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On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
You are minors? This makes no fricking sense to be honest.
If this is true (Which I honestly doubt) here is my advice:
- Stop being an idiot and contact the police. Convince her, or just do it anyway.
- Get some kind of protection, a baseball bat or something and get some good locks and whatever so the house is safe.
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"He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one."
(+ the being raped several times part)
Talking from experience that you should take those things with a grain of salt. Honestly, breaking her fingers one by one there'd definitely be evidence there so.. I dunno, I would take it with a big grain of salt. But then again, I'm the last guy to even blindly trust his own gf nowadays so.. yeah.
But, with a big but, if she's actually speaking the truth, then you shouldn't care about what she wants, you should care about what would be the right thing to do and actually go out there & do it. But first I'd talk to the parents, not bluntly ask them if they know about her being raped + the thing with her fingers but just ask if they've noticed that her fingers were broken at some point when she was in a relationship, because honestly, she can't really hide something like that, especially not from her parents so..
Honestly I'd even bet all my savings that pretty much none of those stories are true (not saying you're lying, but that she's the one lying to you) but to sum up what I said and to make it sound more like an advice:
1) Take it with a grain of salt but if you really want to believe her, try and make sure she's telling the truth by asking her parents, try hearing them out a little bit if they'd noticed anything at all, especially with her fingers
2) if she's lying, confront her, if she's not, do the right thing.
And if someone would try and jump on me for saying such harsh things, it happened to me, I had an ex who had such stories and at the end none of them were true and (though the last part what I'm about to say is irrelevant to the OP's story) she turned out to be the biggest slut you can imagine so.. Like I said in my first line, I'm talking 'bout personal experience and I actually do have the experience of dealing with such stories coming from a gf.
I've read a few comments in here and take it from me, what I said above is probably the best thing (and realistic) so far.
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On November 14 2012 09:09 1a2aMm wrote:
"He had also previously tied how to a chair and broke her fingers one by one."
(+ the being raped several times part)
Talking from experience that you should take those things with a grain of salt. Honestly, breaking her fingers one by one there'd definitely be evidence there so.. I dunno, I would take it with a big grain of salt. But then again, I'm the last guy to even blindly trust his own gf nowadays so.. yeah.
But, with a big but, if she's actually speaking the truth, then you shouldn't care about what she wants, you should care about what would be the right thing to do and actually go out there & do it. But first I'd talk to the parents, not bluntly ask them if they know about her being raped + the thing with her fingers but just ask if they've noticed that her fingers were broken at some point when she was in a relationship, because honestly, she can't really hide something like that, especially not from her parents so..
1) Take it with a grain of salt but if you really want to believe her, try and make sure she's telling the truth by asking her parents, try hearing them out a little bit if they'd noticed anything at all, especially with her fingers
2) if she's lying, confront her, if she's not, do the right thing.
And if someone would try and jump on me for saying such harsh things, it happened to me, I had an ex who had such stories and at the end none of them were true and (though the last part what I'm about to say is irrelevant to the OP's story) she turned out to be the biggest slut you can imagine so.. Like I said in my first line, I'm talking 'bout personal experience and I actually do have the experience of dealing with such stories coming from a gf.
If she's lying, that explains why she wouldn't want to take it to the authorities, why the guy was never caught on any charges, and more.
Take it straight to the police, behind her back if you have to. If she's lying to you, you deserve to know about it. If she's not, you've just done her a huge favour anyway.
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Not willing to go to the authorities (like my ex as well) is usually a big hint she's just lying.
And yes, I know a lot of rapes are not reported out of shame but if she already told the stories in detail (which is another thing that hints she's lying) then she really wouldn't be ashamed to go to the authorities nor unwilling to actually step up and take it to them.
oh btw, to the OP especially:
On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
those 3 things sound like things she made up so you would take a step back instead of going to the authorities because you wouldn't want her to put her in danger either, smart girl I must say, but once you've experience it just once, you can pretty much see right through those things.
+ "She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it."
You guys are minors, I really doubt she has any experience dealing with the authorities besides watching csi and whatnot so she has really no foothold there for you to understand why she'd say something like that. Again, it just sounds like another thing she'd say so you'd back off a bit so she can hide behind the lies.
And if/when you read this, I know you'd probably want to believe your gf because you love her etc.. Which makes me bring out the famous quote "Love makes/is blind". And I've experienced it to be true, unfortunately.
"My current girlfriend had a heartbreaking past. Her ex boyfriend died from an unprovoked street attack, and his brother, who was also a good friend of her's committed suicide soon after."
I doubt that's even true tbh.
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Police. If the stories are true then that shit's far too serious for you to handle it by yourself, if they aren't, that will probably make the lies surface, win/win
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I can be pretty sure she isn't lying. When she wakes up panting having had a nightmare about him I can be sure stuff has happened. She often flinches when I raise a hand suddenly if we're lying in bed together, and will often apologize a ridiculous amount if she feels she's done something wrong to me. I have also seen the 2nd guy's attempts to cause further damage.
The reason that she never pressed charges in the first place was the fact she always blamed herself for the deaths, and those who abused her were also close friends with those who died. Up until recently she always figured it was her fault she was abused.
I also doubt, should the stories be false, that the 2nd guy would bother contacting the first. Based on personally hearing the stories, and the fact I heard about them long before there was any romantic interest means I am 99% sure that she is telling the truth.
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On November 14 2012 08:19 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 08:15 Coagulation wrote:
get a gun. or a taser if you feel better not painting the walls with his guts. UK, unfortunately, also, still minors. To everyone else, I really appreciate the advice. To the people asking about the unwillingness to go to the police, there are a few things: 1. She has a huge fear of this guy, she feels he can do nearly anything. She thinks if she goes to the police, he will find out, and punish her for it. 2. She doesn't want to take the risk that they do nothing about it. 3. She doesn't want to put me in harms way. Obviously, if it came down to it, I would pretty much force her to go to them, but they are the reasons for the reluctance.
Honestly I think the most important thing is that you try and make her feel more confident about herself, i'm not sure exactly how much time you spend around or with her, but it's definitely not going to be all the time, and i dont know whether she lives alone, with her parents, or in a hostel or something, but I feel her mindset, and more importantly, her reaction to anything happening is going to be more important.
I think its also very important that you communicate what is going on with your friend with whomever she is living with, even if she is living with her parents and they know about it, or she is living with someone else who also knows about it, its very unlikely they know the whole story or just how deeply frightened she is with regards to that person. It takes a lot of time for a person to open up about something like this even to those they are closest to, and while she might not be comfortable opening up completely, if you think there is a realistic chance this guy might come back then they absolutely have to know about it.
My friend went through something similar, although her experience wasn't nearly as bad. Your friends' mental state right now is really important. Also try to encourage her to always move around with someone she knows, and she should make sure someone she trusts, (you or parents) always knows about her whereabouts.
Edit; Overall, I dont know either of the two boys, but I feel threats like these often end up empty, however, I completely understand not wanting to take a chance at all, however, I feel you should definitely try to find out if its even a realistic possibility for this guy to come back from russia, to your place.
Also, I definitely feel her guardians should know about this, coz if there is a serious chance the guy might come, then the police should definitely know about this, and her guardians/parents should be making this call.
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On November 14 2012 09:44 Zealos wrote:
I can be pretty sure she isn't lying. When she wakes up panting having had a nightmare about him I can be sure stuff has happened. She often flinches when I raise a hand suddenly if we're lying in bed together, and will often apologize a ridiculous amount if she feels she's done something wrong to me. I have also seen the 2nd guy's attempts to cause further damage.
The reason that she never pressed charges in the first place was the fact she always blamed herself for the deaths, and those who abused her were also close friends with those who died. Up until recently she always figured it was her fault she was abused.
I also doubt, should the stories be false, that the 2nd guy would bother contacting the first. Based on personally hearing the stories, and the fact I heard about them long before there was any romantic interest means I am 99% sure that she is telling the truth.
If so, which is still a bit doubtful to me but whatever, if it's truly the way she said it is, then the best thing I can do right now is quote mordk.
oh and btw, doesn't mean because you heard about them long before there was any romantic interest that it just has to be true, again, I know, as I heard those stories from my ex as well before we were even into each other so.. Maybe it's due to my own past but.. I try to believe only the things I can prove to myself to be true.
On November 14 2012 09:43 mordk wrote:
Police. If the stories are true then that shit's far too serious for you to handle it by yourself, if they aren't, that will probably make the lies surface, win/win
She might be mad in the beginning, but you don't leave such things in the dark, you really don't. She should get help (I know for a lot of people it's a bit of a taboo to get help but trust me it helps) and you should go to the police, pretty much like mordk said it's definitely and only a win/win situation.
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1) Police
2) Parents/Guardians
Stop making excuses, if this is a true story, this is serious.
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On November 14 2012 09:48 TheRPGAddict wrote:
1) Police
2) Parents/Guardians
Stop making excuses, if this is a true story, this is serious.
3. Get a lawyer
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Echoing whats been said. Get the police involved. Stop trying to keep yourself convinced thats a bad idea, this is what the police is there for.
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As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
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On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
Did you really have to use the word sharks, now I just have to go & watch that vod where Artosis was playing with his webcam lol.
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On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up.
First off, I never said I didn't plan to involve the police.
2nd, you guys have taken it past what it originally was. They don't have guns, they have traded in them very rarely, they used to be into selling drugs.
This is just the case of a psychopath to be quite honest. They're not gangsters, and are only around the age of 22 themselves. That doesn't make them not dangerous, nor can it stop them causing further psychological damage.
Having said that, I have a bit more faith in the police option now, given the number of responses that expect a positive response from the police. I was somewhat worried about it being a case of "We can't do anything till something actually happens..."
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ALSO: Important, he's not gonna come, break the door down and kill her. It's a case of, he'll be there, and she still feels like he owns her, and he's gonna take advantage of that to get her to visit him.
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what was the name of the boyfriend who died? An unprovoked attack that lead to death of somebody that young will have news reports you can read online. If there aren't any then her story is suspect.
I can't imagine how she could have all her fingers broken and then not have any evidence to lead back to this guy... does she have no parents? Like all your fingers broken is going to have a pretty significant impact on your day to day activities
If everything is true, do her parents know? both of you are too young to really be able to do anything about this on your own and you need to speak to both your parents about it.
People really do make this kind of stuff up, to mess with their partner and emotionally abuse them. My ex was an abusive prick who made shit up and pretended to kill himself. Don't take such tall stories at face value, and if they really are that serious your parents and the police are the people you need to talk to, no matter what she says about keeping it quiet.
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These two guys sound like a job for Dexter Morgan.
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On November 14 2012 10:25 Zealos wrote:Show nested quote +On November 14 2012 10:04 AgentW wrote:
As many people have said, contact the police.
That being said, how does a 17 year old get in deep with sharks like this? These guys are basically hulking, Russian gangsters willing to shoot people. Something doesn't add up. First off, I never said I didn't plan to involve the police. 2nd, you guys have taken it past what it originally was. They don't have guns, they have traded in them very rarely, they used to be into selling drugs. This is just the case of a psychopath to be quite honest. They're not gangsters, and are only around the age of 22 themselves. That doesn't make them not dangerous, nor can it stop them causing further psychological damage. Having said that, I have a bit more faith in the police option now, given the number of responses that expect a positive response from the police. I was somewhat worried about it being a case of "We can't do anything till something actually happens..."
1. I know you didn't, but I suggest you do.
2. I would have to disagree here. People who deal with light handguns are bad, bad people and should be avoided unless you're a badder, badder person. How does one "rarely" trade in guns?
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EPT
