EPTon topic: i think it actually can work, and if it gets messy... maybe even that is a worthwhile experience in the end
Friends with benefits? - Page 3
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ramon
Germany4842 Posts
on topic: i think it actually can work, and if it gets messy... maybe even that is a worthwhile experience in the end | ||
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peekn
United States1152 Posts
I have had some similar experience but not on such a serious level. I was in a class with a girl who I had known for a year or so, and really started to become good friends with her. Then it hit me, I really liked this girl. This is probably the same feelings that you are feeling now. I didn't act on those feelings that I had at the time, and I think that it is one of the worse decisions of my life. She's dating my best friend now  So I have to tell you don't make the same mistake that I did!!! You'll regret it!! | ||
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Talin
Montenegro10532 Posts
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Deleted User 135096
3624 Posts
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote: No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed. Do not listen to this guy. I have been in this situation a few times, and while I'll admit the relationship does change a little, I am still good friends with these girls, even today. You have to remember if you engage in a relationship like this that you are first and foremost friends. You need to treat it as such, and that these benefits are temporary, unless it develops into something different. The biggest problem I can see is if one person or the other begins to expect these benefits all the time, as with a real relationship, if that's the case then you need to discuss it, but it's not the end of anything. tldr: If you both act like adults and respect one another, it can work fine, just, make sure that this is the case. Also, don't expect things to stay the same, as all things change over time. | ||
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Talin
Montenegro10532 Posts
On January 22 2012 07:17 wo1fwood wrote: Do not listen to this guy. I have been in this situation a few times, and while I'll admit the relationship does change a little, I am still good friends with these girls, even today. You have to remember if you engage in a relationship like this that you are first and foremost friends. You need to treat it as such, and that these benefits are temporary, unless it develops into something different. The biggest problem I can see is if one person or the other begins to expect these benefits all the time, as with a real relationship, if that's the case then you need to discuss it, but it's not the end of anything. tldr: If you both act like adults and respect one another, it can work fine, just, make sure that this is the case. You can't have him bank on personal anecdotes. Almost anyone has a personal experience with these kinds of things, for some people it worked out, for some it didn't, some people didn't act on it and regret it, others didn't and didn't regret it, etc. In the end it's all statistics, and without a reasonable sample size. The very bottom line that we might agree on is that it's a risk with generally unfavourable odds. Is casual sex really worth that risk? It's not like you can't get it elsewhere, it's fairly straightforward these days. | ||
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aebriol
Norway2066 Posts
On January 22 2012 04:13 mordk wrote: So the question is, can my best friend be my friend with benefits and our friendship survive? I'm new at this, but this is my best friend, and I don't want to lose her. I'd rather never kiss her ever again than lose her as my friend. What does TL think? Yes. But. Your friendship will be over if you fall in love with her or she with you. If either of you fall in love with someone else, it should be fine. | ||
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Deleted User 135096
3624 Posts
On January 22 2012 07:22 Talin wrote: You can't have him bank on personal anecdotes. Almost anyone has a personal experience with these kinds of things, for some people it worked out, for some it didn't, some people didn't act on it and regret it, others didn't and didn't regret it, etc. In the end it's all statistics, and without a reasonable sample size. The very bottom line that we might agree on is that it's a risk with generally unfavourable odds. Is casual sex really worth that risk? It's not like you can't get it elsewhere, it's fairly straightforward these days. I can agree with most of what you said, and I certainly wouldn't have him act on personal testimonies, as I don't know him or their relationship (which is a rather large consideration), but it just seemed that a lot of people were portraying it as an overtly bad decision based on long odds, and wanted to offer a slightly different perspective from someone where it worked. I will agree (and for emphasis) that it is a risk, sometimes a considerable one, and that you really need to be reticent of whats going on for it to work, but that it can work. | ||
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Moda
Norway60 Posts
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DwmC_Foefen
Belgium2186 Posts
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TheKefka
Croatia11752 Posts
This won't work,it never works. Even if you somehow avoid falling in love with each other and find someone else,your relationship is going to be screwed over because of it. Think about it.If you find some other girl she is going to be INSANELY suspicious every time you guys meet to hang out or something since you two have a past with each other and if you don't tell her,your going to be fucked when it eventually comes out. Once you have sex with her it will never be the same again. | ||
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mordk
Chile8385 Posts
On January 22 2012 07:36 Moda wrote: Seems to me like someones being friendzoned. Well.. friendzone typically involves a guy in deep suffering because he loves his friend and can't tell her, thus nothing happens. I don't love her, and things happened XD Add to that, I wouldn't care if I got "friendzoned" (minus the love), I enjoy this friendship thoroughly. | ||
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Derez
Netherlands6068 Posts
Friends with benefits is possible, just not with someone you're really close with. | ||
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Wasteweiser
Canada522 Posts
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HeLkAt
Canada15 Posts
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LonelyMargarita
1845 Posts
On January 22 2012 07:12 peekn wrote: I think that you should go for it, usually people who you fall in serious love with are the people that are both your best friend and your best lover. I have had some similar experience but not on such a serious level. I was in a class with a girl who I had known for a year or so, and really started to become good friends with her. Then it hit me, I really liked this girl. This is probably the same feelings that you are feeling now. I didn't act on those feelings that I had at the time, and I think that it is one of the worse decisions of my life. She's dating my best friend now So I have to tell you don't make the same mistake that I did!!! You'll regret it!! Your situation is completely different (at least from what he claims). You had a friend you wanted a romantic relationship with but either couldn't or didn't act on. He claims he DOESN'T want a romantic relationship, just a friendship and sex. Personally, it sounds to me like you would have feelings for her if she had feelings for you, but you don't think she does. That being the case, even if you can separate sex and emotion with other girls, you might not be able to with her. I think you should find a way to let her know that you don't think a physical relationship is good for a friendship. If you think the friendship can take it and you're usually straightforward with her (and don't think it'd be violating any boundaries), let her know that you might be open to trying out a relationship if the time comes when she's ready. I think fuck buddies generally work out better than friends with benefits, because there's almost no chance emotions get in the way due to the lack of social contact. Maybe get a fuck buddy somewhere else, and keep her as the friend  | ||
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OmniEulogy
Canada6600 Posts
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Chill
Calgary25996 Posts
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husniack
203 Posts
Would your female friends let you stick your penis halfway up their throat? Probably not. There is no free lunch. Eventually, you got to pay with something. Either 1) Relationship. 2) Friendship. | ||
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DreamChaser
1649 Posts
On January 22 2012 08:28 LonelyMargarita wrote: Your situation is completely different (at least from what he claims). You had a friend you wanted a romantic relationship with but either couldn't or didn't act on. He claims he DOESN'T want a romantic relationship, just a friendship and sex. Personally, it sounds to me like you would have feelings for her if she had feelings for you, but you don't think she does. That being the case, even if you can separate sex and emotion with other girls, you might not be able to with her. I think you should find a way to let her know that you don't think a physical relationship is good for a friendship. If you think the friendship can take it and you're usually straightforward with her (and don't think it'd be violating any boundaries), let her know that you might be open to trying out a relationship if the time comes when she's ready. I think fuck buddies generally work out better than friends with benefits, because there's almost no chance emotions get in the way due to the lack of social contact. Maybe get a fuck buddy somewhere else, and keep her as the friend It took me a minuet to figure out what you meant the difference between fuck buddies and friend with benefits. But i totally agree fuck buddies call up "Sex? Ok" friends with benefits your going to see them later that day or the next day with other people. Could you hold a conservation without looking at the other sexually? Doubt it i know i couldn't | ||
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Lanaia
Canada1142 Posts
However, I was the sort of person who was infatuated first, got what I wanted, then no longer saw them in a romantic light. I think it was probably better that way. They never got attached and neither did I. | ||
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