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This isn't the girl blog you're looking for. It isn't me trying to get with a girl, or some failed attempt to have sex while drunk. This is about abuse, fear, and an ask for help and advice with something somewhat serious. It may also be triggering for people who may have been in abusive relationships in the past. For reference, me and my girlfriend are both 17.
(Sorry Mods if this is a bit of a grim topic for TL, I just need somewhere reasonably anonymous to write about it, and potentially hear ideas that I hadn't thought of)
My current girlfriend had a heartbreaking past. Her ex boyfriend died from an unprovoked street attack, and his brother, who was also a good friend of her's committed suicide soon after. Following this, she was somewhat distressed, which eventually led her into a relationship with an unsavory guy.
To put it bluntly, he raped her, several times, to the point of holding a knife to her throat. He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one. Point is, after being dragged away while beating the shit out of her, while she was coughing up blood he realized just how bad he had been. He then moved out the country, and went to Russia (Where his family were/are)
This was some time ago. I am now in a happy relationship with her (though she suffers from depression and has /severe/ nightmares about him) However, there is an issue. Due to another guy trying to "control" her, and failing, he has contacted the earlier mentioned Guy 1, and he has told my girlfriend that he plans to visit her soon.
I don't even know what to do. I can't call the police as there is no proof that anything happened, so they won't do anything till he actually does something to her. I literally have no clue what I can do to protect her. Does anyone have any thoughts? Would the police be more interested if we spoke to them?
Obviously, people are gonna give me the response of telling someone in a position to do something about it, such as parents ect, which of course I will do, but I'd just like to hear some anonymous responses first.
EDIT: ALSO: Important, he's not gonna come, break the door down and kill her. It's a case of, he'll be there, and she still feels like he owns her, and he's gonna take advantage of that to get her to visit him.
 
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She has you to protect her. Now do your job as a man and show those guys to hit the road.
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On November 14 2012 07:44 123Viril69 wrote:
She has you to protect her. Now do your job as a man and show those guys to hit the road.
That's not how real life works. He's at least double my size, and he'll almost certainly be with the 2nd guy, who's 6" 5. They would almost certainly leave me in a gutter with several broken bones. Not all to helpful....
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Here's what you do: call the guy with her phone and say, "I'm her boyfriend. She told me about some of the things you did to her. She never wants to see or hear from your ugly face ever again, so you'd better stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I will beat the living fucking shit out of your sorry ass until you can't make a sound." Problem solved.
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On November 14 2012 07:50 NeVeR wrote:
Here's what you do: call the guy with her phone and say, "I'm her boyfriend. She told me about some of the things you did to her. She never wants to see or hear from your ugly face ever again, so you'd better stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I will beat the living fucking shit out of your sorry ass until you can't make a sound." Problem solved.
Not how he works. Instead, he'll wait for the next time I'm leaving her house, and most likely hospitalize me.
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Umm, I think 123Viril69 gave bad advice. Don't try to be a hero. Discuss the situation with your girlfriend and decide what to do together. Going to the police sounds like a good idea. They may not be able to do anything immediately, but letting them know about the situation is a good idea. Basically, let all the people you trust know about the situation and they can at least be supportive and aware of what's going on. If this guy does show up, you can go to them for help.
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What a weird situation.
I hope you find what you're looking for, it seems like you're dealing with a nut job which is extremely difficult. I guess I'll hope he gets shot in the face by a bear for you or something.
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Nut job is very accurate. He'd be happy to hurt his 5 year old son because he knows that would get to her, and get her to do what he wants.
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I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can.
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So the first, rapist, torturer guy is sitll in russia and the new guy is going to come for a visit?
edit: yeah i am a little... blunt abou tthis.. because i am skeptical... if it is true, however, sincere condolences to your girlfriend. that must take incredible strength to live through such trauma. so soryr for being a bit insensitive and callous. i just think we may as well keep it blunt.
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On November 14 2012 07:59 HardlyNever wrote:
I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can.
He is another slightly abusive guy that took advantage of her while she was in her state following the deaths. He is good friends with the first guy, and likes to be in control of my girlfriend. Because he can no longer exercise that control, he rang the guy up because he knows he can get to her better.
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Just go to the police. Seriously, assuming you didn't speak face to face, but he rung you or texted you or however he did it, they can track it and then, most likely, put her under police protection. They don't just ignore stuff like this.
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On November 14 2012 08:04 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 07:59 HardlyNever wrote:
I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can. He is another slightly abusive guy that took advantage of her while she was in her state following the deaths. He is good friends with the first guy, and likes to be in control of my girlfriend. Because he can no longer exercise that control, he rang the guy up because he knows he can get to her better.
Wow, well, it seems like these guys are part of a very warped circle. Both fond of the suffering of others. Monsters. Well the police cannot do much until they take more illegal action.
Firstly, you both need to just ignore him. He wants you to fear him so do not give him that. Second, what can you do against someone who is willing to take illegally violent measures against you?
1. flee
2. police
3. retalate.
I'd be doing stuff like planning an escape route if he actually does show up.. getting a bit of pepper spray, telling the police, and ignoring him. he's not going to fuck with you. dont let him.
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United States1719 Posts
I dont know how it works in the UK, but assuming the police operate somewhat similarly to the police in the US, there is no way in hell they will ignore this, even without any evidence. Make sure to get in contact with the right authorities, and a lot of them. If you try very hard to reach out to them and push this through the system, action will be taken. Nobody wants to become that guy on the evening news that failed to take action and let an innocent woman get hurt. It sounds like a terrible situation all around; follow advice other people have already posted, and don't try to take this on alone.
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I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls?
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get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts.
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Serious advice:
1. Try to get authorities involved. Why are you afraid to call the police? Worst thing to happen is to hear "No sorry we cannot help you at all". You should atleast try.
2. If 1 fails you can contact battered women's shelters in your region. Call them, explain your situation and arrange meetings with them to inform yourself about possible protection measures these institutions can arrange for your girlfriend.
3. If 1 and 2 fall through inform the parents and ask them what can be done in a situation like this.
4. Call a lawyer to inform yourself about legal possibilities.
5. Call your friends for protection. As the dudes are larger than you you may need some. Just let them stay at your place while Asshole 1 is in the country. If he shows up, chin him together with your friends.
You should put some effort into the points 1 to 4. You can do them alltogether. If everything falls through for some reason stick to point 5 (remember this is the last resort) and make sure that an eventual chinning is not forgotten to fast.
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On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls?
Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing..
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You don't have any friends? Friends that would actually help you in a fight? And police...
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On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts.
UK, unfortunately, also, still minors.
To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things:
1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it.
2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it.
3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way.
Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
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Also, the idea that I could get friends isn't practical. I'm a middle class white guy, with middle class friends. They are thugs from working class backgrounds, who are very used to trading in, and up to small firearms. I would never risk fighting them.
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got a baseball bat? tire iron? just make sure you have a weapon to defend her if the situation arises. and calling the police is a pretty good idea to at least make a note of it for future reference if something does happen
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On November 14 2012 08:22 Coagulation wrote:
got a baseball bat? tire iron? just make sure you have a weapon to defend her if the situation arises. and calling the police is a pretty good idea to at least make a note of it for future reference if something does happen
See above.
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Really sorry about that. I don't usually read usernames in the replies. Most conversations can be tracked through the quote system.
Once again, really sorry.
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to the people saying "why don't you fight them?" guy #1 had no problem raping someone at knife point and breaking all of her fingers. Do people really do weapon battle like that?
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On November 14 2012 08:23 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:16 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls? Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing.. What the fucking hell does grabbing your balls have to do with anything here? He hasn't said one thing that makes him look like a chicken, and he's trying to figure out a way to come out of this with both him and his girlfriend in one piece. Also, "do the right thing"? What the fuck does that even mean? Man up and get tortured to death by a psychopath and his best bud, both twice his size, right in front of his girlfriend? Seriously, fuck off until you have helpful, constructive advice. This is serious shit.
To be fair to him, he did offer useful advise prior to that, though I appreciate the comments in my defense.
Also, for reference, he won't be coming for at least a month or so, so I'm not suddenly in a massive rush to defend her, I just need advise in case he does chose to visit.
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They can track past phone calls Zealos. If she is unsure about going to the police, have you tried explaining to her about the whole protection thing? If it doesn't work, then you may well have to take the initiative and go to the police yourself. Oh and, it doesn't hurt to have something heavy laying about nearby just in case.
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On November 14 2012 08:23 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:16 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls? Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing.. What the fucking hell does grabbing your balls have to do with anything here? He hasn't said one thing that makes him look like a chicken, and he's trying to figure out a way to come out of this with both him and his girlfriend in one piece. Also, "do the right thing"? What the fuck does that even mean? Man up and get tortured to death by a psychopath and his best bud, both twice his size, right in front of his girlfriend? Seriously, fuck off until you have helpful, constructive advice. This is serious shit.
Ok bluntly. I actually offered the best tips given in this thread, just read the post above the one, which caused you to whine. "Do the right thing" actually means go to or call the police. I am also aware that his girlfriend doesn't want that. So it's up to him to actually fucking do so instead of picking reasons why he can't do something.
If you actually would have invested ten seconds to read his quote you would hopefully be able to understand that. I am in total agreement that these are serious matters. That serious reasons force him to take actions, I offered some realistic possibilities while you came here to whine. There are surely various other possibilities, but it is a start.Grabbing your balls means to start doing something instead of looking for reasons to do nothing and feeling helpless.
Your post didn't help him one jota to solve his problem,
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Keep it civil guys. AngryMag, I understand where you are coming from, but often things aren't as simple as that. I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe, so obviously police is something I am going to go with, but there's no reason to respond aggressiveness as soon as I offer a reason as to why it may not be the perfect response.
EDIT: I am also getting her to install a phone call recorder on her phone should he call again. I figure it could be a simple way of getting some evidence to show police.
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On November 14 2012 08:34 AngryMag wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:23 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On November 14 2012 08:16 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls? Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing.. What the fucking hell does grabbing your balls have to do with anything here? He hasn't said one thing that makes him look like a chicken, and he's trying to figure out a way to come out of this with both him and his girlfriend in one piece. Also, "do the right thing"? What the fuck does that even mean? Man up and get tortured to death by a psychopath and his best bud, both twice his size, right in front of his girlfriend? Seriously, fuck off until you have helpful, constructive advice. This is serious shit. Ok bluntly. I actually offered the best tips given in this thread, just read the post above the one, which caused you to whine. "Do the right thing" actually means go to or call the police. I am also aware that his girlfriend doesn't want that. So it's up to him to actually fucking do so instead of picking reasons why he can't do something. If you actually would have invested ten seconds to read his quote you would hopefully be able to understand that. I am in total agreement that these are serious matters. That serious reasons force him to take actions, I offered some realistic possibilities while you came here to whine. There are surely various other possibilities, but it is a start.Grabbing your balls means to start doing something instead of looking for reasons to do nothing and feeling helpless. Your post didn't help him one jota to solve his problem,
OH yeah like it's a competition when someone's sanity or life is on the line. It's not a competition. we want to help people here in TL blogs
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Zealos read my post a few above, no need for all this phone recorder stuff, the police can track the phone call. Just go to the police, I cannot reiterate it enough. Hell, you could even go to your/her parents, if you really want to.
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On November 14 2012 08:40 kollin wrote:
Zealos read my post a few above, no need for all this phone recorder stuff, the police can track the phone call. Just go to the police, I cannot reiterate it enough. Hell, you could even go to your/her parents, if you really want to.
Not so much track, more the whole will they be able to get a recording?
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On November 14 2012 08:41 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:40 kollin wrote:
Zealos read my post a few above, no need for all this phone recorder stuff, the police can track the phone call. Just go to the police, I cannot reiterate it enough. Hell, you could even go to your/her parents, if you really want to. Not so much track, more the whole will they be able to get a recording?
I can't be 100% certain, but I am quite sure they can. They just ask your girlfriends phone provider I believe.
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On November 14 2012 08:37 Zealos wrote:
Keep it civil guys. AngryMag, I understand where you are coming from, but often things aren't as simple as that. I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe, so obviously police is something I am going to go with, but there's no reason to respond aggressiveness as soon as I offer a reason as to why it may not be the perfect response.
EDIT: I am also getting her to install a phone call recorder on her phone should he call again. I figure it could be a simple way of getting some evidence to show police.
It is really not meant aggressive, just blunt because serious matters don't allow sugarcoating stuff. Especially because you have no clue what to do.
. You are a young middle class one who gets confronted with possible physical harm for the first time in his live. Atleast I would strongly guess so and I would also guess that you need a push to get stuff regarding this matter started
. You feel helpless and the measures you took go into the wrong direction. If the cops don't care now(which you don't know, because you didn't inform yourself even against the will of your gf, but you have to because it's the right thing to do), they won't care even if you record some threats made on the phone (this happens hundreds of times daily in the whole country). So this will achieve exactly nothing.
You already said that fighting the dude is no option(should only be the last resort either way), so again, you fucking have to look for alternatives. Police, battered women's shelters, lawyers, parents whatever. But please don't waste your time with recording stuff, which won't force immidiate action by the authorities.
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On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it.
That's exactly why she needs to go to the proper authorities. They can give him and his friend a warning at the least.
How does he get away with breaking fingers and not get caught exactly? There has to be more that she/you aren't telling...
On November 14 2012 08:52 AngryMag wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:37 Zealos wrote:
Keep it civil guys. AngryMag, I understand where you are coming from, but often things aren't as simple as that. I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe, so obviously police is something I am going to go with, but there's no reason to respond aggressiveness as soon as I offer a reason as to why it may not be the perfect response.
EDIT: I am also getting her to install a phone call recorder on her phone should he call again. I figure it could be a simple way of getting some evidence to show police. It is really not meant aggressive, just blunt because serious matters don't allow sugarcoating stuff. Especially because you have no clue what to do. . You are a young middle class one who gets confronted with possible physical harm for the first time in his live. Atleast I would strongly guess so and I would also guess that you need a push to get stuff regarding this matter started . You feel helpless and the measures you took go into the wrong direction. If the cops don't care now(which you don't know, because you didn't inform yourself even against the will of your gf, but you have to because it's the right thing to do), they won't care even if you record some threats made on the phone (this happens hundreds of times daily in the whole country). So this will achieve exactly nothing. You already said that fighting the dude is no option(should only be the last resort either way), so again, you fucking have to look for alternatives. Police, battered women's shelters, lawyers, parents whatever. But please don't waste your time with recording stuff, which won't force immidiate action by the authorities.
Record stuff if it happens AFTER you contact the authorities, save any proof you can get.
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On November 14 2012 08:54 Cyber_Cheese wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. That's exactly why she needs to go to the proper authorities. They can give him and his friend a warning at the least. How does he get away with breaking fingers and not get caught exactly? There has to be more that she/you aren't telling...
Why? People are afraid of violence, many get away with stuff like that, because the victims are afraid of them and feel threatened and don't go to the police. And breaking some fingers will not exactly bring you into jail, you get a slap on the wrist for something like that.
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On November 14 2012 08:34 AngryMag wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:23 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On November 14 2012 08:16 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls? Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing.. What the fucking hell does grabbing your balls have to do with anything here? He hasn't said one thing that makes him look like a chicken, and he's trying to figure out a way to come out of this with both him and his girlfriend in one piece. Also, "do the right thing"? What the fuck does that even mean? Man up and get tortured to death by a psychopath and his best bud, both twice his size, right in front of his girlfriend? Seriously, fuck off until you have helpful, constructive advice. This is serious shit. Ok bluntly. I actually offered the best tips given in this thread, just read the post above the one, which caused you to whine. "Do the right thing" actually means go to or call the police. I am also aware that his girlfriend doesn't want that. So it's up to him to actually fucking do so instead of picking reasons why he can't do something. If you actually would have invested ten seconds to read his quote you would hopefully be able to understand that. I am in total agreement that these are serious matters. That serious reasons force him to take actions, I offered some realistic possibilities while you came here to whine. There are surely various other possibilities, but it is a start.Grabbing your balls means to start doing something instead of looking for reasons to do nothing and feeling helpless. Your post didn't help him one jota to solve his problem,
I did read the quote, and misinterpreted what you were referring to when you said grab your balls. I thought you were referring to the whole thing about trying to get evidence against the ex, which would help a lot with the police.
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youre clearly in over your head.
a) call the police and explain this guy raped her in the past and is threatening to come back
b) dont meet up with the guy / avoid him / ignore his calls
c) be prepared incase the situation gets out of hand.
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On November 14 2012 08:58 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:34 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:23 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:On November 14 2012 08:16 AngryMag wrote:On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls? Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing.. What the fucking hell does grabbing your balls have to do with anything here? He hasn't said one thing that makes him look like a chicken, and he's trying to figure out a way to come out of this with both him and his girlfriend in one piece. Also, "do the right thing"? What the fuck does that even mean? Man up and get tortured to death by a psychopath and his best bud, both twice his size, right in front of his girlfriend? Seriously, fuck off until you have helpful, constructive advice. This is serious shit. Ok bluntly. I actually offered the best tips given in this thread, just read the post above the one, which caused you to whine. "Do the right thing" actually means go to or call the police. I am also aware that his girlfriend doesn't want that. So it's up to him to actually fucking do so instead of picking reasons why he can't do something. If you actually would have invested ten seconds to read his quote you would hopefully be able to understand that. I am in total agreement that these are serious matters. That serious reasons force him to take actions, I offered some realistic possibilities while you came here to whine. There are surely various other possibilities, but it is a start.Grabbing your balls means to start doing something instead of looking for reasons to do nothing and feeling helpless. Your post didn't help him one jota to solve his problem, I did read the quote, and misinterpreted what you were referring to when you said grab your balls. I thought you were referring to the whole thing about trying to get evidence against the ex, which would help a lot with the police.
Also sorry for the aggressive post, after reading it again, it is over the top. I just get riled up by the totally wrong advice many in this thread offer to a guy who could be in serious trouble in the not so distant future.
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On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
You are minors? This makes no fricking sense to be honest.
If this is true (Which I honestly doubt) here is my advice:
- Stop being an idiot and contact the police. Convince her, or just do it anyway.
- Get some kind of protection, a baseball bat or something and get some good locks and whatever so the house is safe.
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"He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one."
(+ the being raped several times part)
Talking from experience that you should take those things with a grain of salt. Honestly, breaking her fingers one by one there'd definitely be evidence there so.. I dunno, I would take it with a big grain of salt. But then again, I'm the last guy to even blindly trust his own gf nowadays so.. yeah.
But, with a big but, if she's actually speaking the truth, then you shouldn't care about what she wants, you should care about what would be the right thing to do and actually go out there & do it. But first I'd talk to the parents, not bluntly ask them if they know about her being raped + the thing with her fingers but just ask if they've noticed that her fingers were broken at some point when she was in a relationship, because honestly, she can't really hide something like that, especially not from her parents so..
Honestly I'd even bet all my savings that pretty much none of those stories are true (not saying you're lying, but that she's the one lying to you) but to sum up what I said and to make it sound more like an advice:
1) Take it with a grain of salt but if you really want to believe her, try and make sure she's telling the truth by asking her parents, try hearing them out a little bit if they'd noticed anything at all, especially with her fingers
2) if she's lying, confront her, if she's not, do the right thing.
And if someone would try and jump on me for saying such harsh things, it happened to me, I had an ex who had such stories and at the end none of them were true and (though the last part what I'm about to say is irrelevant to the OP's story) she turned out to be the biggest slut you can imagine so.. Like I said in my first line, I'm talking 'bout personal experience and I actually do have the experience of dealing with such stories coming from a gf.
I've read a few comments in here and take it from me, what I said above is probably the best thing (and realistic) so far.
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On November 14 2012 09:09 1a2aMm wrote:
"He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one."
(+ the being raped several times part)
Talking from experience that you should take those things with a grain of salt. Honestly, breaking her fingers one by one there'd definitely be evidence there so.. I dunno, I would take it with a big grain of salt. But then again, I'm the last guy to even blindly trust his own gf nowadays so.. yeah.
But, with a big but, if she's actually speaking the truth, then you shouldn't care about what she wants, you should care about what would be the right thing to do and actually go out there & do it. But first I'd talk to the parents, not bluntly ask them if they know about her being raped + the thing with her fingers but just ask if they've noticed that her fingers were broken at some point when she was in a relationship, because honestly, she can't really hide something like that, especially not from her parents so..
1) Take it with a grain of salt but if you really want to believe her, try and make sure she's telling the truth by asking her parents, try hearing them out a little bit if they'd noticed anything at all, especially with her fingers
2) if she's lying, confront her, if she's not, do the right thing.
And if someone would try and jump on me for saying such harsh things, it happened to me, I had an ex who had such stories and at the end none of them were true and (though the last part what I'm about to say is irrelevant to the OP's story) she turned out to be the biggest slut you can imagine so.. Like I said in my first line, I'm talking 'bout personal experience and I actually do have the experience of dealing with such stories coming from a gf.
If she's lying, that explains why she wouldn't want to take it to the authorities, why the guy was never caught on any charges, and more.
Take it straight to the police, behind her back if you have to. If she's lying to you, you deserve to know about it. If she's not, you've just done her a huge favour anyway.
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Not willing to go to the authorities (like my ex as well) is usually a big hint she's just lying.
And yes, I know a lot of rapes are not reported out of shame but if she already told the stories in detail (which is another thing that hints she's lying) then she really wouldn't be ashamed to go to the authorities nor unwilling to actually step up and take it to them.
oh btw, to the OP especially:
On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
those 3 things sound like things she made up so you would take a step back instead of going to the authorities because you wouldn't want her to put her in danger either, smart girl I must say, but once you've experience it just once, you can pretty much see right through those things.
+ "She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it."
You guys are minors, I really doubt she has any experience dealing with the authorities besides watching csi and whatnot so she has really no foothold there for you to understand why she'd say something like that. Again, it just sounds like another thing she'd say so you'd back off a bit so she can hide behind the lies.
And if/when you read this, I know you'd probably want to believe your gf because you love her etc.. Which makes me bring out the famous quote "Love makes/is blind". And I've experienced it to be true, unfortunately.
"My current girlfriend had a heartbreaking past. Her ex boyfriend died from an unprovoked street attack, and his brother, who was also a good friend of her's committed suicide soon after."
I doubt that's even true tbh.
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Police. If the stories are true then that shit's far too serious for you to handle it by yourself, if they aren't, that will probably make the lies surface, win/win
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I can be pretty sure she isn't lying. When she wakes up panting having had a nightmare about him I can be sure stuff has happened. She often flinches when I raise a hand suddenly if we're lying in bed together, and will often apologize a ridiculous amount if she feels she's done something wrong to me. I have also seen the 2nd guy's attempts to cause further damage.
The reason that she never pressed charges in the first place was the fact she always blamed herself for the deaths, and those who abused her were also close friends with those who died. Up until recently she always figured it was her fault she was abused.
I also doubt, should the stories be false, that the 2nd guy would bother contacting the first. Based on personally hearing the stories, and the fact I heard about them long before there was any romantic interest means I am 99% sure that she is telling the truth.
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On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
Honestly I think the most important thing is that you try and make her feel more confident about herself, i'm not sure exactly how much time you spend around or with her, but it's definitely not going to be all the time, and i dont know whether she lives alone, with her parents, or in a hostel or something, but I feel her mindset, and more importantly, her reaction to anything happening is going to be more important.
I think its also very important that you communicate what is going on with your friend with whomever she is living with, even if she is living with her parents and they know about it, or she is living with someone else who also knows about it, its very unlikely they know the whole story or just how deeply frightened she is with regards to that person. It takes a lot of time for a person to open up about something like this even to those they are closest to, and while she might not be comfortable opening up completely, if you think there is a realistic chance this guy might come back then they absolutely have to know about it.
My friend went through something similar, although her experience wasn't nearly as bad. Your friends' mental state right now is really important. Also try to encourage her to always move around with someone she knows, and she should make sure someone she trusts, (you or parents) always knows about her whereabouts.
Edit; Overall, I dont know either of the two boys, but I feel threats like these often end up empty, however, I completely understand not wanting to take a chance at all, however, I feel you should definitely try to find out if its even a realistic possibility for this guy to come back from russia, to your place.
Also, I definitely feel her guardians should know about this, coz if there is a serious chance the guy might come, then the police should definitely know about this, and her guardians/parents should be making this call.
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On November 14 2012 09:44 Zealos wrote:
I can be pretty sure she isn't lying. When she wakes up panting having had a nightmare about him I can be sure stuff has happened. She often flinches when I raise a hand suddenly if we're lying in bed together, and will often apologize a ridiculous amount if she feels she's done something wrong to me. I have also seen the 2nd guy's attempts to cause further damage.
The reason that she never pressed charges in the first place was the fact she always blamed herself for the deaths, and those who abused her were also close friends with those who died. Up until recently she always figured it was her fault she was abused.
I also doubt, should the stories be false, that the 2nd guy would bother contacting the first. Based on personally hearing the stories, and the fact I heard about them long before there was any romantic interest means I am 99% sure that she is telling the truth.
If so, which is still a bit doubtful to me but whatever, if it's truly the way she said it is, then the best thing I can do right now is quote mordk.
oh and btw, doesn't mean because you heard about them long before there was any romantic interest that it just has to be true, again, I know, as I heard those stories from my ex as well before we were even into each other so.. Maybe it's due to my own past but.. I try to believe only the things I can prove to myself to be true.
On November 14 2012 09:43 mordk wrote:
Police. If the stories are true then that shit's far too serious for you to handle it by yourself, if they aren't, that will probably make the lies surface, win/win
She might be mad in the beginning, but you don't leave such things in the dark, you really don't. She should get help (I know for a lot of people it's a bit of a taboo to get help but trust me it helps) and you should go to the police, pretty much like mordk said it's definitely and only a win/win situation.
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1) Police
2) Parents/Guardians
Stop making excuses, if this is a true story, this is serious.
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On November 14 2012 09:48 TheRPGAddict wrote:
1) Police
2) Parents/Guardians
Stop making excuses, if this is a true story, this is serious.
3. Get a lawyer
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Echoing whats been said. Get the police involved. Stop trying to keep yourself convinced thats a bad idea, this is what the police is there for.
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As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
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On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
Did you really have to use the word sharks, now I just have to go & watch that vod where Artosis was playing with his webcam lol.
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On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
First off, I never said I didn't plan to involve the police.
2nd, you guys have taken it past what it originally was. They don't have guns, they have traded in them very rarely, they used to be into selling drugs.
This is just the case of a psychopath to be quite honest. They're not gangsters, and are only around the age of 22 themselves. That doesn't make them not dangerous, nor can it stop them causing further psychological damage.
Having said that, I have a bit more faith in the police option now, given the number of responses that expect a positive response from the police. I was somewhat worried about it being a case of "We can't do anything till something actually happens..."
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ALSO: Important, he's not gonna come, break the door down and kill her. It's a case of, he'll be there, and she still feels like he owns her, and he's gonna take advantage of that to get her to visit him.
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what was the name of the boyfriend who died? An unprovoked attack that lead to death of somebody that young will have news reports you can read online. If there aren't any then her story is suspect.
I can't imagine how she could have all her fingers broken and then not have any evidence to lead back to this guy... does she have no parents? Like all your fingers broken is going to have a pretty significant impact on your day to day activities
If everything is true, do her parents know? both of you are too young to really be able to do anything about this on your own and you need to speak to both your parents about it.
People really do make this kind of stuff up, to mess with their partner and emotionally abuse them. My ex was an abusive prick who made shit up and pretended to kill himself. Don't take such tall stories at face value, and if they really are that serious your parents and the police are the people you need to talk to, no matter what she says about keeping it quiet.
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These two guys sound like a job for Dexter Morgan.
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On November 14 2012 10:25 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up. First off, I never said I didn't plan to involve the police. 2nd, you guys have taken it past what it originally was. They don't have guns, they have traded in them very rarely, they used to be into selling drugs. This is just the case of a psychopath to be quite honest. They're not gangsters, and are only around the age of 22 themselves. That doesn't make them not dangerous, nor can it stop them causing further psychological damage. Having said that, I have a bit more faith in the police option now, given the number of responses that expect a positive response from the police. I was somewhat worried about it being a case of "We can't do anything till something actually happens..."
1. I know you didn't, but I suggest you do.
2. I would have to disagree here. People who deal with light handguns are bad, bad people and should be avoided unless you're a badder, badder person. How does one "rarely" trade in guns?
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she might need some psychological counseling dude. take her to one and see what they can do to help her.
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She could also just go live in some friends house for say a month? Her parents i assume are aware of the situation, take some distance, let the thing cool down and then reassess.
The end solution is that this is your girlfriend problem, she is in control, the solution must come from her.Until she fights her own problems the guy will keep troubling her.
Gl mucho good vibes from montreal, try to not worry too much and enjoy life.
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if all else fails, leave.
Don't try to white knight. Your life is in danger.
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I have patched together quite a few fingers in the ER currently and let me say this: Someone WILL have noticed her broken fingers and she will certainly have been at a hospital to get them treated (broken fingers need to be x-rayed, possibly repositioned and then put in a splint or you run the risk of losing functionality). Hospitals keeps records of EVERYTHING - especially in a system like the one in the UK. Multiple broken fingers, especially if on both hands, are really hard to explain with just clumsiness, so bring the medical record and explain the entire story to the police who will then most certainly be able to guide you on the correct course of action.
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On November 14 2012 12:14 Ghostcom wrote:
I have patched together quite a few fingers in the ER currently and let me say this: Someone WILL have noticed her broken fingers and she will certainly have been at a hospital to get them treated (broken fingers need to be x-rayed, possibly repositioned and then put in a splint or you run the risk of losing functionality). Hospitals keeps records of EVERYTHING - especially in a system like the one in the UK. Multiple broken fingers, especially if on both hands, are really hard to explain with just clumsiness, so bring the medical record and explain the entire story to the police who will then most certainly be able to guide you on the correct course of action.
Sounds like the best plan. Seconded.
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So much good advice. Wow reading that was so depressing 
I hope you get out of this alright and that these guys are punished or caught or at least don't hurt you or your girlfriend. Wow. Ghostcom nailed it too, I think. Best of luck ._.
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how could you not have any proof? she didnt visit the doctor after he broke her fingers; after she was coughing up blood; after any of it?
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Tied her down and broke all of her fingers?... Not that it can't happen but... I don't know, she was probably seriously abused of course, but don't take her word as the God's truth on every story or detail.
Also, sorry, but I'm in line with Release on this one. You bit off more than you can chew and now your going to watch her willingly endanger herself (she doesn't want the cops and she knows you can't fully protect her... so... what the fuck). You don't know what's going to happen, but it ain't good, and with your level of obligation and panic, you obviously have no control, and quite frankly, there's little you could do even if you were more assertive.
Also, I've been with someone like this before. She had been abused an raped, I was the hero, blah blah blah, but not only was it more than either person could handle, but not everything I was told was entirely credible in hindsight. She also was a "refuse to call the police" type of person. Well, didn't take long for shit to hit the fan you might imagine. I was as powerless as you are, and will be.
Sure, you love her and whatever, but if this going to be some major dominant problem in her life, not the mention the CONSTANT threat of him returning... you, her, and this relationship are kind of fucked.
Not sure what calling the cops would do... They won't arrest him on you second-hand testimony. Restraining orders aren't quick to obtain or easy and they don't deter the very determined. She doesn't feel safe knowing he's out there somewhere, and the damage requires therapy at the very least, and probably relocation altogether.
Also, how did this man get in contact with your girlfriend to let her know he was coming???
Friend... it sounds like your probably going to drag yourself through to the bitter end. You will regret this.
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I honestly am skeptical of this story. Especially the breaking fingers part, and the guy leaving the country because he felt guilty, and you wanting anonymous opinions even though you're planning to tell the right people anyway. If you're making this up, it's a very bizarre thing to do. If you're telling the truth, I apologize, but you must know that your story is unlikely.
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On November 14 2012 16:02 Doodsmack wrote:
I honestly am skeptical of this story. Especially the breaking fingers part, and the guy leaving the country because he felt guilty, and you wanting anonymous opinions even though you're planning to tell the right people anyway. If you're making this up, it's a very bizarre thing to do. If you're telling the truth, I apologize, but you must know that your story is unlikely.
Your GF might be a chronic liar. You should try to ascertain proof of his existence.
Also just because he can overpower her does not mean that he can overpower you. If he can overpower you I recommend breaking up with her. Not worth getting dragged into her fucked up life.
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On November 14 2012 14:15 frogmelter wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 12:14 Ghostcom wrote:
I have patched together quite a few fingers in the ER currently and let me say this: Someone WILL have noticed her broken fingers and she will certainly have been at a hospital to get them treated (broken fingers need to be x-rayed, possibly repositioned and then put in a splint or you run the risk of losing functionality). Hospitals keeps records of EVERYTHING - especially in a system like the one in the UK. Multiple broken fingers, especially if on both hands, are really hard to explain with just clumsiness, so bring the medical record and explain the entire story to the police who will then most certainly be able to guide you on the correct course of action. Sounds like the best plan. Seconded.
I hadn't thought of this.
Also, her parents are not aware of the situation, she always kept it secret, (when her fingers were broken she claimed it was from a martial arts tournament) but this is a decent idea.
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On November 14 2012 16:44 puppykiller wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 16:02 Doodsmack wrote:
I honestly am skeptical of this story. Especially the breaking fingers part, and the guy leaving the country because he felt guilty, and you wanting anonymous opinions even though you're planning to tell the right people anyway. If you're making this up, it's a very bizarre thing to do. If you're telling the truth, I apologize, but you must know that your story is unlikely. Your GF might be a chronic liar. You should try to ascertain proof of his existence. Also just because he can overpower her does not mean that he can overpower you. If he can overpower you I recommend breaking up with her. Not worth getting dragged into her fucked up life.
The broken fingers are confirmed, they happened. I also know the second guy is real, I've seen him. I guess it's possible the main guy isn't real, but it wouldn't really make sense.
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On November 14 2012 10:45 AgentW wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 10:25 Zealos wrote:On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up. First off, I never said I didn't plan to involve the police. 2nd, you guys have taken it past what it originally was. They don't have guns, they have traded in them very rarely, they used to be into selling drugs. This is just the case of a psychopath to be quite honest. They're not gangsters, and are only around the age of 22 themselves. That doesn't make them not dangerous, nor can it stop them causing further psychological damage. Having said that, I have a bit more faith in the police option now, given the number of responses that expect a positive response from the police. I was somewhat worried about it being a case of "We can't do anything till something actually happens..." 1. I know you didn't, but I suggest you do. 2. I would have to disagree here. People who deal with light handguns are bad, bad people and should be avoided unless you're a badder, badder person. How does one "rarely" trade in guns?
They did it once or twice, never had any of their own, it was more of a thing they'd sell to trusted clients. It's been a long time since they've been doing this though (1-2 years)
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I think the way to go with this has been laid out by the previous posters. But I figure I can always recap and add a little of my own thoughts into this.
I think Ghostcom nailed it on how to approach this. If you can provide the circumstantial evidence of the broken fingers in combination with telling her story, then I think the police will be forced to react. Which is definately what you want as your first step.
Following that you want the police to give you advice on how to properly defend yourself and how to take precautions. After all they are our go-to-guys in case somebody intends to do physical or psycological harm. Personally, I would make sure to ask about things like pepperspray (good point FFgeneration) for self defense. Mostly because it is a very effective and easy way of neutralizing stronger and larger aggressors while simultaneously gaining the necessary time to run for it if it should come to that. No point in fighting people you can't beat.
The reason you should discuss everything with the authorities is that you want to follow their procedures. Otherwise the case might be cluttered in illegally acquired evidence and end up unresolved due to a failure to follow proper investigative procedures. You want to prepare as best you can for the worst case scenario and hope it never comes to pass. But if it does, you also want to make 100% sure that it will never be able to happen again.
On the personal level, as others have pointed out and you probably already know yourself, you should consider discussing councelling with your girl friend (if you haven't already).
Finally, I just want to add that you have my sympathies and that I hope everything will work out for the two of you. You have drawn a very bad hand, but if play your cards right you just might be rewarded for it.
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It's very simple, you have three options:
A) Let the problem be solved by someone else (for example police)
B) Solve the problem yourself (do whatever is necessary to stop him)
C) Do nothing and hope that everything turns out ok.
Your choice man. If your not a fighter you can still be smart about it.
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Ahm look, I hate to say this but... who is this person that you call "girlfriend" and where do you live exactly. Because if what you say is true and she didn't go to the authorities and you are not going to the authorities now than ether
a ) you live in a very remote area/ "dark" part of a town, in which case get the fuck away from her or purchase a gun... if 2 guys twice your size want to rape your gf than might i just suggest that you can be killed or severely injured
b ) If you actually live in a civilized part of a city and she hasn't gone to the authorities about this yet, might i suggest that maybe just maybe she isn't in a " good relation" with the police already. And seeing how sad the situation is for her i would guess that's not a very unreasonable assumption to make.
So yeah, be reasonable, get the fuck away. You are 17, you have a life of live for fucks sake. If you decide to be dumb and stay than at least contact the damn police or make sure you know how to protect yourself.
And make sure to tell us in a month if your still alive/not in a vegetative state... really, be careful dude don't try to be a fucking withe knight if you ain't got no sword and armor.
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Contact the authorities to protect your gf. There is no way reasoning with the guy, because he's irrational.
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On November 14 2012 07:52 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 07:50 NeVeR wrote:
Here's what you do: call the guy with her phone and say, "I'm her boyfriend. She told me about some of the things you did to her. She never wants to see or hear from your ugly face ever again, so you'd better stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I will beat the living fucking shit out of your sorry ass until you can't make a sound." Problem solved. Not how he works. Instead, he'll wait for the next time I'm leaving her house, and most likely hospitalize me.
Most people are non-confrontational, you find this out very fast when you act confrontational in life. The very threat of beating the shit out of him is enough for most people to back off. If he actually beats the shit out of you, call the fucking cops. Grow a spine. Something HAS to be done here bro.
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What is the deadline here, just out of curiosity? When is he coming to visit?
Do what is in your power to convince GF that neither of those two men, or anyone at all, truly owns her. If you're not a good talker, post results on TL and someone will help guide you through.
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Still no updates? Methinks there could be serious occurrences (or extreme doubt) that the OP is no omitting. That's the problem with the more interesting/complicated girl blogs: never a follow-up
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Seems like a perfect time for a road trip. I hear the south of Spain is nice in November. Maybe a weekend, maybe a week, maybe change her phone number, get a new ID. Have you ever watched The Bourne movies? Not suggesting to get physical with this guy. Just outsmart him.
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On November 16 2012 11:44 metbull wrote:
Seems like a perfect time for a road trip. I hear the south of Spain is nice in November. Maybe a weekend, maybe a week, maybe change her phone number, get a new ID. Have you ever watched The Bourne movies? Not suggesting to get physical with this guy. Just outsmart him.
He's 17.
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His failure to respond to daphreak and people who responded similarly makes what he's saying somewhat dubious to me. I would be inclined to take what he's saying at face value otherwise. Wonder what's going on for him.
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He doesn't get to visit. Problem solved. Carry a weapon on you to defend yourself in case you can't flee. Call authorities.
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Maybe try contact Rape Crisis UK or the Survivors Trust? They probably have experience with these kind of situations and I don't think they report it to the police unless you want them to.
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Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that.
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On November 17 2012 01:54 Aerisky wrote:
His failure to respond to daphreak and people who responded similarly makes what he's saying somewhat dubious to me. I would be inclined to take what he's saying at face value otherwise. Wonder what's going on for him.
And oops, I also missed that he is seventeen. So now I really take all of this with a grain of salt. I mean in that state, certain statements could embellished upon. Not to mention, when you're 17, you're probably not "in love." You're probably seventeen. Way too young to be playing the "good guy," and possibly "the white night." Like I said, he will regret this.
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+ Show Spoiler +On November 14 2012 08:15 AngryMag wrote:
Serious advice:
1. Try to get authorities involved. Why are you afraid to call the police? Worst thing to happen is to hear "No sorry we cannot help you at all". You should atleast try.
2. If 1 fails you can contact battered women's shelters in your region. Call them, explain your situation and arrange meetings with them to inform yourself about possible protection measures these institutions can arrange for your girlfriend.
3. If 1 and 2 fall through inform the parents and ask them what can be done in a situation like this.
4. Call a lawyer to inform yourself about legal possibilities.
5. Call your friends for protection. As the dudes are larger than you you may need some. Just let them stay at your place while Asshole 1 is in the country. If he shows up, chin him together with your friends.
You should put some effort into the points 1 to 4. You can do them alltogether. If everything falls through for some reason stick to point 5 (remember this is the last resort) and make sure that an eventual chinning is not forgotten to fast.
this seems like an intelligent course of action to me. one thing id like to add is to try to think rationally and not to panic, as youl be no help to her if you do. stay calm, think clearly, talk to her, figure out a good course of action, and then do it.
also i am slightly skeptical of the situation. something seems off...another possible explanation is that your girlfriend is attracted to the "bad guy" archetype; crazy russian guy hurt your girlfriend (emotionally) and she made him out to be some kind of monster to you by exaggerating certain less serious incidents, to elicit sympathy because she is the type of person who needs that kind of thing...then the other guy who is friends with the crazy russian was with her and it didnt work out with him either so she made him out to be evil, and now since she is sick of douchebags she is with you, because she wants a nice guy. that might be a tough pill to swallow, but ive seen it many times, chicks being manipulative.
that sounds alot like something a 17 year old would do, and also i doubt that if she was in such a dire situation that after escaping it she would go with one of his friends for a while. its more likely that the second guy played on her fragile emotional state after breaking up with "crazy" russian guy, and fucked and chucked her, which hurt her again, causing her to stretch the truth.
of course this is all just a theory. if you think there is even a small possibility of her being in legitimate danger then you should do whatever you can to protect her and follow the aforementioned steps.
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On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that.
Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god.
Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK?
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On November 17 2012 21:57 3Form wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that. Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god. Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK?
I'm the middle class one, not her. And yes, that is our plan, I feel a lot more confident that the police will be able to do something about it now, too.
To everyone doubting the stories and thinking it could never happen, you have to /really/ consider you privilege, because most of you probably have no idea about what happens in the world you don't have to see.
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On November 18 2012 01:00 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2012 21:57 3Form wrote:On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that. Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god. Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK? I'm the middle class one, not her. And yes, that is our plan, I feel a lot more confident that the police will be able to do something about it now, too. To everyone doubting the stories and thinking it could never happen, you have to /really/ consider you privilege, because most of you probably have no idea about what happens in the world you don't have to see.
i think its rude to tell the people who are trying to help you that they dont know what they are talking about because they feel something fishy about the situation. you are 17. alot of people here have seen alot of things you have not. instead of discounting the opinion of anyone who you disagree with as one that is based on ignorance, perhaps you should realize that they might be trying to help you and save you some heartache, because they have been in the exact same situation and they know that you are probably going to get hurt if you go down this road.
just another theory...
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On November 18 2012 01:00 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2012 21:57 3Form wrote:On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that. Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god. Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK? I'm the middle class one, not her. And yes, that is our plan, I feel a lot more confident that the police will be able to do something about it now, too. To everyone doubting the stories and thinking it could never happen, you have to /really/ consider you privilege, because most of you probably have no idea about what happens in the world you don't have to see.
Well whatever you do mate, don't listen to the people here telling you to get a knife / baseball bat / gun / sharp stick ...
The reason I'm sceptical is precisely because of law, police, social services here. You might complain, but nowhere in the UK is like suburban Moscow, or Johannesberg or whatever. We're damn well taken care of here.
Talk to your parents at least, they have at least twice the life experience of you and are probably much wiser than you give them credit for, you'll realise that one day though 
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On November 18 2012 01:00 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 17 2012 21:57 3Form wrote:On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that. Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god. Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK? I'm the middle class one, not her. And yes, that is our plan, I feel a lot more confident that the police will be able to do something about it now, too. To everyone doubting the stories and thinking it could never happen, you have to /really/ consider you privilege, because most of you probably have no idea about what happens in the world you don't have to see.
Ironic because you're the one who put all of your problems out there, and that you have yet to see anything yourself, going off her word and your intense feelings about the situation.
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Tell your neighbours that you might have an unwanted Russian company and you'd like help if something happened.
Or just tell them that he is a criminal (who he is) and maybe some gramps has a hunting rifle and life full of nothing ahead.
You could always buy a crown, dress your friends in animal hides and torture him in the forest nearby so he remembers the good ol' times.
I assume you live on your own? Move back to your parents for a while. Tell your neighbours not to tell anyone what happened to you or talk about some trip to South-eastern Poland or Lithuania.
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
On November 14 2012 16:44 puppykiller wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 16:02 Doodsmack wrote:
I honestly am skeptical of this story. Especially the breaking fingers part, and the guy leaving the country because he felt guilty, and you wanting anonymous opinions even though you're planning to tell the right people anyway. If you're making this up, it's a very bizarre thing to do. If you're telling the truth, I apologize, but you must know that your story is unlikely. Your GF might be a chronic liar. You should try to ascertain proof of his existence. Also just because he can overpower her does not mean that he can overpower you. If he can overpower you I recommend breaking up with her. Not worth getting dragged into her fucked up life.
lol........
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On November 16 2012 11:44 metbull wrote:
Seems like a perfect time for a road trip. I hear the south of Spain is nice in November. Maybe a weekend, maybe a week, maybe change her phone number, get a new ID. Have you ever watched The Bourne movies? Not suggesting to get physical with this guy. Just outsmart him.
rofl, god, some of you people are goddamn delusional
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On November 18 2012 05:32 Gprime wrote:Show nested quote +On November 18 2012 01:00 Zealos wrote:On November 17 2012 21:57 3Form wrote:On November 17 2012 07:27 SaWse wrote:
Weapons don't care about size, this day and age anyone can fuck up anyone. Carry a knife on you if you're really scared. Contact the police and see what they can do. Then I would also break all contact with him. Breaking someone's fingers one by one is torture and I wouldn't leave anything to luck with people like that. Jesus Christ. If it's true just go the effing police for the love of god. Does this really happen to 17 year old middle class white children in the UK? I'm the middle class one, not her. And yes, that is our plan, I feel a lot more confident that the police will be able to do something about it now, too. To everyone doubting the stories and thinking it could never happen, you have to /really/ consider you privilege, because most of you probably have no idea about what happens in the world you don't have to see. i think its rude to tell the people who are trying to help you that they dont know what they are talking about because they feel something fishy about the situation. you are 17. alot of people here have seen alot of things you have not. instead of discounting the opinion of anyone who you disagree with as one that is based on ignorance, perhaps you should realize that they might be trying to help you and save you some heartache, because they have been in the exact same situation and they know that you are probably going to get hurt if you go down this road. just another theory...
The people saying the story is probably wrong are:
A) Not the ones helping
B) Not the people telling me to do something about it, due to them doubting it
I understand the reasons people doubt the story, and that's fine, but there are a lot of people in the world that will never experience the bottom 20% of society....
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On November 20 2012 02:26 Zealos wrote:
I understand the reasons people doubt the story, and that's fine, but there are a lot of people in the world that will never experience the bottom 20% of society....
Fudge mate, you're the one being naive now. Even living in the UK on benefits you're in the top 15% of the entire world, so please can it with the patronising crap. On the minimum wage you're in the top 10%.
There is help available to you and your lady-friend. If you choose not to take it it's your own fault. Stop comparing yourself to some poor sod from Burkino Faso, Zimbabwe, Congo or wherever, who doesn't have the luxury of choosing.
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I don't know your UK laws but here is what I would recommend if you lived in Canada. Canada and UK Criminal law are similar in many ways so I think that this approach should work for you as well.
1. She should go to the police and report everything that happened. Tell them that she wants to proceed with charges for sexual assault with a weapon, aggravated assault, etc.
2. Police will definitely take these matters seriously. They will get her to give a full, video-taped account of what happened, in graphic detail. This will be very uncomfortable for her but she will need to do it.
3. Police will want to get medical records from the hospital or doctor where she was treated for her broken fingers. Your gf should sign a waiver of confidentiality so police can get these.
4. Once they have this information, police will attempt to contact the perpetrator. Just one problem -- he's in Russia.
5. Once police realize they cannot locate the perpetrator, they will get a warrant for his arrest. In Canada this is called a warrant in the public interest.
6. When he arrives in the country, he will be arrested on the warrant. He will then have the right to apply for bail, which he may or may not get depending on a number of factors.
7. With any luck he will hear about this and never come back to the country. Problem solved.
Now of course if your gf's story is actually exaggerated or not completely true then of course she could get in a lot of trouble by falsely accusing someone of serious crimes. But I'm telling you this on the basis that it's all true as you described.
Source: I have been a criminal lawyer in Canada for over 10 years.
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Tell her to smarten her ass up lol
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On November 14 2012 08:45 kollin wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:41 Zealos wrote:On November 14 2012 08:40 kollin wrote:
Zealos read my post a few above, no need for all this phone recorder stuff, the police can track the phone call. Just go to the police, I cannot reiterate it enough. Hell, you could even go to your/her parents, if you really want to. Not so much track, more the whole will they be able to get a recording? I can't be 100% certain, but I am quite sure they can. They just ask your girlfriends phone provider I believe.
The phone provider will not be able to get a recording of the calls. The police may be able to get a complete history of calls from the provider if they get a warrant for them.
Do not try to become an armchair detective. Serious crimes have been committed, your gf needs to go to the police and let the professionals do a thorough investigation.
The idea of installing a recorder on the phone is a good one.
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Is there any update to how this little ordeal went? Did you get the help you needed?
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Update would be nice, if you happen to still be alive
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EPT
