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Active: 5988 users

Friends with benefits? - Page 2

Blogs > mordk
Post a Reply
Prev 1 2 3 4 5 Next All
MisterD
Profile Blog Joined June 2010
Germany1338 Posts
January 21 2012 20:00 GMT
#21
you'll just get hormone-addicted to each other and when one of you needs it to stop the other one will get withdrawal, usual stuff, doesn't matter if you call it a relationship or not. Your brains screw each other over with chemistry, no matter how much concious effort you put against it.

but oh well, might already be to late (seeing as you apparently want more, you'd probably feel bad already if you stopped now). I'd say there's no pretty way out, you migth as well enjoy it for as long as it lasts. But it's going to end about as well as any "real" relationship ends well, there's almost no difference just because you don't call it that.
Gold isn't everything in life... you need wood, too!
Omnipresent
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
United States871 Posts
January 21 2012 20:04 GMT
#22
On January 22 2012 04:33 mordk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 04:31 ~ava wrote:
You are going to a salsa club for a "friend"? I call bullshit - you like her and should start an actual relationship with her.

But she needed company!.. I'm glad to help a friend out! :D

Plus I'm sure once my friends start getting married it's gonna be a useful skill toi have

BTW thanks to all good luck wishes... Apparently I'll need some lol.

This post says it all. You've already failed at goal #3.

3.- We agreed to stop as soon as one party fell in love when the other didn't and/or if one of us starts a relationship with another person.

It's a good goal, but almost no one can pull it off. Even if you think you're being successful, you probably aren't.




It's probably too late to back out as well. If you say you want it to stop, you risk hurting her. At the very least, many of the interactions you were once comfortable with will seem suspect (i.e. any casual physical contact, especially when no one else is around).

If you weren't prepared, you're more or less screwed. If you were prepared, you've got a shot.

GLHF
Mithriel
Profile Joined November 2010
Netherlands2969 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-21 20:07:29
January 21 2012 20:04 GMT
#23
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.
There is no shame in defeat so long as the spirit is unconquered. | Cheering for Maru, Innovation and MMA!
GohgamX
Profile Joined April 2011
Canada1096 Posts
January 21 2012 20:07 GMT
#24
Friends with benefits, F%^k buddies...

To quote Shakespeare's Juliet
"What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet."

Think about it
Time is a great teacher, unfortunate that it kills all its pupils ...
RoboBob
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States798 Posts
January 21 2012 20:08 GMT
#25
Its been my experience that when a woman asks for friends with benefits, what they really want is for the guy to be exclusive with her without there being any commitment. (whetherthey admit it or not)

That can work if there's no emotions involved. But from your post it sounds like there's definitely emotions on both sides. I think if you go down that path you'll either end up as a couple or destroy your friendship. Its up to you to decide if the physical intimacy is worth risking your friendship.
mordk
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile8385 Posts
January 21 2012 20:11 GMT
#26
On January 22 2012 05:04 Mithriel wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.

This is pretty much my take on it so far. I know this will eventually end, and one/both of us will be at least somewhat hurt, but maybe once we go through the rough patch we can go back to normal?
Dalguno
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States2446 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-21 20:16:36
January 21 2012 20:13 GMT
#27
On January 22 2012 05:11 mordk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 05:04 Mithriel wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.

This is pretty much my take on it so far. I know this will eventually end, and one/both of us will be at least somewhat hurt, but maybe once we go through the rough patch we can go back to normal?


Again speaking from experience, it won't go back to normal, or it will take a really long time to do so.
"I'm gonna keep making drones cause I'm a baller, and ballers make drones." -Snute
Mithriel
Profile Joined November 2010
Netherlands2969 Posts
January 21 2012 20:19 GMT
#28
On January 22 2012 05:13 Dalguno wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 05:11 mordk wrote:
On January 22 2012 05:04 Mithriel wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.

This is pretty much my take on it so far. I know this will eventually end, and one/both of us will be at least somewhat hurt, but maybe once we go through the rough patch we can go back to normal?


Again speaking from experience, it won't go back to normal, or it will take a really long time to do so.


For me it actually did, it take quite some time, but eventually we went back to being really good friends again. The only difference is there is no physical contact or to much talk about sex.
There is no shame in defeat so long as the spirit is unconquered. | Cheering for Maru, Innovation and MMA!
TwoToneTerran
Profile Joined March 2009
United States8841 Posts
January 21 2012 20:20 GMT
#29
On January 22 2012 05:11 mordk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 05:04 Mithriel wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.

This is pretty much my take on it so far. I know this will eventually end, and one/both of us will be at least somewhat hurt, but maybe once we go through the rough patch we can go back to normal?


Hopeful thinking at its best, you need to decide which is more important: sex with the girl or friendship with the girl. After that the decision is obvious.
Remember Violet.
TheSubtleArt
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada2527 Posts
January 21 2012 20:26 GMT
#30
On January 22 2012 04:33 mordk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 04:31 ~ava wrote:
You are going to a salsa club for a "friend"? I call bullshit - you like her and should start an actual relationship with her.

But she needed company!.. I'm glad to help a friend out! :D

Plus I'm sure once my friends start getting married it's gonna be a useful skill toi have

BTW thanks to all good luck wishes... Apparently I'll need some lol.

Lool would you do the same for a male friend?
Dodge arrows
LastDance
Profile Blog Joined October 2010
New Zealand510 Posts
January 21 2012 20:28 GMT
#31
No, someone will get hurt. someone always gets hurt
RedJustice
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
United States1004 Posts
January 21 2012 20:29 GMT
#32
A friendship can survive fwb, and even one of you falling in love. Be warned it takes a shitton of hard work and a lot of misery, so the friendship better be worth it to you. In addition, it also depends on the kind of people you are. Someone with crazy jealousy issues like your ex couldn't do it, for example. Lastly, a friendship takes two, so if she decides otherwise, no matter what you do, the friendship will be gone.
mordk
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile8385 Posts
January 21 2012 20:35 GMT
#33
On January 22 2012 05:26 TheSubtleArt wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 04:33 mordk wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:31 ~ava wrote:
You are going to a salsa club for a "friend"? I call bullshit - you like her and should start an actual relationship with her.

But she needed company!.. I'm glad to help a friend out! :D

Plus I'm sure once my friends start getting married it's gonna be a useful skill toi have

BTW thanks to all good luck wishes... Apparently I'll need some lol.

Lool would you do the same for a male friend?

Hahahha not salsa ofc, but something else? Say, a sport I don't usually like? Sure, why not
maartendq
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
Belgium3115 Posts
January 21 2012 20:39 GMT
#34
I know your hormones tell you this sounds like a really good idea, but it's not. Either start a relationship or don't, but don't go mixing things up. It won't take long before stuff gets messy.
TheSubtleArt
Profile Joined May 2011
Canada2527 Posts
January 21 2012 20:47 GMT
#35
On January 22 2012 05:35 mordk wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 05:26 TheSubtleArt wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:33 mordk wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:31 ~ava wrote:
You are going to a salsa club for a "friend"? I call bullshit - you like her and should start an actual relationship with her.

But she needed company!.. I'm glad to help a friend out! :D

Plus I'm sure once my friends start getting married it's gonna be a useful skill toi have

BTW thanks to all good luck wishes... Apparently I'll need some lol.

Lool would you do the same for a male friend?

Hahahha not salsa ofc, but something else? Say, a sport I don't usually like? Sure, why not

Yea but if you're a guy, trying out a new sport doesn't seem as out of character and as implicit as trying salsa dancing. Idk, I get the impression you're trying to convince yourself that you view her as only a friend. Good luck ; p
Dodge arrows
Brett
Profile Blog Joined October 2002
Australia3822 Posts
January 21 2012 20:48 GMT
#36
I think if you're seeing this girl with any sort of regularity, then the friends with benefits idea isn't going to work... There's nothing wrong with a fuck buddy, but there needs to be some pretty clear separation of more parts of your life.

GL!
dogabutila
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States1438 Posts
January 21 2012 20:49 GMT
#37
It depends on the people involved if it can end up with a friendship or not. I know of plenty of FWB involvements that have turned out horridly messy, and others that worked out quite well.

Baller Fanclub || CheAse Fanclub || Scarlett Fanclub || LJD FIGHTING!
mordk
Profile Blog Joined November 2010
Chile8385 Posts
Last Edited: 2012-01-21 21:00:45
January 21 2012 20:49 GMT
#38
Thanks to everyone for feedback, it gives a lot to think about

I'll be sure to update this if something happens.. I hate it when people leave stories without an end
Erasme
Profile Blog Joined February 2011
Bahamas15899 Posts
January 21 2012 21:07 GMT
#39
On January 22 2012 05:19 Mithriel wrote:
Show nested quote +
On January 22 2012 05:13 Dalguno wrote:
On January 22 2012 05:11 mordk wrote:
On January 22 2012 05:04 Mithriel wrote:
On January 22 2012 04:24 kusto wrote:
No, it can't. When intimacy is involved, things will get messy. Absolutely guaranteed.


Pretty much this, been there, done that. Casual feels good, but when one of the two wants to end it, no matter what promises you made, it will get messy.

That being said, go for it, eventually friendship will stabilize again.

Also what person above me said is true. Every touch will be suspect. We used to casually touch and massage w/e and now ecrry touch we do, you don't want other person to think its more than it is.

This is pretty much my take on it so far. I know this will eventually end, and one/both of us will be at least somewhat hurt, but maybe once we go through the rough patch we can go back to normal?


Again speaking from experience, it won't go back to normal, or it will take a really long time to do so.


For me it actually did, it take quite some time, but eventually we went back to being really good friends again. The only difference is there is no physical contact or to much talk about sex.

So it's not normal anymore :p
It will make boundary, it always does.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d7lxwFEB6FI “‘Drain the swamp’? Stupid saying, means nothing, but you guys loved it so I kept saying it.”
n.DieJokes
Profile Blog Joined November 2008
United States3443 Posts
January 21 2012 21:08 GMT
#40
Well seeing as I watched both Friends with Benefits AND No Strings Attached I think I'm somewhat of an expert here. I say go for it, you'll probably fall in love and live happily ever after! You're welcome
MyLove + Your Love= Supa Love
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