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Well, how long has it been a day? since I posted that other blog?... yes
Okay, before I start saying anything I want to warn everybody that me being a horn dog has nothing to do with what I am just about to say nor has anything to do with the previous blog (or does it? :O)
I have been telling my girl I am not happy and that I want to move on but still take care of my child and love him etc. She would always trip out and say blah blah blah, she just didn't want to accept it and we dragged on the relationship for a long time when I wasnt really happy.
She just texted me and said Ive been thinking about it and you are right I should let you go if you are not happy etc etc. She is being so smart about it that its unbeliavable..
She is moving out for sure now and I have lived with her for the past 3 years... I am feeling really scared... I wanna start hanging out with friends again but I dont wanna lose all the responsibility I have built over the years like not drinkin and driving partyin too much being good at work getting raises moving up in life etc. I feel like if I start kikin' it with my homies alot again Imma start being a bum + imagine all the free Starcraft time im gonna have, etc.
Please I need advice on how to take the situation, etc.
 
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Forgot to add that the reason why we are separating I would categorize it as "Cultural" she is a caucasian and I am latino "South America"
We see things really differently and it gets on the way when raising the lil tanner boogie boogie  etc
The cleaning the cookin etc.. drives me insane ..
I guess you could say in other countries women are more like home'ish and the male is more dominant when it comes to financials, raising the kids, etc... we all know its not the same in the States.. I know if u get what im saying but yah thats what it is
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Belgium9947 Posts
It's probably for the best, as you said yourself, although it's gonna be pretty hard on your kid.
I wish you good luck.
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Well, you have told her this is what you want. Sounds like you've been wanting to move on for awhile. So maybe it is for the best.
If you don't want to turn into a partying, irresponsible fool, I'm not sure anyone's advice can help you. You are responsible for your life, and you have to make it what you believe in.
If you are now having second thoughts about the relationship, my recommendation is to think about it very carefully and talk with the woman. You could consider getting counseling, as well.
Keep in mind, all relationships have their ups and downs. It is true that some people suit each other better than others, but if you are looking for the relationship where you are constantly attracted to your partner, she is constantly attracted to you, and it is happily ever after, you are delusional, because such a thing does not exist. Are your expectations realistic?
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That's too bad. I know it's what you want, but I think it's sad still.
As far as being responsible... just don't go out on work nights. Pick up some quieter hobbies to do when you know you shouldn't be going out, especially those that might be good for your future and not just killing time. Could be building things... could be art, music...
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That really sucks and having that lost connection between your parents can be damaging for your child. How's your lifestyle currently? Will you be spending most of your time partying and mingling with other women?
I hope you don't mind me saying this but WTF!?! Isn't your girlfriend hot (pic)?Of course there is her personality that you might find tedious and annoying.Can you explain why you want to leave her, like things she does?
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He said his problem was cultural differences, Sins. I think he's lying to himself, but that's his story. Really, to be totally brutal and mean, I don't think he was mature enough to have this kid.
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Yes like forgetting to take the pills in purpose and raping me when drunk
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To Psychotemplar: I looked at his profile and he was born in 87. I'm days away from being 25, (born in Aug of 83) and so he is perhaps 22 or 21 (and evidently his son is 3, so he had the kid at 18 or 19). Even at 25, I feel there is NO WAY I'm ready to have a kid (and of course I wrote "that one blog" about my vasectomy, so there shall be no kids for me). So I think you could easily be right. Also, the idea of being married or in a committed monogamous relationship seems suffocating to me. I'd not want to try it. I don't know why so many young folks feel the need to crank out the babies and settle down. Jesus!
Hopefully he does right by his son.
More directly to Infested: maybe that you want to be such an extreme horndog and are so unhappy with your present relationship should be an indication that you ought to NOT have any more kids for a good while, and ought to not settle down for a good while. I don't think you ought to be a party maniac or be irresponsible, but it will do you good to be free and enjoy being the youngster that you still are.
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You should've thought more about your kid, don't go partying, I know you're still young but think about your kid. Don't be promiscous either
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Guys my kid is fine and I am fine. I have a stable job and good income and Im responsible with him, he is not the issue. He will be take care of.
iNky my son is only 8 months by the way not 3
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How long have you been unhappy with your wife/girlfriend? I'm willing to bet its been longer than 8 months, which is pretty harsh to have a kid with someone while at the same time whispering in her ear that the relationship is dead...
oh well, good luck raising your kid and the single life.
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On August 15 2008 03:14 Jumperer wrote:
WTF, learn compromise.
nothing more to add.
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On August 15 2008 04:54 ScarFace wrote:
How long have you been unhappy with your wife/girlfriend? I'm willing to bet its been longer than 8 months, which is pretty harsh to have a kid with someone while at the same time whispering in her ear that the relationship is dead...
oh well, good luck raising your kid and the single life.
You got it right
On August 15 2008 04:55 crabapple wrote:nothing more to add.
what a shitty post that is, compromise on what?
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It's important to keep your friends when you're moving into regular adult life, even if you're not partying and drinking with them every night/weekend. Every kid wants a cool dad that actually has a social life.
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so basically you're splitting up because you don't want to clean and cook?
also, if it was an accidental pregnancy, why didnt you just get an abortion?
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I do clean but she just cant clean up afterherlsef it drives me insane and there is so many other things .. she wants me to be a grown man and Im tryin my hardest but she cant be a woman in the house and it doesnt seem like shes even trying at all.. its over anyways for sure I think
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On August 15 2008 06:47 fusionsdf wrote:
so basically you're splitting up because you don't want to clean and cook?
also, if it was an accidental pregnancy, why didnt you just get an abortion?
Not everyone sees abortion as a precaution...
My opinion. Do what you really feel is right. Who wants to be in a loveless, and unhappy relationship?
Do what you feel is necessary for your happiness, and as long as both of you are attentive, and focused on helping raise your son. I see nothing wrong.
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On August 15 2008 09:53 Mickey wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2008 06:47 fusionsdf wrote:
so basically you're splitting up because you don't want to clean and cook?
also, if it was an accidental pregnancy, why didnt you just get an abortion? My opinion. Do what you really feel is right. Who wants to be in a loveless, and unhappy relationship?
People who put their children's lives ahead of their own.
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On August 15 2008 10:49 LonelyMargarita wrote:Show nested quote +On August 15 2008 09:53 Mickey wrote:On August 15 2008 06:47 fusionsdf wrote:
so basically you're splitting up because you don't want to clean and cook?
also, if it was an accidental pregnancy, why didnt you just get an abortion? My opinion. Do what you really feel is right. Who wants to be in a loveless, and unhappy relationship? People who put their children's lives ahead of their own.
That's complete, and utter bullshit.
Not only from personal experience, but it doesn't make any sense.
My parents can't stand each other, and it shows. It's actually worse than if my parents were separated. It makes my house life not only awkward, but dumb.
We don't even eat breakfast with my Father. Just a couple of minutes ago. My Brother called, and asked if he could be picked up from football practice. My Mother was going to go, but she mentioned she had no money for gas.
She asks me for money, but I tell her all I have is a couple of dollar bills, and some checks I received for my birthday.
My Mother asked me to give one of my checks to my Father, and ask for the money I'd get from the check. I refuse, and tell her to just ask him herself.
My Mother doesn't even like talking to my Father. You know what kind of affect that's had on my home life, and personal experiences?
It would be a lot easier if they separated, and my Father has mentioned his unhappiness.
Not only do you have to think about your children s well being, you also have to think about your own well being.
You don't understand unless you see the face my Mother has around my Father.
It's disgusting.
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United States22883 Posts
Infested, I think what people are trying to say (not so delicately) is that you are no longer the most important person in your life. Love it or hate it, that's how it should go when you pop one out. Obviously it doesn't always work that way, but you and your gf should try your absolute best to compromise on anything you can or at least do it for his sake.
If it turns into what Mickey described, then it could be considered destructive but I'm not sure if you've gotten to that point yet.
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Finally someone with a brain posts(Mickey)... I mean come on guys I hope not to get banned right now because I am a little drunk and I just separated with my girl... people saying "the kid this the kid that" Dude I KNOW I HAVE A KID.. I love the little guy like more than myself.. tHat is why im fuckin workin so hard to give him everything he can possibly have!!!!!!
COME ON NOW PPL! I ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO BECOME A BETTER PERSON WITHOUT MY SPOUSE!!!!!!! what the fuck does the kid have to do in all this? millions of kids grow up in a separated family "ITS FUCKIN NORMAL" and Im doin my best... IM THE ONETELLIN my girl to not bring up the child when we are talkin bout personal matters.. thats the way u guys are acting when im talkin about me and my spouse relationship.. u guys bring up the child in between it like it has anything to do wit it.. It s like when bitches use the child for excuses
etc
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Finally someone who agrees with me(Mickey)...
It doesn't matter if it's normal. I tried to give you advice for the question you asked, but I also wanted to comment on what someone else said. Sorry you don't like what everyone has to say but it's fucking true. You messed up bad. Maybe you don't deserve to be belittled after the fact now that it's over, but really you shouldn't go thru life pretending you never messed up. It's so ridiculous.
You want real advice on how you become a better person? Don't make the same mistake again. There's nothing you can do about what's already happened.
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Dude if u say my kid was a fuck up one more time I swear ill find u and fukc u up
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I never said your kid was a fuck up. I said it would have been ideal to have him when you were ready to settle down, not popping wood over every random slut you see.
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[edit] just nevermind everything just.. when u grow up u ll know
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On August 15 2008 12:33 PsycHOTemplar wrote:
I never said your kid was a fuck up. I said it would have been ideal to have him when you were ready to settle down, not popping wood over every random slut you see.
You're a fucking idiot.
You just explained you didn't mean his son was a fuck up, and then you call his baby's Mother a slut.
Think before you type dude. What the fuck is wrong with you?
You don't know his story, or what he's been through. We don't even know the whole story of the relationship, and it's dynamics. He asked for advice, and you just fucking throw shit at him about how he fucked up big time.
He didn't really ask for advice, he probably asked for reassurance about his decision, because he knows it's the right thing to do for his son, and his well being.
HE WAS UNHAPPPPYYYYYYY!
He doesn't like the woman, and who are you to judge?
Would you want to spend the rest of your life with a woman not do the feelings you have for her, but because you supposedly have to.
How many times does he have to say that. There is no point in being a relationship where you can't stand your partner. It would of been worse for the kid being raised under those kinds of conditions.
They would of probably verbally argued every now, and then. Who wants a kid listening to shit like that? It would have a traumatic effect on the boy.
I've been through that shit dude, and it's not fucking fun. What happens to the boy will be a product of his surroundings, and how he's raised. As long as he, and her share custody, and give him love. The kid will end up fine.
It's easy to talk shit, and blame him for his supposed mistake, but why don't all of you think about it. Most of us are high school to late college age guys with no kids, and big dreams. How would you like to have a kid, and be in a unloved relationship?
I've had a lot of family go through what he's going through. I'm Hispanic myself, and although the parents wanted them to marry for the sake of the baby. They didn't, and it turned out for the better.
It's easy to talk shit, but not too easy to understand where he's coming from.
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When I grow up? Go ahead and come find me. Spend the time, money, and effort to get to where I am and to beat me up. I'll call the cops and you can go to jail. Then you'll have zero custody over your child and he can grow up without a father. You don't think things through. That's your problem. I know this is your drunken rage over the internet (again, you're telling me to grow up?) but you need to start acting like an adult. You have have a responsibility not only to the financial support of yourself and your dependants, but to simply maintaining composure. You'll learn that when your kid starts mimicing you and you see things you aren't proud of 
Oh lord. I'm not interested in a flame war, mickey. I'll answer just this, and you can rethink the rest of your post yourself.
You just explained you didn't mean his son was a fuck up, and then you call his baby's Mother a slut.
READ HIS LAST BLOG DUMB FUCK.
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On August 15 2008 12:46 PsycHOTemplar wrote:When I grow up? Go ahead and come find me. Spend the time, money, and effort to get to where I am and to beat me up. I'll call the cops and you can go to jail. Then you'll have zero custody over your child and he can grow up without a father. You don't think things through. That's your problem. I know this is your drunken rage over the internet (again, you're telling me to grow up?) but you need to start acting like an adult. You have have a responsibility not only to the financial support of yourself and your dependants, but to simply maintaining composure. You'll learn that when your kid starts mimicing you and you see things you aren't proud of Oh lord. I'm not interested in a flame war, mickey. I'll answer just this, and you can rethink the rest of your post yourself. Show nested quote +
You just explained you didn't mean his son was a fuck up, and then you call his baby's Mother a slut.
READ HIS LAST BLOG DUMB FUCK.
You are nothing, but a fucking hypocrite. Failed sarcasm, and mundane advice doesn't justify you being an ass towards him.
Apologize, and leave the blog post.
EDIT: Doesn't justify you calling her a slut. If you're going try to argue at least spell correctly, and use proper grammar. I'm not very good at it myself, but I at least fucking try.
I read his last blog post. It's basically him saying he wants to be sexually free. What's so bad about a man his age wanting to have fun?
It just validates the fact, that he doesn't really care about her the way it should be.
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United States22883 Posts
Infested, your relationship and your gf has everything to do with the kid. It's really that simple.
Have you guys done the counseling thing and everything? I think you should really explore every last option before ending it totally.
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i think you both need a good break, maybe find some experts to advice you on what to do with your kid ( tl.net is not precisley the best source of advice possible :p). You'll grow unhappy if you're just staying in a relationship because of the kid, you being so young to assume such responsability.
Who knows, maybe in the future you and your gf may come together again
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lol... I can't believe so many people are telling infested to stay in an unfulfilling relationship.
don't get me wrong, the intention is noble, but the result is almost always shitty if both parties aren't happy (doesn't sound like they are).
as a child, living in an unhappy household can be as fucked up, if not more so, than living with a single parent.
too many people are assuming that living in an environment where the parents are miserable will somehow be less detrimental then being raised by a single parent (and it sounds like infested will still be there for his kid)?
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hey infested  it sounds like you've matured a lot, i think you'll find it easier than you expect to avoid partying an irresponsible amount. people are mentioning the kid a lot because in your first post you say you are afraid of becoming irresponsible, and if that happened of course it would impact the child. maybe instead of partying or starcrafting all day, try dating to find a suitable step-mother for the child you love more than anything in the world! :D
[edit] 360th post dedicated to turning this blog around 360 degrees
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wow PsycHOTemplar, all your posts are so full of bullshit, it's unbelievable.
Some (if not most) relationships just don't work out in the end. And you just can never be sure if your partner is the right one for life. Not after 1 month, 1 year or 10 years. There's no way to ensure you will always be happy with your partner, at one point the love might fade, there may be certain unforseeable circumstances that lead to this, you can never calculate all the factors.
All you can be ready for is the financial stuff. And according to Infested he has a stable job with good enough income, so nothing wrong there.
So if you have a kid you just totally give up your own life and live only for the kid? Hell no! Of course the kid is your number 1 priority, but if you are unhappy and have miserable life, it will reflect on the child, too. Being in an unhappy relationship can drag you down in every other aspect of your life too, you may feel less motivated, have no spirit.. all that stuff in the end will be negative for your child. So if both parents agree that it's the best to break up and move on, then that's also the best for the child. Especially since the child is only 8 months old, it won't have any emotional trouble to go through.
I am a child of divorced parents myself and I'm glad that they both made this decision and live happily with their new partners now. What a waste of 2 lives would it have been if they had stayed together unhappily for irrational stupid reasons just for 'my sake'.
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You're arguing with things I didn't say :S Quote specific parts from my posts and you'll find that doesn't make any sense. I've been accused of calling the kid's mom a slut, and saying they should stay together in a miserable relationship, yet I can't find it in any of my posts. The only thing I've implied is that the reasons he's breaking up with this woman seem absurd. I don't think they'd be miserable, and if you read his last blog, it sounds a lot like he just wants some poon. That's not exactly responsible. I mean, he says it's because his girl only cleans up after herself, but I find it hard to believe she doesn't clean up after the baby too. It sounds like the OP wants to be treated like a king and have her clean up after him too. It's all speculation, but it's all we've been given and it makes sense given the personality he's shown. TBH, if he didn't want people to criticize him, I don't know why he mentioned his kid or girl at all. He's claims it's cultural too, but I'm pretty sure the same culture that demands a woman be the house wife and cook and clean up after everyone is the same one that says you should lead a wholesome life and live together with all your family, not be hounding after random broads.
I completely agree with you that he should try to meet a nice stepmom (oh wait, that was duke's post). I just think the OPs shown he's not interested in long term relationships at all. He says it seems like this girl wasn't even trying, but really, he's giving up on her when his kid is only 8 months old. That's not exactly fair.
But sure, I'm full of bullshit and unbelievable. That's the easiest way to view someone with different ideals.
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Well I was arguing with things you didn't say, but you're doing the same.
I don't have anything against the point you made in your last post that you find his reasons for breaking up absurd. That's your opinion and I may or may not think likewise, I don't know about his specific circumstances and I didn't read his last blog either.
But the your earlier posts clearly went into another direction (jumping to the conclusion that he is too immature to have child and that he messed up big time?) and I have to judge by the content of your posts since I can't read your mind.
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Well the reasons I find it absurd are the same reasons I think he's too immature. In my eyes my posts say the same things. When I say he messed up, I mean he didn't know enough about the girl to have a kid with her if he's broken up with her so soon. I mean... that's what dating is for. Find out who the person is and if they're right for you, not just to impress them and get them in bed. Many years down the line I can imagine things changing, maybe because of a traumatic event, but a year? This is what I'm saying. Either he's giving up too easily, or the next girl he meets he needs to analyse more carefully. If it really was a cultural thing, he could have found out this girl wasn't going to clean up after him before they had a kid.
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On August 15 2008 03:04 PsycHOTemplar wrote:
What's he gonna do? Come find you at your house or your place of work? Call the cops on him if he wants to assault you. Fighting is only legal if both people consent, and even then it gets sketchy when one person starts losing and getting seriously hurt.
You don't want to fight.
He's an aggressor.
You can call the cops if you need to.
I don't know how old you are, or this guy is, but if you're both adults you can both seriously hurt each other if you actually get into a fight. If you're both just teenagers, which about where your maturity levels are at, neither of you know what a fight is anyway and it'll most likely be him circling around you starting you down like a retard.
Facts: You're an idiot for having sex with his girl; tell the girl to break up with him before she does anything with you (easy rule). There's no reason for him to want to hurt you, other than his own pathetic ego; He should be happy with getting both you pieces of trash out of his life. Everyone in this situation is genuinely retarded.
Look at what you posted in mAkito's blog dude? seriously, you dont even know the guy and you are going at it for no reason.. maybe you can state your point without having to call him names so many times specially when he is a tl veteran ...
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My 2 cents:
Your OP seems to indicate that this girl was helping you with self control with stuff like drinking and partying, and you're afraid (? - concerned?) that you'll end up doing those a tad too much now.
Figure out some obvious way to tell when you're going overboard. "Over $300/paycheck" maybe. Or "over 0" even, but you probably don't want to give up partying completely, and there's nothing wrong with it.
Also, she taking the kid? Or you going to keep him? Or he gonna be going back and forth? GL with raising him!
P.S. Don't drink and drive, please. Ever. You wouldn't walk around holding a loaded gun with the safety off, would you?
This point is why I prefer drinking at home, myself, or at a place close enough that I can walk home.
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btw, I dont even wanna read this page because it wont be good for me.. for gods sake man.. ur a child.. when u become a parent u ll know what it feels when people talk about ur kids.. u gotta be careful or ur gonna get killd one of these days or maybe u just run ur mouth like that in internet forums and not in real life
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I think any relationship helps you with the partyin etc... dude im not a crack head, druggie crazy kid.. I just like to have fun.. Im just doing really good at work, etc.. I havent partied for like 2 years because of my girl and my kid..
the truth is friends are really a big influence and will want me to go out with them etc and do stuff.. and I just asked advice on how to take it easy and keep doing good.. it seems like everybody gets misrouted in the conversation rather than just talking about what I really emphasized on , etc I dunno
But anyways, for Mickey: Dude you have no idea how much happier I am this morning knowing I am not with my girl so is my girl.. we are being so smart about everything and not fighting and bheing nice to each other and figuring out stuff with the baby.. its just too good to be truth I even had a hell of a day at work.. I mean everything is wonderful
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I don't know what problems you'll actually be facing, but gl with life!
I really sympathize with any frustrations you'll have with raising the kid. Rewarding or whatever it might be, but it's still tough as hell (as I'm sure you know).
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and You have to agree with me on this... apparently PsyCo thinks im lyin to myself when I say "culture difference between caucasian and latino" ... dude its huge when raising a child.. She thinks we have to spoil the shit out of the baby and I think we have to teach him manners and not hold him etc... be on a schedule when to eat, sleep.. so he gets in good habits.. and we fight over that alot..
so thats what i was struggling with the most I mean imagine.. a korean and a latino having a baby, latinos have no manner compared to koreans.. LOL not only that Religion is different too.. she is mormon and I am catholic (aka nothing) etc...
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you are supposed to spoil your baby dude, and hold him. Teaching a baby manners sounds pretty far out to me.
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there can be a compromise about how to raise the baby.
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ishob that's your point of view, but to be honest the situation was getting worse where my baby all he does is cry regardless of the time or place if he isnt being held, and I dont think that is right. It gets worse as they grow up.
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EPT
