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On September 01 2011 07:32 VTArlock wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents. I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride. To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
If you think it'll make you happier, I still think you should go for it.
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Send, and all the best for you and her.
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On September 01 2011 07:32 VTArlock wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents. I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride. To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
I think you should send it. If she doesn't want to talk to you, she will say, "don't contact me," and then you can comply. But since time has passed, you should reach out.
From your wording, it feels like you're still managing your own expectations. It sounds like you're hoping against hope that maybe it will still work out between the two of you since you say that you still love her, though you don't want to say that you're hoping for it to work out because you don't think it will or that you deserve it. Try to let go of all of that, because it will strangle you while you're trying to talk to her. (Easier said than done, obviously, especially the self-flagellation part if you still feel guilt.) Try to go into it with no expectations... maybe make it clear in the letter that you just want to say hello and catch up a bit. If you approach her respectfully, then she will probably also respond in a respectful manner, and maybe that way you guys can achieve some kind of closure.
Also: it's kinda weird to say it, but I think apologies are as much for the person who is apologizing as they are for the person they're apologizing to. Once you tell her you're sorry for hurting her, that will be off your chest: even if she doesn't respond, you'll know that she knows how you feel.
+ Show Spoiler [super cheesy] +I used to feel like there was some part of me that would love my ex forever. I was sad, because I thought that it meant I was using up my love and care or sensitivity, or that the small things I loved about him that made him a special snowflake would get in the way of me being able to see the special-snowflakiness of anybody else. But love is boundless. If it doesn't work out with your ex-fiance, you will find someone else and your heart will expand. It will be okay to still have love (aka look fondly on the good memories & still think she's a good person) for what you had with person A, but love someone else with all your heart. It's part of growing up... we'll collect exes on the way through life. That thought used to depress me because I wanted to believe in the fantasy of a single soulmate... I thought that if there was even the possibility of me being "happy" at different points in time with more than one person, it would mean nothing was special, but there's no reason we have to believe that. It's okay for the possibility to exist that you can be happy with more than one person (in other words, thinking that there's a "The One" isn't productive, and it induces panic because you'll be afraid that there will be nobody else).
Love isn't as much about destiny as it is about choices, anyhow. Choices about what to do every day, every moment. Choosing to work together. That kind of thing. Man, sorry this got so cheesy. But it's what I believe.
I wish you the best of luck.
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gl with this, mate. I hope my anecdote helps you ^^
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Arlock,
If I were you I would send it.
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I'd definitely send it. If you don't, it's going to tear your insides apart. Do it, and hope for the best to come. Even if she reacts poorly to it, you'll at least have that closure.
A short while ago, I had something similar happen, where I found out my girlfriend...was cheating on me, but not sexually. If that makes sense at all. We broke up, and for the time period afterwards, I felt like she was still the person I loved and had even made really solid attempts at dating, I met a lot of girls I could see myself happy with down the road and in the future, but it was always in the back of my head.
"What if I went back to her?"
You don't want to ask yourself "What if I sent her that letter? Could things have worked out? Where would we be had I sent it?" over and over for a long time to come. Send it, man.
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dont send it, call her. dumb letter is dumb, come on you must know that
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call her and say sorry, do you think she understands how you feel? she absolutely DOESNT. women arent mind readers and nothing, NOTHING is true unless you communicate it
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Send it send it send it!
Stop thinking about being nervous =P
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Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
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I would send it without expectation of a response. At least that way it is hard to be dissapointed.
On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
GL
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On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Not sure, if too late. NO. Just NO.
Been there, done that, I understand how it feels. Don't do it. There's no chance of it turning good. In best case, she'll just ignore you and in worst case you'll end up in another round of very unhealthy relationship. And this time around she won't be slightly unfaithful, cause, hey, she isn't the one who came back begging you to return.
Don't waste any more time and energy on her.
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If you don't mind me asking, exactly what is "slightly unfaithful"? o_o''
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LETTER HAS BEEN SENT! Oh man, My hands are sweaty as shit. I feel like a 13 year old.
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On September 01 2011 06:53 VTArlock wrote:
To make a long story very short, I had found out that she had been slightly unfaithful.
If the underline is to emphasize that the unfaithfulness actually was very slight (e.g kissed another man or some other misdemeanor) then I guess you can send it although probably still not a great idea. If it is to emphasize that it was not so slight afterall (e.g that she slept with someone else\had an affair\ had a pseudo relationship going on) do not send it.
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On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
 woooo, keep thread updated, gl :D
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Good Luck
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Props for having the stones. GL and will watch for a follow up.
Of the very few things I regret, it's all not doing things when I had the chance to. Even if she breaks you in two with her response (or lack thereof) you'll feel better that you went for it.
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TLADT24920 Posts
GL with the letter, hopefully everything works out. You only live once and if you still have strong feelings for her, might as well make sure she knows it and close that chapter of your life if nothing comes out of it
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EPT
