that you'd be lying if the gut wrenching feeling of being jealous had never given you a good reason to better yourself and try to do better so that you could get those things. Jealousy doesn't always get people to try to take stuff from others. It's not uncommon for fat nerdy guys to be jealous because they can't get the girls, they don't like being jealous so they get shit done and then their life is better for it. To deny the fact that those things happen would be ridiculous and very much in touch with what I said - people know jealousy is bad so they tell themselves that it's all bad. Shallow BS.
No, they better themselves because they are horny and want sex. Can you think of a situation from your life where you let jealousy take over and you made a good decision? Because I made exclusively bad ones when I let it happen. Boy did I ever.. It is an inherently negative emotion, and a sign of weakness and insecurity.
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On August 13 2013 07:09 Bleak wrote:
A girl from college that I haven't seen for a long time called me and asked whether I wanted to go to a concert with her. I liked the band and wasn't in any relationships at that time, and I said yes. We went out, had dinner, and the concert was pretty good, I had good time. As we departed for the night, she said she'd like to spend more time together later on and she'll wait up for my call.
Now I am kind of eager to make that call because 1) I know her already so it's easier to form a connection 2) She's quite alright in terms of looks and she falls into my type and 3) I feel like I really need a relationship.
However, I really don't know what would be the best meet up location for a second date. A dinner and movie? Dinner and taking a walk, having a chat? A museum trip? I sort of feel like after our first "date" so to speak, the concert kind of set the bar high and I need to do something as great in terms of importance.
Is this just stupid line of thinking? I feel like she already likes me because if she didn't she wouldn't have called me up after a long time and if she had a bf she would go to the concert with him already. So to me it feels like all the signs are there. Now, how should I act?
You can do anything as long as you are able to do something entertaining together or just talk to her. Some people like to get a coffee together, I like to take girls out for a walk in a park or a place with a nice view and sit on a bench.
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EPT
