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This morning was bright and beautiful actually it was just a pretty normal morning, but in retrospect in comparison to my current state of RAGEEEE it was a fucking glorious morning.
Why? Because this morning I still had my Samsung Galaxy S II, my sanity, and my pride/respect and unfortunately I currently have none of those things. Life fucked me good.
The majority of washrooms in China don't have seated toilets; they're mostly fitted with "Chinese toilets" which are just glass/granite polished holes in little cubicles. I've never complained before this because although you gotta spend a little more energy squatting down to take a shit, but hey it's more hygienic this way.
Like every other smartphone owner, can time is surf time. I was just checking the time for the CJ vs KT PO Day 3 match while resplendently relieving myself, when my cubicle door was flung open without warning; the lock was faulty. Needless to say, I panicked and scrambled a little bit, and in the process I dropped my phone into the dark abyss of human feces.
Gravity fucked me pretty hard, but my ordeal was far from over. During my state of panic from the uninvited guest and also from trying to save the phone, I was also dumb/unfortunate enough to allow my stack of toilet paper to fall victim to gravity once again.
So there I was, squatting with no means to clean myself, still furious at my misfortune, and with absolutely no way to call for help. I waited... and waited... for 15 whole minutes hoping someone would walk in and come to my aid but to no avail.
In utter frustration and despair, I made yet another horrendous decision; I decided that dirty hands could be washed while a dirty ass is going to contaminate the rest of my day. So, I did what I had to do; I maximized all available surface area on my upper extremities, before I realized that well shiiiiit, I didn't have any more spare dexterity to pull up my pants which was all the way down at my ankles.
Fuck my life was exactly my thought as I listened intently for people then limped to the sink. I washed my hands as fast as I could, but life just really wanted to DP me today as a co-worker walked in and witnessed my entire bodily grandeur.
2 important lessons were learned:
Always check lock integrity before getting naked in a public facility.
Should have used a shirt or my socks.
I could have salvaged the crisis so much better. Fuck fear/panic. Fuck emotions. Fuck my life.
Edit: thanks for the condolences, and for those wondering, here's a picture of a squat toilet:
![[image loading]](http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4144/4835862516_328a873b87.jpg)
Anything that falls into that hole is beyond gone D:
 
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............ ew
edit: I gotta write more but it's hard to stomach.............. that's some shitty luck...... What a disgusting way to start the day...... I guess it wasn't only the day that went down the crapper.... seriously I feel for you 
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ROFL
Sorry to hear it man, but christ you just made my night!
Hope your phone is insured :\
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And I was holding a Samsung Galaxy S2 just now, thinking how terrible it must feel if this thing falls in a toilet seat....
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Omg the worst. Even though i do kinda like to squat and shit lol.
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What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
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Is it bad that i laughed?
But that's a pretty shitty story man.
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5/5 nice story man. Bit unfortunate but hey, at least your not gonna miss KT vs CJ 
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LOL dude.... Im sorry to hear but you made my night O_O
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On March 20 2012 16:30 endy wrote:
What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
Teaching at a school and they don't have seated toilets. In Lanzhou currently, and I don't think you'd want to reach into a god-knows-how-deep shit hole and fish in human feces for a phone which is probably dead anyway either.
I just banged my head against my desk a few times after typing that. Sigh, time to believe in karma for a while.
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Sounds like the worst lol. At least you know to use socks next time.
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Canada11350 Posts
I'm sorry, but I'm laughing a bit. That's really terrible though. Fortunately, I never had that issue. Although the worst of the squatty potties I had was either the one where the roof was so low that you had crouch, the logs you stood squatted on were kinda shaky and the entire 'shack' thing was kinda on a hill overlooking the path... with conviently large gaps between the stick/log walls giving you or them a nice view. Guess privacy isn't really a 'thing' in the villages.
When one goes travelling, I think toilet stories are among the more memorable, but yours is pretty terrible.
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On March 20 2012 16:37 EngrishTeacher wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2012 16:30 endy wrote:
What ? Only public toilets don't have seats :O In which city are you living in ?
Why were you not able to save your phone ? Was it taken away by a stream of feces ?
Teaching at a school and they don't have seated toilets. In Lanzhou currently, and I don't think you'd want to reach into a god-knows-how-deep shit hole and fish in human feces for a phone which is probably dead anyway either. I just banged my head against my desk a few times after typing that. Sigh, time to believe in karma for a while.
I see.
I thought it was just some kind of seatless toilets, but it seems that this one was just a hole leading directly to the main... "pond".
Tough luck man
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what shitty luck. while i am typing this from my s2 i can't help but cringe and imagine your utter heartache. i want to beat someone with a rusty pipe if it even looks like they might somehow scratch my phone by touching it with their sandpaper skin and dirty claws, so i can't help at sympathise with you since your situation is obviously a million times worse.
i won't lie, i did laugh.
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Ohgawd. Sucks to be you that day, I guess.
If it helps, posting that on fml.com could make some other peoples days funny. =D
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Duuude.
My sympathies.
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5/5
Fuck chinese toilets I hate them too
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You shouldn't check your phone while taking a shit, concentrate on taking a shit first. Business before pleasure, as they say
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EPT
