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On December 07 2011 05:53 HackBenjamin wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 03:33 Zorkmid wrote:On December 07 2011 03:30 HackBenjamin wrote:On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me  XD still laughing at your post. I used to sneak off to the bathroom just so I could have some quiet reading time. Sometimes I'd be completely oblivious to the fact that I had been in there so long, that my ex would knock on the door and ask if I was ok because I'd been in the can for 45 minutes. It was a good part in the book =/ You posters who've got stories like this deserve to have your man cards revoked.... Psh, why? Sometimes you just need some quiet time.
No one's debating that. I'm guessing the man card comment was more due to the fact that people have to sneak around and hide in order to do things they enjoy, like little kids would do with regards to their parents.
Being up front and frank is the way to go. If she can't or won't understand you, then she's not the one for you. It's not exactly hard to communicate with your significant other and to come to a compromise, regardless of what the situation is. Heck, almost weekly I go out til 4am on Saturdays for gaming/poker/etc. My girlfriend has no issues with that because we communicate. She knows my actual responsibilities are taken care of. She knows that I'm not neglecting her since we do stuff almost every chance we get, regardless of if it's going out or staying in. She also knows that it lets me have fun with some of my buddies, doing some hobbies that don't interest her. It also gives her time to hang out with her friends and do hobbies that interest her. As long as it's not too frequent and nothing else is slipping, it's a win/win.
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What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___".
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Problem #1: You are considering a divorce over a catalyst that is a computer game?
Problem #2: You are considering a divorce over sc, and the first place for unbiased advice is TL?
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Osaka26319 Posts
On December 07 2011 07:48 waxypants wrote:
What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___".
Yep.
OP I've been married 6 years and have two kids. The only time my wife and I have together is after they go to bed. If I trade that time for starcraft 4/5 weeknights, my relationship will suffer.
Play once a week, spend some time with your wife trying to improve your relationship, and see how it goes for a couple months. If it still isn't going well then reevaluate. But to leave your three kids without a dad is pretty rough.
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This seems pretty trollish to me. I am married (5 years) with no kids and I could not imagine doing what you do. My wife would threaten to leave me too. Spend less time on SC2 and more time on your family.
And jesus man don't ask for advice on TL on shit like this
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SC2 isn't a good enough reason to divorce someone. It's not as good as Brood War (lol).
You might have other reasons, but that's between you and your wife.
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Doesn't sound too excessive (in terms of time spent); then again, your wife is getting no time alone with you as Mani pointed out, so yeah she probably feels neglected at this point. I don't think that's the entire story as someone pointed out earlier. Sounds like something else is going on and you two don't come across as happily married at all. -.-;;
I think the first few guys got it right when they said marriage counseling. I don't know what you expect to get here.
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I saw this when it was first posted at work and wrote up the below:
Your story is similar to mine except the details are just slightly different: I also have 3 kids, married about 6.5 years, play SC2 semi-regularly, my wife is not a gamer. However, in general, I generally play after everyone is asleep including my wife, or briefly in the morning before work to get my mind going for the day. While my wife does not "drive me crazy" per se, there are definately times when I am certainly not thrilled with her interactions with me, though I'm sure the same could be said of me in return. But that is the nature of relationships, especially where differences are concerned, you will grind on each other until you grow and move past it or bend, break, and fold. It is simply a matter of effort, and the primary means is communication. When things are most strained one or both of you is probably communicating badly -- sometimes this takes the form of not communicating at all, which is probably even worse than heated arguments and name calling. I do not know what your issues are, I mean, if there are any besides just gaming that are coming between you two (there probably are), but my number one advice would be to take a step back and figure out what is the real problem that she has with your gaming (if that really IS the problem). This may take not playing one night and saying, "look dear, I know this upsets you, but why?" Is it that she feels neglected? That she feels you neglect the kids? That she wants help doing stuff around the house? That she thinks you should be spending that time on a more lucrative endeavor? Could it even be that she has some moral qualm about it? Do you know what the problem she has is? If not, ask. Ask on your time. The gesture at the very least should help the conversation start out with level tempers. Second, be honest. What is your intention when you play SC or whatever games you might play? Is it to escape? Is it for simple enjoyment? Are you competitive and filling that void? Is it to de-stress from a long hard day? Is it your drug? Are you trying to get pro and make money from it? You at least owe her an honest self-examined assessment of your relationship to gaming and why you think it is good for you or justifiable for your circumstances or in some light that shows it as a positive as a basis for arguing why you think her ire is unmerited. Be patient. It is probably not going to just take one conversation to meet out. You should probably predetermine a point by which the initial conversation should finish and schedule part two for further discussion after a little time and thought go into it separately. That point could be when tempers start to get out of hand, or once each side has had their say, or after the first rebuttal, or after an hour, or something. The point is that you should start small and work your way up. If you are in a position where divorce is sounding like a good option to both of you, a drastic turnaround is probably not likely, so you should strive to just put a little bit of time into it at first and make progress in baby steps -- slow but steady. Also, if you are just in the relationship for the kids, you are already doing your kids a disservice. (I'm not saying this to be judgemental or condescending, I am very thankful my marriage has never reached that low, but do not think these kinds of thougths have not flitted through my mind before in a strained moment (i.e., staying in it for the kids, etc.).) But kids genuinely need their parents' love, and not just for them, but for each other. Without this, kids are learning the same bad habits that you probably trying to help them avoid by "just staying in it for the kids". When kids see you love them, it is still just a partial selfish kind of love because there is "something in it for them". They may not think of it in these terms, but it is certainly a different kind of love that they see when they see you love their mom, because even though you might get something out of this, the kids see something that is more selfless. Again, they may not think of it in these terms, but these are the psychologically positive effects of being witness day in and day out to a harmoniously living set of parents. Might you have to cut back on gaming? Maybe. (Might I? Maybe. :p) Do you "have to"? -- only you and your wife are going to be able to determine that. If your kids are important to you and you worry about them growing up in a good environment, you may need to make some sacrifices. On the other hand, your wife might need to make some sacrifices as well. You will only be able to come to the answer to this through honest communication. One or both of you may need to swallow your pride a time or two, but I do not think most hobbies/pasttimes should be tearing a family apart. Communicate!  (If you two do manage to patch things up, the next step would be to dedicate some time regularly to a "date night" or some such where you can build on the patching. If a relationship is not growing it is stagnating. Maybe at some point she will be playing with you... even if you are doing macrome on alternate date nights. XD)
As an addendum now that I've read through all of the responses: a marriage counselor might help faciliate these spousal communications, but you are still going to have to make that first step together with your wife. So it is still up to you to communicate with her on some level, even if it is only to decide you need to see a counselor. But you will need to determine if things are that bad that you would need one -- you are going to have to be honest about yourself with that too. Whatever, you decide own up to it, you don't want to be doing something just to do it and resent it later as someone said.
Also, for all of the snide haters, if you have nothing constructive to say... seriously. You do a disservice to everyone with the unhelpful and unfriendly attitude on what could be a serious issue. While a gaming site might not be the first or best place for asking for marital advice, it is not inconcievable why one might do so. People often need social support especially when dealing with difficult issues. Maybe this guys doesn't have a while lot of close family or friends to turn to. Maybe it that this is an embarassing issue and does not feel comfortable asking someone he knows in person. Whatever the reason that's not for you to judge -- there's no reason for a feeding frenzy on the man's woes.
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On December 07 2011 02:42 Railxp wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything. considering the core demographic here is 20yo college kids with no marriage experience, and respond regularly to girl threads with "fuck that bitch, dump that cunt" and "you just gotta DO IT man!", this is sound advice XD
Represent!
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Marriage, kids, and life in general is a lot more important than SC2, unless your professional and it's your job. Time spent with your kids will benefit them emotionally as they grow up. A child that gets neglected/ no attention doesn't do as well later in life than a child that receives love from their parents 24/7
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lol i do that, but i'm actually working my ass off and not playing a video game
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I'd be a little worried if the marriage counselor turned out to be one of those people who though video games were an evil, lazy waste of time.
I'd like to hear what DJ Wheat has to say, since he has a (healthy) love for games but also sounds like a great family man.
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Just negotiate with her, give her some compromise. Be like, I'll only play 2-3 hours a day if you get off my case.
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You're far past the point in your life where you can be spending regular four hour chunks on a video game. I can't believe you even had to ask about this. If you give a shit about your kids then stop playing. SC2 is a completely non-productive and trivial activity and you're risking your marriage and kids' wellbeing for it? That's actually ridiculous.
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SC2 is your escape, your way to relax and is your hobby. It is important to you. Those are all good reasons why you play. We have that in common.
I play around 6hrs a week (mon-sun). And as much as I would like to play more, I feel it is not healthy for my marriage. I dont think that you can compare our situations though.
I would suggest seeing a psychologist yourself, alone. Tell your wife you would like to do that first before going to see a marriage counselor. These sessions will give you time to address the things that are affecting your life. Your wife should see one too, and then you guys could go to together after. This is what I do (and my wife is a psychologist) and it is helping my relationship but even more importantly it is helping me.
(30 yo, married with 1 kid)
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Honestly, I had the same issue with a girl I dated that didn't want me to play video games at all. The problem wasn't that I played them when she was around because I absolutely never did (you would have a bigger issue with this since you're married), however she didn't want me playing them at all because if I happened to be playing when she texted me it might take me 5 extra minutes to respond and she didn't like that. Does your wife have girlfriends that she likes to hang out with? The girl I dated it turns out was doing it merely because she was lonely and lacked a personal hobby of her own. We did end up breaking up not because of video games, but because of how much we lacked in common. I would say maybe you have the same issue, but you went as far to get married so I'm sure there's a little bit more there than what I had. In the end I think you should make suggestions of things she can do for a hobby, or even take the time to maybe teach her how to play. Not necessarily starcraft, if she's not into that as much, but something basic and interesting to her. Just introduce her to games and maybe it will progress from there, she might absolutely hate them and that's a whole nother issue. She might just hate them initially though, and maybe sneak on to practice them when you aren't around. She'll just hate the fact that she's absolutely terrible at them since it's something brand new to her. Good Luck with your endeavors and I wish the best to you. Don't get divorced over something silly, sit down and talk to her about how she feels.
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From a girls perspective ( Actual girl perspective, I'm a real girl, not a guy taking the girls perspective)
I am not married nor have I kids but I can guess that your night goes like this....
You both come home from work, you and or your wife make dinner (hopefully it's a switch off, chores should be equally shared) Get the kids bathed and put to bed after a long day. And not sure how old your kids are but I know it can be a chore to get younger kids to bed (I have younger cousins). SO at 8:30pm its time for you and the misses to wind down. Your wife probably wants to chill on the couch and hang out with you because she hasn't really had time to even talk to you til now. But you want to go and play 3.5 hours of a video game and not hang out with her. So she goes to bed while you ignore her. (not saying it harshly, but how your wife could see it) And 3.5 hours a day for 4 nights is 14 hours a week which is a lot of missed time. But I'm sure it's more then that haha (my BF will say he's only played 3-4 games, but when I check his stats its closer to 8)
Most girls don't understand the draw to a game like SC2, its "childish". Especially if they don't play it or any other video games. So you have to meet in the middle. Maybe only play one or 2 games a night and only after you've paid your wife attention. But if you'd rather not pay attention to her and play a video game, and she makes you crazy in a bad way. I'd seek professional help. If you were just dating without kids I'd say it's not working out, and break it off. But since you are married and with children, I'd say professional help. You vowed to stay with her for the rest of your life, so there must be some love and commitment, otherwise you wouldn't have married her. =)
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So you divorced or stopped playing? LOL
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On December 07 2011 08:41 Manifesto7 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 07:48 waxypants wrote:
What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___". Yep. OP I've been married 6 years and have two kids. The only time my wife and I have together is after they go to bed. If I trade that time for starcraft 4/5 weeknights, my relationship will suffer. Play once a week, spend some time with your wife trying to improve your relationship, and see how it goes for a couple months. If it still isn't going well then reevaluate. But to leave your three kids without a dad is pretty rough.
Its not that she is sick of you doing X, or that you have a hobby. Its that that hobby is priority over your time with her. She feels unwanted and neglected and the relationship def suffers. Even if your 4 hour hobby was making money playing SC it would still be an issue.
All your time is dedicated to work, sleep, kids, then you. Where is the time for your team? Most couples with kids barely have time for romantics or even sex. And it actually has to be scheduled out to make the relationship work.
Right now she probably just feels like you guys are roommates.
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why did you guys brought up a topic that was 10 years ago? lol
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EPT
