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Hello all,
Looking for some advice / moral support. I've been married 8 years, and have 3 kids.
I play SC2 4 nights a week - Monday through Thursday. I play after the kids go to bed, from 8:30 until about midnight...so about 3-4 hours. On weekends, I don't play at all and devote all my time to the family.
Well my wife is fed up with me playing SC2. She is threatening to divorce me because of this.
My wife drives me crazy...the 8 years feel like forever. I would happily divorce her, but the kids... I am not sure what to do. Should I stop playing SC2? I don't see the problem with playing only 4 nights a week on weeknights....
Anyone else have similar problems? What did you do? Please respond only if in similar situation.
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Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything.
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doesnt seem like starcraft is the only problem in your relationship
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I don't get why women won't let guys have a hobby... My ex girlfriend hated when I would play whether it was 30 or 4 hours. She would get bored and blame it on me.. Sorry for having something to do in my free time. It sounds like a tough situation for you since you have kids. Do what you have to do to make sure you do everything you can for them. Good luck.
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Seems like there are deeper issues here because I doubt you would "happily divorce her" over her not wanting you to play SC2. Seems like this is just one of those things that is just adding up to her and you're kind of blaming it on SC2.
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On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything.
considering the core demographic here is 20yo college kids with no marriage experience, and respond regularly to girl threads with "fuck that bitch, dump that cunt" and "you just gotta DO IT man!", this is sound advice XD
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Speaking as a married SC2 player, go see a marriage counselor, don't poll an online forum for what you should do about your marriage. A bunch of people on a message board shouldn't be a factor in your decision-making for an 8-year relationship and children.
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A hobby is cool and everything, but 8:30 till 12 every night is way too much time on the pc and not with your wife. Maybe cut it down even more? Just my opinion though, might be completely wrong.
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Stop playing Starcraft 2... marriage is much more important then any game. Also, you have three kids so you really could put better use of that time with them. When she sees your commitment... she would most likely let you play from time to time... either way there is plenty of streams to watch whenever that can allow you to still be involved in the community in some way... or attend some MLG's if they are nearby. I don't mean to sound harsh but divorce over a video game just doesn't make sense... ESP when you have three kids. I am married myself and I have boundaries with this game but if my wife pushed things to that level them I would have to stop playing. We have had minor arguments about it but nothing too serious simply because I maintain the boundaries we set previous.
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United States134 Posts
I am not in a similar situation as I am not married, nor have kids. I am currently in a committed relationship with a wonderful woman who has a kid. She accepts my StarCraft playing as she can easily distract herself with other things (i.e. TV, her own video games, studying for her masters' degree, etc.). We were easily able to find a balance between our relationship, work, raising her kid, and our individual time with our own activities (StarCraft, other video games, etc.)
However, based on what you've posted, SC2 doesn't seem to be the key issue in your unhealthy marriage. I would highly suggest marriage counseling if you're determined to save your marriage, as there is clearly more to the issue than perhaps you or your wife care to admit.
I wish you luck with whatever decision you make.
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On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything.
This, good luck with everything man.
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You should absolutely see a professional, it sounds like there are deep issues in your marriage. I severely doubt SC2 is the root of the apparent rift.
Best of Luck
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On December 07 2011 02:42 FakeLife wrote:
Speaking as a married SC2 player, go see a marriage counselor, don't poll an online forum for what you should do about your marriage. A bunch of people on a message board shouldn't be a factor in your decision-making for an 8-year relationship and children.
This is exactly what I was going to say. Also, obviously if you would "happily divorce her", there are serious problems in your relationship that have nothing to do with SC. Get that figured out.
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A councilor will tell you this most likely:
Ultimatums are never good... bad on your wife.
Too much time away from family... Bad on you.
She/He will most likely just ask you what you want in life, and to compare that with what your wife wants... and how bad you want those things.... If they dont match up, talk about it, and if you cant get them to match up, then GG.
But if spending MORE time with family (not saying you dont) is more important than your sc2 time... Its a simple decision.
The deeper issue will be if quitting sc2 will end up causing you to resent your wife and then possibly end up ruining your marraige... (which your wife should also be warry of and think about)
DISCLAIMER: I'm no shrink... but my wife is and I basically typed what she said.... BUT GO to a councilor.... You simply cannot get proper help online. even from those websites with real councilors.
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You're coming to TL to ask for marriage advice. If this is in any way a real post you have a lot more problems then a marriage.
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this does not make sense to me
if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her.
I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out.
Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down
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I'm going to assume this is a troll, if not, you need professional help (marriage and psychiatric, it's just a game maybe try playing 1 hour).
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Wait until the kids are 18 and then divorce her, chances are SC3 should be coming out.
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Come to an agreement with her about how much time a week you will spend on the computer if you can. If not, as I, like others suspect you can't really stand her, carry on through with the divorce. Some times you know that a counselor can't help because you aren't willing to do the work with your spouse to make the relationship successful, and believe me there really are such things as irreconcilable differences, but any way you slice it, your kids witnessing strife in a marriage is a much worse alternative to going through a divorce but being able to see their parents happy, albeit separate.
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Find out what is best for you and your kids.
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it's easy, just fall in love with her again 
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TL might be able to help you verbalize how important SC2 can be for someone - but you're saying things like "happily divorce", "driving me crazy" etc which to me implies that there are more profound problems to work out. Don't expect TL to be able to help with that.
Try talking to a pro. And not the SC2 kind..
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Marriage counselor. This is the only good advice your gonna get on the interwebs regarding this issue.
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Well, I think you should talk with your wife and have a chat what is a good amount of hours spent on the computer. I'm sure you can come to an agreement about that. Also if you'd be happy to leave her, that kinda gives me the feeling that something isnt right in your relationship. Are you guys just together for the kids?
Anyway, i'd suggest seeing a marriage councelor and talk with your wife about these issues your having.
I have to say though 8:30 - 12 is way too many hours spent on the computer. Any woman would be pissed off. Just accept the fact that your getting a bit old for this and play when you have the opportunity, even if it sometimes means that you can't play for extended periods of time.
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Blazinghand
United States25551 Posts
Do not consider divorce without the two of you speaking to a counselor. Whatever issues you may have in your marriage, related to starcraft, or anything else, you've been together a long time and have children together. Seek professional help-- it's worth it, both for the two of you and your children. Don't give up so easily on your family.
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this does not make sense to me
if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her.
I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out.
Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down
i do not understand women
+ Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg...
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Grow Up
User was warned for this post
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I mean most of TL is aged 18-24 (including me). I don't know anything about marriage, but it seems really stupid to get a divorce for something as stupid and trivial as sc2. I think you have more problems than sc2. If your wife really supports you, she wouldn't mind giving you 3-4 hrs a night for your own thing.
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Should be in Blogs, or in http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=270421
But basically, family should always come first. If your responsibilities are being taken care of (including your wife), there shouldn't be an issue. If there is, you should discuss it (in a civil fashion) with the person you vowed to be with for better or worse til death doth part you.
If you really think divorce is the way to go, don't string it along - it's way worse on the kids, and they definitely pick up on tensions that you might not even think you and your wife are broadcasting.
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On December 07 2011 02:36 Rigorous wrote:
My wife drives me crazy...the 8 years feel like forever. I would happily divorce her, but the kids... I am not sure what to do. Should I stop playing SC2? I don't see the problem with playing only 4 nights a week on weeknights....
Anyone else have similar problems? What did you do? Please respond only if in similar situation.
I see that you ask for only those with a similar situation to respond. I am engaged but still very much in love with my gf. Based on what you've written, you don't seem to be having an SC2-related problem. If you would "happily divorce" your wife and if she drives you crazy, there are some serious relationship issues there that have nothing to do with a video game.
I wish you the best and I'd advise some marriage counseling. But that will cut into your SC2 time.
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No idea man, but I would suggest marriage counseling at the least. You should be with someone who makes you happy. People are afraid of divorces having impact on kids, but many don't realize that an unhappy marriage has the same or even a worse effect. Don't be afraid of divorce for your kids sake, once they are over 5 they will see the unhappiness between their parents and it will cause them just as many if not more issues.
On another note, it sucks so many people are stuck in unhappy marriages... Society should really start supporting people dating for a few years and living together before marrying, much less having kids. From my experience you don't even know the person until you have dated 4 years and lived with them at least 2 years.
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You would really choose a game over a woman you must have loved enough at one point to start a family with her? I think you need to step back and re evaluate your priorities. You can't treat your family like a job that you work on weekends and spend your other time playing Sc2; by doing this you are neglecting your wife and kids.
I suggest you give up Sc2, for a while at least. Rediscover what led you to want to start a family with your wife. Maybe once your family life is in order you can find a balance where you can take care of what is really important and still have your hobby when its appropriate.
I am not in the same exact situation but I am going to be married in two months. I have already given up gaming entirely because I know I cannot be a good Husband and eventually a good Father if at ANY point I have to make the decision between being with my family or playing games. The amazing thing that I've found is that while I've been preparing to take on the responsibilities of marriage I have actually lost my interest in gaming. Maybe you will find you don't want to game once your family is the main focus of your life.
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marriage counsellors are expensive and imo their job is bullshit
if you cant work things out without a counsellor, it will never work out anyways
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To be honest you play alot for someone who is married and have 3 kids, but yes you should seek professional help together.
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On December 07 2011 02:39 Sclol wrote:
doesnt seem like starcraft is the only problem in your relationship
Yah if things are going well your wife should support your hobby.
Just need to make sure you have time for everyone. I'm sure your wife wants to hang out and communicate some with just you after the kids have gone to bed, maybe cut down on SC2 and spend a couple quality hours with her.
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On December 07 2011 02:43 Kyles92 wrote:
A hobby is cool and everything, but 8:30 till 12 every night is way too much time on the pc and not with your wife. Maybe cut it down even more? Just my opinion though, might be completely wrong.
I gotta agree there. Sounds like you're not having any sexytimes 4 nights a week, everyone has their hobbies, but you wife needs attention, and if you guys don't work this out, it's going to suck.
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On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg...
You should probably tell her you don't want to watch that TV show with her next time instead of sneaking off like that. Communication works wonders.
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Yeah, marriage counseling.
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I'm married, and play SC2 on average, 12 hours a week.
However, I watch SC2 streams and podcasts an additional 6 to 8 hours of week.
It doesn't bother my wife too much (she just makes fun of me for watching aliens fighting with K-Pop in the background) but it's starting to bother me. I spend way too much time around SC2 and TL, considering how much I suck at it, and where I am and want to be with my career.
I agree with other posters that recommend seeing a counsellor (unless you're willing to spill your guts about the details of your relationship online). We don't know your wife or your situation.
But 20 hours a week is a lot of time. Try taking a week off of SC2 and seeing what it's like before making any big decisions about your relationship.
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If your neglecting her thats different. But if your doing a good job of being a husband and father and she's just pissed that your playing this game, then thats her problem.
Its funny that women just dont seem to like mens hobbies NO MATTER what it is. Cars, Sports, Games, Model Trains etc.
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drop SC2 for a month...see if ur relationship improves. most likely it will not if the hatred is deep down inside
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maybe attacking you because you play starcraft is not the true reason. maybe she has other problems. have you ever tried to talk with her where each party respects each other ?
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Come on!! 3 hours four days a week is the only time this dude takes for himself, if his wife can't accept that, thenm she is a witch and she deserves to stay alone for the rest of her days.
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On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything.
It sounds like there might be some bigger problems in the relationship then just you playing starcraft. I would go with ^^^'s advice
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On December 07 2011 03:01 MurdeR wrote:
Come on!! 3 hours four days a week is the only time this dude takes for himself, if his wife can't accept that, thenm she is a witch and he deserves to stay alone for the rest of her days.
Exactly. 12 hours a week is too much? I dont even watch tv. I ask any of you to ask yourself how much tv you watch in addition to other hobbies. I bet its way over 12 hours a week.
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On December 07 2011 03:01 MurdeR wrote:
Come on!! 3 hours four days a week is the only time this dude takes for himself, if his wife can't accept that, thenm she is a witch and he deserves to stay alone for the rest of her days.
Three kids are a lot of work. 3 hours during a weekday is time you can be spending with your wife, helping with chores, making lunch for the kids, etc.
Don't put too much stock in our opinions, we don't know you or your situation to frank.
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Seen something similar with a friend who played Everquest on most nights. You need to cut back, 20 hours a week is a long time, its almost a job if you think about it, get it down to 10 hours a week, or maybe transfer the hours into Sunday morning or something.
At the end of the day its only game
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You should never ever be afraid of changing something in your life, be it big or small. My mom has been divorced 2 times, and i have experienced them once as a child and once as an adult with my younger siblings taking it the hardest. Kids get over that stuff, it's not like it will screw up your kids or something it just needs to be handled with great care and not let them get caught in between. I feel bad to tell you to leave your wife, i say seek prof help. Just don't be stuck somewhere you don't want to be. It's NEVER too late to change things for the better, for all those involved. Children are better of with happy separated parents than unhappy married ones imo.
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I'm sorry but are you really considering destroying your marriage for a game?
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If you put food on the table and you get things done around the house then I don't see why spending 3-4 hours a day on your hobby is a problem.
Just to make things better, maybe you should try reducing it to 1-2 hours daily and see if it helps.
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Your relationship with your wife looks really bad according to what you said, it seems very irrational from her to be mad at you just for playing a video game in your free time, so might as well talk with her, find out what the problem is, then work on a good solution. You also said your 8 years of marriage "felt like forever" and that you would happily divorce her, so I think that your issues go beyond just playing a video game, try to talk with her about that, see how she feels about it, and decide what is best for you and your family.
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On December 07 2011 03:01 MurdeR wrote:
Come on!! 3 hours four days a week is the only time this dude takes for himself, if his wife can't accept that, thenm she is a witch and she deserves to stay alone for the rest of her days.
One of the many things that are necessary for a good marriage is sacrifice. If he was willing to get married and have three children with this woman I would hope he would be willing to give up a silly game so he can take better care of his family.
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On December 07 2011 03:05 In)Spire wrote:
I'm sorry but are you really considering destroying your marriage for a game?
Doesn't seem like the best wife to me if she bitches about him having fun with his hobby a few hours a week lol.
But than again I don't really think he is going to get good advice about this in a TL forum.
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From personal experience, being forced to live with parents that can't really stand eachother is a pain, it's not a good atmosphere to grow up in. It can really only get worse between you and your wife if something as little as playing games every now and then results in this.
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You are not playing World of Warcraft, you do not have to be on the computer every night sun-thur from 830 to midnight. Manage your time better, and stop taking a vacation from your relationship 4-5 nights a week.
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United States12235 Posts
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On December 07 2011 03:08 TheKefka wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 03:05 In)Spire wrote:
I'm sorry but are you really considering destroying your marriage for a game? Doesn't seem like the best wife to me if she bitches about him having fun with his hobby a few hours a week lol.
It all depends man. If they were living on food stamps or his wife has two jobs or she does all the housework, her annoyance would be justified.
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I have been married for 4 years, I and try to play SC2 in my free time. My wife now understand its my hobby and I try to limit myself to a couple hours max (unless I can talk her into playing StarJewled," but 8:00-12:00 doesn't really leave any quality time with your wife. If you care how she feels think about the situation. You both probably work, or even so one of you must work. So: 1) Wake up 2) Go to work. 3) Dinner 4)Time with kids and family 5) Starcraft 6) Sleep 7) Repeat
Doesn't leave much of any time for your wife. If you are feeling like the past 8 years of your life have been terrible with her, I'd take the advice someone else gave of seeing a marriage counselor, because I do not think divorce is good for the kids. Especially if there are court hearings and such.
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On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything.
this is the only comment that is needed in here.
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4 hours a night is a ton of Starcraft. As others have said though, this can't be the only problem in your marriage. Seek counselling. I've managed to get my fiance on board with my SC2 hobby early, but all things in moderation. I'd be upset if she spent all her time doing something I had no interest in at all either.
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From what I gather(never been married myself), marriage is a complex game of compromise and understanding. If your wife has a legitimate reason to ask you to stop playing, IE: neglecting responsibilities etc, then you should rethink how much you play. But remember shes not your mom, and shes not just there to make sure you're in bed before 1 am. Give her some positive attention, and maybe she'll understand your gaming habits more.
But to adress your concerns about the children. Try and make it work, through counseling etc. However, if you and your wife have grown apart, and negatively impact your childrens lives through fighting, negative energy toward eachother, and collatoral attitudes toward them, its best to get a divorce. My parents divorced when I was 6. Ya it bothered me, but its much better than growing up around verbal and physical violence.
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Why on earth would you go to a forum and seek advice from a demographic that has zero understanding of what you are going through? My guess is, you and your wife stopped having sex a long time ago, and you use all that free time after the kids go to bed to play video games.
One of the key indicators of a failing relationship is intimacy. You are neglecting your wife whether you want to believe it or not. You gaming probably started out as one or two nights, then turned into a nightly habit. "Just a couple games" you would probably say to yourself, meanwhile 3-4 hours have passed. Think about how that makes your wife feel. When the kids finally go to be and she gets to spend some quality time with you, the first thing you do is run to the PC to play hours and hours of Starcraft. Next thing you know its midnight, you crawl into bed mentally exhausted from playing games all night and tell your wife you love her because you think that will make everything ok.
There is no magical solution to this problem other than manning up to your duties and a father and husband. Video games are a leisure activity and not an entitlement, its time you started realizing this.
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On December 07 2011 02:44 YuTz wrote:
Stop playing Starcraft 2... marriage is much more important then any game. Also, you have three kids so you really could put better use of that time with them. When she sees your commitment... she would most likely let you play from time to time... either way there is plenty of streams to watch whenever that can allow you to still be involved in the community in some way... or attend some MLG's if they are nearby. I don't mean to sound harsh but divorce over a video game just doesn't make sense... ESP when you have three kids. I am married myself and I have boundaries with this game but if my wife pushed things to that level them I would have to stop playing. We have had minor arguments about it but nothing too serious simply because I maintain the boundaries we set previous.
Did you read the op? he said he plays after the kids are already in bed an only 4 nights a week which is barely over half the week technically meaning the other "half" of the week he isnt playing at all. Its likely more then just because of a "video game" as you're saying judging by how the op sounds an describes how his wife sounds. Rather then quit like you say maybe just cut it down alittle more maybe from like 8:30-10 maybe 3 nights a week an use the extra night on your wife cause she may just want that time alone. Also a marriage councelor would probably help since as has been stated earlier most people on this site have little to no experience with marriage unlike what a marriage councelor would have.
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On December 07 2011 03:14 HulkHogan wrote:
Why on earth would you go to a forum and seek advice from a demographic that has zero understanding of what you are going through?
Why on earth would you assume that nobody here would understand what the OP is going through? TL is huge, and diverse. People of all ages, shapes, and sizes use this website.
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Your wife should be able to accept your having a hobby (TALK with her about that) - however the time you spend on your hobby should stand in decent relation to the time you spend with your family. 14 hours a week can be a lot and can be little, depending on how much time you spend on other non-relationship things. If you work 40 hours a week and have a short trip for work, its probably not too much, if you are gone for 10+ hours mo-fr it might be too much.
Try to talk with her without fighting and tell her about it beforehand. Something "I think there is clearly some problem in our relationship and I think we should talk about it." like. Ask her when she has time and calm form it - dont jump on her with it. Thats basically whats marriage counceling would help with, if you cant do that on your own.
Otherwise clean divorce > staying in a unhappy marriage for kids, as others already said.
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Married with one child. I play maybe 6 hours a week.
I doubt your issues are specifically with starcraft. Guessing your wife feels neglected and that you do not value her (rather play video games then spend time with her even after she has asked you). You likely need to take a break from Starcraft to get this resolved. If you start using your starcraft time to do things with/for her that show her you vaule the marriage things will imporve (sitting watching TV together doesn't count). Schedule a baby sitter, go on a date, buy her flowers etc... Once she feels valued by you slipping some starcraft in from time to time shouldn't be a problem.
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On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg...
XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me  XD still laughing at your post.
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On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me XD still laughing at your post.
Totally impressed that you were grammatically correct on that, bravo.
The OP makes me sad  definitely stop playing SC2 so much and see a counselor.
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On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me XD still laughing at your post.
I used to sneak off to the bathroom just so I could have some quiet reading time. Sometimes I'd be completely oblivious to the fact that I had been in there so long, that my ex would knock on the door and ask if I was ok because I'd been in the can for 45 minutes. It was a good part in the book =/
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On December 07 2011 03:30 HackBenjamin wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me XD still laughing at your post. I used to sneak off to the bathroom just so I could have some quiet reading time. Sometimes I'd be completely oblivious to the fact that I had been in there so long, that my ex would knock on the door and ask if I was ok because I'd been in the can for 45 minutes. It was a good part in the book =/
You posters who've got stories like this deserve to have your man cards revoked....
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Could someone explain to me why women are less likely to have hobbies / have the ability to amuse themselves? I live with my girlfriend and she's very understanding about my game-playing time (occasionally even appreciates watching me ladder  ). However, I feel bad about it sometimes because I feel like she gets bored easily if there's nothing to do and I'm not doing something with her. She watches TV shows, browses facebook, and has started to get into baking, but it surprises me how she really doesn't enjoy just having time to kill by herself. I feel like I could spend an eternity entertaining myself with my various hobbies.
Anyone have a clue why it seems lots of women (not all ofc) aren't as happy entertaining themselves as guys are? I feel like this is the crux of the OP's problem, that his wife doesn't understand how his hobby can be fulfilling.
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On December 07 2011 03:34 castled wrote:Could someone explain to me why women are less likely to have hobbies / have the ability to amuse themselves? I live with my girlfriend and she's very understanding about my game-playing time (occasionally even appreciates watching me ladder ). However, I feel bad about it sometimes because I feel like she gets bored easily if there's nothing to do and I'm not doing something with her. She watches TV shows, browses facebook, and has started to get into baking, but it surprises me how she really doesn't enjoy just having time to kill by herself. I feel like I could spend an eternity entertaining myself with my various hobbies. Anyone have a clue why it seems lots of women (not all ofc) aren't as happy entertaining themselves as guys are? I feel like this is the crux of the OP's problem, that his wife doesn't understand how his hobby can be fulfilling.
I live with my Fiancee myself, and she will watch me play SC on rare occasions. She makes fun of the sound effects more often than not "not enough minerals" and the Marauder's "kaboom baby" are her favs to make fun of me.
Anyways back on topic, females are nurturing and compassionate by nature; This is how our species has survived this long. They crave emotional attachment to things they do, whereas we tend to lean towards logic and competitive hobbies. Again, this is a broad generalization, but you can see how browsing on facebook and watching TV may not satiate a female's innate needs to have an emotional connection.
All in all, there are pros and cons to everything. Sometimes its frustrating when you feel a woman is being too "needy", but god bless em they are the first ones to care for you when you get sick or when you really need to connect. Try having a serious emotional discussion with your "bros", its not that easy.
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The divorce threat has been played, get counseling. Don't get blackmailed in a relationship.
(advice from a 29 yo, married with three kids)
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On December 07 2011 02:36 Rigorous wrote:
My wife drives me crazy...the 8 years feel like forever. I would happily divorce her, but the kids...
Sounds like more issues than just SC2.
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I only play 2 hours per night, and only every other night, and I don't have any issues with my cravings for SC2. Myabe you should at the very least talk to your wife about cutting down a bit more. Your family is obviously infinitely more important than some video game.
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On December 07 2011 03:33 Zorkmid wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 03:30 HackBenjamin wrote:On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me XD still laughing at your post. I used to sneak off to the bathroom just so I could have some quiet reading time. Sometimes I'd be completely oblivious to the fact that I had been in there so long, that my ex would knock on the door and ask if I was ok because I'd been in the can for 45 minutes. It was a good part in the book =/ You posters who've got stories like this deserve to have your man cards revoked....
Psh, why? Sometimes you just need some quiet time.
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As someone who is married for last 8 years & have one kid - you should try to reason with your wife. Everyone needs to have a hobby & time for themselves. If they don't, they'll lose part of themselves later on, as their kids grow up and move away. There's nothing wrong in having a hobby, especially if you are reasonable with them. Losing your passion is definitelly not going to make you any happier.
Wishing you good luck.
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On December 07 2011 05:53 HackBenjamin wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 03:33 Zorkmid wrote:On December 07 2011 03:30 HackBenjamin wrote:On December 07 2011 03:22 TheSasquatch wrote:On December 07 2011 02:49 Roxy wrote:this does not make sense to me if you dont like eachother, i would have expected that she would be pleased you are playing games and staying away from her. I understand staying together for the kids, but perhaps you can work things out. Im afraid I am underqualified for any suggestions, but I wish you luck - whatever path you go down i do not understand women + Show Spoiler +to draw on my own experience, just last night. I come home and my gf is in bed watching sex and the city.
She wanted me to sit down and watch it with her. I sat with her for the rest of the episode. I then stared another episode and then pretended to go to the bathroom but actually just went to play starcraft... boy did I catch hell.. honestly.. wtf do i have to watch sex and the city for tho? i dont make her watch mlg... XD Laughing still about this... I haven't "sneaked" off acting like I was going the the bathroom to play. But I have been in the situation where its almost like I am expect to watch some show with her I don't care about. I do, but she nevers watches MLG with me XD still laughing at your post. I used to sneak off to the bathroom just so I could have some quiet reading time. Sometimes I'd be completely oblivious to the fact that I had been in there so long, that my ex would knock on the door and ask if I was ok because I'd been in the can for 45 minutes. It was a good part in the book =/ You posters who've got stories like this deserve to have your man cards revoked.... Psh, why? Sometimes you just need some quiet time.
No one's debating that. I'm guessing the man card comment was more due to the fact that people have to sneak around and hide in order to do things they enjoy, like little kids would do with regards to their parents.
Being up front and frank is the way to go. If she can't or won't understand you, then she's not the one for you. It's not exactly hard to communicate with your significant other and to come to a compromise, regardless of what the situation is. Heck, almost weekly I go out til 4am on Saturdays for gaming/poker/etc. My girlfriend has no issues with that because we communicate. She knows my actual responsibilities are taken care of. She knows that I'm not neglecting her since we do stuff almost every chance we get, regardless of if it's going out or staying in. She also knows that it lets me have fun with some of my buddies, doing some hobbies that don't interest her. It also gives her time to hang out with her friends and do hobbies that interest her. As long as it's not too frequent and nothing else is slipping, it's a win/win.
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What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___".
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Problem #1: You are considering a divorce over a catalyst that is a computer game?
Problem #2: You are considering a divorce over sc, and the first place for unbiased advice is TL?
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Osaka27148 Posts
On December 07 2011 07:48 waxypants wrote:
What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___".
Yep.
OP I've been married 6 years and have two kids. The only time my wife and I have together is after they go to bed. If I trade that time for starcraft 4/5 weeknights, my relationship will suffer.
Play once a week, spend some time with your wife trying to improve your relationship, and see how it goes for a couple months. If it still isn't going well then reevaluate. But to leave your three kids without a dad is pretty rough.
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This seems pretty trollish to me. I am married (5 years) with no kids and I could not imagine doing what you do. My wife would threaten to leave me too. Spend less time on SC2 and more time on your family.
And jesus man don't ask for advice on TL on shit like this
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SC2 isn't a good enough reason to divorce someone. It's not as good as Brood War (lol).
You might have other reasons, but that's between you and your wife.
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Doesn't sound too excessive (in terms of time spent); then again, your wife is getting no time alone with you as Mani pointed out, so yeah she probably feels neglected at this point. I don't think that's the entire story as someone pointed out earlier. Sounds like something else is going on and you two don't come across as happily married at all. -.-;;
I think the first few guys got it right when they said marriage counseling. I don't know what you expect to get here.
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I saw this when it was first posted at work and wrote up the below:
Your story is similar to mine except the details are just slightly different: I also have 3 kids, married about 6.5 years, play SC2 semi-regularly, my wife is not a gamer. However, in general, I generally play after everyone is asleep including my wife, or briefly in the morning before work to get my mind going for the day. While my wife does not "drive me crazy" per se, there are definately times when I am certainly not thrilled with her interactions with me, though I'm sure the same could be said of me in return. But that is the nature of relationships, especially where differences are concerned, you will grind on each other until you grow and move past it or bend, break, and fold. It is simply a matter of effort, and the primary means is communication. When things are most strained one or both of you is probably communicating badly -- sometimes this takes the form of not communicating at all, which is probably even worse than heated arguments and name calling. I do not know what your issues are, I mean, if there are any besides just gaming that are coming between you two (there probably are), but my number one advice would be to take a step back and figure out what is the real problem that she has with your gaming (if that really IS the problem). This may take not playing one night and saying, "look dear, I know this upsets you, but why?" Is it that she feels neglected? That she feels you neglect the kids? That she wants help doing stuff around the house? That she thinks you should be spending that time on a more lucrative endeavor? Could it even be that she has some moral qualm about it? Do you know what the problem she has is? If not, ask. Ask on your time. The gesture at the very least should help the conversation start out with level tempers. Second, be honest. What is your intention when you play SC or whatever games you might play? Is it to escape? Is it for simple enjoyment? Are you competitive and filling that void? Is it to de-stress from a long hard day? Is it your drug? Are you trying to get pro and make money from it? You at least owe her an honest self-examined assessment of your relationship to gaming and why you think it is good for you or justifiable for your circumstances or in some light that shows it as a positive as a basis for arguing why you think her ire is unmerited. Be patient. It is probably not going to just take one conversation to meet out. You should probably predetermine a point by which the initial conversation should finish and schedule part two for further discussion after a little time and thought go into it separately. That point could be when tempers start to get out of hand, or once each side has had their say, or after the first rebuttal, or after an hour, or something. The point is that you should start small and work your way up. If you are in a position where divorce is sounding like a good option to both of you, a drastic turnaround is probably not likely, so you should strive to just put a little bit of time into it at first and make progress in baby steps -- slow but steady. Also, if you are just in the relationship for the kids, you are already doing your kids a disservice. (I'm not saying this to be judgemental or condescending, I am very thankful my marriage has never reached that low, but do not think these kinds of thougths have not flitted through my mind before in a strained moment (i.e., staying in it for the kids, etc.).) But kids genuinely need their parents' love, and not just for them, but for each other. Without this, kids are learning the same bad habits that you probably trying to help them avoid by "just staying in it for the kids". When kids see you love them, it is still just a partial selfish kind of love because there is "something in it for them". They may not think of it in these terms, but it is certainly a different kind of love that they see when they see you love their mom, because even though you might get something out of this, the kids see something that is more selfless. Again, they may not think of it in these terms, but these are the psychologically positive effects of being witness day in and day out to a harmoniously living set of parents. Might you have to cut back on gaming? Maybe. (Might I? Maybe. :p) Do you "have to"? -- only you and your wife are going to be able to determine that. If your kids are important to you and you worry about them growing up in a good environment, you may need to make some sacrifices. On the other hand, your wife might need to make some sacrifices as well. You will only be able to come to the answer to this through honest communication. One or both of you may need to swallow your pride a time or two, but I do not think most hobbies/pasttimes should be tearing a family apart. Communicate! (If you two do manage to patch things up, the next step would be to dedicate some time regularly to a "date night" or some such where you can build on the patching. If a relationship is not growing it is stagnating. Maybe at some point she will be playing with you... even if you are doing macrome on alternate date nights. XD)
As an addendum now that I've read through all of the responses: a marriage counselor might help faciliate these spousal communications, but you are still going to have to make that first step together with your wife. So it is still up to you to communicate with her on some level, even if it is only to decide you need to see a counselor. But you will need to determine if things are that bad that you would need one -- you are going to have to be honest about yourself with that too. Whatever, you decide own up to it, you don't want to be doing something just to do it and resent it later as someone said.
Also, for all of the snide haters, if you have nothing constructive to say... seriously. You do a disservice to everyone with the unhelpful and unfriendly attitude on what could be a serious issue. While a gaming site might not be the first or best place for asking for marital advice, it is not inconcievable why one might do so. People often need social support especially when dealing with difficult issues. Maybe this guys doesn't have a while lot of close family or friends to turn to. Maybe it that this is an embarassing issue and does not feel comfortable asking someone he knows in person. Whatever the reason that's not for you to judge -- there's no reason for a feeding frenzy on the man's woes.
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On December 07 2011 02:42 Railxp wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 02:39 The_Piper42 wrote:
Go see a marriage counselor. Don't ask for advice from faceless randoms online. Good luck with everything. considering the core demographic here is 20yo college kids with no marriage experience, and respond regularly to girl threads with "fuck that bitch, dump that cunt" and "you just gotta DO IT man!", this is sound advice XD
Represent!
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Marriage, kids, and life in general is a lot more important than SC2, unless your professional and it's your job. Time spent with your kids will benefit them emotionally as they grow up. A child that gets neglected/ no attention doesn't do as well later in life than a child that receives love from their parents 24/7
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lol i do that, but i'm actually working my ass off and not playing a video game
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I'd be a little worried if the marriage counselor turned out to be one of those people who though video games were an evil, lazy waste of time.
I'd like to hear what DJ Wheat has to say, since he has a (healthy) love for games but also sounds like a great family man.
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Just negotiate with her, give her some compromise. Be like, I'll only play 2-3 hours a day if you get off my case.
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You're far past the point in your life where you can be spending regular four hour chunks on a video game. I can't believe you even had to ask about this. If you give a shit about your kids then stop playing. SC2 is a completely non-productive and trivial activity and you're risking your marriage and kids' wellbeing for it? That's actually ridiculous.
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SC2 is your escape, your way to relax and is your hobby. It is important to you. Those are all good reasons why you play. We have that in common.
I play around 6hrs a week (mon-sun). And as much as I would like to play more, I feel it is not healthy for my marriage. I dont think that you can compare our situations though.
I would suggest seeing a psychologist yourself, alone. Tell your wife you would like to do that first before going to see a marriage counselor. These sessions will give you time to address the things that are affecting your life. Your wife should see one too, and then you guys could go to together after. This is what I do (and my wife is a psychologist) and it is helping my relationship but even more importantly it is helping me.
(30 yo, married with 1 kid)
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Honestly, I had the same issue with a girl I dated that didn't want me to play video games at all. The problem wasn't that I played them when she was around because I absolutely never did (you would have a bigger issue with this since you're married), however she didn't want me playing them at all because if I happened to be playing when she texted me it might take me 5 extra minutes to respond and she didn't like that. Does your wife have girlfriends that she likes to hang out with? The girl I dated it turns out was doing it merely because she was lonely and lacked a personal hobby of her own. We did end up breaking up not because of video games, but because of how much we lacked in common. I would say maybe you have the same issue, but you went as far to get married so I'm sure there's a little bit more there than what I had. In the end I think you should make suggestions of things she can do for a hobby, or even take the time to maybe teach her how to play. Not necessarily starcraft, if she's not into that as much, but something basic and interesting to her. Just introduce her to games and maybe it will progress from there, she might absolutely hate them and that's a whole nother issue. She might just hate them initially though, and maybe sneak on to practice them when you aren't around. She'll just hate the fact that she's absolutely terrible at them since it's something brand new to her. Good Luck with your endeavors and I wish the best to you. Don't get divorced over something silly, sit down and talk to her about how she feels.
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From a girls perspective ( Actual girl perspective, I'm a real girl, not a guy taking the girls perspective)
I am not married nor have I kids but I can guess that your night goes like this....
You both come home from work, you and or your wife make dinner (hopefully it's a switch off, chores should be equally shared) Get the kids bathed and put to bed after a long day. And not sure how old your kids are but I know it can be a chore to get younger kids to bed (I have younger cousins). SO at 8:30pm its time for you and the misses to wind down. Your wife probably wants to chill on the couch and hang out with you because she hasn't really had time to even talk to you til now. But you want to go and play 3.5 hours of a video game and not hang out with her. So she goes to bed while you ignore her. (not saying it harshly, but how your wife could see it) And 3.5 hours a day for 4 nights is 14 hours a week which is a lot of missed time. But I'm sure it's more then that haha (my BF will say he's only played 3-4 games, but when I check his stats its closer to 8)
Most girls don't understand the draw to a game like SC2, its "childish". Especially if they don't play it or any other video games. So you have to meet in the middle. Maybe only play one or 2 games a night and only after you've paid your wife attention. But if you'd rather not pay attention to her and play a video game, and she makes you crazy in a bad way. I'd seek professional help. If you were just dating without kids I'd say it's not working out, and break it off. But since you are married and with children, I'd say professional help. You vowed to stay with her for the rest of your life, so there must be some love and commitment, otherwise you wouldn't have married her. =)
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So you divorced or stopped playing? LOL
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On December 07 2011 08:41 Manifesto7 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 07 2011 07:48 waxypants wrote:
What is she doing from 8:30-midnight M-Th and what does she want you to be doing?
I ask because I doubt the issue is that she is "sick of [you] playing SC2" but rather she is "sick of you not doing ___". Yep. OP I've been married 6 years and have two kids. The only time my wife and I have together is after they go to bed. If I trade that time for starcraft 4/5 weeknights, my relationship will suffer. Play once a week, spend some time with your wife trying to improve your relationship, and see how it goes for a couple months. If it still isn't going well then reevaluate. But to leave your three kids without a dad is pretty rough.
Its not that she is sick of you doing X, or that you have a hobby. Its that that hobby is priority over your time with her. She feels unwanted and neglected and the relationship def suffers. Even if your 4 hour hobby was making money playing SC it would still be an issue.
All your time is dedicated to work, sleep, kids, then you. Where is the time for your team? Most couples with kids barely have time for romantics or even sex. And it actually has to be scheduled out to make the relationship work.
Right now she probably just feels like you guys are roommates.
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why did you guys brought up a topic that was 10 years ago? lol
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On February 03 2021 02:54 ffswowsucks wrote:
why did you guys brought up a topic that was 10 years ago? lol
I wanted to know if he stopped playing or divorced already, problem?
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EPT
