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This isn't the girl blog you're looking for. It isn't me trying to get with a girl, or some failed attempt to have sex while drunk. This is about abuse, fear, and an ask for help and advice with something somewhat serious. It may also be triggering for people who may have been in abusive relationships in the past. For reference, me and my girlfriend are both 17.
(Sorry Mods if this is a bit of a grim topic for TL, I just need somewhere reasonably anonymous to write about it, and potentially hear ideas that I hadn't thought of)
My current girlfriend had a heartbreaking past. Her ex boyfriend died from an unprovoked street attack, and his brother, who was also a good friend of her's committed suicide soon after. Following this, she was somewhat distressed, which eventually led her into a relationship with an unsavory guy.
To put it bluntly, he raped her, several times, to the point of holding a knife to her throat. He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one. Point is, after being dragged away while beating the shit out of her, while she was coughing up blood he realized just how bad he had been. He then moved out the country, and went to Russia (Where his family were/are)
This was some time ago. I am now in a happy relationship with her (though she suffers from depression and has /severe/ nightmares about him) However, there is an issue. Due to another guy trying to "control" her, and failing, he has contacted the earlier mentioned Guy 1, and he has told my girlfriend that he plans to visit her soon.
I don't even know what to do. I can't call the police as there is no proof that anything happened, so they won't do anything till he actually does something to her. I literally have no clue what I can do to protect her. Does anyone have any thoughts? Would the police be more interested if we spoke to them?
Obviously, people are gonna give me the response of telling someone in a position to do something about it, such as parents ect, which of course I will do, but I'd just like to hear some anonymous responses first.
EDIT: ALSO: Important, he's not gonna come, break the door down and kill her. It's a case of, he'll be there, and she still feels like he owns her, and he's gonna take advantage of that to get her to visit him.
 
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She has you to protect her. Now do your job as a man and show those guys to hit the road.
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On November 14 2012 07:44 123Viril69 wrote:
She has you to protect her. Now do your job as a man and show those guys to hit the road.
That's not how real life works. He's at least double my size, and he'll almost certainly be with the 2nd guy, who's 6" 5. They would almost certainly leave me in a gutter with several broken bones. Not all to helpful....
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Here's what you do: call the guy with her phone and say, "I'm her boyfriend. She told me about some of the things you did to her. She never wants to see or hear from your ugly face ever again, so you'd better stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I will beat the living fucking shit out of your sorry ass until you can't make a sound." Problem solved.
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On November 14 2012 07:50 NeVeR wrote:
Here's what you do: call the guy with her phone and say, "I'm her boyfriend. She told me about some of the things you did to her. She never wants to see or hear from your ugly face ever again, so you'd better stay the fuck away from her, or I swear I will beat the living fucking shit out of your sorry ass until you can't make a sound." Problem solved.
Not how he works. Instead, he'll wait for the next time I'm leaving her house, and most likely hospitalize me.
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Umm, I think 123Viril69 gave bad advice. Don't try to be a hero. Discuss the situation with your girlfriend and decide what to do together. Going to the police sounds like a good idea. They may not be able to do anything immediately, but letting them know about the situation is a good idea. Basically, let all the people you trust know about the situation and they can at least be supportive and aware of what's going on. If this guy does show up, you can go to them for help.
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What a weird situation.
I hope you find what you're looking for, it seems like you're dealing with a nut job which is extremely difficult. I guess I'll hope he gets shot in the face by a bear for you or something.
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Nut job is very accurate. He'd be happy to hurt his 5 year old son because he knows that would get to her, and get her to do what he wants.
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I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can.
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So the first, rapist, torturer guy is sitll in russia and the new guy is going to come for a visit?
edit: yeah i am a little... blunt abou tthis.. because i am skeptical... if it is true, however, sincere condolences to your girlfriend. that must take incredible strength to live through such trauma. so soryr for being a bit insensitive and callous. i just think we may as well keep it blunt.
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On November 14 2012 07:59 HardlyNever wrote:
I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can.
He is another slightly abusive guy that took advantage of her while she was in her state following the deaths. He is good friends with the first guy, and likes to be in control of my girlfriend. Because he can no longer exercise that control, he rang the guy up because he knows he can get to her better.
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Just go to the police. Seriously, assuming you didn't speak face to face, but he rung you or texted you or however he did it, they can track it and then, most likely, put her under police protection. They don't just ignore stuff like this.
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On November 14 2012 08:04 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 07:59 HardlyNever wrote:
I'm not 100% what is going on. There is a bit of lapse on your story on the "he" in the 4th paragraph. Who is the "he" and why is he contacted the abusive ex?
At any rate, given his/their past, your girlfriend (not really you, but her) should be in her legal rights by contacting the police and saying she is fearing for her safety based on what this guy has already done to her(at least in the US, I'd assume it is similar in the UK). The best thing you could do, if you are taking this seriously, is push her in that direction as best as you can. He is another slightly abusive guy that took advantage of her while she was in her state following the deaths. He is good friends with the first guy, and likes to be in control of my girlfriend. Because he can no longer exercise that control, he rang the guy up because he knows he can get to her better.
Wow, well, it seems like these guys are part of a very warped circle. Both fond of the suffering of others. Monsters. Well the police cannot do much until they take more illegal action.
Firstly, you both need to just ignore him. He wants you to fear him so do not give him that. Second, what can you do against someone who is willing to take illegally violent measures against you?
1. flee
2. police
3. retalate.
I'd be doing stuff like planning an escape route if he actually does show up.. getting a bit of pepper spray, telling the police, and ignoring him. he's not going to fuck with you. dont let him.
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United States1719 Posts
I dont know how it works in the UK, but assuming the police operate somewhat similarly to the police in the US, there is no way in hell they will ignore this, even without any evidence. Make sure to get in contact with the right authorities, and a lot of them. If you try very hard to reach out to them and push this through the system, action will be taken. Nobody wants to become that guy on the evening news that failed to take action and let an innocent woman get hurt. It sounds like a terrible situation all around; follow advice other people have already posted, and don't try to take this on alone.
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I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls?
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get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts.
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Serious advice:
1. Try to get authorities involved. Why are you afraid to call the police? Worst thing to happen is to hear "No sorry we cannot help you at all". You should atleast try.
2. If 1 fails you can contact battered women's shelters in your region. Call them, explain your situation and arrange meetings with them to inform yourself about possible protection measures these institutions can arrange for your girlfriend.
3. If 1 and 2 fall through inform the parents and ask them what can be done in a situation like this.
4. Call a lawyer to inform yourself about legal possibilities.
5. Call your friends for protection. As the dudes are larger than you you may need some. Just let them stay at your place while Asshole 1 is in the country. If he shows up, chin him together with your friends.
You should put some effort into the points 1 to 4. You can do them alltogether. If everything falls through for some reason stick to point 5 (remember this is the last resort) and make sure that an eventual chinning is not forgotten to fast.
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On November 14 2012 08:14 Zealos wrote:
I would also add the fact that she is not too keen to go to the police. It would take some convincing. He also never texts or emails, only calls. Would we be able to get evidence from past phonecalls?
Who cares? Grab your balls and try to do the right thing..
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United States1629 Posts
You don't have any friends? Friends that would actually help you in a fight? And police...
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EPT
