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This morning was bright and beautiful actually it was just a pretty normal morning, but in retrospect in comparison to my current state of RAGEEEE it was a fucking glorious morning.
Why? Because this morning I still had my Samsung Galaxy S II, my sanity, and my pride/respect and unfortunately I currently have none of those things. Life fucked me good.
The majority of washrooms in China don't have seated toilets; they're mostly fitted with "Chinese toilets" which are just glass/granite polished holes in little cubicles. I've never complained before this because although you gotta spend a little more energy squatting down to take a shit, but hey it's more hygienic this way.
Like every other smartphone owner, can time is surf time. I was just checking the time for the CJ vs KT PO Day 3 match while resplendently relieving myself, when my cubicle door was flung open without warning; the lock was faulty. Needless to say, I panicked and scrambled a little bit, and in the process I dropped my phone into the dark abyss of human feces.
Gravity fucked me pretty hard, but my ordeal was far from over. During my state of panic from the uninvited guest and also from trying to save the phone, I was also dumb/unfortunate enough to allow my stack of toilet paper to fall victim to gravity once again.
So there I was, squatting with no means to clean myself, still furious at my misfortune, and with absolutely no way to call for help. I waited... and waited... for 15 whole minutes hoping someone would walk in and come to my aid but to no avail.
In utter frustration and despair, I made yet another horrendous decision; I decided that dirty hands could be washed while a dirty ass is going to contaminate the rest of my day. So, I did what I had to do; I maximized all available surface area on my upper extremities, before I realized that well shiiiiit, I didn't have any more spare dexterity to pull up my pants which was all the way down at my ankles.
Fuck my life was exactly my thought as I listened intently for people then limped to the sink. I washed my hands as fast as I could, but life just really wanted to DP me today as a co-worker walked in and witnessed my entire bodily grandeur.
2 important lessons were learned:
Always check lock integrity before getting naked in a public facility.
Should have used a shirt or my socks.
I could have salvaged the crisis so much better. Fuck fear/panic. Fuck emotions. Fuck my life.
Edit: thanks for the condolences, and for those wondering, here's a picture of a squat toilet:
![[image loading]](http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4144/4835862516_328a873b87.jpg)
Anything that falls into that hole is beyond gone D:
 
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............ ew
edit: I gotta write more but it's hard to stomach.............. that's some shitty luck...... What a disgusting way to start the day...... I guess it wasn't only the day that went down the crapper.... seriously I feel for you 
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ROFL
Sorry to hear it man, but christ you just made my night!
Hope your phone is insured :\
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And I was holding a Samsung Galaxy S2 just now, thinking how terrible it must feel if this thing falls in a toilet seat....
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Omg the worst. Even though i do kinda like to squat and shit lol.
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What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
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Is it bad that i laughed?
But that's a pretty shitty story man.
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5/5 nice story man. Bit unfortunate but hey, at least your not gonna miss KT vs CJ 
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LOL dude.... Im sorry to hear but you made my night O_O
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On March 20 2012 16:30 endy wrote:
What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
Teaching at a school and they don't have seated toilets. In Lanzhou currently, and I don't think you'd want to reach into a god-knows-how-deep shit hole and fish in human feces for a phone which is probably dead anyway either.
I just banged my head against my desk a few times after typing that. Sigh, time to believe in karma for a while.
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Sounds like the worst lol. At least you know to use socks next time.
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Canada11314 Posts
I'm sorry, but I'm laughing a bit. That's really terrible though. Fortunately, I never had that issue. Although the worst of the squatty potties I had was either the one where the roof was so low that you had crouch, the logs you stood squatted on were kinda shaky and the entire 'shack' thing was kinda on a hill overlooking the path... with conviently large gaps between the stick/log walls giving you or them a nice view. Guess privacy isn't really a 'thing' in the villages.
When one goes travelling, I think toilet stories are among the more memorable, but yours is pretty terrible.
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On March 20 2012 16:37 EngrishTeacher wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2012 16:30 endy wrote:
What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
Teaching at a school and they don't have seated toilets. In Lanzhou currently, and I don't think you'd want to reach into a god-knows-how-deep shit hole and fish in human feces for a phone which is probably dead anyway either. I just banged my head against my desk a few times after typing that. Sigh, time to believe in karma for a while.
I see.
I thought it was just some kind of seatless toilets, but it seems that this one was just a hole leading directly to the main... "pond".
Tough luck man
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what shitty luck. while i am typing this from my s2 i can't help but cringe and imagine your utter heartache. i want to beat someone with a rusty pipe if it even looks like they might somehow scratch my phone by touching it with their sandpaper skin and dirty claws, so i can't help at sympathise with you since your situation is obviously a million times worse.
i won't lie, i did laugh.
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Ohgawd. Sucks to be you that day, I guess.
If it helps, posting that on fml.com could make some other peoples days funny. =D
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Duuude.
My sympathies.
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5/5
Fuck chinese toilets I hate them too
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You shouldn't check your phone while taking a shit, concentrate on taking a shit first. Business before pleasure, as they say
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I lol'd and I cried at the same time.
Whenever I see those toilets here - I avoid them like the plague cause thoughts of these exact situations run through my head.
I am deeply sorry, but LOL
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Your karma bar is now full.
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Huh, when I was a kid I heard from my dad (who had been to Japan) that the japanese toilets were like out of this world. It, like, talks to you and makes conversation, and flushes automatically, and it's just the best thing in the world.
I guess Chinese toilets are, uhm, the opposite? I haven't entirely figured out a mental picture for this fabled chinese toilet, but it sounds fascinating.
RIP. Your smartphone. And that stack of toilet paper. May they find more fortune in the next world.
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i feel bad for you but really... you shoudlve seen this coming in hindsight
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i lol'd, but afterward all the lol's were had i gotta say thats really lame and unlucky and i feel bad
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this thread is rather disturbing :/
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Oh god, I'm surprised you have the balls to even post that.
I really feel for you man.
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Damnn, its hilarious but I really feel bad for you as well man :/ If I knew you in real life, I would probably get you another smart phone if we come into some kind of agreement... xD 5/5
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Stories like those are what my nightmares are made of--yeah I avoid those toilets at all costs pretty much. Luckily no one in my extended family is insane enough to have one of those in their homes or I'd be unable to use the bathroom.
I seriously have no idea who thought that was a good idea. I mean seriously, you either squat over that shit or park your ass on this iron wire stool shit that cuts into your skin (only my imagination here, I'm not actually insane enough to use one of those).
In general, every time I get back from China, the one thing I look forward to the most is my own bathroom.
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Wow, these toilets are indeed traps for the careless. I probably would have lost my wallet on day one on one of those things. Sorry about your phone. And the coworker coming in is just incredibly bad luck.
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You completelfy failed at learning the lessons. The true takeaway message is: you should not give a shit (pun inteneded) just because someone is seeing you naked. Are you people really so brainwashed that you "panic" when someone walks at you at the toilet? It is a damn toilet, that IS the place when you expect to see naked people!
And when there is no toilet paper, I just walk out of the cubicle, go to the sinks and use the water to clean myself properly. I consider hygeine far superior to "not being seen". It really is that simple.
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LMAO, out of all the toilets in the world, you should definitely not surf the web with your phone on a croucher.
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On March 20 2012 18:18 opisska wrote:
You completelfy failed at learning the lessons. The true takeaway message is: you should not give a shit (pun inteneded) just because someone is seeing you naked. Are you people really so brainwashed that you "panic" when someone walks at you at the toilet? It is a damn toilet, that IS the place when you expect to see naked people!
And when there is no toilet paper, I just walk out of the cubicle, go to the sinks and use the water to clean myself properly. I consider hygeine far superior to "not being seen". It really is that simple.
Well well, it's all good, but then you'll be considered by your co workers for the rest of the time you work at that place as "the guy who washed his ass in front of everyone" and get an awkward look from them every time you cross their eyes.
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Rolf, sorry for laughing. This kind of toilet is not only common in China but many undeveloped countries as well. Even in Shanghai there are many places that you can still find these kind of toilet. Also, the lock is broken on 50% of toilet like this lol.
When I use this kind of toilet, I only smoke, no use of phone or anything cos its extremly easy to fall into da void -_-.
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United Arab Emirates5091 Posts
hahaha dude I feel sorry for you
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Let's just hope your phone isn't a metaphor for the next round of Proleague.
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On March 20 2012 16:20 EngrishTeacher wrote:
Anything that falls into that hole is beyond gone D:
hahaha this made me laugh so much :D
This is really bad luck all the way. Let's hope it never happens to you again, and that every one reading this blog will learn from it. Thanks for sharing I guess?
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On March 20 2012 16:33 FractalsOnFire wrote:
Is it bad that i laughed?
But that's a pretty shitty story man.
Yep it is. In fact in Singapore we still have a few of these but they're steadily being rid off. My teachers who went to a small province in China had to go all the way to the mainland to buy this collapsible seat like device with a hold in the middle so that they could take craps in the province because some of them had back problems and couldn't squat properly.
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On March 20 2012 17:48 marttorn wrote:
Huh, when I was a kid I heard from my dad (who had been to Japan) that the japanese toilets were like out of this world. It, like, talks to you and makes conversation, and flushes automatically, and it's just the best thing in the world.
I guess Chinese toilets are, uhm, the opposite? I haven't entirely figured out a mental picture for this fabled chinese toilet, but it sounds fascinating.
RIP. Your smartphone. And that stack of toilet paper. May they find more fortune in the next world.
rofl i wonder what convos they have?
LOL bl OP like 100% of the toilets here are like that. IF not, Its extremely filthy and wet. Unless you go to a very high end shopping center or what not
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I feel bad at laughing at the situation you were in at the beginning but you know it's kinda funny if you look at it from a 3rd person perceive. I also feel your pain for the 3 f my life situations you were put threw.
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pff big deal i was in iraq for 5months and those toielts are everywhere GET USED TO SQUATING SON beside 40+ weather sweating my ass off
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It's one of the reasons why I avoid going into cubicles like these here in Singapore - well I guess if you don't have a choice over there in China then it can't be avoided. One other thing about these squat toilets is that during a long... session, you might actually fall over if your legs get numb from all that squatting and it's not going to be pretty.
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lol entertaining read, shitty situation.
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This is the funniest thing ever!
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Oh good god.
I actually have heard of these floor toilets before, but I guess I've never considered how easily one could drop things into them O.O
Though I fail to see how they are more sanitary, I always envision some drunk guy "missing" the target zone. But maybe those types of things only happen in this country...
But what a horribly unfortunate series of events. I probably would have just pulled up my pants and very carefully walked to get more paper, but hindsight is always 20/20 I guess. Were you able to explain things to the co-worker? Or does the entire faculty now think you are some kind of weirdo?
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United States369 Posts
Oh Jesus. I laughed, then felt bad for laughing, then winced in sympathy. Standard Chinese toilets suck hard
On March 21 2012 04:42 TheToast wrote:
Though I fail to see how they are more sanitary, I always envision some drunk guy "missing" the target zone. But maybe those types of things only happen in this country...
They would theoretically be more sanitary since your ass isn't touching the seat as hundreds of other people's asses except yeah, people miss all the fucking time and it smells awful.
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United States369 Posts
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I had to pee in 1 in Korea it's really retarded not sure why they invented it Can't imagine ever taking a shit in one not until I lose mass weight XD
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I remember my trips to China, those toilets were something else, sure on the surface they are more sanitary, but no u-bend in that gaping hole means a low-level stink everywhere D:
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United States1719 Posts
LOLLLLLLLL
sorry lol... i couldn't help it ; _; sorry for your losses.. 5/5
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EPT
