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Hey guys. Many of you guys have probably seen my thread on my girlfriend and pornography. You have also probably read my blog on how I bought $50 of riot points for her. Well, let me recap the relationship with her and you guys tell me if you think it's worth staying with her.
I started dating her in 4/30/10. She was in high school (junior) and I was a freshman in college. I was introduced to her by a mutual friend and we just kind of clicked the first time we met. We decided to date and it wasn't long until I lost my v-card to this girl. I don't know if any of you guys remember this blog but her parents found one of the condoms I used in her trash can when they were out at the gym. I was not supposed to be over at her house when she was alone but she said it would be okay. They found out and I had to confront them and apologize. Everything went well and the mom and dad thought I had big balls to talk to them about it and apologize. So instead of losing points, I won more points with them.
Skip forward to around September of last year. My girlfriend calls me on the phone while I'm working for my parents and she says "you remember Carl, my ex" and when I heard his name, I was like WTF is it now.. (she had lost her v-card to him and there were obvious emotional ties to him, and he was a good looking guy according to all her friends).. She tells me that he is transferring over to her private school because he got kicked out of his old one for fighting. I ask her if this is something to worry about and she tells me "no, I am fine. I can handle it on my own." Fast forward 2 months. She is playing Starcraft II on my computer and I am laying in bed toying around with the new phone I got and I pick up my girlfriend's phone because she got the same phone. I get on her facebook to change her status and also see if she's been talking about me with her friends. I stumble into a conversation she's been holding with this boy Carl. She was flirting with him over facebook messages and talking about how all the girls thought he was super hot and basically flirted with him constantly. Every message was coupled with cute smiley faces and all. I was so distraught I asked her "what are these messages about?" and she had the shocked look on her face and I walked downstairs while she chased me bawling her eyes out. She explained to me that it wouldn't happen again and that she was very sorry. I didn't want to break up with her because at that time, we had been doing really well. She was planning on taking me to Utah on a snowboarding trip and all so I knew the advantages of staying with her. So I sucked it up and accepted the fact that my GF emotionally cheated on me and forgave her.
Fast forward to January of this year. I get into an argument with my girlfriend about pornography and she views it as the most disgusting thing in the world. She doesn't even seem to care to listen to what I have to say. She just has her view and if I don't back up, she starts crying, making me feel really bad and ultimately giving in to her. Plus, I knew pornography wasn't necessary because we were having a healthy sexual relationship. I guess the reason I wanted to watch pornography was because it allows me to look at hot women on the internet but not in real life. (idk if that makes any sense to you guys).
Anyway, we eventually get over the issue and I move onto campus my second semester of my sophomore year at college. The move is really difficult because I'll be on my own for the first time in college and I'll be away from her. My girlfriend is really distraught and bawls her eyes out asking me why I decided to move onto campus. (It was because my grades were dropping due to my inability to concentrate at home and not have any desire to commute 25mins to classes every day) She lets go of it eventually and I go home EVERY weekend during that semester to keep my GF happy. The school year ends for me and her.
We get into a new game for us called League of Legends, or better known as LoL. We are hooked and I buy $100 worth of riot points for both of us. She is happy because she wants to buy the skins for a lot of the female characters. A week afterwards, we go camping with a few of my friends. We smoke, drink, eat, and do all the college stuff on a camping trip. First night, we both get stoned and she enjoys it. (She was against it previously because she said she suffered from a seizure once). The second night, she doesn't get high and couple that with being on her period, she gets all upset. I, on the other hand, is blazed out of my mind and looks like a complete fool in front of her when she is completely sober. She freaks me out and I start panicking, thinking that she will break up with me right then because she saw me in this delirious state. We get back home and resolve the issue. We conclude that if she got high, she wouldn't have overreacted the way she did. However, she wants me to hold off until we are both in college or she feels more comfortable. I say okay because it's only a few months until we are in college together.
Few days later, we are in my room together. I step out of my shower, and she is laying in my bed saying she has a headache. I ask her what's wrong and she says "I'm losing romantic feelings for you" and my heart drops. I ask her why? And here are the two reasons that she's told me why: 1) She wants to meet other guys. Thinking about making out with a guy turns her on. 2) She thinks our relationship has become too much like friendship.
I really don't know what I should do from here guys. I basically explained all the biggest events in our relationship and after everything she and I have been through, I would hope that she could get over this feeling and accept it as normal and a part of being in a serious relationship. She spoke to her mom, who advised to her that we should spend less time with each other and set boundaries on what we can do together. I need some advice from the TL community on what to do. If I can, I'd love to stay with her because we have a pretty bright future ahead of us in my opinion, but the stress from the relationship has literally put a strain on my health (had to visit the cardiologist for chest pains from stress). She wants me to give her until next Wednesday to decide what to do about us but I am not a patient person when it comes to relationship issues. What should I do? Should I wait it out? Should I keep going? IDK what I'm supposed to do.. I love her but at the same time, I feel like there are better fish in the sea that won't pull the same stunts as her. You're free to ask any personal questions that are relevant and look at my previous blogs to get a better understanding of some of the events I have mentioned above. Thanks guys.
 
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live and let live man, that's the way of it sometimes, just accept that these things happen, and depending on your mindset, cut all ties or stay as her friend, i recommend the first path, cause the other way is far too complicated, fraught with jealousy and various other stupid things, who knows, the old saying goes, well i can't remember the saying, but it's the bird one with setting it free and coming back to you or not, i'm sure you know it
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In my opinion, it's over. Save yourself future heartbreak and practice being a confident "alpha male." Just recognize these things happen and people grow apart, and let her know as much. Move on.
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DTB. She wants to act like that then she's not worth your time. If you want her back you need to become more unavailable and show her the world goes one without her.
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Ahhh man, everything you say in here makes sence to me, My girlfriend got worried when I got stoned because she thought I would think of others etc etc. Girls take everything seriously.
If you don't mind me saying man, it seems like you've become dependant on her, I know how it feels entirely.
You feel like you can't be without her, and you don't know what you'd even do without her, so even when she says/does stupid shit, you always let it slide because you need her.
Honestly man, I think it seems like it's going to end, and it's going to fucking destroy you, but gradually, you'll be okay, you just gotta get your chin up, then start to focus on friends and school.
I know how it feels to be dependant on the woman you love, thankfully I was able to work through all the problems we had, although If she told me she thought about other guys sexually, I wouldn't want to be with her, I'd have finished her then. And for her to be flirting with another guy would have also been unacceptable for me.
I wish you the best of luck, my friend.
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Lol, it's over.
Unless you want to cheat on her to show that she still has feelings for you.
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Sorry to say this but. Its the beginning of the end.
You're free to love her... as a friend and it feels like you really do. Nothing more nothing less. I don't really know what you guys do together besides game and hang out with friends. What do you do when you two are alone? How is the communication?
You should just let it go and surround urself with friends/things that have nothing to do with her.
Good luck
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lol that's pretty normal with relationships. After a few months together it'll start to feel more like you're best friends who have sex. You'll feel extremely comfortable with each other and won't get those butterflies or nervousness or anything anymore.
I don't know if you can hold it against her for getting turned on at the thought of making out with other guys when you told her you still want to watch porn. That's just hypocritical of you.
In any long-term relationship you WILL lose those romantic feelings. That's just the nature of it. However, you should also have no desire to cheat or meet other people. You begin to care for each other so much that you're not interested in other people and would never do something like that to hurt your partner. I think that's what love actually is, not the nervous jittery butterfly feeling you get when on the chase/first dating.
Personally it sounds like your girl is one of those that lives for the "thrill of the hunt." She isn't satisfied or maybe isn't ready to settle down with one person yet; perhaps she enjoys the butterfly stages of the relationship then gets bored afterwards. If you're looking for something long-term, I'd suggest dropping her because she probably isn't emotionally mature enough to be comfortable or happy with what a long-term relationship actually feels like. It's supposed to feel more like an intense friendship than a romantic escapade. And if that's not what she wants, well, she's going to dump you or cheat on you sooner or later.
Also it's pretty bad that you have to check her Facebook (and even worse that you actually found something incriminating). There doesn't seem to be much trust in your relationship. That's a big no-no for something long-term.
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It's not really much a question of can you do anything, it's what she feels, and what she's going to do. The ball isn't in your court, it's in hers.
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I think you should just go for someone your own age, also you shouldn't look through peoples things without asking first.
But anyways the best thing to do is start living single again, if you both feel like you want to start dating go for it, if that doesn't work out then stop.
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On June 30 2011 03:20 THE_DOMINATOR wrote:
DTB. She wants to act like that then she's not worth your time. If you want her back you need to become more unavailable and show her the world goes one without her.
DTB. Love it. Leykis 2012'
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On June 30 2011 03:22 Dance. wrote:
Lol, it's over.
Unless you want to cheat on her to show that she still has feelings for you.
Alternatively you can not be an asshole and let her learn this when she decides to leave you.
Wait it out, see what she says. I'd just let things play out. Sucky situation to be in, but it happens.
On June 30 2011 03:27 Curu wrote:
lol that's pretty normal with relationships. After a few months together it'll start to feel more like you're best friends who have sex. You'll feel extremely comfortable with each other and won't get those butterflies or nervousness or anything anymore.
I don't know if you can hold it against her for getting turned on at the thought of making out with other guys when you told her you still want to watch porn. That's just hypocritical of you.
In any long-term relationship you WILL lose those romantic feelings. That's just the nature of it. However, you should also have no desire to cheat or meet other people. You begin to care for each other so much that you're not interested in other people and would never do something like that to hurt your partner. I think that's what love actually is, not the nervous jittery butterfly feeling you get when on the chase/first dating.
Personally it sounds like your girl is one of those that lives for the "thrill of the hunt." She isn't satisfied or maybe isn't ready to settle down with one person yet; perhaps she enjoys the butterfly stages of the relationship then gets bored afterwards. If you're looking for something long-term, I'd suggest dropping her because she probably isn't emotionally mature enough to be comfortable or happy with what a long-term relationship actually feels like. It's supposed to feel more like an intense friendship than a romantic escapade. And if that's not what she wants, well, she's going to dump you or cheat on you sooner or later.
True that, man. If it were my blog post, this is who I'd listen to. Maybe that's kind of cheating to say because I've had this happen before, lol.
She's the one who needs to make the decision at this point, either way. I don't think her choice will be the one you'd like, however I think you'll learn over time that it was likely for the best.
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There is nothing in this most post that makes me feel like she is in to you in the slightest. Move on.
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Say goodnight. You're done. Maintaining a relationship is synonymous to maintaining mutual attraction, and if that is lost it's over. Not to mention the fact that your relationship is scarcely a year old and you're already having problems. It took me 3 full years before my relationship began to show signs of deterioration, and you're already on the decline in 1 - pack it in.
As far as her actions go you're in huge danger of being cheated on. Believe me, you do not want that to happen. If you think you felt bad finding out she was messaging another guy flirtingly try enduring a week of apetite loss and total loss of focus as a result of being cheated on.
She's young and immature and will make mistakes that will hurt you. Save yourself.
Caveat: Think about this in the most shallow way possible - are you having good and frequent sex? No? Then why are you wasting your time?
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Meh, if she feels that way then don't go acting like you seriously need her in your life, better to act (or pretend) as if you don't really care either way. In the end, you'll convince yourself she's not worth it, and she isn't.
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Seems like she is still in her high school stage while you are in college stage. If you are having problems with your health and both of you are having trust issues (you reading into her facebook messages and her feeling uncomfortable with you watching porn), I doubt the relationship will last in the long run.
I personally would have ended the relationship after the smiley face conversations with other guys and after realizing how much stress this is putting on you. At ~20 years old, relationships shouldn't take a ton of effort or focus away from college and work, because those should be priority number 1.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you are able to work things out. If not, find someone who you can trust and doesn't stress you out to the point of having to see a doctor.
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Kentor
United States5784 Posts
Bang her one more time then leave.
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On June 30 2011 03:30 TheGiz wrote:
You do not need to talk to anyone else about this situation other than I.
Say goodnight. You're done. Maintaining a relationship is synonymous to maintaining mutual attraction, and if that is lost it's over. Not to mention the fact that your relationship is scarcely a year old and you're already having problems. It took me 3 full years before my relationship began to show signs of deterioration, and you're already on the decline in 1 - pack it in.
As far as her actions go you're in huge danger of being cheated on. Believe me, you do not want that to happen. If you think you felt bad finding out she was messaging another guy flirtingly try enduring a week of apetite loss and total loss of focus as a result of being cheated on.
She's young and immature and will make mistakes that will hurt you. Save yourself.
Caveat: Think about this in the most shallow way possible - are you having good and frequent sex? No? Then why are you wasting your time?
Just because you took 3 years to have issues, doesn't mean that that is normal, nor does it make you exceptional.
It doesn't make your relationship better than anyone else's either, you just got lucky.
The fact of the matter is that every relationship has issues, it's working through these issues that leads to commitment and dedication.
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I'm afraid it's time to let go. While you guys had a good run, it's clear that she is having experimental interests in other people. It's normal and although this is heart-shattering, I suggest you consider perhaps the same actions (you're in college bro, lots of trials there!).
Point being is that you guys have experienced a lot and perhaps she feels there isn't much more she wants to experience or can experience with you and wants to see what else is out there. She is growing up and seeing more and opportunities, quality people and chances that she perhaps feels she is missing due to this relationship. It's fair, yet... a sad thing to hear and acknowledge.
I'm really sorry for your predicament. Personally, to convince someone to stay and miss experiences with other people is something I couldn't do. It wouldn't make sense to me.
Best of luck.
P.S: You've learned a lot from this relationship and I think you should come out of it knowing that and learning from any particular mistakes.
(oh and I laughed so hard about the pornography issue [believe me, I've been there lololol], Try a class in sexuality and relationships [psychology], you'll find yourself much more comfortably knowledgeable about the issue and be able to reason that pornography actually has its validity (maybe not for you in particular, but nonetheless)).
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EPT
