I post before you, my fellow TeamLiquidians, not a man today, but a miserable husk, relegated to the smothering shadow of my own potential. Long has great Apollo taunted me, blinding the world around me as I sit facing the ceaseless eclipse, crying laments that echo solely off the barren cavern of my hollow existence.
What, you ask, could merit such abject despair?
It’s simple, friends. I can’t grow a decent god damned beard.
It grows in fine under my chin and on most of my neck, but there are patches on both sides of my face where the “beard” simply won’t meet my sideburns. It grows in hideously patchy, like I’m afflicted with some bizarre localized mange, or like part of my face has been grafted with hairless cat skin.
I want my words to cannon out of my mouth, like barbs of lava out of my gorgeously hairy facial volcano. Instead, they putter out like farts from a baboon’s ass. I want my opponents to be so mesmerized by my glorious visage that their penises recoil into their bodies as a sign of respect.
How am I supposed to channel my inner Hemingway, my inner Shaw, my inner Leonidas, when all my pathetic face can muster is a glorified clump of eyelashes?
As such, I throw myself on the mercy of you, brothers! Share with me your secrets, your facial hair witchcraft. Spells, prayers, ritualistic animal sacrifices, nothing is too much. I’m willing to go the distance to achieve the full potential of my latent manliness.
i only grow hair on the right side of my neck. I'm not sure whats wrong with the left side. Maybe some of us were just meant to be Leonidas's accomplish with the long blond hair
man I could grow a decent beard if I wanted to but fuck i have the exact opposite problem I fucking hate the fuck out of fucking facial hair and the shaving that goes with it if I could take some kind of pill to leave my splendid face as soft and hairless as a baby's bottom I would be overjoyed =[
Eh, I only grow facial hair on my chin and above my mouth (stache), if it grows anywhere else it's just a couple strands or so that are kinda thin and thus transparent anyway.
But my excuse here is that I'm Asian. Doesn't look like you have one, so have fun living the life of a pansy man, nancy.
Well Smurg, in my darkest hour, this option presented itself to me. "Shaves us, glue us to your face!" they cried at me. Even now, I have to shower with boxers on, lest they leer at me, jeering me with their playful, carefree waving.
Oh, and Eri, there is such a pill. It's called Estrogen.
BroOd, some people weren't meant to grow facial hair and have beards. Why don't you just accept the fact that your not a Man and move on with the knowledge you are an independent Woman.
On March 27 2007 04:57 HumbleZealot wrote: BroOd, some people weren't meant to grow facial hair and have beards. Why don't you just accept the fact that your not a Man and move on with the knowledge you are an independent Woman.
We'll see who's a woman when I show up on your doorstep flaunting a brilliant mane of pure manliness.
All you will remember is being hit by a wrecking ball covered in brillo pads.
On March 27 2007 04:56 BroOd wrote: That man is my father. For seven years he had his beard fashioned into a crude whip, and his face molded into a disapproving scowl.
Hahahahaha Seriously, you're 23 I think ? I don't know if there is any shortcut, but be patient and shave regularly and over the next years your manliness will increase.
On March 27 2007 04:36 Kennigit wrote: i only grow hair on the right side of my neck. I'm not sure whats wrong with the left side. Maybe some of us were just meant to be Leonidas's accomplish with the long blond hair
i have same problem. ive had to shave daily for liek 2 years now, but i dont grow hair in two little patches on either side of my chin or where ur mustache would connect to ur chin if u were growing a goatee.
On March 27 2007 04:34 BroOd wrote: I want my words to cannon out of my mouth, like barbs of lava out of my gorgeously hairy facial volcano. Instead, they putter out like farts from a baboon’s ass.
Brood, there is an ancient rule: where ever you shave, hair will grow. If you constantly shave only the place where the hair grows, that's where it's going to grow. You have been warned if you'll shave under your eyes or whatever you will see what happens. Even if there is no hair there, shave all the area you wish to grow a beard on. Do that repeatedly for some time and the hair will start growing faster and faster.
After a while you just stop shaving and you'll have your beard.
Your father should have spent less time wipping you with his funny beard and more time teaching you the real important things about life like how to grow a beard.
Remember, in order to grow you must first cut! You have work ahead of you, it is not too late.
On March 27 2007 10:06 Locke. wrote: You have been warned if you'll shave under your eyes or whatever you will see what happens. Even if there is no hair there, shave all the area you wish to grow a beard on. Do that repeatedly for some time and the hair will start growing faster and faster.
I can verify this, hair grows beneath my eyes. I have to keep shaving it though, since I don't really want hair there.
When I don't shave in the morning, I start off with something similar to what you described - what with the hair coming in predominately in the non-cheek areas. But if I give it a few days, things eventually even up.
Patience is the first rule in beard-growing. If you're gonna wait 17 years in the first place (8 years if you're Italian or Greek), then there's no harm in waiting a couple more days. Then again, it does tend to get itchy as fuck during those days...
On March 27 2007 04:41 PanoRaMa wrote: Eh, I only grow facial hair on my chin and above my mouth (stache), if it grows anywhere else it's just a couple strands or so that are kinda thin and thus transparent anyway.
But my excuse here is that I'm Asian. Doesn't look like you have one, so have fun living the life of a pansy man, nancy.
OMG same here yo!!!! then again...the reasoning is bc im asian too ^_^
On March 27 2007 10:06 Locke. wrote: Brood, there is an ancient rule: where ever you shave, hair will grow. If you constantly shave only the place where the hair grows, that's where it's going to grow. You have been warned if you'll shave under your eyes or whatever you will see what happens. Even if there is no hair there, shave all the area you wish to grow a beard on. Do that repeatedly for some time and the hair will start growing faster and faster.
After a while you just stop shaving and you'll have your beard.
Your father should have spent less time wipping you with his funny beard and more time teaching you the real important things about life like how to grow a beard.
Remember, in order to grow you must first cut! You have work ahead of you, it is not too late.
Fare thee well.
altho i've hear this too, i read somewhere that its nothing more than a myth.
On March 27 2007 06:57 pyrogenetix wrote: wait wtf you guys grow hair on your ASSES? like your buttcheeks? srsly? wtf man i dont have anything there.... maybe im just not old enuf yet.......
and i want a beard too =( i thot id get a beard.... but all i get is little peach fuzz and im 18
OMG!!! same here yo!! ...but as i said before, its cuz im asian xD
I respect your quest for an epic beard of manlyness, Brood. It is truely a noble undertaking. Here are some inspiring pictures that may stimulate growth if looked upon for 36 seconds each.
On March 27 2007 06:57 pyrogenetix wrote: wait wtf you guys grow hair on your ASSES? like your buttcheeks? srsly? wtf man i dont have anything there.... maybe im just not old enuf yet.......
and i want a beard too =( i thot id get a beard.... but all i get is little peach fuzz and im 18
OMG!!! same here yo!! ...but as i said before, its cuz im asian xD
and im pure chinese =D
but dude... if you have hair on your ass... wont like... bits of shit get stuck there when you take a dump? how do you wipe?
On March 27 2007 06:57 pyrogenetix wrote: wait wtf you guys grow hair on your ASSES? like your buttcheeks? srsly? wtf man i dont have anything there.... maybe im just not old enuf yet.......
and i want a beard too =( i thot id get a beard.... but all i get is little peach fuzz and im 18
OMG!!! same here yo!! ...but as i said before, its cuz im asian xD
and im pure chinese =D
but dude... if you have hair on your ass... wont like... bits of shit get stuck there when you take a dump? how do you wipe?
Sadly yes, it does get stuck and it is not so easy to wipe. Imagine if one day you don't wipe it correctly...
interesting, i seem to have an excess of facial hair. We had a contest in my university where we didn't shave for a moth and by the end, i had a beard almost half a foot of my chin; no joke. I am not sure what to tell u to try.
on a side note, selling large clumps of hair and glue 100$, payable by paypal, pm me for more information
I have long, emo hair and my side-hair is practically my side-burns. I'm 16, I'm Mexican, and I have practically no facial-hair... anywhere. I don't shave regularly... it just won't... grow. Right now I've got some peach fuzz but that's because I shaved a month ago.
I think I got it from my mom. My dad grows this manly pirate beard if he doesn't shave, and my mom has these extremely hair-less arms (like I do), so I guess hair will take a while to grow on my face.
On March 27 2007 05:26 FakeSteve[TPR] wrote: anyways a man with weed is better
I got yo back.
But I face the same dillemma Brood does. I wish to have a flowing beard like the misty waterfalls of Asia, a beard that puts Pai Mei to shame. With it, the customs, legacy, and ancient wisdom of my people will be ready for my rise as asia's greatest wiseman.
Help us TL.net
I really wish I could grow a long beard. Or a moustachio like Captain Jack Sparrow, so I can be grimey-er and dirtier.
On March 27 2007 04:40 Liquid`Drone wrote: man I could grow a decent beard if I wanted to but fuck i have the exact opposite problem I fucking hate the fuck out of fucking facial hair and the shaving that goes with it if I could take some kind of pill to leave my splendid face as soft and hairless as a baby's bottom I would be overjoyed =[
Word. I couldn't agree more, having to shave is one thing I sure could live without being, it sucks.
On March 27 2007 10:06 Locke. wrote: Brood, there is an ancient rule: where ever you shave, hair will grow. If you constantly shave only the place where the hair grows, that's where it's going to grow. You have been warned if you'll shave under your eyes or whatever you will see what happens. Even if there is no hair there, shave all the area you wish to grow a beard on. Do that repeatedly for some time and the hair will start growing faster and faster.
After a while you just stop shaving and you'll have your beard.
Your father should have spent less time wipping you with his funny beard and more time teaching you the real important things about life like how to grow a beard.
Remember, in order to grow you must first cut! You have work ahead of you, it is not too late.
Fare thee well.
altho i've hear this too, i read somewhere that its nothing more than a myth.
Most ancient truths are treated that way ^^ It is backed up by many evidences such as
On March 27 2007 10:06 Locke. wrote: You have been warned if you'll shave under your eyes or whatever you will see what happens. Even if there is no hair there, shave all the area you wish to grow a beard on. Do that repeatedly for some time and the hair will start growing faster and faster.
I can verify this, hair grows beneath my eyes. I have to keep shaving it though, since I don't really want hair there.
Why do you all want beards? Then you can be the weird young guys with beards. Reserve that for when you grow older and you can look like a wise old men.
On March 27 2007 04:40 Liquid`Drone wrote: man I could grow a decent beard if I wanted to but fuck i have the exact opposite problem I fucking hate the fuck out of fucking facial hair and the shaving that goes with it if I could take some kind of pill to leave my splendid face as soft and hairless as a baby's bottom I would be overjoyed =[
dito, I completely hate it. It's growing incredibly fast and thick.
First off, I want to thank you, brothers, for your inspirational words. Those of you who have expressed solidarity in my quest shall drink from the chalice of glory and feast on the carcasses of those who challenged our manhood!
One day, a mere glance at our stunning coats of facial armor will instill dread in all those who doubted our ability.
Until that day, stay strong brothers. Alone we are drops of rain on the face of our enemies. United, we are a tidal wave, barreling down on all that defy us.
You put so much drama into getting a beard I am afraid you will be disappointed when you finally get it Always remember it's not the beard that makes the man, it's the man that makes the beard!
i heard somewhere that it all has to do with the side of your fce you sleep on. which ever side you do will have slower growing facial hair. dunno if this works though.
On March 27 2007 04:40 Liquid`Drone wrote: man I could grow a decent beard if I wanted to but fuck i have the exact opposite problem I fucking hate the fuck out of fucking facial hair and the shaving that goes with it if I could take some kind of pill to leave my splendid face as soft and hairless as a baby's bottom I would be overjoyed =[
On March 27 2007 15:32 pyrogenetix wrote: but dude... if you have hair on your ass... wont like... bits of shit get stuck there when you take a dump? how do you wipe?
I tell you a secret. Have you ever heard about water?
Well, umm. About the thread. Beard or facial hair is the most manly thing in your life. Be proud of have one.
I got a nice long foxy beard atm, I'm 21 years old. No wonder, I had to shave my face first time when I was 15 years old. My facial hair is fucking strong now and when I don't shave it, it will be itchy like hell. What is more my g/f don't like it when my moustache stings her down there ^^
On March 28 2007 01:25 Smurg wrote: Why do you all want beards? Then you can be the weird young guys with beards. Reserve that for when you grow older and you can look like a wise old men.
Instead of a weird young guy with a beard.
its all about the 5 oclock shadow.
and dont shave when hung over or drunk, its not fun =[. im rockin my hangover beard today woohoo
On March 28 2007 01:25 Smurg wrote: Why do you all want beards? Then you can be the weird young guys with beards. Reserve that for when you grow older and you can look like a wise old men.
Instead of a weird young guy with a beard.
its all about the 5 oclock shadow.
and dont shave when hung over or drunk, its not fun =[. im rockin my hangover beard today woohoo
I have a 5 o clock shadow.
But not a beard. :D ITS THE EDGY/ROUGH/MACHO look omfg.
Actually to those who say that not having much facial hair is less trouble than having a decent amount of facial hair, that's not entirely true. I happen to have typical Asian facial hair, i.e. sparse, and I'm forced to shave every day to avoid looking like my face is dirty. If my hair could grow in more thickly or evenly, then a bit of shadow wouldn't look so bad. But since my facial hair grows in very sparsely, unevenly, and in disconnected patches, I have to go with the clean shave or face looking like someone threw pepper at me.
My facial hair whether sparse or "grown out", will always look bad, so I'm forced to be cleanshaven. People who have the ability to grow proper facial hair at least have the option of letting it grow out as it will at least look alright.
On March 28 2007 01:25 Smurg wrote: Why do you all want beards? Then you can be the weird young guys with beards. Reserve that for when you grow older and you can look like a wise old men.
Instead of a weird young guy with a beard.
its all about the 5 oclock shadow.
and dont shave when hung over or drunk, its not fun =[. im rockin my hangover beard today woohoo
I have a 5 o clock shadow.
But not a beard. :D ITS THE EDGY/ROUGH/MACHO look omfg.
maybe with the time saved by not shaving u can consider doin ls !! =p
For years I myself, Brood, have stood in the water as my fellow peers bask in the glory of shaving kits and the like. Ashamed, I walk with my head lowered, for my facial hair has yet to sprout.
But on this day, I would like to say, Lay down your swords of black death, Stand my friends, As real men. For true men do not use this vibrating blashphamey; Good men use ;;
Start shaving around that area. We have hair all over our face, so you just need to stimulate some growth there. Maybe try shaving against the grain too.
use a toothbrush.. then brush it against the areas where u want your hair to grow.. once u have brushed these areas, dabber cognac against the areas where u just brushed.. once the cognac sets in the pores, hair should grow.. brushing those areas is supposed to open the pores.. i have on idea how or why cognac helps promote hair growth but it does.. a few of me friends tried it using XO and yes it does work
On January 16 2008 20:59 punt wrote: use a toothbrush.. then brush it against the areas where u want your hair to grow.. once u have brushed these areas, dabber cognac against the areas where u just brushed.. once the cognac sets in the pores, hair should grow.. brushing those areas is supposed to open the pores.. i have on idea how or why cognac helps promote hair growth but it does.. a few of me friends tried it using XO and yes it does work
LOL. No it doesn't, complete bullshit.
QUICK PATENT YOUR AMAZING HAIR REGROWTH SYSTEM! You'll be a millionarie soon. Why buy rogaine when all you need is a toothbrush and distilled champagne!? Brilliant!
Seriously though this is one of the dumber things I've read in a while. Specially because you're so adamant that it works with absolutely no reasoning what so ever as to why.
How old are you by the way? Maybe hair started to grow because you progressed further along puberty and it had nothing to do with the toothbrush and cognac? Ever thought of that?
On January 16 2008 22:49 wo0py wrote: shave more often then needed.. it will start growing more and longer!..
Nope, completely untrue. Urban legend.
Some people tend to think this because they start to shave as they begin puberty. They then notice that the hair grows back thicker and associate it with shaving. It's not from the shaving though, its your body Once you completely enter adulthood your hair will not grow back any thicker, no matter how much you shave.
Also have you noticed that bald men who shave their heads don't all the sudden stop becomming bald? Otherwise every balding man would be shaving his head twice a day trying to get hair back
Shaving a lot does help. It's not an urban legnd. If you shave every morning your skin will develop a resistance increasing the thickness and amout of hair growth in the shaved area. It's definately a credible alternative to applying products.
Shaving a lot does help. It's not an urban legnd. If you shave every morning your skin will develop a resistance increasing the thickness and amout of hair growth in the shaved area. It's definately a credible alternative to applying products.
That's a pretty bad link because it was basically just user submitted opinions on the subject Anyways I've talked directly with several doctors about the topic, just because I was curious and always wanted to know. All of them said the same thing. Shaving has NO EFFECT. They even briefly explained medically why. But I forgot
we were 18 when we tried it.. like i said, its up to u to believe it or not.. it sure worked well for us.. so yeah, and its basically up to BroOd to believe it or not.. im just sharing what in my experience has worked for me.. since he wants facial hair y not give it a shot.. even if it does not work for him, he can at least drown his sorrows in the XO after that
On January 17 2008 15:38 punt wrote: @ TheFoReveRwaR
we were 18 when we tried it.. like i said, its up to u to believe it or not.. it sure worked well for us.. so yeah, and its basically up to BroOd to believe it or not.. im just sharing what in my experience has worked for me.. since he wants facial hair y not give it a shot.. even if it does not work for him, he can at least drown his sorrows in the XO after that
I can't believe how anyone WANTS more Facial hair anyways, it's a fucking pain in the ass.
I'd gladly be blessed with no facial hair what so ever, it itches, and getting up every morning realizing you have to shave AGAIN just blows.
we were drunk and bored.. and i have no idea where my friend got his info from.. add the both together and u get a hairy bunch of 18-19 year olds.. heh it was fun at least.. i have no idea what the science behind it is.. and it initially hurts when u dabber the XO on the opened pores.. we were trying to pull a Jackass-esque stunt.. ouh well at least it was fun
On March 28 2007 13:03 WildScv wrote: i hate having to shave. Plus my girlfriend doesn't like it because it scratches her face if I don't shave every day. blah!
same here. blah. but sometimes I rub it in her face haha "sandpaper time!"
i think she loves it. even though she says she doesn.t
On January 17 2008 19:58 punt wrote: we were drunk and bored.. and i have no idea where my friend got his info from.. add the both together and u get a hairy bunch of 18-19 year olds.. heh it was fun at least.. i have no idea what the science behind it is.. and it initially hurts when u dabber the XO on the opened pores.. we were trying to pull a Jackass-esque stunt.. ouh well at least it was fun
What , putting alcohol on exposed skin stings? NO WAY? Who wouldve thought.
On March 28 2007 13:03 WildScv wrote: i hate having to shave. Plus my girlfriend doesn't like it because it scratches her face if I don't shave every day. blah!
same here. blah. but sometimes I rub it in her face haha "sandpaper time!"
i think she loves it. even though she says she doesn.t
In a pinch, I sometimes use my chin as a sander. I also can use my biceps to crush boulders
I know this thread is pretty old, and I guess you might have made progress, but you might try listening to metal. It works for me, I have nice long flowing whiskers. If you listen to viking metal you will eventually take on their likeness. It's real, and it's reaaal good.
Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it (if you haven't already).
On January 17 2008 15:38 punt wrote: @ TheFoReveRwaR
we were 18 when we tried it.. like i said, its up to u to believe it or not.. it sure worked well for us.. so yeah, and its basically up to BroOd to believe it or not.. im just sharing what in my experience has worked for me.. since he wants facial hair y not give it a shot.. even if it does not work for him, he can at least drown his sorrows in the XO after that
Yeah, remember the part about how he said people try it during puberty and it seems to work?
Sorry, 18 still counts as puberty
Anyway... I find it funny how time and time again everyone is like "shaving sucks, be happy you don't have to" and people still continue to bitch...
I hate shaving.. takes up too much time and I have to do it every damn day or I look like a bum.
well i did'nt discount the fact either did i? =).. anyway the 3 of us who tried now have very nice amounts of facial hair.. one of them even tried it to grow hair between his eyebrows.. achieved marginal success but success nevertheless.. its fun in the very least.. heehee
There was about 2/3 inch no-facial-hair area between my mustache and my beard. I've always been afraid that it won't connect. But with time, as I grew older, the gap began to fill up!
Now it's only about 1/3, and there are some small silky hair treads coming out in between. So I'm pretty confident that I can take the path of the Vikings and ejoy my glorious ManHair! ( oh noes, scratch that, I have a dark brown beard... )
Shaving a lot does help. It's not an urban legnd. If you shave every morning your skin will develop a resistance increasing the thickness and amout of hair growth in the shaved area. It's definately a credible alternative to applying products.
EPT
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Once you completely enter adulthood your hair will not grow back any thicker, no matter how much you shave. 
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