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Blogs > Liquid`NonY

Kevan

Sweden2303 Posts

October 09 2012 12:57 GMT

#121

I can definitely relate to some of this. Just not feeling what you should feel. Not finding any motivation to do anything, to truly live or to die, no matter how hard you look. Then you just give up and stop looking. There's no reason. You can't force yourself to "just do it". You're just floating around through the days of your life in your own sad bubble, suffocating slowly. Regretting life.

I can still stretch my willpower enough to function decently though. I realize that I should try to change things in my life and myself to get closer to achieving the happiness that I should want. I just need to find that motivation first. But in the end, there's no reason to.

Anyways, I wish Nony all the best with fighting his depression.

zul

Germany5427 Posts

October 09 2012 13:05 GMT

#122

thanks for sharing. I`m not sure for what reason, but reading this gave me something, something good. thanks again.

Wildmoon

Thailand4189 Posts

October 09 2012 13:28 GMT

#123

Not feeling sadness or happyness is actually a good thing in buddhism way.

Big J

Austria16289 Posts

October 09 2012 14:06 GMT

#124

Well, I thought like that for quite some time. But you know, is also no reason not to live.
So my guess is, living is already the point in living

(every system comes down to fundamental axioms in the end)

syst

United States247 Posts

October 09 2012 14:08 GMT

#125

On October 09 2012 22:28 Wildmoon wrote:
Not feeling sadness or happyness is actually a good thing in buddhism way.

That's not true at all. Buddhism admits that to be controlled by one's emotions blinds the way to seeing the truth of reality but the key word is "controlled". You've never seen the Dalai Lama laugh or cry? He does both often. He's more in touch with, and feels more often, his emotions than most.

wwJd)El_Mojjo

Sweden173 Posts

October 09 2012 14:13 GMT

#126

Are all feelings really irrational?

I definitely believe some feelings are rather a consequence of thought (which may or may not be rational depending on the case) than something stand-alone in the irrational realm. I'm not trying to put words in anyone's mouth here, I just want to point out the relation between rational thought and feelings. Of course, thought is not the only thing necessary to "produce" feelings, but I believe feelings often originate from rational thought. Assigning (or perhaps discovering) value to something can be a rational process of thought, and those values will most likely affect our feelings in some way. I also believe the values can be either true or false, but that's a different question maybe.

Also I don't believe this is true:

On October 09 2012 13:31 Liquid`NonY wrote:
Rational justification for every act begins with "Assuming you want to live and be happy..."

As I mentioned in this post, even though I think feeling happy is a great thing, I don't believe it's the most important thing.

To OP:
I'm not trying to criticize your feelings or anything, I just wanted to share a different perspective that some people might find helpful.

Treehead

999 Posts

October 09 2012 14:20 GMT

#127

An interesting look into depression. I assume this was meant to communicate your mindset, but you come painfully close to stating a horrible misinterpretation of reality - that your view is the only view. I feel that life has a point, and I don't feel that point stems from an inner desire to be happy. You might be right. I might be right. The more appropriate assessment is that neither of us know, that neither of us can know the inner workings of "life" - we can only postulate the inner workings of our own individual lives.

Rationality is not life without perspective - rationality is life without bias. Rationality does not add 1 and 1 by saying "really, what does '1' mean - is '1' anything really?" It makes assumptions and follows those assumptions as though they were true. That you and I have made different assumptions to begin with does not make one of us rational and one of us not. It simply means we are applying our rationality to different ends.

Wildmoon

Thailand4189 Posts

October 09 2012 14:26 GMT

#128

On October 09 2012 23:08 syst wrote:

Show nested quote +

It's not only that you must not get controlled by emotions but you must get rid of all desire to achieve enlightment. If you are not attached to anything I don't think you will feel any sadness or happyness.

Chef

10810 Posts

October 09 2012 14:28 GMT

#129

Don't like living, too scared to die. Nothing more nothing less. I found no more profound expression of my own unhappiness than in They Shoot Horses, Don't They? It's written from the perspective of someone who isn't sad, being around someone who doesn't want to live. You might want to read it if you ever see this post -.-

Humans give purpose to things from their own perspectives, that's for sure.

Enearde

France265 Posts

October 09 2012 14:32 GMT

#130

On October 09 2012 23:26 Wildmoon wrote:

Show nested quote +

It's not only that you must not get controlled by emotions but you must get rid of all desire to achieve enlightment. You are not attached to anything I don't think you will feel any sadness or happyness.

I don't think sadness and happiness can't be achieved without being attached to something. Because you don't own something or someone doesn't make you unable to feel. Before a storm you'll look at the sky and feel amazed or scared or whatever. You're not attached to the storm but it'll make you feel something. Most of your feelings are, in fact, crafted by your own condition.

Wildmoon

Thailand4189 Posts

October 09 2012 14:52 GMT

#131

On October 09 2012 23:32 Enearde wrote:

Show nested quote +

ฺัBy not attached to anything in Buddhism it means EVERYTHING even yourself. You don't have to own anything and still attached to something. Let's not get further into this topic. I am buddhist but I know very little about it. lol

KNICK

Germany248 Posts

October 09 2012 15:30 GMT

#132

I can relate to and I agree with your view on the lack of meaning or reason in life. All we ever do is motivated by irrationality. A completely rational person would just lie down and wait for death, because everything else is a waste of energy. The point is, we do have this energy to waste, and most of us choose to go ahead and spend it while we can. Most people assign different names and denotations to what they're doing (goals, aspirations, dreams), but in the end it's just a way of occupying ourselves until our bodies expire.

Of course Nony's situation is vastly different from mine, but what led me to contentment (I'm purposely avoiding the term "happiness") was simply to give up on desperately looking for something that will give my existence meaning. As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing of that sort to be found anywhere, so I won't bother chasing the imaginary light at the end of the tunnel. I'm perfectly fine with just getting up each morning and awaiting what today might bring, without planning for what I'm going to do next year, next month or even next week.

All I'm here for is to do whatever the fuck I want (and by "here" I mean on this planet, not TeamLiquid - I have read the ten commandments, I swear!), without worrying about the consequences. I won't maintain a constant headache because of the way life treats me, I don't care about it enough for that.

That said, Tyler, I wish you all the best and I hope you find your personal path to being okay with how things are someday.

P.S. I am not exactly uninformed about what Nony is experiencing, I was diagnosed with clinical depression twice. If what I wrote above comes off as lacking in empathy or misunderstanding his condition, trust me, I know it's not an easy thing to live with.

BisuDagger

Bisutopia19368 Posts

October 09 2012 15:32 GMT

#133

I always feel for you NonY. It seems unfair that you bring happiness to so many people and yet happiness isn't being brought to you. I'm a person who used to get my value in life by pleasing others. After a long time that took a toll on me and I had to get selfish and start concentrating on me. But it must be so much harder for you to do that because we all have "expectations" of you because you carry the TL banner along with your name. So the choice to make others happy is always the priority. You must perform well in and out of your games. I just urge you to remember the community that represented TL 4-5 years ago. Where no one hated on you for no reason and didn't have expectations for you. We were just happy to see you play and know who you were. This is your family on TL and while there is the occasional annoying brother or sister, this site should be your support and give you praise. Somewhere in the past year I feel that good energy has left this place. But you are still here to help model for us what this community is supposed to be. So while your responsibility is high, your expectations from us are to just be yourself and be happy. Results will follow from there.

Clegane

Germany110 Posts

October 09 2012 15:34 GMT

#134

Wow ... either this summer really is/was hard for many people or I just stumble about it because I just got real depressions. And I just realized I had something like that for many years ... without ever realizing it. Only this summer it hit me hard.

Most of the years I actually got around it with a constructivist mindset ("even if I can't see the reason, which I cannot, I can give myself a reason. Also I can not know if there is no reason, because thinking there is no reason is the same as believing there is a reason.").

Depressions are like the most irrational thing of all for me. But still they are real.

Randomaccount#77123

United States5003 Posts

October 09 2012 15:43 GMT

#135

--- Nuked ---

KDot2

United States1213 Posts

October 09 2012 15:47 GMT

#136

Nony I am a huge fan

As someone who has dealt with bipolar disorder since 17 years old (I am now 21) honestly you sound more like what I had gone through than just generic depression you seem to have a lot of ups and downs. Not saying you are bipolar but its something to at least think about and research.

Andre

Slovenia3523 Posts

October 09 2012 16:02 GMT

#137

Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness. - Zhuangzi

I guess if you're a vegetable, you're happy. I'm a vegetable.

CaptainCrush

United States785 Posts

October 09 2012 16:16 GMT

#138

People dont have to justify why something makes them happy just like you don't have to justify why you are unhappy. But to tell everyone (including a bunch of potentially happy people) that there is no point to life is just being a downer. To tell them that their quest is useless and that one day while at the peak of their happiness they will suddenly realize that it was all for shit is a little extreme.

Blogs are a great way to voice/ vent your own problems and frustrations but you shouldnt be using them as a tool to tell other people falsehoods about their own life.

kcdc

United States2311 Posts

October 09 2012 16:26 GMT

#139

Perhaps if you can't find purpose in yourself, you can find purpose in others. In writing the disclaimer at the bottom of your post, you've shown you care about the impact of your words on strangers. Surely, you can convinced yourself that your love for your family and the responsibilities that love carries is enough reason to get out of bed in the morning. Anyway, that was the motivation I finally settled on when I struggled to find purpose in life.

Alternatively, you can accept that your life doesn't need a rational underpinning, and that the seeking your own happiness is worthy of effort simply because you prefer it to the alternative. After all, there's no universal or logical law that holds that we should minimize our effort expenditure. That desire to conserve energy is another feeling that humans get due to evolutionary pressures. There's no more reason to obey the urge to do nothing than there is to obey the urge to seek happiness.

Hope this helps. Let us know if you want to talk.

Netherlands12045 Posts

October 09 2012 16:40 GMT

#140

Thank you for this blog. For a long time i have been by myself, thinking the same way but having a hard time translating my thoughts into words since i am a Math major. The meaning of life, the existence of the human race are all meaningless once you look out into the outer universe. Feelings, actions, reason are simply reduced to the very bit of electron and atom interactions. To find the purpose of life have always been the final goal of humanity since the very beginning of higher society. Gods, religions were created, science is developed, moral is passed on all in order to reach further and further into the core of each conscious mind and ease the will to end one life for losing the living purposes. In other word, the survival of humanity, our race. All will just be reduced into the void once you realize that the core of the problem: the answer will never be found, at least in your life time. Most people choose to forget, choosing a different short term goal to focus on their life, others simply dont even question is from the very first place simply because their ability to question such has been oppressed by the environment they live in: society, culture, religions,... Only few like us remain in depression, the upset feeling that your life is emptiness without a true meaning.

When i was in middle high school and learned about the Theory of relativity, how time and space interact, i often picture human race as a small river flow to the sea just because nature created that way. The chance of atom colliding, connect and create such scenery is extremely rare and somebody like me, a rock standing by the river of time, have the rare chance to enjoy the appreciation of nature's wonder. The existence of human race is a miracle and we live on to celebrate it. Appreciating the meaning of 'live' is simple live it to the very best, for yourself.

Tyler, I know that there is the chance that we gona meet in near future gona be almost impossible. But i do respect you as a fellow thinker to the utter most. Live on!

P/s: just as a brain teaser, may i recommend you to a TV show called ''Earth Final Conflict"? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0123816/

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