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Warning*** some say its a boring story
This is going to be long, boring and fake. I am not proud of it but i can't resist posting. As background, i am an anxious person with a physical "quirk" and i am very lazy.. this is the story of an internet friendship that i shared with a love-interest who i never actually treated like a love interest because i was scared of rejection and of losing the friendship i valued for reasons other than the "romance" side of things. I should have been more grateful with what i had in retrospect.
"how far your eyes may pierce i cannot tell
striving to better, oft we mar whats well"- King Lear by Shakespeare
In high school, I lagged behind peers in someways. My social graces and physical appearances were less mature than the average of my peers, but my conversation and emotional awareness were precocious in some respects, I feel. To compensate for my weak areas, I followed those who knew better and did things that did not come naturally to me. For instance, I went to “hardcore” shows of local bands screamed where distorted guitars and screaming black haired teens shook my world, screaming in the face of my comfort zone. One of the results of this behaviour was making a myspace.com account.
So I got the confidence to put my picture on the internet, a novel thing at the time for someone in my specific demographic. I wrote a description and that. To my surprise, I received complimentary, confidence raising “feedback” for my page; the type of stuff the internet allows for. If you asked me, I would have had to admit that my more attractive characteristics were accentuated while my worse ones were omitted, but this was not something I liked to be aware of.
Nice looking girls would write messages on my page read calling me “qt” and nice stuff like that. Myspace allowed us to idealize our selves and those we met. This allowed me to get more attention than I would have otherwise. It felt really nice, but it lacked some authentic aspects of spending time with others.
I met a lot of attractive and friendly girls through myspace but one stands out, lets call her Jessica. So one day, I sign in to myspace and am greeted by a friend request from a bomb-shell. This girl, Jessica was, I think, more attractive than any girl at my school in my grade .She had clean good looks like a disney channel actress. She was a “myspace whore” though, and had too many friends to really care about them though, so I wasn’t as pleased as I might have been. To my pleasant surprise she was willing to exchange “sup’s” and “lol’s” with me.
I added her to msn eventually and things became closer. She made me feel goofy and happy to do little cute things I had not often felt inclined to do. She had a cuteness that brought out a side of me that I enjoy being. I guess it was my cute side, because I made her a bday card and stuff.
We had a genuine trust eventually. I talked online to her real life friends and knew about her relationships with other guys. I guess it was a nice fake break away from all the reality. The side of me she brought out was jokey and I told her all these weird things about myself. I don’t think she liked it much but I came to count on it. She always laughed and her laughter made me feel good.
So we met in person after five years of online friendship. She was texting her boyfriend and stuff that day, but it was an enjoyable and memorable day. She was also just as good looking as her pictures.. She was also on some psychological wave lengths that I’d never seen others on that I was also on.
We both moved away from Ontario and but we still talked and because in my new city I didn’t have many friends, she was one of the people closest to me and we skyped. She opened up to me and I felt special and it was really nice to get so close to a female. It was always my dream.
WE were both back in Ontario for Christmas and we hungout in my city because she could drive here and I couldn’t drive. When I opened the car door I had a swoon moment seeing her and I was taken back like “whoa” and I still wonder if she sensed that. We had an ok time, but she was worried about some other guy the same way I’m worried about her now. It felt like a dream in a lot of ways that snowy night.
I never cared about her enough to just be a good friend for the sake of friendship though. When she wanted me to keep her company and I felt like leaving the computer I’d leave her.
So this year after eight years of friendship I fall for her. It was pretty natural. I had less and less people around acting like they gave a fuck and she always gave a little bit of a fuck and I realized I’d be going online to talk just to her. Before this, sometimes it was kind of a chore to talk to her and I’d not give her much genuiness because she didn’t do much of that.
She would always tell me about her boyfriends and I’d be annoyed. This started to change, I actually wanted to hear about her life and blab less about myself. She would melt my heart by asking me small questions that really showed she cares.
I was feeling really lonely even with the attention she was giving me so I decided to let her know how I felt.
“I have the hots for you Jessica, you’re very cute”
“who is this?”
“its me, I really like you”
“nooo”
“so you’re not interested? Ok.. cool.. I guess… “
“im on my iphone. New iphone”
So she ignored it and I apologized and blamed it on alcohol but I was conscious now of my love and so nothing could stop it.
I went crazy and sent her a lot of odd messages that were “metaphysical” and had lots of strange mythological metaphors and I told her I love her and that she “knocks me out” and I was practically stalking her. I tried everything. I deleted facebook and and tried to cut myself from her completely. Turned out she was only acting like she cared because she has only ignored me and not tried to contact me or help me out..
So i guess i need to be real and face reality but, the fact that there was something there makes it hard. I need to get over her
 
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Lesson #1 - Write to your reader as a friend.
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Sad story bro. Must have been hell.
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This is fake? So it's a story. That's what the preface says. Or is she a fake friend? Like she doesn't exist? Or is it that she is a real person but she isn't really your friend and so you're stalking her?
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I know this is fake, but...
“I have the hots for you Jessica, you’re very cute”
“who is this?”
“its me, I really like you”
“nooo”
“so you’re not interested? Ok.. cool.. I guess… “
“im on my iphone. New iphone”
I hope this is just because of poor writing / story telling / lack of experience than what happened in reality. Because after 8 years of friendship, the best you could come up was something shitty like that?
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@husniack thanks for your reading and replying. That's a good point. This is not presentable writing.I guess that is why i called it egotistical..
@NeThZOR ya man, thanks a lot. it was rough, and it still is. Theres bigger problems in the world though, so who am i. thanks for the reply.
@Qwyn - ah good point. no this is not fake. I used the word fake to describe how she is not a real friend because she only rarely had to be a real friend to me, whereas my more genuine friends have had to see me through thick and thin and i treated them worse than i treated her. i will edit that.
@Birdkiller- No it is not a story it is a friendship that lacks many important "real" elements. If you've seen "500 days of summer," it is similar to the part where the relationship of the main characters is taking place in a model room in a store. There is no real water running from the taps but they are "pretending" to do things real-life people would do for eachother but they are not actually working to pay for the house. That is what i meant by fake
In some ways i disagree that the way i told her i was interested was "shitty." I intended to be honest and true to reality. I also said, "i just really wish i knew you better." But my revised version would be something like " i feel so much better when you give me attention. I don't know if it is for the right reasons but you make me feel good and i want to help you feel good too." Still not that charming but i'd rather say waht i mean than do something "better" but less true.
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Dear english speakers, the word is spelled egoistical without the t. Ofc even some of your lexicons include that abomination of a word so I don't blame you.
So, starting now, spell it right.
Thanks.
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Yes...8 years without making a move will cement you in the friend zone. Actually, once she starts telling you about her boyfriends, you know you're already fucked.
And if this is a true event, you should probably not call it fake in the first sentence. Totally sounds like you mean it's just a long, boring, story you just made up.
Edit: To the guy above me. http://oxforddictionaries.com/us/definition/american_english/egotistical
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That's what I said, isn't it. That even your lexicons have it wrong, lol.
It's a greek word, so allow me to know better.
It just seems so bloody off with that t in the middle.
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On May 13 2013 09:02 Steveling wrote:That's what I said, isn't it. That even your lexicons have it wrong, lol. It's a greek word, so allow me to know better. It just seems so bloody off with that t in the middle.
You do realize that there is a subtle difference of meaning between an "egoist" and an "egotist," right?
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ya you need to get over her. i experienced a similar thing.
my opinion: never tell a hot chick that you want her (or she's beautiful, special etc). that only makes you less attractive in her eyes because that's what most losers say. she hears it all the time.
either she wants you or she doesn't. telling her you want her is NOT the way to find out if she wants you.
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On May 13 2013 09:05 PassionFruit wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2013 09:02 Steveling wrote:That's what I said, isn't it. That even your lexicons have it wrong, lol. It's a greek word, so allow me to know better. It just seems so bloody off with that t in the middle. You do realize that there is a subtle difference of meaning between an "egoist" and an "egotist," right?
Subtle or suble?huehuehue
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Egoists subscribe to a ethical position. Egotists are self-centered.
PassionFruit's link is derived from the OED, which is the definitive dictionary for the English language. Not sure where you learned that or what your dictionaries in Greece are like, but egotistical is the correct word in the English language.
@OP yeah, your thread title was a tad misleading lol.
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On May 13 2013 11:08 Aerisky wrote:
Egoists subscribe to a ethical position. Egotists are self-centered.
There is no such thing as an egotist dude.
The word comes from the word εγώ=ego which means I and εγωιστής=egoist, εγωισμός=egoism.
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On May 13 2013 17:57 Steveling wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2013 11:08 Aerisky wrote:
Egoists subscribe to a ethical position. Egotists are self-centered.
There is no such thing as an egotist dude. The word comes from the word εγώ=ego which means I and εγωιστής=egoist, εγωισμός=egoism.
Hey, did you know that sometimes, every once in a while, a language has a word that another language doesn't?
Are you seriously trying to argue that english isn't allowed to create a word with a unique meaning that shares a similar etymology as another word?
Fucking get over yourself, jesus christ.
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im not sure why you think she was fake. you were being fake (and creepy as fuck) by being her friend for years in a bid to get into her pants
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On May 13 2013 23:41 QuanticHawk wrote:
im not sure why you think she was fake. you were being fake (and creepy as fuck) by being her friend for years in a bid to get into her pants
We said stuff like "for life" and "love ya" and "bff" to one another. No, i did not have a plan to get into her pants at all lol. I just liked spending time with her, so i'm not sure where you got that. I just never acted like i would prefer to date her because i assumed that was not what she wanted...That is my regret, that assumption.
Yeah i was a bit creepy. Now i have given her her space though so that's good.
Edit- in regards to egoist vs egotist - i'm not very familiar with the word "egoist" but "egotistical" is a common enough colloquialism where i come from. We say it to mean narcissistic and ego based. Thanks for the information though.
in regards to friendzone- i have no reason to believe that there is a place where potential lovers can go in friendship that keeps them from wanting to cross the boundaries into romantic. She said to me she was never positive that those boundaries will stay.
Ultimately i believe my writing is not skilled enough to reveal the nuance of this friendship that i hoped to.
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this thread brought me quite a few chuckles while attending this awfully boring class
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EPT
