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United States7488 Posts
You Have 482 New Messages!
Once in a great while I find myself looking through my inbox for a website registration confirmation or a forgotten password reminder/reset. While most of the time my spam filter knows that I want to look at these things, occasionally one gets held hostage by my junk folder and I find myself wandering into that mess of e-mails. Fortunately, due to the nature of these kinds of e-mails, I don’t often have to look far. It’s usually the most recent item I need; and this situation should be familiar to everyone. However, in my most recent visit to my junk folder, I stopped longer than intended and checked out some of the blatantly obvious spam I was receiving.
I don’t know how it is for most people, but I get well beyond shitloads of it every day. This is likely the product of having the same email address since the nineties and signing up for who knows how many newsletters and websites since then. Among my junk there are things that I generally would expect to find in just about anyone’s junk folder: 101 flavors of penis enlargement ads, long-lost hot female friends who want to reconnect and probably get naked on webcam for me, account notices for World of Warcraft or Diablo 3 or some other game that I don’t play, and requests for help from Nigerian relatives.
Among the more common ones, I noticed some that were less expected. Some of them were targeted at old people, which may be a bit of my own doing, while others completely baffled me. What could I have signed up for to eventually get on a list to receive that?! My e-mail address has likely been bought and sold more times than I can count, and while I was wondering what it might be like to get a cut of that over the years (since they are selling something that’s mine, after all) I came up with another idea….
With inspiration from none other than yours truly, I decided to collect some of these junk e-mail subjects from the past week's worth (My junk folder lifespan) and put them all in a post for the enjoyment of everyone. Unlike my other thread though, this is something you all can participate in as well, assuming you receive junk mail. And if you don’t, feel free to complain about being left out. I’d like to see some of the really odd junk mail subjects that all of you have received. So go make that journey into the land of too-enticing-to-actually-be-true e-mails and come back with your best/strangest/most out of place-iest selections.
Here are mine that I felt were strange, interesting or maybe went the extra mile (or couple of inches) further than similar e-mails to get my attention: + Show Spoiler + ''-Your $800.00-Confirmation link-inside-!-' 2-Day Sailing Certification Class Ass rimming the easy way Butts that look awesome Coffee Bean That Melts Fat?... Dr. Oz Thinks So Confidential, PLEASE VIEW ATTACHED LETTER FOR DETAILS. Did you suffer a Gallbladder injury while using Birth Control Do you look older than you feel? Do you REALLY know who you’re Sleeping With? Elena is intrigued ENLARGE Your MANHOOD 3-4 Inches PERMANENTLY Eyelash Extensions ◆ Movie Tickets ◆ Paddleboard Lesson ◆ and ... Feb 14 Deadline – Verify Your Eligibility & Enrollment! August 26th Deadline – Verify Your Eligibility & Enrollment! (I guess the deadline on the e-mail two days prior got moved up… who cares about a February deadline in August?)Fef Find printable dog food coupons on top brands here! FREE Charcoal Companion Grill Basket! H_D PO^R N HO. T S .E, X X_ V_I-D;E"O -S jajaboz Ku Klux Klan Love and Seniors is Our Specialty Microdermabrasion + Mask My son's new heart New video for men only Nice long hard one for you so hard you can break an egg (is anyone else apart from me now curious if you can currently break an egg?)The Greatest Shags of All Vein-Removal Treatment & Consultation We Need Your-Confirmation-for 100 USD-1000 USD deposit !...-?? + Show Spoiler +Egg-related updates on Page 4
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ALLEYCAT BLUES49039 Posts
so hard you can break an egg
curious....
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Whoa, mindblown a bit. Must buy some eggs from market later today...
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On August 25 2012 01:27 BLinD-RawR wrote:curious....
Standard...
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Canada10923 Posts
I have a couple throw away hotmail addresses for anything I need to sign up for. I NEVER use my actual gmail account except to email people. But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked.
Apparently
Someone may have used your account to send out a lot of junk messages or done something else that violates the Microsoft services agreement.
Fortunately, I can still use it to sign up for things and register.
I'm convinced, though that I didn't have a truly significant problem with spam with my main register hotmail until I used it to sign up for Facebook. (Although that's a few years back already.)
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Fef. Hmmm I wonder what language that is...
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"The Greatest Shags of All."
Get some carpets, they're the best apparently.
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Hrmmm i have eggs in the fridge. The only interesting one i got recently was claiming that my runescape account has been hacked and if i don't fix it i will be named in a law suit for gold farming. That one was a bit more creative than the others.
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mine is boring:
Transactional Lawyers, Improve Your Public Speaking, Sept. 21 $199 Unlimited CA CLE - Extended to Friday! IP Law for Non-IP Attorneys & In House Counsel Ethics of Legal Writing, Webcast September 7
no penises, no hot girls, no nigerian princes, but occasionally foreign corporations looking for a lawyer to help them sue to recover money in the U.S.
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I don't get any interesting spams either. The ones I got currently are all from universities saying they wish for me to enroll etc (really regret signing up for that) and from facebook, which I don't use. I suppose I'll start blocking facebook. I do that when I get more college spam that hasn't been already blocked. But ffs I could have sworn I'd blocked Drexel University multiple times by now.
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10 tips for orgasm - be a real hero in bed tonight Top quality replica watches of Swiss luxury watch brands Need an urgent unsecured loan Diabl03 g ->12/10000K ,w`0w (9/10k)Gold +Obsidian Nightwing
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Oddly just checked my mail and 15 new spams (directly into the spam folder) over the past week (not that much I guess)
Basically they all (and always) are:
- Some game account action requires (half of the games I've never even played) - Random banks saying my account/card is blocked - Best medicine online - Some gambling stuff guaranteeing 300% something.
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I'm totally gonna try to crack an egg on my morning wood this weekend
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On August 25 2012 01:46 Falling wrote: I have a couple throw away hotmail addresses for anything I need to sign up for. I NEVER use my actual gmail account except to email people. But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked.
I do the same thing, but instead of using a dummy email, I just make new temporary addresses as needed. Some random site making you register for something? Open a new tab, make an address with random information, register with the address and let it expire.
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Haha there's some great ones in there :D That egg breaker!
Also reminds me of this Cracked article. One of the funniest things on the internet imo :D
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United States7488 Posts
That Cracked article is hilarious, hadn't seen that before.
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Like many other posters, better test if I can crack an egg.
Sigh... so hard to stop midway through masturbation
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On August 25 2012 01:46 Falling wrote:I have a couple throw away hotmail addresses for anything I need to sign up for. I NEVER use my actual gmail account except to email people. But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked. Apparently Show nested quote +Someone may have used your account to send out a lot of junk messages or done something else that violates the Microsoft services agreement. Fortunately, I can still use it to sign up for things and register. I'm convinced, though that I didn't have a truly significant problem with spam with my main register hotmail until I used it to sign up for Facebook. (Although that's a few years back already.) It would be interesting to create a bunch of throwaway accounts and use each one once on a well known website and then see whether the accounts end up getting any spam emails.
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United States24343 Posts
1) Police Training Get Trained For an Exciting New Career
2) Over 30 Million Members - Join Today for Free Gift!
3) The Manager Petroleum Company of Trinidad and Tobago(Petrotrin) Trinidad, West Indies
That is taken from the 75 I've gotten within the last day or so from one of my accounts...
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Australia7069 Posts
Degree Programs for Radiology now online Were your social security disability benefits denied, Arthur? Save Big on Subaru Vehicles this Summer True love Genuine L 2 obsidian nightwing+100K wowgold= 85: d3 gold 9/10,000k Ancient chinese secret to regrow hair ... Sculpt your body with liposuction., arollason Grow a long and hard one today Child Predator Warning
I'm trying to work out what they've got me pegged as. The seem to be extremely focussed on "love" or "L". Also they get my name wrong alot (assume it's arthur, actually i'm Andrew). the usual penis stuff. I cracked up when i saw the child predator warning. just watched predator last night so my mind instantly went to a child alien hunter as opposed to a pedophile.
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When I read Ku Klux Klan I immediately thought DEY TOOK OUR JOBS.
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The Ultimate Teenage Ninja Turtle Mission Awaits. Choose Your Side Wisely. Win Exclusive... Trying to pull me with with TMNT... that's a dirty trick.
On August 25 2012 04:50 Kiante wrote: I'm trying to work out what they've got me pegged as. The seem to be extremely focussed on "love" or "L". Also they get my name wrong alot (assume it's arthur, actually i'm Andrew). the usual penis stuff. I cracked up when i saw the child predator warning. just watched predator last night so my mind instantly went to a child alien hunter as opposed to a pedophile.
As a white guy I've got invitations to both Asian and Black dating sites, so their identification methods are somewhat lacking. At least they know I'm a guy since half of my spam is for penis enlargement.
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Lul. I haven't a lot, but I have "Cheap Levtira and Vigara" because hey, if we are going to scam you, at least we won't sully the name of the actual product we aren't selling.
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Vaginal Mesh FDA Alert! Is Bullying on Social Networks a Problem? Becky - A little on the heavy side buy sexy What is your facebook page worth? Take Our Survey. Paul a.k.a. Moneybags - Millionaire ready for a REGULAR girl! I've already dated all the pretty ones already and... Just $10 for 4 perfect tortilla molds!
Hahaha this was an enjoyable exercise
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On August 25 2012 05:53 dudeman001 wrote:The Ultimate Teenage Ninja Turtle Mission Awaits. Choose Your Side Wisely. Win Exclusive... Trying to pull me with with TMNT... that's a dirty trick. Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 04:50 Kiante wrote: I'm trying to work out what they've got me pegged as. The seem to be extremely focussed on "love" or "L". Also they get my name wrong alot (assume it's arthur, actually i'm Andrew). the usual penis stuff. I cracked up when i saw the child predator warning. just watched predator last night so my mind instantly went to a child alien hunter as opposed to a pedophile.
As a white guy I've got invitations to both Asian and Black dating sites, so their identification methods are somewhat lacking. At least they know I'm a guy since half of my spam is for penis enlargement. When looking at my mom's spam email recently, one of the websites in her folder was "Black People Meet." I have a feeling they don't really peg anyone as anything. Just by looking at her email, it's pretty obvious that we have the most German last name in existence.
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The Greatest Shags of All
lol wtf
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That cracked article was good, and speaking of cracked......
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United States7488 Posts
Details of any egg-cracking experiences would also be welcome in this thread. i.e. number of tries, pain/injury, what you thought about/looked at, picture of the cracked egg, how you decided to prepare the egg afterward, was it tasty, etc.
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Get BIGGER with Free trial Be the Pied Piper of chicks
Pretty awesome, really. I don't tend to expect a literary reference that's dropped off the 10 second attention span of the majority of the planet to make it into my spam folder!
I'm crazy enough to try this in a bit, but just for clarification, this IS mod permission to post the results, assuming there's not a picture of the... equipment used, yes?
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United States7488 Posts
On August 25 2012 07:31 JingleHell wrote: I'm crazy enough to try this in a bit, but just for clarification, this IS mod permission to post the results, assuming there's not a picture of the... equipment used, yes? Yes... just no dick pics.
I might try it and post my results sometime this weekend when I have some alone time in the house.
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On August 25 2012 07:43 semioldguy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 07:31 JingleHell wrote: I'm crazy enough to try this in a bit, but just for clarification, this IS mod permission to post the results, assuming there's not a picture of the... equipment used, yes? Yes... just no dick pics. I might try it and post my results sometime this weekend when I have some alone time in the house.
That's kinda what I'm waiting for too.
It seems too stupid not to try.
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I actually have zero spam emails in my main email lol.
But my throwaway has tons of them...nothing particularly interesting though.
Best one I can remember is back in high school, I got an email with the following header:
We are not doing what you think we're doing at Bates
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mine is literally all "double your dick size in 5 minutes"
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I laughed hard at "Ku Klux Klan"
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On August 25 2012 07:43 semioldguy wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 07:31 JingleHell wrote: I'm crazy enough to try this in a bit, but just for clarification, this IS mod permission to post the results, assuming there's not a picture of the... equipment used, yes? Yes... just no dick pics. I might try it and post my results sometime this weekend when I have some alone time in the house. ... Are there any rules... like no hands, has to be cracked completely, can you smack it? Proud to say this is my weirdest post so far.
EDIT: some spam from my email
Coffee Bean That Melts Fat?... Dr. Oz Thinks So Today Newsletter: -- Try The Electronic Cigarette - Smoke Healthier and Grab Attention Too! -- cee Learn a Language in 10 Days Remove Moles and Skin Tags While You Sleep... Vineyard Spam Salad - Combine grapes, spam, peapods and onions in large bowl
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Canadian Pharmacy: buy now Viagra Cialis !! V1jadra, Cia1lls and Other Medics. Added 24 products. Please visit our market. Viagra+Viagra Super Active(Free) - SUPER DISCOUNTS
I AM NOT FROM CANADA!!!! STUPID CANADIANS!!! > : [(All 3 are from Canadian Pharmacy!) + Show Spoiler +By stupid Canadians, I only mean the one(s) sending spam like this to Americans. >.>
Join The Gay Club Today! Sex, Sex, Sex is the best! Get some girls! Old Lovaboy Turned Young Again! Hot Hot HOTTIES! Gain Penis Enlargement In Three Weeks! Porn Makes You Thin! Learn what your Boyfriend is really up to! New Bras For You! $9.99 For A New T.V. Monitor! Micro Enhancers Vajinu Scout Out Jump On Board, Sex Is Sailing Teen Nage Mutant Ninja Tootles [L.O.L.!!!!] Yugi V Jaden - BATTLE FOR ALEXIS
edit: this one just came in! Jingle Some Hells For Santa
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What's Up With All Of These Spam Message Capitalizing Every Word?
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I had that issue with a yahoo email address.
It depends on what email provider you use. Hotmail (to my knowledge) and yahoo use public filters for spam.
Public Spam Filter: If a lot of people mark certain messages as spam (they are very similar in content, say, like a website signup), they are then put on the filter, and all future messages go directly to the spam folder. This also means that the companies that send these messages can make their own accounts and unmark the messages, and they won't be filtered.
Private spam filters: (google is a big one for this) each user has his own spam filter that only that user can change. Google uses both a public and private to filter out content, and messages when are put on the public filter don't come off (think of it more like a banlist in a game).
More on subject, I love the messages that put togeather random words in the form of a sentence.
"Red baskets on Monday's orgy work diligently towards the recession. These few mothers are proud to be one of a kind dishes that people eat". Almost like a BadLipReading soundbyte.
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I have somehow ended up with far and away more spam being sent to my main email than my throwaway one. It doesn't really matter to me though because my spam fiter does a pretty good job at catching it all.
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my mail provider is actually pretty good at filtering out the rubbish. Even my 10 year old 'I use this one to sign up for everything' email address gets maybe a handful a day, and about 1 per day makes it through the filters.
This here was the most recent one I found:
Greeting to you,
Let my letter not be a surprise to you. My name is Mrs. Melly from Philippines but based here in Burkina Faso as a business woman dealing with gold exportation. I am a sick woman who has decided to donate what I have to charity through you. You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer disease which doctors have confirmed that i have just few days to leave, Now that I’m ending the race like this, without any family members and no child,
I have ($200.000) in one of my bank account here which I instructed the bank to distribute to orphanage Homes here in Burkina Faso and it’s done already, Then after my prayer today my spirit moved me to search on internet and contact any lucky person and hand over the sum of ($750.000) usd in my other account to the person for the help of orphanages homes, motherless baby homes and charity homes in his/her country and for my soul to rest with God.
But you must assure me that you will take 30% of the money and share the rest to the orphanages homes, motherless baby homes, and charity homes in your country, If you can respect this my wish and assure me that you will use the money as I instructed when I have left, kindly get back to me urgently to enable me forward you the bank contact details and my International passport for them to change the funds to your own name and transfer it to you because without presenting my International passport the bank will never listen to you, Get back to me urgently if you can help me to fulfill my wish, Note that according to the bank rules it will only cost you for change of ownership just to change the fund to your own name and transfer it to you that is all, but if you cannot help me please reply so that I can look for another person because if no one apply for my money when am gone it will go to bank treasury and they will not use it to help the needy once to fulfill my wish.
Remain Bless Mrs.Melly
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Some of these are pretty hilarious, but I wonder, might this blog end up contributing to the results of your other blog project of the Google Searches that lead one to TL in the first place?
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Like a few days ago i had like 50 attempted logins on my accounts all over the internetz i was like wth? :D
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On August 25 2012 01:46 Falling wrote:But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked. Apparently Show nested quote +Someone may have used your account to send out a lot of junk messages or done something else that violates the Microsoft services agreement.
No, that's when someone has hacked your account and is using your account to send e-mails to other people.
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The greatest shags of all LOL.
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Please post the rules of how we should go about breaking said egg. Such as hands or no hands. Btw ill do it when no ones home.
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United States7488 Posts
I don't think there should be many rules for how to break an egg with your penis, as long as contact from your hardon is what breaks the egg. There should be no tying a sharp, hard object to your cock like it has a mechanical arm and hitting it with the object or using your cockring to crack the egg. No cyborg penises allowed. 100% flesh only.
If you want you can jump up and have your member come crashing down upon the egg, or use your hand and wield your wiener like a sword, or do a hand stand and pull your dick back to release it and flick the egg (you might have to have someone else help you if you busy doing a handstand), or drop the egg in your tightey-whiteys and have the power of arousal and no expansion space crack through the egg. Or go through a whole dozen eggs with a dozen different methods. Get creative, do what you think will work.
I have no idea if breaking an egg with an erection is even going to be hard to do (pun intended)... but there is only one way to find out.
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dont forget to wear a condom
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On August 26 2012 10:10 semioldguy wrote: I don't think there should be many rules for how to break an egg with your penis, as long as contact from your hardon is what breaks the egg. There should be no tying a sharp, hard object to your cock like it has a mechanical arm and hitting it with the object or using your cockring to crack the egg. No cyborg penises allowed. 100% flesh only.
If you want you can jump up and have your member come crashing down upon the egg, or use your hand and wield your wiener like a sword, or do a hand stand and pull your dick back to release it and flick the egg (you might have to have someone else help you if you busy doing a handstand), or drop the egg in your tightey-whiteys and have the power of arousal and no expansion space crack through the egg. Or go through a whole dozen eggs with a dozen different methods. Get creative, do what you think will work.
I have no idea if breaking an egg with an erection is even going to be hard to do (pun intended)... but there is only one way to find out. you could just put your penis between the egg and your hand and push, obviously that would be cheating as even a non hard penis would break it. I think the fair way seems to be put egg on hard surface, then swing your penis against it if it's big and hard enough it breaks the egg :D
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well since it's supposed to show how hard your penis is, I would try to crack it the way you'd use a hard object to crack an egg, by tapping it...
but it might be kind of difficult to get it really hard while you're wielding an egg. I imagine eggshells would keep popping into your mind and ruining the mood.
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Use your penis to throw the egg up into the air and have it break from the fall. The sledgehammer method has a risk of egg shell shards that I'd prefer to avoid.
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Or maybe get a friend to help, build a slingshot out of two dicks, and shoot the egg at a wall.
At least semioldguy isn't being a dick-tator about how to do it.
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On August 25 2012 02:57 Bibbit wrote:Haha there's some great ones in there :D That egg breaker! Also reminds me of this Cracked article. One of the funniest things on the internet imo :D
On August 25 2012 06:01 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 05:53 dudeman001 wrote:The Ultimate Teenage Ninja Turtle Mission Awaits. Choose Your Side Wisely. Win Exclusive... Trying to pull me with with TMNT... that's a dirty trick. On August 25 2012 04:50 Kiante wrote: I'm trying to work out what they've got me pegged as. The seem to be extremely focussed on "love" or "L". Also they get my name wrong alot (assume it's arthur, actually i'm Andrew). the usual penis stuff. I cracked up when i saw the child predator warning. just watched predator last night so my mind instantly went to a child alien hunter as opposed to a pedophile.
As a white guy I've got invitations to both Asian and Black dating sites, so their identification methods are somewhat lacking. At least they know I'm a guy since half of my spam is for penis enlargement. When looking at my mom's spam email recently, one of the websites in her folder was "Black People Meet." I have a feeling they don't really peg anyone as anything. Just by looking at her email, it's pretty obvious that we have the most German last name in existence.
and what would that be?
On August 25 2012 04:05 Eufouria wrote:Show nested quote +On August 25 2012 01:46 Falling wrote:I have a couple throw away hotmail addresses for anything I need to sign up for. I NEVER use my actual gmail account except to email people. But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked. Apparently Someone may have used your account to send out a lot of junk messages or done something else that violates the Microsoft services agreement. Fortunately, I can still use it to sign up for things and register. I'm convinced, though that I didn't have a truly significant problem with spam with my main register hotmail until I used it to sign up for Facebook. (Although that's a few years back already.) It would be interesting to create a bunch of throwaway accounts and use each one once on a well known website and then see whether the accounts end up getting any spam emails.
good idea. And label the user name according to the website to keep track of it.
like jiexian_teamliquid@gmail.com for example
:D
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On August 25 2012 03:16 semioldguy wrote: That Cracked article is hilarious, hadn't seen that before. This one had me laughing like an idiot.. son of a bitch man I was almost in tears.
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This one made me laugh hard, the one liner set up for it was...lol
"The McDonald's Double Quarter-Pounder. It's so good..."
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So much laughing from this thread that it hurts.
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On August 26 2012 10:10 semioldguy wrote: I don't think there should be many rules for how to break an egg with your penis, as long as contact from your hardon is what breaks the egg. There should be no tying a sharp, hard object to your cock like it has a mechanical arm and hitting it with the object or using your cockring to crack the egg. No cyborg penises allowed. 100% flesh only.
If you want you can jump up and have your member come crashing down upon the egg, or use your hand and wield your wiener like a sword, or do a hand stand and pull your dick back to release it and flick the egg (you might have to have someone else help you if you busy doing a handstand), or drop the egg in your tightey-whiteys and have the power of arousal and no expansion space crack through the egg. Or go through a whole dozen eggs with a dozen different methods. Get creative, do what you think will work.
I have no idea if breaking an egg with an erection is even going to be hard to do (pun intended)... but there is only one way to find out. Mother of god... 5/5
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On August 25 2012 01:46 Falling wrote:I have a couple throw away hotmail addresses for anything I need to sign up for. I NEVER use my actual gmail account except to email people. But in the last year or so my hotmail addresses have been completely over-run by spam. To the extent that whenever I sign in, it says my account is being blocked. Apparently Show nested quote +Someone may have used your account to send out a lot of junk messages or done something else that violates the Microsoft services agreement. Fortunately, I can still use it to sign up for things and register. I'm convinced, though that I didn't have a truly significant problem with spam with my main register hotmail until I used it to sign up for Facebook. (Although that's a few years back already.)
You nailed it. One of the many reasons I hate Facebook.
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Canada5154 Posts
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Reading through my spam folder is absolutely one of my favorite pastimes.
from: Natie Lawman xxxxx@xxxxx.com.ua subject: Video about dation whith women I'm so happy to see you again. It is a super-duper faq that helps to understand you how to get some lady. http://xxxxx/xxxxxYour very sincere friend, Cassarah from: Lindsy Doman xxxxx@yahoo.com reply-to: Lindsy Doman <xxxxx@yahoo.com> to: (not my email address)
Hi cutie! (: Let's get to know each other. I'm Lindsy, there is so much I can tell u;) I like your appearance (I have seen ur photos on the dating site) and now I am really interested in how beautiful inside you are. Feedback will be appreciated ))
from: Lusy Cramer xxxxx@xxxxx.cz subject: Don't watch if you are a girl Yo Do you want to see this shocking guide that gils dont want you to look? http://xxxxx/xxxxxSincerely yours, Blondie Oswald from: Kikki Dowman xxxxx@xxx.ru subject: Some video about mind control ruse to use any girlfriend Hello! It’s a fantastic presentation that tells you how to achieve any woman. http://xxxxx/xxxxxFaithfully yours, Herb
I have no clue what list I'm on to get all this amazing spam but I'm certainly not complaining.
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I can just recommend everyone to register your own domain and then use custom email addresses for everything you register to, that teaches you a lot about which websites sell or "lose" your e-mail addresses.
Sadly a lot of WoW/D3 spam still goes to my info@ address because i started too late :-/
At least i can easily filter that out: "contains 'Blizzard', email address not 'blizzard@...', move to spam".
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A warning for anybody trying to crack the egg: Make sure that the shell fragments don't pierce your penis.. That might hurt.
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ya wear a condom for safety srsly
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On August 28 2012 00:58 Heh_ wrote: A warning for anybody trying to crack the egg: Make sure that the shell fragments don't pierce your penis.. That might hurt.
Why not? Then your penis would be imbued with eggtraordinary POWER!
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On August 28 2012 01:28 iTzSnypah wrote:Show nested quote +On August 28 2012 00:58 Heh_ wrote: A warning for anybody trying to crack the egg: Make sure that the shell fragments don't pierce your penis.. That might hurt. Why not? Then your penis would be imbued with eggtraordinary POWER! When it gets flaccid the fragments are gonna make bigger holes. You might start urinating like a fountain.
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THEY CALL My DICK THE EGG BREAKER!!!!
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Australia7069 Posts
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Let me tell you just one thing. It wasn't as majestic as slicing the egg with a sword. It was more bludgeoned to death. Hardest part was finding a table the right size so it was easier to swing.
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On August 28 2012 07:01 MysteryMeat1 wrote: Let me tell you just one thing. It wasn't as majestic as slicing the egg with a sword. It was more bludgeoned to death. Hardest part was finding a table the right size so it was easier to swing. I just had a very disturbing image in my mind..
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I don't know if you intended this to be a double entendre, but well done sir incredible post.
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Okay here we go: "Criminal records posted online" "0% intrest rate credit card offer" "hi" curiously, the name of the person who sent this is also "hi" "FW: รับ-ส่งเมล์ด่วน!!!ต้องการบุคลากรทำงาน จำนวนจำกѴ" if oyu know what this says, speak up, I'm rather curious "Willamette West/Joey Harrington Golf Tournament" I've never golfed in my life "Look your best without worrying about your bra" ...
That's all of the interesting ones.
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United States7488 Posts
The time had finally come with the home all to myself. I went to the fridge and prepared Mr. Eggleston upon the slaughtering platter. He was sentenced to death by penile bludgeoning, scrambling, frying, and finally consumption.
Mr. Eggleston witnessing the greatest of all opponents.
My plan was to initially wield my sausage as a weapon and smash Mr. Eggleston into oblivion. I would be the executioner and my penis the ax that ended the condemned foe. I left him on the counter and returned to my room to prepare myself for the task at hand. When I had prepared myself it quickly became apparent that the kitchen was too far from my room and the durability of my weapon would decrease in the time it took to travel there.
Mr. Eggleston was relocated to my desk. Though the travel problem had been solved, having an egg that has been sentenced to death sitting on my desk made preparation more difficult. Throughout my preparation I was constantly reminded of the impending death of Mr. Eggleston. I could not shake it from my mind.
As I was nearing my readiness for my first blow, I hesitated too long and had to return to a small bit more of preparation. After a few moments longer, I turned and brought down my weapon upon him like a mighty sledge hammer. My weapon was too spongy. Mr. Eggleston survived the blow unscathed, while my weapon reverberated with a small twinge of pain.
After a few moments, when the throb of pain subsided, I went back to preparation and took a couple more swings at Mr. Eggleston, but to no avail. My weapon appeared not to be forged of steel. I had wielded more sturdy weapons in the past, but today was not one of those days. Perhaps the task being kept in the back of my mind kept me from bringing out the best weapons in my armory.
Mr. Eggleston survived his sentencing and I was reluctant to return him to the fridge, stow my weapon, and return to my room as a failure.
~
MysteryMeat1 is quite the man! He is also right about table height being a factor. I'm pretty sure the bludgeoning method is the best method to use, as it's the best way to produce enough force (aside from maybe setting your penis on top of the egg and pushing down with your hands, but that doesn't seem within the spirit of the task). There are times in the past where I know I would have been much more capable and might have been able to succeed. In my attempts today I could certainly see that the task is indeed possible, and maybe I will revisit the challenge at some point later in time when I am feeling a bit more capable.
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Ya i kind of held it loosely in place with one hand and used the other hand to wield my penis like a club. it took me a couple of hits to get to the second picture and a couple more to clean it up. In order to not lose the hardness i was preparing myself by watching said materials on my phone while wielding my club with might. your durability cant decrease when your always at the blacksmith.
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On August 28 2012 09:10 semioldguy wrote:+ Show Spoiler +The time had finally come with the home all to myself. I went to the fridge and prepared Mr. Eggleston upon the slaughtering platter. He was sentence to death by penile bludgeoning, scrambling, frying, and finally consumption. Mr. Eggleston witnessing the greatest of all opponents. My plan was to initially wield my sausage as a weapon and smash Mr. Eggleston into oblivion. I would be the executioner and my penis the ax that ended the condemned foe. I left him on the counter and returned to my room to prepare myself for the task at hand. When I had prepared myself it quickly became apparent that the kitchen was too far from my room and the durability of my weapon would decrease in the time it took to travel there. Mr. Eggleston was relocated to my desk. Though the travel problem had been solved, having an egg that has been sentenced to death sitting on my desk made preparation more difficult. Throughout my preparation I was constantly reminded of the impending death of Mr. Eggleston. I could not shake it from my mind. As I was nearing my readiness for my first blow, I hesitated too long and had to return to a small bit more of preparation. After a few moments longer, I turned and brought down my weapon upon him like a mighty sledge hammer. My weapon was to spongy. Mr. Eggleston survived the blow unscathed while my weapon reverberated with a small twinge of pain. After a few moments, when the throb of pain subsided, I went back to preparation and took a couple more swings at Mr. Eggleston, but to no avail. My weapon appeared not to be forged of steel. I had wielded more sturdy weapons in the past, but today was not one of those days. Perhaps the task being kept in the back of my mind kept me from bringing out the best weapons in my armory. Mr. Eggleston survived his sentencing and I was reluctant to return him to the fridge, stow my weapon, and return to my room as a failure. ~ MysteryMeat1 is quite the man! He is also right about table height being a factor. I'm pretty sure the bludgeoning method is the best method to use, as it's the best way to produce enough force (aside from maybe setting your penis on top of the egg and pushing down with your hands, but that doesn't seem within the spirit of the task). There are times in the past where I know I would have been much more capable and might have been able to succeed. In my attempts today I could certainly see that the task is indeed possible, and maybe I will revisit the challenge at some point later in time when I am feeling a bit more capable. You have to eat the egg if you fail.
This new rule may encourage you to try harder, or it may distract you and also cause stage fright, depends how good you are under pressure.
Also that was an epic 7k post.
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United States7488 Posts
On August 28 2012 09:33 MysteryMeat1 wrote: Ya i kind of held it loosely in place with one hand and used the other hand to wield my penis like a club. it took me a couple of hits to get to the second picture and a couple more to clean it up. In order to not lose the hardness i was preparing myself by watching said materials on my phone while wielding my club with might. your durability cant decrease when your always at the blacksmith. Ya, I had to hold it in place after the first hit almost sent it flying off the plate (which was also the point I completely realized it would not be a one-hit process).
On August 28 2012 09:38 Eufouria wrote: You have to eat the egg if you fail.
This new rule may encourage you to try harder, or it may distract you and add also cause stage fright, depends how good you are under pressure.
Also that was an epic 7k post.
I was going to eat the egg if I succeeded! I couldn't offer myself the same reward for failure.
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This thread just keeps giving rofl.
Should be spotlighted imo.
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On August 28 2012 11:37 PassiveAce wrote: This thread just keeps giving rofl.
Should be spotlighted imo. I agree 100%. Going to try to smash an egg tomorrow with my cock. Using the handstand technique.
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On August 28 2012 09:33 MysteryMeat1 wrote:your durability cant decrease when your always at the blacksmith.
LOL
I'm a fan of this, this blog just keeps getting better and better.
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From the "I hadn't, but now that you mention it I can't stop thinking about it" category:
"You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue"
-From that Cracked article
Nooooo!!! I can't stop thinking about it now!
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WTF did I go here ??
Now I'm wondering if I can crack the egg... I'm pretty sure it depends on the egg, some are so easy to break (specially when they are big and aren't fresh) There should be some egg critera for this kind of sport
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On August 28 2012 22:47 Diks wrote: WTF did I go here ??
Now I'm wondering if I can crack the egg... I'm pretty sure it depends on the egg, some are so easy to break (specially when they are big and aren't fresh) There should be some egg critera for this kind of sport
The whole point is just for fun. If you spend too much time on the rules it becomes to burdensome. Its actually quite exciting when the egg starts to crack.
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i thought bird was the word
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