EPTGF Losing Feelings?! - Page 3
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WakaJawaka
United States14 Posts
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eu.exodus
South Africa1186 Posts
from experience, it usually happens when your girl is in school and you are at college. They change. Dont even feel bad man. smoke a jammy, have a drink and move right along. Give it a few months, she will probably come crawling back one day when she sees you having a good time without her. Dont take her back. poke her then tell her "Ive lost romantic feelings for you" you want to meet other girls. Thinking about making out with a girl turns you on. Your think your relationship has become too much like a 1 night stand. go for someone your own age. trust me. little girls have hormones still raging through them. they have no idea what they are feeling half the time. oh and btw why would you need porn if you were porking her regularly? You obviously dont really love her then anyway so its no major loss. Trust me, if you are shagging the girl you love regularly porn shouldnt have to be an issue | ||
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TheFrankOne
United States667 Posts
On June 30 2011 03:11 AyeH wrote: The second night, she doesn't get high and couple that with being on her period, she gets all upset. I, on the other hand, is blazed out of my mind and looks like a complete fool in front of her when she is completely sober. She freaks me out and I start panicking, thinking that she will break up with me right then because she saw me in this delirious state. We get back home and resolve the issue. We conclude that if she got high, she wouldn't have overreacted the way she did. However, she wants me to hold off until we are both in college or she feels more comfortable. I say okay because it's only a few months until we are in college together. Few days later, we are in my room together. I step out of my shower, and she is laying in my bed saying she has a headache. I ask her what's wrong and she says "I'm losing romantic feelings for you" and my heart drops. I ask her why? And here are the two reasons that she's told me why: 1) She wants to meet other guys. Thinking about making out with a guy turns her on. 2) She thinks our relationship has become too much like friendship. I think this is the area that should be focused on. First off be very careful with drugs and women, things can go bad very easily when you mix such volatile ingredients. Side note: sex and mushrooms are a specific example of things that should not be mixed ever. I have to say that even though I have an attractive girlfriend, thinking about making out with/watching porn of girls that I am not dating turns me on; I consider it normal and would assume my GF would say the same thing, I just wouldn't talk to her about it. As some others have said relationships cool down and feel more like friendships, its pretty awesome in some ways, not so fun in others. You should ask her how she feels the relationship is changing, in the future maybe you should get her a $50 flower bouquet instead of something for a video game; just seems like a step in the right direction. Of course, if she no longer feels attracted to you, that's a whole other and very serious problem but I don't think you said that. I have been dating my GF since 2005, we have had some issues but we talked through them and each time realized we needed to make some slight changes in our relationship, not give it up completely. Talk to her and work out what's best for you. Also take every comment in this blog with a large grain of salt. | ||
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th2pun1sh3r
United States107 Posts
On June 30 2011 03:33 Kentor wrote: Bang her one more time then leave. I agree with this. She is probably seeing another guy anyway. Best of luck man. | ||
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Torenhire
United States11681 Posts
I feel like most relationships have a tendency to end here if they make it through the initial stages of working things out to mesh well between two people. I would disagree with the people saying to call her up and dump her ASAP, let her think about it. However, it's 100% your call. If you'd rather just sever the cord now rather than later, or if you'd rather her not have the chance to, go ahead. I'd suggest just taking it one step at a time and seeing what she decides on. | ||
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Corona`
Canada37 Posts
I didn't read any of the responses but it is never going to be the same in my opinion. Shes ready to go to college and is looking to drop her old ties and experience something new. No offense but she sounds quite controlling man. I would try to move on even though its gonna be a rough few months. A year from now you won't even remember what it's like to be with her but you gotta cut ties. Your obviously a guy that wears your heart on your sleeve so don't get tied up again quick. Try to find a good looking girl that your not emotionally attracted to and bang her for a few months as a rebound. Get that out of your system, recover, focus on school, friends, partying, gaming. When you do something and your first thoughts aren't oh i wish she was here with me open yourself to dating again. CHEERS | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
Edit: Damn you, USA. Mixed up the age. Most of the stuff I posted should apply to the age of 16 on the girl side anyway, however more emphasize on her unconciously trying to get into control and her feeling less secure. A solid partnership that stops her from pulling that random drama during that age will help her get rid of those issues pretty quickly. There are so many horrible assumptions in this thread that I just have to take a huge dump in here. Yes, that relationship is about 80% done. However, no one has posted proper information as to WHY it is most likely done and in which areas you can improve so that stuff doesn't happen next time. I'll just go through your post and comment on each section. I started dating her in 4/30/10. She was in high school (junior) and I was a freshman in college. I was introduced to her by a mutual friend and we just kind of clicked the first time we met. We decided to date and it wasn't long until I lost my v-card to this girl. Sounds solid. Somehow, even though she is older than you she "fell" for you. Well done. I don't know if any of you guys remember this blog but her parents found one of the condoms I used in her trash can when they were out at the gym. I was not supposed to be over at her house when she was alone but she said it would be okay. They found out and I had to confront them and apologize. Everything went well and the mom and dad thought I had big balls to talk to them about it and apologize. So instead of losing points, I won more points with them. Despite being rather young (20ish?) and not having much experience with girls before (the v-card, you know) you didn't only win points with her parents. You showed your GF that you're mature and that you have huge balls by taking responsibility and action. Skip forward to around September of last year. My girlfriend calls me on the phone while I'm working for my parents and she says "you remember Carl, my ex" and when I heard his name, I was like WTF is it now.. (she had lost her v-card to him and there were obvious emotional ties to him, and he was a good looking guy according to all her friends).. Here we have your first mistake, both in action and mindset. You are afraid. You are afraid that the guy she used to date is better than you. You are jealous. Someone who is jealous of someone else always, and I mean always puts the thing/person he's jealous of in a position above him. That's probably the most unattractive trait someone can posess. She tells me that he is transferring over to her private school because he got kicked out of his old one for fighting. I ask her if this is something to worry about and she tells me "no, I am fine. I can handle it on my own." Fast forward 2 months. Dingding. You are verbalizing to her that you are afraid of him/their past/their prior relationship, whatever. In this situation she is not seeing you as her boyfriend or the mature, cool dude at her side. She's seeing you as a scared puppy that has to be calmed down. Not good. The correct mindset in a situation like this is "Oh, he seems to be a cool guy anyway, most people seem to like him. For some reason they are not together anymore and, hey, I'm the best she can find anyway." ... A correct response is to be like "Oh, cool. I always wanted to get to know that guy, he seems to be pretty nice. Tell me when we can hang out once he's settled in and all." She is playing Starcraft II on my computer and I am laying in bed toying around with the new phone I got and I pick up my girlfriend's phone because she got the same phone. I get on her facebook to change her status and also see if she's been talking about me with her friends. I stumble into a conversation she's been holding with this boy Carl. You didn't "stumble" into a conversation. You were actually looking for something like that. Why? Because you feel that something is wrong and also because you are afraid of losing her. Jealousy once again. You don't feel sure of her, that's why you have a tendency to doublecheck on her. For her, this is you being a complete dickhead. You are fucking reading her messages. You show her that you don't trust her at all and then you try to justify that by the result you got. She was flirting with him over facebook messages and talking about how all the girls thought he was super hot and basically flirted with him constantly. Every message was coupled with cute smiley faces and all. I was so distraught I asked her "what are these messages about?" and she had the shocked look on her face and I walked downstairs while she chased me bawling her eyes out. She explained to me that it wouldn't happen again and that she was very sorry. Bam. You also actually tell her that you just read her messages. (IF you somehow get to read messages like this, don't talk about it with her. Be aware of it and start working on it.) Now you're also starting to fall into the role of the victim. You first invade her privacy, then you are all butthurt about the stuff you found and try to run from the situation. She, at this point, is already not sure of your relationship. She is torn between staying with you (which still feels nice and kinda cool) and having the thoughts of "what if...?". This is in most relationships the last possible turning point to get things rolling again. I didn't want to break up with her because at that time, we had been doing really well. She was planning on taking me to Utah on a snowboarding trip and all so I knew the advantages of staying with her. So I sucked it up and accepted the fact that my GF emotionally cheated on me and forgave her. No, you weren't. However, you were too blind to see it. I'm pretty confident in saying that you didn't have a satisfying sexual relationship for her at least at that point, either in quantity and/or quality. To put it into more specific wording, I'm pretty sure you had lots and lots of comfort and trust (stuff like sharing things, doing stuff together and enjoying each others company, but you lacked attraction in general. Things like being confident, cool, the shoulder to lean on and having a solid sexual relationship. The pure fact that she was flirting with other guys (I assure you, she was looking out for other subjects as well) shows that she was not happy and/or satisfied with your relationship. Judging from your tone of writing and the things you mention it most likely is not about trust/comfort, but about attraction. So, you "sucked it up" and "accepted" that she "cheated" on you and you "forgave" her? Here, you're the fucking victim once again. You're the poor little guy that get's fucking raped by messages from some other guy she used to date. You basicly show that you wouldn't be able to stand up to this guy. Speaking of evolutionary values, you don't seem like someone that can protect her, care for her or someone that has a solid foundation/self image and self-confidence. You fucked up majorly on this one, both in action and attitude. Fast forward to January of this year. I get into an argument with my girlfriend about pornography and she views it as the most disgusting thing in the world. She doesn't even seem to care to listen to what I have to say. She just has her view and if I don't back up, she starts crying, making me feel really bad and ultimately giving in to her. Plus, I knew pornography wasn't necessary because we were having a healthy sexual relationship. I guess the reason I wanted to watch pornography was because it allows me to look at hot women on the internet but not in real life. (idk if that makes any sense to you guys). Just to randomly add it to not bash on you all the time (don't take it too harsh, I'm trying to help you here <3), your girlfriend has self-esteem issues as well. Also, she knows that you give in when she's going to cry. Yes, most women will use that as a weapon. So, let me ask you.. do you enjoy watching porn? Can you say that despite watching porn you still want to f*** your girlfriend instead of random pornostars? Can you say that it is no danger at all for your relationship? Yes? Then fucking don't stop doing it. ... Since probably some people will be like "butbut.. her feelings, relationships consist of compromises...!!" - Yes, they do. However, you misjudged the situation completely. This is not about you watching pornography. This is about her not being sure about her attractiveness. She feels replaced and less worth than other women if she compares herself to them. The correct way to approach this situation is to properly and calmly bring her to tell how she feels when she knows you're watching porn. (Note: What she feels, not what she thinks.) ... Then you can work on those things and the actual issue won't be a problem. The whole "I don't want you to watch porn" is a symptom, not the actual cause. Anyway, we eventually get over the issue and I move onto campus my second semester of my sophomore year at college. The move is really difficult because I'll be on my own for the first time in college and I'll be away from her. My girlfriend is really distraught and bawls her eyes out asking me why I decided to move onto campus. (It was because my grades were dropping due to my inability to concentrate at home and not have any desire to commute 25mins to classes every day) She lets go of it eventually and I go home EVERY weekend during that semester to keep my GF happy. The school year ends for me and her. Dingding. You do something you want to do, she "bawls her eyes out", you adjust and bow to her wishes. Seems repetetive? Yes, because it's a pattern that established itself in your relationship. I'm pretty sure this is not intentional on either side, however, this will ultimately be the end of every relationship. She is completely in control at this point. We get into a new game for us called League of Legends, or better known as LoL. We are hooked and I buy $100 worth of riot points for both of us. She is happy because she wants to buy the skins for a lot of the female characters. A week afterwards, we go camping with a few of my friends. We smoke, drink, eat, and do all the college stuff on a camping trip. First night, we both get stoned and she enjoys it. (She was against it previously because she said she suffered from a seizure once). The second night, she doesn't get high and couple that with being on her period, she gets all upset. I, on the other hand, is blazed out of my mind and looks like a complete fool in front of her when she is completely sober. She freaks me out and I start panicking, thinking that she will break up with me right then because she saw me in this delirious state. We get back home and resolve the issue. We conclude that if she got high, she wouldn't have overreacted the way she did. However, she wants me to hold off until we are both in college or she feels more comfortable. I say okay because it's only a few months until we are in college together. Same thing as with the messages. You are so fucking afraid of losing her that you won't be able to keep her. You, once again, resolve the issue by logic, not by emotion. What happens? She get's her will once again. Few days later, we are in my room together. I step out of my shower, and she is laying in my bed saying she has a headache. I ask her what's wrong and she says "I'm losing romantic feelings for you" and my heart drops. I ask her why? And here are the two reasons that she's told me why: 1) She wants to meet other guys. Thinking about making out with a guy turns her on. 2) She thinks our relationship has become too much like friendship. Bam. After bullshit going on in her head for about half a year she finally verbalizes the issue. No, she's not losing "romantic feelings" for her. "Friendship" means "I like (maybe even love) you very much, however, I have no interest in fucking you." Let me sum up what's going on at the moment: -You are unsecure, afraid and have not a lot of self-confidence. -She is unsecure, does not have a lot of self-confidence -She is apprently attracted to other guys, however actually tells you this before she just runs off. Part of the reason why I decided to answer this whole thing in-depth (other people get charged for this, <3 TL) is that she seems like a decent girl, however unsure and insecure. The thing is, she's the damn girl. She can be like that. You're the guy. You're supposed to work things out. To be sure when she's not. The whole rock in the storm thing and all. From here there are a few things you can do (and despite knowing how horribly it is of me to actually tell you this, I see a few ways to resolve this positively). -Work on yourself. Get hobbies, go out. Flirt with girls. You are young, possibly not the ugliest person in the world. Find out what other people like about you and find out what you like about yourself. -When you read "resolve this positively", your first thought was "positively = keeping the relationship with her", right? Get back to the mindset that she won't be the last possible girl in your life. You have so much ahead of you and she is definitly not the only fucking woman in the entire world you can live happily with. - In case you disagree, fuck off, I just wasted 40 minutes of my life. -The things you perceive as "stunts" from her side are her being insecure or unsure of what to do. She doesn't have a lot of experience either. Stop blaming her. Start blaming yourself. Take responsibility. -The hotfix I personally recommend might sound weird at first, but it might get the "spark" going again. Get into the mindset of "I'm going to fuck her and dump her". Try to get somewhat emotionally distanced from the whole thing as much as possible. When you meet her, try asking her something along the lines "What does turn you on about making out with other guys?" while having a dirty grin on your face. Get her to talk about what she enjoys and start making out during it. Be offensive, a little bit "stormy" even. After the sex (I kinda assume you never did this kind of stuff with her) talk with her that you feel so dumb for not caring about what she enjoys in bed and that you totally "can't let her go" before trying some things. (Sound like someone who wants to play the SC2 campaign with marines only before selling it for good). Get her curious. Get her to spill the beans about what could "trying" possibly mean. Get fantasies out of her. -In case the above advice fails because she blocks one of the stages (making out/having sex) I recommend getting out as clearly as you can. Don't be the whimp crawling for her (she'll expect that), but be more around like "Oh, well, I'd have loved to try some things with you while it lasts but I guess it shouldn't be that way" (make sure she gets that "things" is meant in a sexual context. Add like "in bed" if you're not sure you can bring it right. Make sure to add "I think we can do fine just being friends, don't you?" (If you don't say it, she will, then you're fucked). Project an image of "It was cool with you, I don't regret anything and I still like you and wish you the best of luck. Then break contact until she crawls back. Be busy. Meet with friends. Flirt. Be outgoing and happy when around the same friendcircle as well. Talk well about her. Get "dates" with her again after 1-2 weeks of this (if she got a new guy during that time, once again, you're fucked, give up). Don't call them dates. Hang out and have fun. Get her to meet solo and somehow get her aroused and start all over. Feel free to add in any questions you have on my comments, some might seem weird, however also mostly accurate for sure. (; Good luck & fighting~!! | ||
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Blazinghand
United States25550 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:50 r.Evo wrote: Same thing as with the messages. You are so fucking afraid of losing her that you won't be able to keep her. You, once again, resolve the issue by logic, not by emotion. What happens? She get's her will once again. I think you're missing the most telling point of that paragraph, which is that he spent $100 on League of Legends! Like, if you're not buying anything and just playing for free, fine, I could see why you'd prefer it to Heroes of Newerth. But $100? Are you kidding me?! At that point, just buy two HoN accounts and have access to all the game content and a higher level of play AND, this will be cheaper than spending a hundred quid on SKINS for the limited selection of free and purchased characters that LoL has. Like, seriously dude, if you're gonna sink that much money into a game, buy an actual game. I can see why she wants to leave you. User was warned for this post | ||
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Lysenko
Iceland2128 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:50 r.Evo wrote: Yes, that relationship is about 80% done. However, no one has posted proper information as to WHY it is most likely done It's done because she had the "I want to see other people, you feel like a friend to me" talk. That's a breakup. At this point, if he keeps trying to treat her like a girlfriend, she's going to say "wtf, I broke up with him, why is he doing this?" | ||
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Kamais_Ookin
Canada4218 Posts
On June 30 2011 03:33 Kentor wrote: I lol'd. Short but quality advice, now I know what it takes to get that star!Bang her one more time then leave. I also lol'd at the part where you were watching porn a lot even though you were having regularly having sex with her, didn't make much sense to me. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14079 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:55 Lysenko wrote: It's done because she had the "I want to see other people, you feel like a friend to me" talk. That's a breakup. At this point, if he keeps trying to treat her like a girlfriend, she's going to say "wtf, I broke up with him, why is he doing this?" Wrong, a relationship is done when someone says "I'm done." - They are still meeting and talking. 'nuff said. Edit: Actually, a relationship is done when one party refused to have sexual relations with the other. Since OP didn't say he tried whether she would, it's not done yet. =P | ||
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CecilSunkure
United States2829 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:50 r.Evo wrote: Part of the reason why I decided to answer this whole thing in-depth (other people get charged for this, <3 TL) is that she seems like a decent girl, however unsure and insecure. The thing is, she's the damn girl. She can be like that. You're the guy. You're supposed to work things out. To be sure when she's not. The whole rock in the storm thing and all. I wouldn't want to be with a girl if she wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me. Flirting with other guys secretly like she did is a pretty big issue in my opinion, and I'd treat it as cheating on me. Mentally cheating. This girl is mentally cheating all over you. You watching porn is mentally cheating all over her. You got what you deserved. I suggest confronting her about this with the intention of asking her the question of whether or not she wants to stay with you, and wants what is best for you despite herself (assuming you want to stay with her and choose what is best for her despite yourself). If she doesn't want to stay and work through the problems with you, or is iffy and doesn't give a solid answer in a reasonable amount of time, move on -don't waste either your two's time. | ||
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Lysenko
Iceland2128 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:59 r.Evo wrote: Wrong, a relationship is done when someone says "I'm done." - They are still meeting and talking. 'nuff said. I don't know who you've been dating, but the specific language she used is what people I know hear when their partner wants to break up but wants to put a nice face on it. Maybe it's a cultural difference and German women are more direct.  | ||
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ComaDose
Canada10351 Posts
my real advice is don't feel rushed. when you see her it shouldn't be: "so.. have you decided" it should just be "sup". acting like your hanging on her word isn't gonna do anything. acting indifferent is really sexy. you never really said what you want. or are you asking should you stay or should you go? | ||
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Treemonkeys
United States2082 Posts
Don't want to be with a girl unless she's sure she wants to be with you? Then don't bother dating girls unless they are 25+ and have been fucked over by enough guys that they know exactly what they want. It's completely normal for young people to not be sure what they want, girls included. | ||
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GigaFlop
United States1146 Posts
She was a crazy bitch, now that i look back. Don't know how I even dated that very pretty girl in the first place. At least I now know that I like redheads and shorter women. | ||
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looknohands119
United States815 Posts
If your girlfriend told you she feels your relationship is becoming too much like a friendship, there are two possible ways that could be interpreted. First, she could simply be saying that the romantic feelings are gone and that only the friendship remains. Or, she could be saying that in addition to the romantic feelings, she is starting to experience feelings of friendship and that makes her uncomfortable. The later means that she has a fundamental misunderstanding of the way a healthy relationship works. Either way, she's a junior in high school so to expect her to fully understand what a healthy romantic relationship looks like at that point in her life might be an unreasonable expectation. Whether or not an unhealthy relationship is okay is something you will have to decide. For example if your relationship is still full of love and a great friendship but one of you makes a mistake (such as the emotional cheating incident you talked about, the unhealthy watching of porn, etc...) that damages the trust between you two then the relationship isn't a healthy one but it might be worth repairing. Whether it is possible to repair it and whether it is worth it are calls you two and only you two can and will/would have to make. Presumably, the purpose of having romantic relationships is in an attempt to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you do not see your relationship possibly ever moving in that direction it probably isn't worth your time. Is a relationship worth continuing if the chances of that happening are low? I don't know the answer to that question. I would be inclined to say no but there are things I can identify as potentially unhealthy that do not cause so much damage that they are things I would avoid if they offer some potential benefit. A largely unhealthy relationship can still teach a person things, especially if it has some elements of a healthy relationship. If the problem is a less than mature view of what good relationship looks like (and only you could possibly know that as the only other person in the relationship), I can tell you from my own experience dating a girl younger than myself for a good period of time that when someone doesn't have a mature perspective it is probably draining more of your emotional stability and strength than it is worth at this time. That's not to say that you two might not be able to have a healthy relationship sometime in the future but it does mean that she probably isn't ready for a real relationship at this point in her life. If she does understand what a healthy relationship is (love and friendship that are not inwardly focused) and she feels like the romance is gone then you two have to decide whether its possible to rekindle that romance and whether or not you think it is worth the emotional effort it would require. Hope that helps. If you're interested, a good book to check out is: The Four Loves | ||
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stevarius
United States1394 Posts
On June 30 2011 04:03 McKTenor13 wrote: You both are very young. Girls change big time when they go into college. They want to party, they want to be sluts for a couple years because they know they'll never be able to do it again. You can't do anything about it. The healthy thing to do is date other girls. Have as many experiences as you can. High school relationships never last. Think of it as a good thing and how much you've learned from this relationship. You'll find another great girl out there. They also tend to get fat, as witnessed by 80% of the girls I knew from high school. | ||
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KurtistheTurtle
United States1966 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + I promise you from the depths of my soul that what I tell you will help you and make you a better person. I can't promise that you'll keep the girl, but you will be satisfied and feel better. You need to do what is best for you. I'll explain in detail further down. If this is causing you so much stress that you're having physical pain, you need to act. I assume its mainly anxiety, although theres anger/sadness too. 1) You can't control this girl. To make your goal "I want HER as my gf" means she has complete control over your happiness. She's taking up a lot of your time, freedom, and energy. For you, not for her, you need to fix this. Acknowledge that you have no control over how this ends up. You have no control over what she does, and you never will. Setting goals on it is silly. Wasting energy and time worrying about it is just unnecessary suffering. But you do have influence over your life. That's the key difference. Your actions will in turn affect hers. So you must do what is best for you, and she her. 2) Anxiety, you can't let impulse control you. You can't reason it out if you don't follow #1. You have to release the courage inside you to act to make your situation better. In this case, the best thing you can do for yourself is focus on getting back your time, (the raw time in your day you dedicate to her and not to yourself) decision-making power (you're waiting on HER to decide on WED? that's only her power to have over you if you let her) and your energy. you're spending it on this and stressing/worrying about girls can be really fucking exhausting. It's just a spiral, it eats you alive. I know. 3) All the anger and sadness you have inside of you needs to be let out or else it will turn into depression. Don't lash out, its immature, stupid, just makes you feel better short-term. your goal is a happier you for life, not just 5 mins. What you need to do, for yourself and your own well-being, is assert yourself--your feelings, your thoughts, your desires, everything. You can do this by being honest. You need to fight, you need to act, but not for her or your relationship--for YOU. This means that you have to talk with her and be BRUTALLY HONEST about everything. And you have to know some things going in -If this relationship doesn't help you, doesn't function in your life, you're saying goodbye. -The way your relationship is going right now it's not working. -Define what you want in your life right now. (Family, Education, Friends...significant other who adds to your life) -When you talk with her, you can't speak in evaluative language. You can't judge. When you do that, you're playing a role--the role you think you should be playing, the role which shields you from true feeling, the role which taxes your energies because you try so hard to maintain it you don't even realize its running in the background. When you talk with her, you must acknowledge that whatever role that is, whatever it was, whatever it was going to be--it will die. You will be nervous, you will be fretting, it will a decision on your part--a courageous one which will destroy all the anger, anxiety and stress inside of you. But when you do it, once you start, you will know you're alive. If you do it, you'll know what I mean. If you choose to make your life better, you will talk to her and you will be honest. You will feel and describe everything. Hold nothing back. When you speak from yourself, when you come out from behind your role, you will be unshielded from emotion. You can be hurt, you can be touched, you can be moved. But when you walk away, you will leave behind the crumpled shell of the person you thought you should be that dragged your life down to where it is. If you want to keep this girl, if you want to win the war, you must drop your shield and charge fully prepared to die. When you've demonstrated you have the courage to be hurt, to fight, to love, she will have no choice but to abandon her role, her shield. You two will meet, and you will talk. She will feel, and you'll have the most meaningful communication of your lives. I fucking guarantee this. To man up, to be yourself is to do this. Its to approach, pursue, fight, take it and dish it out. You must talk to her, and you must be honest with her. But you need to prepare for war before you fight. realize and know #1. How to Communicate When you engage her, you're committed. Your goal is to make your life better with or without her. You'd like her, but you don't need her. Don't back out, don't zone out, you're there fight for your relationship, may sound silly but its true, to fight for your life. Tell her what you're going to make your life. Tell her where she'll fit in. Tell her all your secrets, everything you feel about her, and make it brutal and honest. When you speak with honesty, she will be moved. She will feel whether she wants to or not. You must know what you want your life to be like. This sounds really up in the air, but its really technical and miniscule. You want a permanent state of contentment and satisfaction. Describe it. Say "when this happened, I felt like this." describe it. don't try to make it sound better, it is what it is. you will release it from yourself, you will have the courage to draw back and fire an arrow. If she can't be honest back with you after, and you don't feel it, she's hiding something BIG. She's not ready for you. Until she can, your relationship can't move forward. When you speak to her she knows how she feels about you AND SHE WILL FEEL IT, I GUARANTEE, and how you feel about her. But if she can't come out from behind her shield, you'll leave that battlefield and return IF and WHEN she can. less metaphorical talk with her in a place with no distractions, maybe even public. don't build it up beforehand, just say "hey can you meet @#@#$ at @#%#%? I want to talk with you about something." meet her, and dig in. Start with what you want, then how you felt. don't place blame on her. you are responsible for all the circumstances in your life even if you can't control them. if you have any other questions let me know. any advice or whatever on "how it should be" or "maybe this is because" is bullshit. fuck that. I promise you from the depths of my soul that what I tell you will help you and make you a better person. I can't promise that you'll keep the girl, but you will be satisfied and feel better. Above all else, you must be honest and courageous. Courage is going with a decision despite fear. I know you can. But if you choose not to, I have nothing to say to you. | ||
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Yung
United States727 Posts
http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=236982 | ||
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