Warning: 1500 words of incoherency
Normally, no matter how I whine about my parents, I would at least like to think they care. And I’m pretty sure they do.
But as Cameron Frye said in Ferris Bueller’s day off “I’ve got to take a stand”
My parents don’t have a red luxury car.
Today started OK.
I had a great excuse to stay at school way longer and be with friends to delay the inevitable shitstorm when I got home.
Yesterday I realized the key to the house was missing. She won’t trust me to keep it, so I have to leave it on the back porch, and I share it with my brother, and somehow it became missing in the last couple weeks. My mom asked if I knew where it was and I said I thought it was on the back porch. Hell, I only realized 5 minutes earlier, and I knew if I didn’t find it I would catch hell.
But she went in the backyard, saw it wasn’t there, and got pissed.
I come home, get a lot of work done, get ahead on work, want to sleep early. Watch retarded documentary because my mom wants me to. It ends, it’s 9:30, and I say, woot! I go on ladder, to play ONE game of SC2, and she yells at me for having screwed up priorities, grabs my computer and shakes it, causing the fan to make some god awful noise, and alt tab to a page on depression, she accuses me of faking depression in order to play somebody against her. She says “I don’t fucking care if you are out in the rain and cold, because I won’t let you get in until you find the key. I’ll tell all the neighbors to not let you in!” She ranted about how I told her subconsciously that somehow I don’t care about finding the key. She yells more. She turns off the internet. She chases me into my room. She slaps me. I called her a twit. (Abbreviation for nitwit, about the least serious insult one can launch) and she blew up. She said how I would regret it later on. How I would love her sincerely for enforcing her ways. How I would grovel at her knees when I dropped out of community college. She said that I’m her son so she can’t fire me, but if she could she would. I said I’d quit, but I can’t.
She just told me to go look for the key.
This is fairly regular for me, but this is the last straw. She says she’d fire me, continues talking about my lack of competency, turns off the web for no reason, screws up my computer fans, says she knows that I’m writing to people online and she’ll find me, fae;otiumawopeirj
I can’t take it. Periods of “I love you son” to die in a fucking hole. It’s ridiculous. Sure I’m overreacting, but when you yell and scream, and yell ad hominem attacks, refuse to admit you yell over almost nothing, and then say your son has screwed up priorities.
When she makes fun of me for not having a girlfriend when she, miss perfect, found my dad through a matchmaking service. She has no friends. She never socializes. Yet she tells all my friends about the crush I had in 6th grade and about how the girl didn’t want to talk to me and about how I was somewhat devastated. She doesn’t tell them, she makes fun of me. When my dad isn’t home she talks about how incompetent he is. When I’m not here my brother tells me she talks about what a retard I am.
And then, while I’m writing this she comes up to me like nothing fucking happened.
Oh, hai brian. Let’s look for the key.
OH WAIT, you’re a tard. This descended into a 35 minute tirade about my
4) Not putting uneaten food away
Habits. She asserts I’ve done all of em, but as you can tell, really can’t give any specific examples. I may or may not upload it :/ (nvm, was recording the mic port…) She says how I lied in the third grade (I did lie in the third grade, FYI. I was doing better than my peers, and both my parents didn’t give a shit, so I made things sound really really fantastic. Since then, anything slightly positive I do is a “lie”
But now, tis 12:00. I wanted to get more sleep tonight. I wanted to go to bed at 10:30. But I can’t do that, and evidently it’s ALL MY FAULT
Fuck you “mom”, just fuck you. I won’t stand for this pseudo justice in which you dicate every last thing that happens, place blame on others for your problems, make me feel guildty about what I do and want to do. As much as I want to have a good relationship with you, tonight you have shown that you bhave no such intentions. You want to use me as a punching bag for all of your problems. You want to ruffle my hair and scream in “delight!” that I have SO MUCH MORE KNOWLEDGE THAN A 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN.
Well, you know what, I do.
I know that there are certain things I like to do. I know that my peers will not detest me. I know I will not yell at my wife because she wants a cell phone. I know I won’t pick on my kids for every little thing.
I know that I’m president of Acadec, and probably MUN. I know that I am capable of whatever the hell I want to do if I put in the time and effort. I know I am capable of ignoring yor ridiculous threats. I know that even if I’m not the world’s brightest or most successful person, I will at least be a decent human being.
3AM. Can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to sleep since 12 when I wrote this. Some more thoughts.
I understand she cares. I understand I have some problems. I understand that I’ve had times when I’ve had rotten food in my backpack (ew) lied about things (mostly middle school) I realize I have faults. But if you want to go there you have a ton of them as well. You have no social life, and sit around the house eating and watching soaps. You yell at me to get a job, do well in school, have a girlfriend, and do extracurriculars, but you can’t manage to talk to friends, and do laundry.
Am I not a perfect human. No. But give me some slack for once. Maybe I won’t be in a state of mental breakdown. Maybe I can live up to my potential.
A lot of the above is not terribly well written, but so be it.
Oops, thing didn’t record. Lol
All this aside I merely have on request to make. What should I do?
I feel really mentally broken down, I feel like my mother is being abusive. My dad doesn’t want to end the relationship for the sake of the kids, but she bashes him on a daily basis. I will get no sleep tonight. My mom will not forgive any of my actions. She blames me for all of our problems. I have tried sitting by and letting it pass over, but she makes me listen to her until she gets a response.
I have tried nodding and playing around, and she says it’s fake.
I have tried in the middle and failed. What should I do. Should I somehow rebel. Should I just try to follow exactly what she wants me to do. Should I try and talk to a counselor? I am so lost and confused. Thanks for all the help tl. I’ve talked to real life friends, but they are just too disturbed by my mother to do anything. Plus, she’s been listening to my calls, so I’ve used google voice. So now she sits next to me when I call. So then I tried to IM, so she watches me. So I’m now only able to write after she sleeps, and the internet is off then.
In other news my super Christian grandma is going to live with us. Yaynooo. She means well and all, but I’m sure my mom will use it as an excuse so I can’t do shit. Plus she’s so Christian. Probably means going to church every weekend, reciting prayers, etc. Plus the fact that I’ll fix her computer every other day.
So it’s 5AM, and I’ve gone back to bed. Still haven’t been able to sleep. I’m dying inside, but can’t sleep. This has got to end. I feel so mentally unstable right now. I can’t let my mom’s rants and raging ruin my chances of going to a good school. Can’t sleep. Keep on thinking about all of this. Cant’ sleep. Want to sleep, can’t.
Gah. I’m clueless. I’m enraged. And I’m very tired.