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Hi TeamLiquid community!
This is my first post. I have spend the last year being an active reader but now I have this special event wich makes me want to have people share opinions and their personal experience to the profit of others.
First, I would like to say that I really want to follow TL 10 commandements and regarding this post I hope I am not breaking this rule:
+ Show Spoiler +8. THOU SHALL CONTRIBUTE TO THE SITE
Contribute to the site. Everyone should pitch in. Some people contribute by being helpful when someone posts a question. Some people contribute by writing interesting posts that stimulate discussion or by uploading relevant and useful facts and information. Some people contribute by posting news from the gaming world. Others contribute by participating in a meaningful way every single day. Still others contribute by simply making everyone laugh. Contribution can take many forms and there's no single prescribed way to go about it. But, like good porn, we know it when we see it. Good contributors will always get favorable treatment. That's just the way things work.
Ok, enough talk let's get to the subject!
I met my girl a little more then 3 years ago. I am now 21. Even if we do not share the same hobby, we really love eachother and hope that we can build something strong in the future. We are getting married this Saturday, October 1st. One thing I was wondering is how will my gaming be affected by all of this. It is a big part of my life and this is the place where I can chill out after a big day of work/school. Nothing is worth more then hearing White-Ra say 'Special tactics'.
This gave me the idea to post on TL to ask people to share their past experience. The discussion will be made in two different ways:
First, people who are married or that live with someone else, man or women, heterosexual or homosexual, it really doesn't matter. What matter is that you share what were the adjustment you had to make and how you made them. Did you have to sacrifice gaming time? Did you set a specific amount of time you could play? Did you just tell you're love to f*** o** and let you play (I hope not!).
Then, everyone that are planning to go live with their lover, or just if you are fifteen and wondering what you need to expect later, post you're question so that people can answer to the best of their abilities.
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To add more to the discussion, here is some opinions I've found on the subject
A man share his experience and his solution!
I really enjoy this short article where he brings up points that I never tought before. Could you mate become a gamer?
8 Tips from a women to women to save the marriage with a gamer!
I found that one very funny since you read a women to women discussion :-)
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Alright, you're turn now!
P.S. My first language isn't english so if you did not understand something in my post just tell me and I will try to make it more clear!
EDIT: Okay, it seems that we had to get to this. Some people want to argue about my decision wich is NOT what I want. This is not about me, this is about the community. Bring your expererience about gaming, not if getting married is good or bad.
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There will be less time for gaming the older you get. Once you have kids, it's pretty much over unless you want to risk being a neglectful parent (we all tunnel-vision when we're playing games - no shame in that). The period from 18-26 is pretty much your magnum opus of gaming, so enjoy it while you can (I'm sure others will jump in with stories how they extended that number further - but the point is, it's finite). Now, if you don't have kids, you could quite happily enjoy a more bite-size gaming lifestyle. Either way you slice it, career, family and general adult responsibilities will keep getting in the way.
This leads to the pretty common misconception of what the casual gamer is. A lot of them are hardcore gamers that just don't have the time anymore. They're not so much interested in social games like Farmville (the new breed of social gamers a whole different category), but they want good games that come in more bite-size chunks.
I think, most importantly, no matter how much time you set aside, you'll still get interrupted in the middle of a gaming session since there are other people in your life, and more events that will disrupt it. You're going to have to learn to deal with that. Just a warning, because some people I know get really pissy when they're interrupted in the middle of something.
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If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost.
To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her.
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You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't.
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You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.)
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I've been with my girlfriend for a bit over 5 years now, we've been living together about 4. It was a bit difficult at first, but after a while she just figured out that it's who I am. I also try to limit my computer time when she's home (a nurse, so her work schedule is hectic) but it's not that big of a deal.
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My gf plays Maple Story while I play Starcraft so everything is fine and dandy. As long as you don't go overboard with it there should be no problem.
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On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
You really didn't go into any detail about how your fiancee feels about your gaming. This is the most important thing we need to know.
If she has a negative opinion of gaming or thinks it's a waste of time you will have a problem. If she doesn't, you probably won't.
My fiancee doesn't really care about gaming. I mean I already played a couple of LoL game and she really didn't mind however there is no way I can start a conversation about gaming with her! She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks.
You can always watch the game, and just never play it. I mean, do most adult men regularly play football? and how many watch it? Explain it sort of like watching football, except you will never leave her for a bar to do it.....(not counting barcraft. lol.)
Very, very good point! So many people spend their evening watching sports event, what would make a gamer unable to watch his favorite progamer?
If you want a marriage that includes truly understanding your other half, there will be times when you have to say no to gaming. Sometimes your wife will just need someone to talk to. If you want to show her that you really care, you have to shut off the game even if it is right before White-Ra says "special tactics" and you haven't heard him say it in months. Marriage includes giving up some things in order to receive other things in return. You have to believe that what you receive in return is better than what you are giving up... i.e. your relationship with your wife will be better and far more worthwhile than a few hours of gaming that you lost.
To sum up my point, you can live in the same house as someone else, but not truly live with them. Do your best to live with your wife and not just around her.
Thanks for your honest point of view. It is true that I do not want to fall in the patern where you live 'around' my futur wife and not be with her.
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Am I the only one that doesn't really see how marriage would make a difference?
Unless marriage all of a sudden makes your girlfriend less tolerant to gaming I don't see how your situation would change at all.
I assume you already live together, so nothing would change in that respect either.
Seems like a bit of a pointless discussion to me, if it were you and the girl starting to live together, then there'd be something to talk about I guess.
:Edit: with all these replies around me I'm starting to feel like Im missing something XD
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Ive been married now for almost 4 years and have 2 kids. Aside from that aspect of life I am also active duty military in which I work 4-5 days a week, 9 -12 hours a day.
I am able to dedicate at least 6-8 hours a day playing with no problems whatsoever solely because I am shift work. My oldest goes to daycare and my youngest has numerous medical issues in which my wife handles since I work.
On my days off, I dedicate at least 4-6 hours spending time with the family and engaging in family activities such as watching movies together, board games, Wii or PS3 etc...
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I'm not so worried bout the time spent gaming as I am about her seeing me screaming like a lunatic into my XBL mic when my stupid ass EASHL team loses. That should be fun!
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I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
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On September 30 2011 01:54 Bibdy wrote:
The period from 18-26 is pretty much your magnus opus of gaming, so enjoy it while you can
Hahah, that is really beautifully put. And so true.
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I just got married. And I still play SC2 and Team Liquid a few hours a day ...
The truth is, my wife is a lot less bothered by my SC2 addiction than I am. I'm the turning point of my career (32) where I either have to take my life goals and career more seriously or languish in mediocrity.
SC2 helped me deal with my anxiety, but I really should be using the time to you know, become a better human being. If I spent as much time reading or drawing as I do on SC2, I'd probably be much better off.
DAMN YOU TL/BLIZZARD!!!
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On September 30 2011 02:11 Saechiis wrote:
I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
If they shared the same feelings of commitment at 21 that others would in their late 20s, theres nothing wrong with that.
It's kids at younger ages that pose larger issues, mostly due to the inability to financially support it.
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[QUOTE]On September 30 2011 02:03 Datz2Ez wrote:
[QUOTE]On September 30 2011 01:57 bonifaceviii wrote:
My fiancee doesn't really care about gaming. I mean I already played a couple of LoL game and she really didn't mind however there is no way I can start a conversation about gaming with her! She feels it is ridicoulus that some people can live out of games while other have to work 40h/weeks.
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This is just don't understand O.o
How is "playing games" not a job when pro's play for over 10 hours a day 7 days a week?
I'd say prolly the LEAST hours put into a week of practice would be around 60h/week.....my mind hurts.
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I am 24 and coming up on my 4 year Anniversary with my wife. She knows that I like to game and I have had some issues with it in the past. For example
I wake up early by chance so I play some StarCraft while she is still asleep so I don't run into the time we are awake together. When she gets up I always stop playing if not before. If she wakes up and sees that I am playing I get "Have you been playing games all morning?" With a tone of accusation. Her complaints are that I could have been doing something like cleaning etc. I find it best not to argue with anyone as soon as they wake up, but my thoughts are "You have been sleeping all morning instead of doing anything." Countless times I have woken her up with breakfast instead of playing.
If it isn't in morning I try to catch a time where she is enjoying a hobby of hers, and play a few games while trying to makes plans for something to do together. I think what is important, even though my wife holds so many double standards its crazy, is to show the person you love that you are always thinking of them.
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On September 30 2011 02:11 Saechiis wrote:
I can't believe you would choose to get married at 21 o_O Why would you do that?
You can only understand this when you meet the right person. It all makes sense then. (I was married 9 months ago, age 21).
You'll lose some gaming time, especially initially, but you'll get a bunch back as you both learn how to be together while not focusing entirely on your partner. Marriage is wonderful, but it's about compromise; you'll have to come to terms with not gaming whenever you want. Maybe you'll have to get in 1.5 hr a day instead of 7 hr twice a week.
Kids? I don't know about that. They still frighten me a little.
You know what I've found more restrictive on gaming than marriage? A full-time job. 40+ hr a week is a long time.
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You are 21? Isn´t that a little too young to get married? I hope you will not regret doing it already.
But if you really do love each other, enough to get married, then you should be able to respect each others hobbies/interests. It shouldn´t matter too much.
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On September 30 2011 02:10 Hawk wrote:
I'm not so worried bout the time spent gaming as I am about her seeing me screaming like a lunatic into my XBL mic when my stupid ass EASHL team loses. That should be fun!
This is the only thing my wife hates, my mic and skype while playing SC2.
On topic:
She's ok with computer games games (she has her own account, we play 2v2, she's practised enough on her own to get gold league 1v1 and is possibly attending her first Barcraft on the 16th..!). That's what makes it work, she has taken an interest in something I enjoy and you have to do the same things too. It just requires balance. It may not be something she would do in her own time, but it's something she takes an interest in for my sake.
You'll more than likely have to trim back the amount of time you play, but she will have to be understanding enough to give you the time to do what you enjoy as well.
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EPT
