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I have written a variety of blog entries, ranging from topics were in serious in tone (I remember posting a blog when I was upset with my choice in major (psychology)); to funny (I had a blog about taking the wrong stairwell at my university and wound up feeling and looking like an idiot); to stupid and bad (won't give an example, I have had plenty of pointless and stupid ones). However this topic I am going to write about is something I think a lot of people can relate to (or will relate to as they grow up) and it can be tough - mentally.
Assuming that you lived childhood a life that would be considered normal by North American standards, there are probably several things that you want to do in your life which could be considered life milestones. For every person these milestones are likely to be different, as for example not every person has high aspirations for their career; some people really want to make an impact on the world, whereas some other people prefer to live quietly and without risk. At one point in my life I thought it was very important that I have a very well paying job (which I defined as over $100,000 in salary) - but I have since changed my position, in one part because I now know I won't ever likely make near that much money a year, and in another part because I no longer define my happiness by my salary.
However I do think there are some commonalities that a lot of us probably want at some point in our life. We want to get married, we want to make decent money, we want a house, we want children. Something that's been a real theme in my life for the past two years is coming to understand that these things that I thought were inevitable and guaranteed - they aren't that at all, and it can be disappointing.
For example, a stable career at this point is going to be difficult for a lot of people. I tend to think the people on Teamliquid are generally pretty smart people (at least relative to their countries population) so perhaps this won't apply to as many people in this small population as it would to larger ones - but the status of many jobs and career don't look good. At one point becoming a teacher was a stable job with good pay, good benefits, and security. If you're trying to be a teacher now it can be really hard - there's much more supply of teachers than there is demand for them, benefits have been cut consistently for the past decade, and job security doesn't mean as much when schools are being closed and amalgamated.
I work in education and I know of at least five schools that are closing down in order to be amalgamated into larger schools. I understand why it's being done, and I know for maintenance personal it's a lot more convenient and efficient - but a lot of people don't have jobs when this happens. One school only needs a certain amount of staff - even if the population of the school has doubled, that doesn't meant the staff needs to double. My wife also works in education so we're both at risk from the same forces.
Likewise, buying a house isn't as easy as it once ways. I don't have personal experience with the housing market before, but house prices are as high as they've ever been (in my area at least) but salary hasn't scaled the same way - so someone who makes the average salary in Canada isn't in the same position to buy a home as someone making the average salary thirty years ago. You don't want to take on a lot of debt, but it's going to be to very difficult to finance a house unless you make well above the average salary. Even if you qualify for financing (which is a lot harder since the housing crisis) you're not guaranteed your own income via your work - more people work contract or casual work than ever before - so you're likely to have a degree of uncertainty in your career, whilst obtaining financing in a tough period of mortgage rates, whilst buying houses which are at their highest prices ever.
Aside from that, presumably you want to have children, and if you're like myself, would like to have three or four - and that's a lot of money you will need to invest in those children. The cost of raising a child is also climbing, faster than wages are climbing (go figure). The cost of raising a child to 18 in 2004 was about ~$75,000 - in 2013 it's ~$95,000. It's very likely that if you're being financially conservative you might have to rethink the amount of children you can have - from four to three (or two), or maybe even from two to one.
All this culminates in a situation where you might be under the impression that a spouse, a mortgage, a home, children, comfortable retirement - that these are things which are expected, counted upon, taken for granted. I don't know what things were like for other generations, obviously I imagine they had their own struggles unique to their generation, but this is a tough lesson to learn especially once you realize that the dreams you had when you were younger, dreams that you didn't think were outlandish or outside your grasp, might just be.
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I lurk a lot on TL and post rarely, but this blog made me want to reply as I have similar worries. I have a fiancee that I want to marry and live with, but being a student that is hopefully going to get master's degree in June, securing enough income to move away and live independently from my parents will be a challenge.
I believe that we (and by we I'd say roughly people born from 1980 to 2000) will have after a long while, lower life standard than our parents, which passed on to us those dreams you mention: being able to afford those "expected, granted" things with your very own salary, without going into debt you cannot repay. Also, whether they are dreams or expectations pushed on us, I have a felling that was a sort of a standard people used to judge before. How much your net worth is, how much do you earn, it's numbers, prestige, power. I exaggerate and deviate now, tho we were exposed to such system of value our whole life. I often worry about future, particularly about getting a decent employment, being able to afford my own housing and, eventually in the future, have and raise kids in conditions no worse than I had, but I'm not sure if that will be possible. Coming from a country where there is 25% unemployment rate, majority of population living on loans they can barely finance and state finance in such about bad state that my parents worry about their pension, I can relate. I guess after the 2007 crisis hit we all took a hit to our dreams and expectations. With average salary over here you'll have a tough time affording a car, let alone housing, it being a flat or house. Hell, my fiancee's mother said that she wouldn't want to have kids in today's conditions. That sentence gave me a very dreadful feeling to say the least. What kind of message does that convey? I'm not sure this is just about growing up, but also that the world has changed since people could have those dreams and fulfill them. Like you said, previous generations had their struggles and I guess this one is ours.
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salv, I clicked on this blog just because I saw u were the author. I have no knowledge to say anything about this topic, but best of luck!
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Welcome to the rest of the world, I guess.
About education and staff, I don't think you are right. More students require more administrative workers and teachers too, one person can only grade so many essays. How much staff per student do you guys have?
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I agree with the supply and demand problem with teachers, too many in some areas and too little in others.
One of my good friends in high school was a 23yr old english teacher. We actually each "started" high school at the same time, her as a teacher and me as a student. I never thought about it then, but now that I am more versed in the world it is actually amazing how she was able to secure a full-time english teaching position at such a young age before she had even finished her masters.
When I was in high school, I always aspired to be a millionaire. I know a teacher's salary isn't that great and I asked her why she decided to do teaching and she said that was what she always wanted to do, teach kids stuff. And she was a good teacher too, actively ran a website/blog to keep students updated with material and homework (she was probably one of the few who did that so consistently in my high school) and I could tell she actively tried to do the best she could to teach the material she was supposed to do. This helped me learn that everyone has different goals that they all want to accomplish in order to find their niche in this large world.
I am a strong believer of following your dreams/passions. Even if that means following them on a string of hope through a completely dark tunnel that you can't see the other side of.
If you want to become a millionaire, save save save your money! There is no doubt if you save 25-50% of every paycheck you get, you will have a million dollars in assets by the time you retire (or sooner), that's how people without money keep their money.
And if you're truly passionate about your job, I believe that even if you get laid off the next day that as long as you don't give up, you will eventually get back on your feet with an even better job that you might not have had had you not been laid off.
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On January 10 2014 07:28 Saizou wrote:
I lurk a lot on TL and post rarely, but this blog made me want to reply as I have similar worries. I have a fiancee that I want to marry and live with, but being a student that is hopefully going to get master's degree in June, securing enough income to move away and live independently from my parents will be a challenge.
I believe that we (and by we I'd say roughly people born from 1980 to 2000) will have after a long while, lower life standard than our parents, which passed on to us those dreams you mention: being able to afford those "expected, granted" things with your very own salary, without going into debt you cannot repay. Also, whether they are dreams or expectations pushed on us, I have a felling that was a sort of a standard people used to judge before. How much your net worth is, how much do you earn, it's numbers, prestige, power. I exaggerate and deviate now, tho we were exposed to such system of value our whole life. I often worry about future, particularly about getting a decent employment, being able to afford my own housing and, eventually in the future, have and raise kids in conditions no worse than I had, but I'm not sure if that will be possible. Coming from a country where there is 25% unemployment rate, majority of population living on loans they can barely finance and state finance in such about bad state that my parents worry about their pension, I can relate. I guess after the 2007 crisis hit we all took a hit to our dreams and expectations. With average salary over here you'll have a tough time affording a car, let alone housing, it being a flat or house. Hell, my fiancee's mother said that she wouldn't want to have kids in today's conditions. That sentence gave me a very dreadful feeling to say the least. What kind of message does that convey? I'm not sure this is just about growing up, but also that the world has changed since people could have those dreams and fulfill them. Like you said, previous generations had their struggles and I guess this one is ours.
Sounds like we have a lot of the same fears and worries. I agree with you that there's a generational discrepancy between what we were taught to expect and what might actually be possible, but through all of that I hope things turn out well for you.
On January 10 2014 08:13 YPang wrote:
salv, I clicked on this blog just because I saw u were the author. I have no knowledge to say anything about this topic, but best of luck!
Thanks Yang. My wife and I do very well relative to the majority of Canadians, but that says more about how difficult it is to finance a house and raise children than it does to our income.
On January 10 2014 08:23 3772 wrote:
Welcome to the rest of the world, I guess.
About education and staff, I don't think you are right. More students require more administrative workers and teachers too, one person can only grade so many essays. How much staff per student do you guys have?
I am talking about all the staff it takes to run a school though, not just the teachers. For teachers there are upper limits to how many children you can have in a classroom, so yes, in general if they amalgamate two schools than they will need more teachers. That being said, not every class has the upper limit of students - at these smaller schools they need a teacher for each grade, so it's not uncommon for a teacher to have a class of ~10-15. However when they group schools together, instead of four teachers teaching 15 children each, they might have three teachers teaching 20 each - which would still be well within the teacher:student ratio.
Moreso than that, I am talking about non-teaching staff. A school of 500 children needs a principal, but a high school of 1,200 only has one principal as well - if you combine multiple schools they don't double up on principals, vice principals, and secretaries - it doesn't work that way because the workload doesn't exponentially rise. Being a secretary for a school of 500 children isn't twice as easy as being the secretary for a school of 1,000. So instead of two schools of 500 children have two main secretaries at 40 hours a week, they might have one main secretary at 40 hours and another casual position at 10-15. This happens for every position.
On January 10 2014 08:54 Smurfett3 wrote:
I am a strong believer of following your dreams/passions. Even if that means following them on a string of hope through a completely dark tunnel that you can't see the other side of.
I agree - my wife and I are going to continue to work towards what we expected from our adult life, it's better than the alternative of giving up and settling - but it's concerning to me that this generations expectations will likely have to deviate so much from what is actually possible.
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I was scared when I decided to quite college for a job, but now I can't imagine being tens of thousands of dollars in debt and having no job experience. I'm glad that engineering pays well.
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It's difficult for me to want children when I see the havoc on this planet due to humans, mostly Western humans. My projection for what the world will be like in 30 years (the earliest my potential oldest child would turn 29-30) is not positive. Having such a pessimistic view of the future living conditions for humans on this planet, it makes having children seem like committing another life to shackles, without their consent. I know, it's a horrible, terrible viewpoint and one I'm trying to change, but even on my positive days I have this feeling that something isn't right and it's not going to get any better if everyone wants a mansion in Beverly Hills.
I do however enjoy the idea of having a relationship with a beautiful woman. Perhaps one child is not too much of a burden to place into the world, as it will use less in its lifetime (or perhaps more?) than I and its mother will have at the end of ours.
So I come to the conclusion that maybe marriage is not the best route for me to take, because marriage tends to be about the children that come of it. The children are what is supposed to keep the couple together.
For me, it gets monotonous listening to someone jabber on all day about the same three topics. I don't think I'd be able to stand being married for very long, if the jabbering was included in the deal. Some conversation is interesting yes, but if you're gonna waste my time with stupid bullshit, then no, I'm sorry, I love you, but I have better things to do than listen to the entire story of what book you're reading, for hours, every day you read it.
Man, I'm long winded today.
Decent money, yes, that would be nice, if only for the peace that comes with knowing you can have healthy food if you want to. I'm not much of a materialist. In Western society, not being a materialist is very difficult when you're pressured to be one by the tv, and consequently also most family and friends.
TLDR: The american dream is crazy to me. Why should I spend half a million on a house and two cars, why should I have children when I imagine their cost of living will be much higher? Unless you're ok with letting your dream shrink to something real. I suppose I do want a house, but if I have to share it with another family to have more time so I can afford it, that's fine with me, as long as I have my space. Shit, I'd be happy renting all my life at this point, if I could find a girl who isn't super picky. Actually I'm not sure I want to spend my life with one other person, it just seems boring to me.
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everything you listed, wife, kids, house, and the debt that comes along with it
is that your dream for your life because that's honestly what you want
or is it your dream for your life because society dictated it before you were born?
would traveling the world with your wife and kids be more ideal?
would you rather start your own company?
you need to start realizing your own dream rather than living your life along a script you think will make you happy
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hp.Shell
I believe that one that ponders all day on the direction they are going in, will end up suffering the entire way, especially during bumps. One that let's go of worry (even worrying about worrying too much) will enjoy the ride even though there are bumps. Both will end up in the same place.
On a side note: I threw away my cable and T.V., FaceBook, etc years ago, best thing ever, not getting sucked into emotional rollercoasters making you constantly reflect your own life, which can lead to no other outcome than sadness. Another advice is to surround yourself with friends and relatives, which contributes to a good amount of happiness, and also look at the positive aspects of having kids, they will provide undying support and love if you ever were to need it yourself, best investment ever. Kinda cliché, but you could be a billionaire at the age of 30 and still be lacking the most basic form of human needs: true caring and love.
You stop worrying when you play this game right? I honestly believe that this type of escapism (in moderation of course) kept many of our generation sane. The same happens when you have a clear goal and focus on it, not letting your mind wander off to the future or the past. Because, if we really think about it, the only thing that matter is now.
But sometimes this isn't enough, and that's why I recommond daily meditation. For example when you wake up in the morning, set your clock half an hour early, stay in bed and keep focussing on your stomach or breath with closed eyes, or whichever you prefer. Each time notice when your mind wanders off to another thing that is going on for you right now, say to yourself I've wandered off let's get back to the breath. You may have to do this 10/20 the first time, but after a while you will succeed (anyone can do this) to focus on the breath for 10 minutes or more (this is when you feel you can do this for 12 hours, and you can, it's impossible to get bored because the mind is steady), this is when you feel complete relaxation which will carry on through your day, without constantly over-thinking things that are happening, regurgitating the past and worrying about the future.
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On January 12 2014 04:51 peacenl wrote:+ Show Spoiler +
hp.Shell
I believe that one that ponders all day on the direction they are going in, will end up suffering the entire way, especially during bumps. One that let's go of worry (even worrying about worrying too much) will enjoy the ride even though there are bumps. Both will end up in the same place.
On a side note: I threw away my cable and T.V., FaceBook, etc years ago, best thing ever, not getting sucked into emotional rollercoasters making you constantly reflect your own life, which can lead to no other outcome than sadness. Another advice is to surround yourself with friends and relatives, which contributes to a good amount of happiness, and also look at the positive aspects of having kids, they will provide undying support and love if you ever were to need it yourself, best investment ever. Kinda cliché, but you could be a billionaire at the age of 30 and still be lacking the most basic form of human needs: true caring and love.
You stop worrying when you play this game right? I honestly believe that this type of escapism (in moderation of course) kept many of our generation sane. The same happens when you have a clear goal and focus on it, not letting your mind wander off to the future or the past. Because, if we really think about it, the only thing that matter is now.
But sometimes this isn't enough, and that's why I recommond daily meditation. For example when you wake up in the morning, set your clock half an hour early, stay in bed and keep focussing on your stomach or breath with closed eyes, or whichever you prefer. Each time notice when your mind wanders off to another thing that is going on for you right now, say to yourself I've wandered off let's get back to the breath. You may have to do this 10/20 the first time, but after a while you will succeed (anyone can do this) to focus on the breath for 10 minutes or more (this is when you feel you can do this for 12 hours, and you can, it's impossible to get bored because the mind is steady), this is when you feel complete relaxation which will carry on through your day, without constantly over-thinking things that are happening, regurgitating the past and worrying about the future.
I have often wondered if people can replace sleep with a long 6-7 hour meditation. I wonder also if meditation could be more beneficial than sleep when used in this way, or if your mind still needs to be allowed to wander aimlessly through the forest.
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EPT
