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Hey,
So I have no idea how you will react upon receiving this message. 50% of me thinks you'll simply discard it after reading without taking a second look and the other 50% tells me the opposite. It's been a long time since we last spoke, going on two years now. I hope you've been well.
I think it's safe to say we were both shocked when we saw each other the other day. It seems that both of us were too nervous to actually make the first move and say hello. However I did catch you looking at me about 10 times in the 2 minutes I saw you. It went both ways though I suppose.
I'm kinda winging this, I don't really know what it is that I'm trying to say or what I'm trying to accomplish by writing you this. All I know is that is ever since I saw you I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. It seems odd (maybe wrong? odd seems off) that we spent almost half of our lives together, lived together, loved each other, did everything together and then it was abruptly ended so harshly and with such hatred. I'm not trying to talk about what happened at all I'm just saying that I guess we both made mistakes that led us to the path we currently reside on.
Maybe I'm trying to say that I would like to see you if just to catch up, maybe not. I don't know if it's possible to be "just friends" with you after everything we've been through.
I heard you still hangout with my cousins every so often, they tell me you're doing good and that you just got your BA. Congratulations! I'm sure you worked immensely hard on it. I'm proud of you (however I always knew you would accomplish your goals).
I really don't know what else to say with this, just...
It FELT really good seeing you. Hopefully you felt the same.
I'll never know.
A Brief Explanation
I took my motorcycle out the other day for a ride and saw my ex-fiance at starbucks, it was the most heart wrenching and awkward 2 minutes of my life, we kept looking at each other. In my opinion begging with our eyes to get the other person to approach and say hello.
We had been together for a very long time, off and on for about 7 years. Eventually she moved in with me. Later we had to have a slightly long distance relationship (about 2-3hours apart) because of her acceptance into UC Davis.
We worked on it for a long time but we both had our issues which doesn't need to be talked about.
To make a long story very short, I had found out that she had been slightly unfaithful. Upon my finding out (she told me) I went slightly insane and pursued my own unfaithful acts; for revenge if nothing else. I felt guilty about what I had done (as did she) so I told her. We got into an argument one day, she hung up on me and that was the last time I ever heard from her.
We haven't spoken to each other or seen each other in two years.
I still love her deep down, I'm sure she feels the same. It doesn't just go away. It's not my place to message her, I feel that if we are to ever speak again or become friends it has to be her decision.
EDIT:
THE LETTER HAS BEEN SENT AS OF ABOUT 1 MINUTE AGO
Re-Update: After I sent the letter via email I got a response almost instantly (about 3 minutes later). It was a little awkward at first but after about 40 minutes of back and forth emails, we added each other on facebook and moved to over to that portal.
It was...really nice...
We kinda talked about everything, like whats been going on with our lives, our families, our friends, news, and of course our relationship and what exactly happened with it. We ended up talking from about 9p.m. until about 3 a.m... A good 6 hours and it was almost like a breathe of fresh air. After the first awkward, hey how are you stuff. The conversation flowed fairly easily like nothing had ever changed, like it wasn't two years since we got into the worst argument of our lives and never spoke again.
We have plans to get dinner sometime next week with my cousin. The 3 of us were really close, so it should be quite fun. I suppose I'll update after that?
__________________________________________
I really want to thank everyone on TL. Without all of your support and words of wisdom, I never would of sent the letter. It honestly was just a way for me to initially just vent my feelings and get out what I wanted to say. I was so nervous actually typing in her email and copy pasting/clicking send. It was pretty nuts. My hands got sweaty, my heartbeat rose. But in the end, it worked out.
So thanks to all of you!
 
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we need more details, especially the part where it "was abruptly ended so harshly and with such hatred."
idk whats your intent anyways, are you still trying to get back together or... what exactly.
the main point i got was that it was nice seeing her (assuming its a her) and then the rest alluding to an interesting story i think you should tell.
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I once had a friend who lived in another country. We used to talk a lot online. For hours at a time (at weird times because of the timezone) about everything, including all the personal stuff in our lives. I'm not a very open person so it was a pretty big deal for me. We were really good friends. Eventually because we never actually met things kinda got sour. At one point her RL friends even tried to make her stop talking to me.
She sent me a really nice package once with all kinds of random things she found that made her think about me and a nice letter. I wrote a letter too, and found stuff that reminded me of her, never sent it. I still have the letter, and everytime I see it I think about how I should have sent it, or how maybe I still could. It makes me sad. There is nothing wrong with communication (except the absence of it), you should send it.
Also people don't send letters enough anymore. Its nice to get a letter and know that someone was thinking about you enough to sit down and write one on a real fucking piece of paper and mail it.
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Everything ends sometime, even stars burn out. Let go and move on.
That said, since it is/was your relationship you should know best what to do.
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Don't send it. If your life was a book this girl is 2 sentences. You've got a life to live and pages to write.
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I'm imagining a person I used to hate, and never spoke since, sending me this message. I'd want to receive it. Unless this person is dead and literally cannot receive your message, send it. What's the worst that could happen?
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On September 01 2011 06:56 Dalguno wrote:
Send it.
This. Really nicely written. You have nothing to lose by sending it.
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I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice.
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nothing to lose man, go ahead and send it...it can only make things better
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WTF does it mean to be slightly unfaithful?
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On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice.
Just read your explanation.
In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit.
Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride.
Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should.
It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options.
My 2 cents.
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lived together, loved each other, did everything together and then it was abruptly ended so harshly and with such hatred.
Hey I'm going to tell you a story: a friend of mine had a girlfriend for more than 6 years, they got an apartment, they moved in together, they loved each other etc. , you get it. One day his girlfriend spotted a suspicious message on my friend's phone; a message sent by one of his female friends. To tell the truth there was nothing beyond that, and my friend never ever cheated on her. Maybe he was thinking about doing it, but you know how men are, and even though he wasn't talkative, my friend was an honorable guy. Anyway they had an argument, a dispute, and the girlfriend was mad, she didn't want to hear any explanations, she told him to leave the apartment for a while.
My friend, annoyed by this whole situation, angrily left and planned to go back to his parents' for the night. You know what? On his way to his parents' home he was involved in a car accident and died.
Now the girlfriend is on pills and suicide watch.
What's the morale of the story? I say go for it dude. If you don't do it you'll regret it.
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On September 01 2011 07:24 trias_e wrote:
WTF does it mean to be slightly unfaithful?
Only sleep with some guys. Not all of them.
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On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents.
I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride.
To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
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Man that's..bitter. According to your explanation it's quite possible that she still feels the same way but after that argument initially her pride didn't allow her to approach you again and after all that time it was simply too awkward for her, with you having your own reasons (as stated in the explanation). You should definitely try to communicate with her again.
And again I dont know NOTHING about the two of you, so keep in mind this is more or less guesswork.
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send it and give us an update on what happens.
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On September 01 2011 07:32 VTArlock wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents. I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride. To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
Sounds like you're in conflict with yourself. On one hand you consider her "the one", but on the other you try convince yourself you don't have the "right" to contact her. We all fuck up sometimes, but if it's someone you really care for, should you really give up so easily and make silly excuses?
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I don't know, I think I may be too nervous to actually send it to her. I'll put a poll on the blog. Please if you're answering the poll try to put yourself in my shoes a bit, don't simply poll to "send it" for entertainment.
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On September 01 2011 08:01 VTArlock wrote:
I don't know, I think I may be too nervous to actually send it to her. I'll put a poll on the blog. Please if you're answering the poll try to put yourself in my shoes a bit, don't simply poll to "send it" for entertainment.
You said she was possibly the one. I think youll be regreting it more if you dont send it.
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I say send it 'cuase it's (was) a freaking 7 year relationship. From what the blog sounds like, it seems you two are in your early-mid twenties. 7 years is like a third of your life right now. Better to try and maybe fail than to regret it. These feelings don't just go away and it sounds like she still likes/loves you too.
If your pasts mistakes are too much well, the worst that can happen is you two will just end up the way it is now again.
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I think what most of us feel like is, if you don't communicate, nothing can happen. If you do, far more good can come of it than bad (your relationship probably cannot get worse at this point). Relationships are obviously all about communicating, so trying to express your feelings in a calm and rational manner, while listening to what the other has to say, is the only way you can ever even be friends again. People will always fight, and make bad decisions, but dealing with it is more important than never making the mistake in the first place.
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From a girls point of view, this has happened to me before with an ex I absolutely hated and I tried to avoid him at all costs. I never gave the impression I wanted to look at him again and yet he sent me a message over Facebook the day of graduation how he still felt even after I broke up with him and honestly, I wanted to strangle him. But even I knew that he would have regretted it had he not been able to get that out of him.
It seems as if you two really wanted to talk to each other, so I would say send the letter. If she wanted to talk to you then, most likely she would still want to talk to you now. If she loved you then, she should be able to understand why you have to shake this out of you. You honestly have nothing to lose at this point, so go for it.
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You noticed her noticing you noticing her? 
In seriousness, you should contact her. You'll just end up with feelings of regret. And look, even if nothing comes of it, if she has a man now, you can still be friends. You don't necessarily have to be a homewrecker if your intentions ar good.
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I had a similiar situation with one of my ex-girlfriends. Of course it wasn't together with her for such a long time, it was actually rather short. However, it ended in a complete mess. After the last phone call, I didn't talk with her for 3 years straight. Then she hooked up with the cousin of a friend of mine, so I saw her everytime he was around. But I ignored her, and she never spoke a single word when I was around.
So I also decided to write a letter. Not quite as good as yours, but still an offer to forget the things of the past. The result of it? Well, I haven't talked to her for 6 years now if i counted correctly (excluding the letter).
So long story short, it completely depends on the situation and her character. However, you have nothing to lose, and I never regretted sending that letter, even though it had absolutely no effect.
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On September 01 2011 08:10 EKnaus wrote:
From a girls point of view, this has happened to me before with an ex I absolutely hated and I tried to avoid him at all costs. I never gave the impression I wanted to look at him again and yet he sent me a message over Facebook the day of graduation how he still felt even after I broke up with him and honestly, I wanted to strangle him. But even I knew that he would have regretted it had he not been able to get that out of him.
It seems as if you two really wanted to talk to each other, so I would say send the letter. If she wanted to talk to you then, most likely she would still want to talk to you now. If she loved you then, she should be able to understand why you have to shake this out of you. You honestly have nothing to lose at this point, so go for it.
What ended up happening after you received the message?
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On September 01 2011 08:12 VTArlock wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 08:10 EKnaus wrote:
From a girls point of view, this has happened to me before with an ex I absolutely hated and I tried to avoid him at all costs. I never gave the impression I wanted to look at him again and yet he sent me a message over Facebook the day of graduation how he still felt even after I broke up with him and honestly, I wanted to strangle him. But even I knew that he would have regretted it had he not been able to get that out of him.
It seems as if you two really wanted to talk to each other, so I would say send the letter. If she wanted to talk to you then, most likely she would still want to talk to you now. If she loved you then, she should be able to understand why you have to shake this out of you. You honestly have nothing to lose at this point, so go for it. What ended up happening after you received the message?
To be honest, I was very annoyed that he didn't have the balls to tell that to my face, but I hunted him down and forced him to tell it to me straight even though I could tell he was scared so there was a bit more closure. We can now talk like friends as we were before we were dating.
Only major difference I see would be you two got a bit more intimate to be ex-fiances. Sorry, I'm not sure how to phrase that...
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Good Luck! Send it
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You have a few options in this situation.
You can send it. Sending the letter will tell you exactly how she feels about you. If she is willing to be friends, so be it. If not, life sucks, move on.
Or, you can not send it, and later on, potentially regret not finding out how she thinks of you.
I would say send it. Why not. Simply because life is short. I do almost everything expecting it to not turn out great. My theory is: if something doesn't go my way, whatever. Something else will. If that does work out good, even better.
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Just send it. You may lose that window of opportunity, you never know. I'd say seize the moment and send it, don't hesitate in fear of making a mistake or being rejected. Not trying to be harsh here but who cares if you don't have the right? Who told you, you can't contact her. (I mean if you are not legally separated there's no reason not to try) Your intentions are what matters and if she understands you then I think you two have a shot.
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You should send it arlock, if it is from your heart and you still love her deep down, you should try. Even if nothing happens or comes of it, you'll have said what you needed to say.
There is always a chance that she could realize she still loves you too. If not, then not...if so, then maybe you will hear back from her.
Your letter is beautiful. We're lucky to have such people with hearts as beautiful as the game we play in our SC community. Go for it.
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Send it or you will regret and what what could have been. If you send it, you'll know the answer and live happily ever after, or learn to move on (which you were doing for the past 2 years anyways).
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some doors better stay closed
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I'm definitely taking all of your responses into advisement. I have to really think about it before I hit that "send" button.
I appreciate all of your sentiments.
-Thanks Avilo
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send it, but delete this part "(however I always knew you would accomplish your goals)." doesnt seem to fit right
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" I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one"."
If you're even considering that, then you should be sending that letter.
Do it bro, you wont regret it.
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That was really heartwarming, you should definitely send it!! And then post an update ^^
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I say send it. In the end it's a toss up. If you don't send it you might live the rest of your life occasionally looking back and wondering what if. This might happen very infrequently or never, or maybe often enough for you to regret not sending it.
If you do send it, almost anything can happen, she could tell you no way in hell does she want anything to do with you ever and that would be that. Or it could start a dialogue again between the two of you and that could have amazing consequences or terrible consequences or anything in between.
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On September 01 2011 07:19 getSome[703] wrote:This. Really nicely written. You have nothing to lose by sending it.
This x1000 You really gotta send it.
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On September 01 2011 07:32 VTArlock wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents. I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride. To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
If you think it'll make you happier, I still think you should go for it.
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Send, and all the best for you and her.
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On September 01 2011 07:32 VTArlock wrote:+ Show Spoiler +On September 01 2011 07:28 Condor Hero wrote:Show nested quote +On September 01 2011 07:21 VTArlock wrote:
I have updated with a brief explanation and some details. Thanks for all your kind words and advice. Just read your explanation. In my honest opinion, I think that maybe your pride is holding you back a little bit. Obviously you think its her fault and that's understandable if she was unfaithful first but if you want to be with her then just swallow your pride. Life is too short to live with regrets man, if you can be happy with someone then you should. It might feel good to have the stance "if she wants it then she has to apologize too" but at the end of the day you'll still feel shitty and there's no reason to have to feel shitty if you have other options. My 2 cents. I appreciate your 2 cents but it has nothing to do with pride. To be completely honest I feel like it was my fault more than anything. I simply don't feel like I have the right to message her. I don't need any apology from her at all. I blame myself. I possibly ruined a happy life with "the one".
I think you should send it. If she doesn't want to talk to you, she will say, "don't contact me," and then you can comply. But since time has passed, you should reach out.
From your wording, it feels like you're still managing your own expectations. It sounds like you're hoping against hope that maybe it will still work out between the two of you since you say that you still love her, though you don't want to say that you're hoping for it to work out because you don't think it will or that you deserve it. Try to let go of all of that, because it will strangle you while you're trying to talk to her. (Easier said than done, obviously, especially the self-flagellation part if you still feel guilt.) Try to go into it with no expectations... maybe make it clear in the letter that you just want to say hello and catch up a bit. If you approach her respectfully, then she will probably also respond in a respectful manner, and maybe that way you guys can achieve some kind of closure.
Also: it's kinda weird to say it, but I think apologies are as much for the person who is apologizing as they are for the person they're apologizing to. Once you tell her you're sorry for hurting her, that will be off your chest: even if she doesn't respond, you'll know that she knows how you feel.
+ Show Spoiler [super cheesy] +I used to feel like there was some part of me that would love my ex forever. I was sad, because I thought that it meant I was using up my love and care or sensitivity, or that the small things I loved about him that made him a special snowflake would get in the way of me being able to see the special-snowflakiness of anybody else. But love is boundless. If it doesn't work out with your ex-fiance, you will find someone else and your heart will expand. It will be okay to still have love (aka look fondly on the good memories & still think she's a good person) for what you had with person A, but love someone else with all your heart. It's part of growing up... we'll collect exes on the way through life. That thought used to depress me because I wanted to believe in the fantasy of a single soulmate... I thought that if there was even the possibility of me being "happy" at different points in time with more than one person, it would mean nothing was special, but there's no reason we have to believe that. It's okay for the possibility to exist that you can be happy with more than one person (in other words, thinking that there's a "The One" isn't productive, and it induces panic because you'll be afraid that there will be nobody else).
Love isn't as much about destiny as it is about choices, anyhow. Choices about what to do every day, every moment. Choosing to work together. That kind of thing. Man, sorry this got so cheesy. But it's what I believe.
I wish you the best of luck.
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gl with this, mate. I hope my anecdote helps you ^^
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Arlock,
If I were you I would send it.
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I'd definitely send it. If you don't, it's going to tear your insides apart. Do it, and hope for the best to come. Even if she reacts poorly to it, you'll at least have that closure.
A short while ago, I had something similar happen, where I found out my girlfriend...was cheating on me, but not sexually. If that makes sense at all. We broke up, and for the time period afterwards, I felt like she was still the person I loved and had even made really solid attempts at dating, I met a lot of girls I could see myself happy with down the road and in the future, but it was always in the back of my head.
"What if I went back to her?"
You don't want to ask yourself "What if I sent her that letter? Could things have worked out? Where would we be had I sent it?" over and over for a long time to come. Send it, man.
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dont send it, call her. dumb letter is dumb, come on you must know that
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call her and say sorry, do you think she understands how you feel? she absolutely DOESNT. women arent mind readers and nothing, NOTHING is true unless you communicate it
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Send it send it send it!
Stop thinking about being nervous =P
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Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
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I would send it without expectation of a response. At least that way it is hard to be dissapointed.
On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
GL
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On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Not sure, if too late. NO. Just NO.
Been there, done that, I understand how it feels. Don't do it. There's no chance of it turning good. In best case, she'll just ignore you and in worst case you'll end up in another round of very unhealthy relationship. And this time around she won't be slightly unfaithful, cause, hey, she isn't the one who came back begging you to return.
Don't waste any more time and energy on her.
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If you don't mind me asking, exactly what is "slightly unfaithful"? o_o''
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LETTER HAS BEEN SENT! Oh man, My hands are sweaty as shit. I feel like a 13 year old.
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On September 01 2011 06:53 VTArlock wrote:
To make a long story very short, I had found out that she had been slightly unfaithful.
If the underline is to emphasize that the unfaithfulness actually was very slight (e.g kissed another man or some other misdemeanor) then I guess you can send it although probably still not a great idea. If it is to emphasize that it was not so slight afterall (e.g that she slept with someone else\had an affair\ had a pseudo relationship going on) do not send it.
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On September 01 2011 12:01 VTArlock wrote:
Ugh, ok I'll send it...fuck
Wish me luck T_T
woooo, keep thread updated, gl :D
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Good Luck
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Props for having the stones. GL and will watch for a follow up.
Of the very few things I regret, it's all not doing things when I had the chance to. Even if she breaks you in two with her response (or lack thereof) you'll feel better that you went for it.
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TLADT24920 Posts
GL with the letter, hopefully everything works out. You only live once and if you still have strong feelings for her, might as well make sure she knows it and close that chapter of your life if nothing comes out of it
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We've currently been talking for the last few hours. Started in email, now on facebook... o.0 This is sooo surreal
I got a response almost immediately
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Arlock.
You've clearly shown in the complete topic that you'd want her back badly. Now I would like to write a lengthy reply, but everything is already said here. If you really think she's the one, you should go for it and "fight' for it, from my perspective. Mistakes and problems are something you work out together, but if you don't take that step to solve the issues, you'll never get past that point.
// Edit:
I saw you sent it after I posted this. I keep my fingers crossed man!
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4 hours later still talking~
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I made a girl rant post in the relationships topic, and this topic has given me a bit of courage to possibly contact one of my exes that I still have a lot of feelings for. thx tc
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just always keep in mind that hormones screw you up and you cannot do anything about it except begin very careful beforehand..
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im so glad i didnt read his letter rofl
dont chat too much or she'll get sick of you, no need to dwell n the past if your intention is to move forward and remain in contact
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Any update its been a couple hours now?
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On September 01 2011 17:00 VTArlock wrote:
4 hours later still talking~
Glad to hear it man. You made the right move. GL with everything and keep thread updated
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do it quit being a baby, who knows something nice could happen.
If not.
Fuck er'
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How is someone slightly unfaithful?
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OP has been updated. Thanks to everyone on TL for their advice.
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I'm glad it worked out for you, mate Good times.
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United Arab Emirates660 Posts
Glad it worked out for you, awesome that you listened to the advice here and sent it! good luck
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See, shoulda sent it earlier ^_^
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High five Arlock :D
gj
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Lets all hope she doesn't take a sentence from your letter, put double quotation marks on each side and Google's it 
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On September 03 2011 01:18 Pokebunny wrote:High five Arlock :D gj
NICK! You remember all the conversations we used to have on vent... ITS THAT ONE.
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EPT
