|
“Ok guys, this is completely unacceptable!” Teacher yelled at us in frustration. “These typed essays you turned in are identical, word for word!”
“Great minds think alike” I yelled out.
To my dismay he pointed out that the name typed in the header had been scratched out on each essay and written above...all of them in red colored pencil. I tried to convince him that everybody accidentally typed the wrong name in the header, but then he showed me the names that we forgot to scratch out in the footer. The signed closing at the end of the essay didn’t help the cause.
By this point he was screaming at the class. He grabbed a desk and flipped it over. The box of crayons stored in the desk basket underneath opened up and spilled out on the floor, further enraging him. He called security whom, upon entering, slipped on some stray crayons.
As I was leaving the class, along with everyone else who cheated, I overheard someone whisper “they’re in a better place now.”
They couldn’t have been more wrong.
We entered the torture detention room. A corner of the room was barricaded with desks, a likely work of the school badass, Harry Dick, who practically lived in detention. Unfortunately he wasn’t there today because he was currently in jail. There was no one but us to receive punishment today.
The security man, our only form of safety, left us in there, all alone and hoping death would take us before Drill Sergeant Montgomery would. Our prayers went unanswered unfortunately. Montgomery slammed the door open and came in. He stared at today’s wall of shame, onto which each of our essays was posted.
“You idiots think we condone cheating? NOT IN MY SCHOOL!” he roared. I nearly pissed my pants when he brought out Old Faithful, the school beating stick. Rumor was you could still hear the cries of the poor kid whom he sent to the hospital emanating from it. He grabbed my friend by the collar and dragged him to the front.
“Bend over” he yelled. I was afraid to watch. I turned my head but this only amplified the cries of poor Jeff as he was brutally violated by that death cudgel. He was never the same after that day.
This anguish spread to the rest of my friends as they were called up, one by one, to endure the same “treatment” as Jeff. I heard someone fall on the floor at one point, presumably passed out from pain. Though he may have been out cold, that didn’t stop Drill Sergeant Montgomery from continuing his assault. The silence in the room at this point was only interrupted by the thwacks of that abhorrent paddle against raw flesh, a noticeable difference from the combined thwacks and constant screaming of before.
With all my friends incapacitated I was the last one left. The sole survivor of a group of cheaters that thought we could get one past the teacher. Drill Sergeant called me over to the front of the class and forced me to look back at the decrepit looking beings that were my friends. They looked hideously defiled after taking such a beating. He handed me a paper. No one was in any shape to lift up their head to see this however.
“Who planned this?” I whispered as I read the paper. Montgomery assured me that if I gave up the information I would be spared.
This kind of psychological warfare had great impact on me. After witnessing such destruction I thought long and hard about my next decision.
“It was Jeff” I whispered back to him.
Drill Sergeant ordered everyone but Jeff out of the classroom. I had never seen people whom I thought had no life remaining run so quickly out the door. I departed as well, helping to carry out my one friend who had been rendered unconscious a bit earlier. Montgomery shut the door behind us and turned the lock. Nobody was getting in there...or out.
I stood next to the door for a moment. Everyone else had left in such a hurry, unwilling to risk more punishment. I don’t know why I stood there though. I couldn’t see anything because the door window had been taped over. I still stood there nevertheless. I stood there for maybe five minutes.
“OH DEAR GOD NOOOO!!!” I heard Jeff howl through the door. The sound of more smacking and blood-curdling screams followed. This continued for a good 10 minutes. Then...silence.
“Poor Jeff” I muttered under my breath as I left the scene. “He’s a good man for taking the blame for me.”
  
|
United States24709 Posts
Well, if you suspend your complete disbelief at how unrealistic it all is, the twist at the end is... who am I kidding I want Montgomery to beat you with Old Faithful.
|
When are my stories ever realistic at all? Come on, you should know by now what you get when reading my works.
The twist at the end isn't supposed to be a big twist anyways. That's not the point. You can kind of expect it anyways when I say Jeff is the culprit.
|
United States24709 Posts
On June 06 2013 10:01 Epishade wrote:
When are my stories ever realistic at all? I wouldn't know since I haven't read them!
The twist at the end isn't supposed to be a big twist anyways. That's not the point. So what is the point?
You can kind of expect it anyways when I say Jeff is the culprit. I didn't think it was obvious, to be honest.
|
If this is a comedy like usual, I think you're way light on the jokes. The other totally existent possibility is that I didn't understand them.
The concept of a whole class turning in the exact same paper is pretty cute but actual jokes were kinda in short supply, I thought.
|
Awesome story! Love your writing style
|
a likely work of the school badass, Harry Dick, who practically lived in detention
Harry Dick
Hmmm
|
On June 06 2013 10:04 micronesia wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2013 10:01 Epishade wrote:
When are my stories ever realistic at all? I wouldn't know since I haven't read them! Show nested quote +The twist at the end isn't supposed to be a big twist anyways. That's not the point. So what is the point? I didn't think it was obvious, to be honest.
Sorry, I assumed when you posted in my last story you had probably read it, but that's only one of them so my bad. False assumption.
It's just supposed to be a funny joke because he's "taking the blame" when I had implicated him being the mastermind despite him not having a choice in the matter.
Well you might not have expected me to be the mastermind, but you should have expected me to not be telling the truth in order to get out of the beating.
Sorry for bad formatting in this response.
|
On June 06 2013 10:06 Bibbit wrote:
If this is a comedy like usual, I think you're way light on the jokes. The other totally existent possibility is that I didn't understand them.
The concept of a whole class turning in the exact same paper is pretty cute but actual jokes were kinda in short supply, I thought.
It was a different way of writing for me this time. I focused more on story than actual jokes in order to make a comedy-light short story that flowed well.
|
On June 06 2013 10:43 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2013 10:06 Bibbit wrote:
If this is a comedy like usual, I think you're way light on the jokes. The other totally existent possibility is that I didn't understand them.
The concept of a whole class turning in the exact same paper is pretty cute but actual jokes were kinda in short supply, I thought. It was a different way of writing for me this time. I focused more on story than actual jokes in order to make a comedy-light short story that flowed well.
No argument here! I certainly dont think it's a bad story - just not as funny as usual.
|
I was entertained but not amused.
Nothing wrong with that :3
|
3/5 stars because I'm not sure if I like this or hate it... since if that's comedy then it is cruel how you think. Things like these actually happen to kids every day.
|
On June 06 2013 11:30 3FFA wrote:
3/5 stars because I'm not sure if I like this or hate it... since if that's comedy then it is cruel how you think. Things like these actually happen to kids every day.
oh cmon man. if we can't laugh at the serious things, then what can we laugh at?
|
On June 06 2013 11:30 3FFA wrote:
3/5 stars because I'm not sure if I like this or hate it... since if that's comedy then it is cruel how you think. Things like these actually happen to kids every day.
Oh come on... Something like this would never be tolerated at any school. The extant to which the beating in this story was fleshed out (to the point of one person fainting and the beating continuing) is completely ridiculous and unbelievable. I hope I can speak for Micronesia from his post "Well, if you suspend your complete disbelief at how unrealistic it all is" leading me to believe that beatings like this DON'T actually happen to kids every day. I'm not saying people don't receive corporal punishment, but not to this extreme.
Lighten up.
|
On June 06 2013 12:03 Epishade wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2013 11:30 3FFA wrote:
3/5 stars because I'm not sure if I like this or hate it... since if that's comedy then it is cruel how you think. Things like these actually happen to kids every day. Oh come on... Something like this would never be tolerated at any school. The extant to which the beating in this story was fleshed out (to the point of one person fainting and the beating continuing) is completely ridiculous and unbelievable. I hope I can speak for Micronesia from his post "Well, if you suspend your complete disbelief at how unrealistic it all is" leading me to believe that beatings like this DON'T actually happen to kids every day. I'm not saying people don't receive corporal punishment, but not to this extreme. Lighten up.
My brother in law came home last week with red knuckles, back and ass and was made to kneel out in the hot sun for over an hour because he forgot his homework. (His mother informed that he had completed it but forgotten while he was kneeling outside and he was still left there for a further 30 minutes) He fainted in the sun.
Yeah, your extreme isnt as bad as you assume it to be, but i forgive you, i led a sheltered life in england myself.
I did enjoy the story though :3
#incoming racist/offensive cultural remarks about sri lanka.
|
I think the funny part about this is how over the top it is.
|
TLADT24920 Posts
hmm I'm not sure what to think of your story tbh. It felt really unrealistic that so many would hand the same essay and I dunno if I'm a big fan of a beating story. Even though I doubt there is much corporal punishment in schools, capped makes a good example of what can still happen which in itself can be a bad experience. I think you write well and look forward to your next story 
|
Osaka27154 Posts
I remember my grandfather telling me that when he was in the 8th grade, his teacher pointed to a bundle of yard sticks in the corner and announced to the class "by the end of the year, those will all be broken." True to his word, they were.
|
TLADT24920 Posts
On June 06 2013 13:56 Manifesto7 wrote:
I remember my grandfather telling me that when he was in the 8th grade, his teacher pointed to a bundle of yard sticks in the corner and announced to the class "by the end of the year, those will all be broken." True to his word, they were.
but it could also be that he planned on breaking them all before the year was over to keep his word true 
|
On June 06 2013 14:02 BigFan wrote:Show nested quote +On June 06 2013 13:56 Manifesto7 wrote:
I remember my grandfather telling me that when he was in the 8th grade, his teacher pointed to a bundle of yard sticks in the corner and announced to the class "by the end of the year, those will all be broken." True to his word, they were. but it could also be that he planned on breaking them all before the year was over to keep his word true
"Blast! I've still got 97 left!"
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
