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sup very awkward relationship here
met this girl about a bit less than 2 years ago, she's ~3 years older than me.
On night of said meeting we were both pretty drunk and she sorta showed some interest (danced and talked a lot mostly) and we ended the night cockblocked by her friend who dragged her back home. since then we've mostly been talking on IMs and by text messaging (and I don't mean casual "hi nice weather" conversations, deep philosophy/psychology/sociology stuff, pretty intellectual), and when we tried to organize stuff one of us would dodge for some reason (half the time it sounded like lame excuses but somehow understandable).
anyways, the weird thing about our relationship is that it's very on/off. we can spend like 3-4 weeks not talking and one of us initiates contact back (usually she does) to talk about random stuff. she hinted a couple of times that she wanted to see me and dropped "love" here and there and that I should work on my self esteem more but every time I've tried being more proactive (while not being pushy, say once every week/10 days?) she just steps back and says she can't.
go or no go?
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On October 17 2009 14:32 SwEEt[TearS] wrote:
sup very awkward relationship here
go or no go?
From personal experience that was VERY similar.
No go.
The ups and downs emotionally were starting to really get on my back. When I finally gave her the "what the hell" question she ended up breaking things off because she was so insecure and distrusting of me or whatever.
Long story short, though, was that the "woo GF <3" ups that went to "...wow I'm single again.. I think" downs really destroyed my moods and I feel so so so so much better not dealing with it.
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On October 17 2009 14:32 SwEEt[TearS] wrote:
sup very awkward relationship here
met this girl about a bit less than 2 years ago, she's ~3 years older than me.
On night of said meeting we were both pretty drunk and she sorta showed some interest (danced and talked a lot mostly) and we ended the night cockblocked by her friend who dragged her back home. since then we've mostly been talking on IMs and by text messaging (and I don't mean casual "hi nice weather" conversations, deep philosophy/psychology/sociology stuff, pretty intellectual), and when we tried to organize stuff one of us would dodge for some reason (half the time it sounded like lame excuses but somehow understandable).
anyways, the weird thing about our relationship is that it's very on/off. we can spend like 3-4 weeks not talking and one of us initiates contact back (usually she does) to talk about random stuff. she hinted a couple of times that she wanted to see me and dropped "love" here and there and that I should work on my self esteem more but every time I've tried being more proactive (while not being pushy, say once every week/10 days?) she just steps back and says she can't.
go or no go?
I am usually against awkward relationships but this doesn't sound like one (atleast compared to my experiences). Go for it!
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Man, what a relief. I thought only my threads are retarded.
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It's funny how all these people trolling (almost everyone but the OP) are turning this into a joke topic, while the OP obviously has better knowledge of the matters than probably a solid percentage of TL(the young guns especially).
This guy actually knows what he talks about.
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On October 17 2009 19:11 niteReloaded wrote:
It's funny how all these people trolling (almost everyone but the OP) are turning this into a joke topic, while the OP obviously has better knowledge of the matters than probably a solid percentage of TL(the young guns especially).
This guy actually knows what he talks about.
Nothing like good intentions to bring out the worst at TL.
Kinda explains how there's less and less who actually still tries in the general forum.
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On October 17 2009 14:32 SwEEt[TearS] wrote:
sup very awkward relationship here
met this girl about a bit less than 2 years ago, she's ~3 years older than me.
On night of said meeting we were both pretty drunk and she sorta showed some interest (danced and talked a lot mostly) and we ended the night cockblocked by her friend who dragged her back home. since then we've mostly been talking on IMs and by text messaging (and I don't mean casual "hi nice weather" conversations, deep philosophy/psychology/sociology stuff, pretty intellectual), and when we tried to organize stuff one of us would dodge for some reason (half the time it sounded like lame excuses but somehow understandable).
anyways, the weird thing about our relationship is that it's very on/off. we can spend like 3-4 weeks not talking and one of us initiates contact back (usually she does) to talk about random stuff. she hinted a couple of times that she wanted to see me and dropped "love" here and there and that I should work on my self esteem more but every time I've tried being more proactive (while not being pushy, say once every week/10 days?) she just steps back and says she can't.
go or no go?
couple of things i could advice u on, your decision whether u take it or not.
1- go. if you're asking about this girl, it obviously means that you are interested in her. that alone is enough for you to have a reason to at least try to hang out with her.
2- from what you said, it sounds like your conversations with her, those of phylo/psych/sociology seem boring (im really sorry, please dont be offended), or at least not "exciting". it might be her major, or she might be passionate about it, watever, but its never gonna make her say to her girlfriends, "this one guy is really funny and i can talk with him for hours about the most random stuff" u get it? im not saying u cant actually have a real conversation with a woman, but if u do it at this stage (where u are just friends), then she'll brand you as exactly that, just friends.
3- seems like this girl is already aware that ur into her and perhaps the problem is that she feels no challenge with u. if u think that might be the case, let it cool off a bit, ignore her txt msgs or be like "hey im in class call u later" and dont call, just minor stuff like that, nothing too douche. then suddenly call her 2 days later or txt her "i gotta talk to you about something really important" just to catch her off guard
4- if thats not the case, then make sure the next time u talk to her its completely casual, fun, and dorky. "hey i've been meaning to ask u something really important but its kinda personal" "umm okay..? what is it?" "are u the kind of person that is good at taking compliments?" "what?? i guess so..?" "really? wow me too, you first!" just keep it casual and fun. if u need more lines or conversations like this, msg me
5- if i interpreted your problem correctly, the real question you have is how to convince her into hanging out with u alone. i think i have quite the routine to help u there, but msg me
sorry if i kept it too reserved, i dont exactly wanna share it here. gl
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On October 17 2009 14:04 ricebowl wrote:
theres this chick i met like 3 weeks ago at college, but we haven't managed to eat lunch until today for only a short while. while im not positive im attracted to her, im leaning more towards that end than trying to become friends. 1. is it too pushy to text her every (other) day to ask what shes doing? and 2. should i meet her with friends of mine because she came to lunch with a friend today (she initiated lunch btw)?
And i don't know if she has a boyfriend or not
1) She obviously enjoys your company so don't ruin her attraction by sending off signals that you're of low social value and starved for attention from women. The only attraction that is legitimate in the eyes of a woman is attraction she thinks is of her own engineering. Is she trying hard to make you like her? Then show your interest in her. But otherwise wait for her to make the first move by showing you that she is nicer to you than she is normally. Once she does that, she will think that she has made you pushy deliberately and she will delight in it rather than being turned off. However showing "unearned" attraction is one of the biggest pitfalls in the game. And remember that as soon as she stops replying with five-page essays to your simple questions and starts seeming bored by it, then stop texting.
2) I'm not sure what you mean by "should." You don't have to meet her with your friends if you don't want to. If you meet her with your friends the situation is less intimate and that might make you both more comfortable. Ultimately the goal is to be alone with her, but if you feel like you need more comfort between the two of you before you can achieve that, feel free to hang out with her in a less intimate setting. Don't focus on her if you're in a group and make sure everyone is having a good time (including yourself).
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On October 17 2009 11:37 Smokin_Squirrel wrote:
So I've been rejected twice in my life
Anyways what I want to ask is, when is the right timing to let a girl know how I feel about her?.
Smokin_Squirrel:
How many times have you been rejected you say? Twice? How many woman are out there? Don't just include the attractive ones.
Being happy with yourself is all about having a positive attitude and being condifent about things even if it feels unreasonable at first. Instead of taking rejection as a failure, you can say to yourself "At least I tried.. Well looks like I'm gonna have to start something up with another lucky lady because there are a million out there and I've got nothing to lose!"
The fear of rejection has gotten to you, but you must understand that it is just irrational emotion holding you back. There are only two things you can control in life: What you think and what you DO. Thats it! If you think positive, you will act positive (even if at first you are really just pretending). Eventually you will get used to this positive mindset and your newfound confidence and you will feel like you can crush any task put in front of you. Asking a girl out? Ha, no problem.
Men are scared of rejection becase they are afraid of looking like they are not worth dating. They are afraid of what she may think. They are afraid of what she might say to others. They are afraid of how they will think of themselves after rejection. They are afraid other people may think less of them after rejection.
When you approach women in the future you will be anxious, and that is perfectly normal. Just realize that there is only so much you can control in a situation: what you think and how you act. The more women you talk to, the less this anxiety will be, and the more confident you will feel. Women can tell a confident guy apart from a nervous dweeb, and they are attracted to your confidence. Don't forget to show the ladies your good humor and great smile.
Good practice for approaching woman is just to walk around a crowded area and look every female in the eyes as she passes by you. Don't give a creepy stare, but it's completely fine to look at women in the eyes, holding eye contact just a little longer than she does. Then you may want to try the actual approach out. You have nothing to lose.
QUESTION 2. When should you let her know how you feel about her?
Usually your actions will speak. If you have been talking to this girl and everything has been going alright; you are testing out this new confidence thing and trying to look at the bright side and put a smile on your face, you may notice she is interested and/or attracted to you. I already posted several signs of attraction eariler in this thread, but: does she smile alot when you two are having conversation? Does she touch you (at all?) when you two talk? Does she hug you when she sees you? Does she lean forward in your direction when she talks to you? These are all signs she is attracted to you, and she didn't even say a word.
Since women are naturally better at reading body language than men are, they will look for signs that you are attracted. Zack said in livestream that "men tend to be too generious with their signs of interest." and this is absolutely true. Bombarding her with compliments and saying "I like you" may actually be putting yourself further and further below her. Women like to be chased, and if you can hold off on these things until you really notice she is attracted to you, it is better to do so.
I apologize for the crude reference
It's like a game with a dog: If the dog behaves the way you want, you reward it.
If a woman is showing you signs of interest, you reward her with more eye contact, smiles, lean in during the conversation to show you are listening, maybe throw her a compliment. When things are going this way, it is a good time to ask for that number. And before you know it, SHE will let you know how she feels about you before you SAY much about how you feel about her.
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ricebowl:
I would say if you are texting a girl "what are you doing" every day or every other day, its like saying "I want to talk to you but i am boring and I have nothing to talk about."
If you are going to text her at all, do it out of the blue, and make it something fun and spontanious and something she can talk about without just stating what she is doing. Don't let the text be always for nothing either, it is a prime opportunity to make plans with her.
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Sweet[tears]:
That can be a go or a no go. Don't get too hung up on it, she obviously has a life beyond you (as you do her).
Next time you talk to her, if you are still interested, just be as straightforward as possible. Call her up on the phone, no IM, no texty wexty, no flirty qwerty. Talk for a short (minute-2 mins) while, and then just ask her: Do you want to hang out? have a day ready to go. Whatever her answer is, end the convo shortly after that question is asked.
If she said yes, on the day you two are supposed to meet, call her again and ask her whats happening, ask her if the plans are on.
If she makes an excuse, I wouldn't get too hung up on it. Don't waste your time playing the chasing game like that, you are young and have a life to experience! If she says no, feel good that you know you have a million other opportunities waiting to take advantage of, and this was just a small bump in the road.
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On October 17 2009 07:24 larjarse wrote:Show nested quote +On October 17 2009 07:19 Oedi wrote:
Ok, i'll shoot, how do you convince a girl that your the bad boy the she always wanted to change? Oedi, I don't suggest that you try to make yourself to look like the badboy, but IF you want to chose that path: try getting a heart tattoo on your shoulder, and "accidently" expose it while taking off your leather jacket. if she doesn't say anything, say "you didn't see that, did you?" BAM, instant attraction. now for more serious questions
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.............................,.-"..................................."-.,
.........................,/...............................................":,
.....................,?......................................................\,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:"........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(....."~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_...."~,_........"~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......"=,_......."-,_.......,.-~-,},.~";/....}
...........((.....*~_......."=-._......";,,./`..../"............../
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............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-"
............/.`~,......`-...............................\....../\
.............\`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....\,__
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User was warned for this post.
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On October 17 2009 14:32 SwEEt[TearS] wrote:
go or no go?
Just ask her straight up if she's gonna make time to see you or not.
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Is that ASCII of someone pulling up their sleeve?
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On October 18 2009 01:41 larjarse wrote:
no flirty qwerty.
... wow.
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Hey larjarse, theres this really hot girl that I like (Like beauty pageant hot), however she has a boyfriend and he's pretty big so I donno if I could take him on. Also I think he's pretty good at starcraft as well, so humiliating him in that might not be possible. What can I do to make this girl realise that she needs to dump that guy and be with me?
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United States24734 Posts
On October 18 2009 02:29 larjarse wrote:
Is that ASCII of someone pulling up their sleeve?
I think it's obviously a *facepalm*
I'm surprised this thread is still going on.
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United States24734 Posts
On October 18 2009 02:35 Fen wrote:
Hey larjarse, theres this really hot girl that I like (Like beauty pageant hot), however she has a boyfriend and he's pretty big so I donno if I could take him on. Also I think he's pretty good at starcraft as well, so humiliating him in that might not be possible. What can I do to make this girl realise that she needs to dump that guy and be with me?
Why don't you pm him?
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On October 18 2009 02:35 Fen wrote:
Hey larjarse, theres this really hot girl that I like (Like beauty pageant hot), however she has a boyfriend and he's pretty big so I donno if I could take him on. Also I think he's pretty good at starcraft as well, so humiliating him in that might not be possible. What can I do to make this girl realise that she needs to dump that guy and be with me?
Fen:
You cannot make a girl be attracted to you. All you can do is show that you are a confident guy who is fun to be around, and maybe she will show that she is interested. If the girl has boyfriend, I wouldn't waste my time trying to break them up, that's just not right. If you do see this girl often and you are attracted to her, and you think her man is a douchebag, SHE is the one who needs to realize that she is making a mistake by not dating you instead. By happy and confident, and have fun. This will attract women. In the meantime, don't even waste your time with the girl who has a boyfriend.
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no.1 larjase fan.
i can't believe he's standing firm in the face of lots of people trying to troll him, he needs to be shown some love. good job and advice thus far (mostly anyway... the tattoo / jacket thing was T_T). =D
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EPT
