|
Rage ^ 2 Warning: 1500 words of incoherency Normally, no matter how I whine about my parents, I would at least like to think they care. And I’m pretty sure they do. But as Cameron Frye said in Ferris Bueller’s day off “I’ve got to take a stand” My parents don’t have a red luxury car. Today started OK. I had a great excuse to stay at school way longer and be with friends to delay the inevitable shitstorm when I got home.
Yesterday I realized the key to the house was missing. She won’t trust me to keep it, so I have to leave it on the back porch, and I share it with my brother, and somehow it became missing in the last couple weeks. My mom asked if I knew where it was and I said I thought it was on the back porch. Hell, I only realized 5 minutes earlier, and I knew if I didn’t find it I would catch hell.
But she went in the backyard, saw it wasn’t there, and got pissed. I come home, get a lot of work done, get ahead on work, want to sleep early. Watch retarded documentary because my mom wants me to. It ends, it’s 9:30, and I say, woot! I go on ladder, to play ONE game of SC2, and she yells at me for having screwed up priorities, grabs my computer and shakes it, causing the fan to make some god awful noise, and alt tab to a page on depression, she accuses me of faking depression in order to play somebody against her. She says “I don’t fucking care if you are out in the rain and cold, because I won’t let you get in until you find the key. I’ll tell all the neighbors to not let you in!” She ranted about how I told her subconsciously that somehow I don’t care about finding the key. She yells more. She turns off the internet. She chases me into my room. She slaps me. I called her a twit. (Abbreviation for nitwit, about the least serious insult one can launch) and she blew up. She said how I would regret it later on. How I would love her sincerely for enforcing her ways. How I would grovel at her knees when I dropped out of community college. She said that I’m her son so she can’t fire me, but if she could she would. I said I’d quit, but I can’t. She just told me to go look for the key. This is fairly regular for me, but this is the last straw. She says she’d fire me, continues talking about my lack of competency, turns off the web for no reason, screws up my computer fans, says she knows that I’m writing to people online and she’ll find me, fae;otiumawopeirj
I can’t take it. Periods of “I love you son” to die in a fucking hole. It’s ridiculous. Sure I’m overreacting, but when you yell and scream, and yell ad hominem attacks, refuse to admit you yell over almost nothing, and then say your son has screwed up priorities.
When she makes fun of me for not having a girlfriend when she, miss perfect, found my dad through a matchmaking service. She has no friends. She never socializes. Yet she tells all my friends about the crush I had in 6th grade and about how the girl didn’t want to talk to me and about how I was somewhat devastated. She doesn’t tell them, she makes fun of me. When my dad isn’t home she talks about how incompetent he is. When I’m not here my brother tells me she talks about what a retard I am.
And then, while I’m writing this she comes up to me like nothing fucking happened. Oh, hai brian. Let’s look for the key.
OH WAIT, you’re a tard. This descended into a 35 minute tirade about my 1) Lying 2) Cheating 3) Stealing 4) Not putting uneaten food away Habits. She asserts I’ve done all of em, but as you can tell, really can’t give any specific examples. I may or may not upload it :/ (nvm, was recording the mic port…) She says how I lied in the third grade (I did lie in the third grade, FYI. I was doing better than my peers, and both my parents didn’t give a shit, so I made things sound really really fantastic. Since then, anything slightly positive I do is a “lie”
But now, tis 12:00. I wanted to get more sleep tonight. I wanted to go to bed at 10:30. But I can’t do that, and evidently it’s ALL MY FAULT
Fuck you “mom”, just fuck you. I won’t stand for this pseudo justice in which you dicate every last thing that happens, place blame on others for your problems, make me feel guildty about what I do and want to do. As much as I want to have a good relationship with you, tonight you have shown that you bhave no such intentions. You want to use me as a punching bag for all of your problems. You want to ruffle my hair and scream in “delight!” that I have SO MUCH MORE KNOWLEDGE THAN A 50 YEAR OLD WOMAN.
Well, you know what, I do. I know that there are certain things I like to do. I know that my peers will not detest me. I know I will not yell at my wife because she wants a cell phone. I know I won’t pick on my kids for every little thing. I know that I’m president of Acadec, and probably MUN. I know that I am capable of whatever the hell I want to do if I put in the time and effort. I know I am capable of ignoring yor ridiculous threats. I know that even if I’m not the world’s brightest or most successful person, I will at least be a decent human being.
3AM. Can’t sleep. Haven’t been able to sleep since 12 when I wrote this. Some more thoughts. I understand she cares. I understand I have some problems. I understand that I’ve had times when I’ve had rotten food in my backpack (ew) lied about things (mostly middle school) I realize I have faults. But if you want to go there you have a ton of them as well. You have no social life, and sit around the house eating and watching soaps. You yell at me to get a job, do well in school, have a girlfriend, and do extracurriculars, but you can’t manage to talk to friends, and do laundry. Am I not a perfect human. No. But give me some slack for once. Maybe I won’t be in a state of mental breakdown. Maybe I can live up to my potential. A lot of the above is not terribly well written, but so be it. Oops, thing didn’t record. Lol All this aside I merely have on request to make. What should I do? I feel really mentally broken down, I feel like my mother is being abusive. My dad doesn’t want to end the relationship for the sake of the kids, but she bashes him on a daily basis. I will get no sleep tonight. My mom will not forgive any of my actions. She blames me for all of our problems. I have tried sitting by and letting it pass over, but she makes me listen to her until she gets a response. I have tried nodding and playing around, and she says it’s fake. I have tried in the middle and failed. What should I do. Should I somehow rebel. Should I just try to follow exactly what she wants me to do. Should I try and talk to a counselor? I am so lost and confused. Thanks for all the help tl. I’ve talked to real life friends, but they are just too disturbed by my mother to do anything. Plus, she’s been listening to my calls, so I’ve used google voice. So now she sits next to me when I call. So then I tried to IM, so she watches me. So I’m now only able to write after she sleeps, and the internet is off then. In other news my super Christian grandma is going to live with us. Yaynooo. She means well and all, but I’m sure my mom will use it as an excuse so I can’t do shit. Plus she’s so Christian. Probably means going to church every weekend, reciting prayers, etc. Plus the fact that I’ll fix her computer every other day.
So it’s 5AM, and I’ve gone back to bed. Still haven’t been able to sleep. I’m dying inside, but can’t sleep. This has got to end. I feel so mentally unstable right now. I can’t let my mom’s rants and raging ruin my chances of going to a good school. Can’t sleep. Keep on thinking about all of this. Cant’ sleep. Want to sleep, can’t. Gah. I’m clueless. I’m enraged. And I’m very tired.
|
Yeah, my dad is similar. He doesn't get on me for junk like this, but he has other things that piss him off. Mom divorced him, and I havn't gone to his house for two-three months now. It seriously sucks, but oddly enough, he used the "you can't fire me" defense a while ago. Regular irrationality. Seems like such an oxymoron but it really does seem like it happens.
|
You could do alot of different things, but they somewhat depend on your age, your financial standing, etc.
I would say talk to them about it, but apparantly it always degenerates in to some sort of fighting.
Though one thing for sure is, you could use some sleep.
That is about the only advice I can give you. Sleep and everything will be (slightly) better.
|
I've been reading your blogs (and listening to the sound clips) and she yells at you for the stupidest shit. Like in this one, not trusting you to have the key, then yelling at you for losing it? Does that make sense to you?
I wish there was a solution to this. I really do, but the truth is that your mom is fucking crazy and there's nothing short of medication that will change that.
|
Dayumn son.
If you can get access to a counsellor, then I would highly recommend it. It's another avenue to get feelings off your chest, and also to explore possible routes out of your situation.
Stay resilient though, your mother obviously has her fair share of issues, if not more. It's definitely a tough situation when you're in a state of dependency, so I can only ask that you keep on battling through, until you can achieve independence.
|
First of all, good for you to take a stand. Its what needed to be done. Sure, it may get worse before it gets better, but it has to be done.
If I were you, I would talk to your counselor at school. I know you're using TL as a vent, and we're here for you, but sometimes its just better to do so in person.
Maybe find a friend that you can stay at their house for a few days. Their mothers might be sympathetic if you explain your situation. You really sound like you just need some time off. I'm not sure where you're located, but if you're within a 3-4 hour drive of me, I wouldn't mind giving you a place to stay for the weekend. Might seem weird, but I was in that situation myself not too long ago, and I know what its like.
Definitely talk to someone at school though. This kind of shit will put you on tilt, and if the faculty knows it they'll probably do everything they can to help you.
|
once you get to college you might want to seriously considering cutting your parents off and becoming financially independent, especially if you get scholarships and/or financial aid (going to a CSU or UC in cali isn't SUPER expensive either, but the debts will be an issue, not gonna lie)
Though on second thought you should probably preserve the relationship till at least a year into college, see if she doesn't back off. A lot of aggressive parents do back off as long as their kid can produce decent results, but your mom is extra-strength crazy, and each case is unique to a degree.
I dunno if you've been suggested this coping mechanism before, but just imagine that whereever you are 3-5 years from now, you should be pretty free of this bullshit and you'll be decently equipped to handle other bullshit, considering how traumatizing this bullshit is. Your patience is astounding, I know you talk back sometimes but you still seem to be able to handle your mom's insanity most of the time.
|
Parents are people, too. They aren't perfect. You'll get over it and you'll love her eventually, or at least you should. This is just teenage angst. Don't rebel. Just be nice to her. If you're a better person than her, then be one.
I'm sure she loves you, but she just doesn't want to show it, or can't. Don't try and punish her or whatever.
|
Hyrule18767 Posts
Move out? I don't really know anything about you, but your environment sounds pretty shitty.
|
Hey dude, hope you stay strong. Parents can be tricky, for sure. If things get too bad, and if she keeps hitting you all the time, you need to seriously think about calling abuse helpline and see if they can help you get a place or a dorm etc.
|
dude how do people even turn into a psychotic retard like that? I feel sorry for you man ;-; ><; also clearly this is enervate's 1st time reading your blogs :V
|
be sarcastic, but overly nice to her, that will really get under her skin..
when she makes fun of you for not having a girlfriend respond with:
"I'm sorry mother, you're so beautiful and kind and intelligent, not everyone is as lucky as you must have been to find your husband through a matchmaking service, please understand."
or when she says you're a retard just be like:
"Please mother don't say such things, I'm trying as hard as I can to be as smart as you are *point out dumb ass thing that she has done*"
say all of this in a calm compassionate voice and she'll probably have a god damn heart attack. This will of course cause more fighting but it will be so satisfying that you won't even be mad anymore, you'll just laugh your ass...
OH, and you can try LAUGHING in her face when she gets all riled up, that REALLY pisses them off. Thats what I used to do, just stay calm, smile, chuckle, and let them know that you really dont give a shit about what they think. When she realizes that her opinions mean nothing to you and they actually just end up making you laugh, she'll stop trying.
|
I feel bad dude, That is a really bad situation.. I would suggest just trying to not stay much at all ever. And when they ask why your being so quiet just tell her I am guessing you can't move out now.
|
Netherlands4490 Posts
Seems like a case for Dr. Phil to me, maybe he can help.
|
jesus christ.
your blogs keep getting more depressing. the way this one ended makes me think you're going to do something crazy to yourself or to your mom.
i think your number one priority right now should be to distance yourself from your mother as much as you can - this is insanity.
|
Blazinghand
United States25546 Posts
If you're an adult, and if things are bad at home, try to get a job and just move out as soon as possible. If you manage your money wisely and leave in a small apartment cheap area (maybe with a roommate), you can live on your own with a low-paying job.
To be honest, it sounds like it's psychologically damaging for you to be at home, and in the long run, this will be a better life for you if you take matters into your own hands and get out. Once you've lived out of the house for a while, you'll be better able to deal with your parents.
Do you want to quit as her son? You can. You just need to find a full-time paying job to support yourself.
EDIT: Note that this is far easier said than done, as it's hard to find jobs and it's hard to live on your own. It's just that in your case it may be worth it.
|
she's not acting like a very good christian btw...
|
Does your father know how she talks to you? I would definitely get a recording of her yelling at you either way. Have a counselor listen to it if your father has already heard it.
|
I don't know old you are, so i don't what the best method for you but one thing is you need to talk to someone who can help you deal with that. I don't if it's gonna be your school counselor or a friend of your family or a neighbor, pick someone you can trust and who will want to help.
Find a way to go see him without your mother knowing it, explain what's going on, but most importantly explain you're suffering for being helpless about the situation. Tell him that you just can't stand it any longer, cry, yell release some steam, it's awfully good sometime.
Ah and another thing I used when i felt depressed is to train yourself to feel nothing, some kind of meditation to relax. Just seat and breathe and feel nothing, think about anything or repeat a phrase you like (i used to say the litany against fear in my head for hours) just try to feel neither good or bad feelings it's very relaxing. I don't really know how to explain how i used to do it but it's sit, breathe calmly and try to repeat a phrase you like in your head (a phrase that lead you to calm yourself not something like "I will kill you" but rather something like "I am now really calm and relax").
Depression is extremely hard to deal with, being aware of it is a really big step in dealing with it. Now you just need to find a way to deal with the bad moments.
Keep your head up and good luck.
|
Well this blog shows your feelings more coherently than you can tell your mom. So... get her to read the blog post.
|
It's a terrible situation and obviously not fair but like any other abusive relationship I think you should just move out and cut off contact ASAP, whether that be college or just right now I dunno. From the amount you blog about this problem and what you describe it seems quite chronic and also seems unlikely to change
|
You'll understand when you have kids. I guess that's all I can say. If the key was your responsibility to keep I can understand why she would be upset about you losing it. If this is the worst your parents rant and rave at you consider yourself pretty lucky. The vast majority of us (at least all the people I know) have went through similar if not worse. It's not the end of the world man. Try to see things from her point of view. No doubt she loves you very much and just like most parents they want their children to succeed in life. When you give them a task (keeping track of the key) and they fail in that task you feel as a parent that you are a failure and sometimes you lash out. It doesn't mean that she hates you or wants you to move out or anything. She is just frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to her when the both of you have calmed down and when I say talk, I don't mean throw accusations at her about how awful a parent she is. Admit your own fault in the incident before moving on in the conversation.
Also you should be grateful that she is allowing you to live there. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate that. I have two kids and I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult on an emotional level to take care of people with little or no reward. And if you honestly think you suffer from depression, remember that it is sometime hereditary. She could be experiencing the same pain as you and just like you, she may not be able to express it.
Remember that no matter what happens and how she is acting toward you, she loves you very much.
|
On February 18 2011 01:10 BasilPesto wrote: Dayumn son.
If you can get access to a counsellor, then I would highly recommend it. It's another avenue to get feelings off your chest, and also to explore possible routes out of your situation.
Stay resilient though, your mother obviously has her fair share of issues, if not more. It's definitely a tough situation when you're in a state of dependency, so I can only ask that you keep on battling through, until you can achieve independence.
+1 agree with the counsellor. Would be better if u can get ur mom to ur counsellor too ;D
God bless you man. Be strong there.
|
On February 18 2011 02:35 Magic_Mike wrote: You'll understand when you have kids. I guess that's all I can say. If the key was your responsibility to keep I can understand why she would be upset about you losing it. If this is the worst your parents rant and rave at you consider yourself pretty lucky. The vast majority of us (at least all the people I know) have went through similar if not worse. It's not the end of the world man. Try to see things from her point of view. No doubt she loves you very much and just like most parents they want their children to succeed in life. When you give them a task (keeping track of the key) and they fail in that task you feel as a parent that you are a failure and sometimes you lash out. It doesn't mean that she hates you or wants you to move out or anything. She is just frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to her when the both of you have calmed down and when I say talk, I don't mean throw accusations at her about how awful a parent she is. Admit your own fault in the incident before moving on in the conversation.
Also you should be grateful that she is allowing you to live there. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate that. I have two kids and I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult on an emotional level to take care of people with little or no reward. And if you honestly think you suffer from depression, remember that it is sometime hereditary. She could be experiencing the same pain as you and just like you, she may not be able to express it.
Remember that no matter what happens and how she is acting toward you, she loves you very much.
from what he blogs about, I'd have to disagree. He has tried many different methods of talking to her at many different times, and it seems to just result in her blowing up no matter what. I cannot make any judgments on whether or not she loves him, but from what he has described, she seems extremely narcissistic and enjoys putting him down to elevate her own status. That said I obviously have no idea what the real situation is, but it just seems to me if she is having such a detrimental effect on your well-being and happiness, the only solution is to move out and cut contact until either one of you changes.
|
Sorry dude, but your mom is a psycho bitch. How old are you? It really doesn't matter how much she cares about you, it's the actions that count, and she is treating you like shit. It's one thing to try and have discipline to make you learn to be a better person, it's another to make your life living hell, make you stay up when you need rest, while acting self righteous. You should get a job and move out asap, or if you can get good grades get a scholarship and go to college. Even get a loan and go to college. Just get the hell out, it is a bad situation for you. But in the meantime, be really nice to her, and try to appease her. Not only will this hopefully make things easier on you, but try to realize that the way she is acting is more detrimental to her than it is you, she deserves pity not anger, and being angry or rebellious will just make it worse for you, and take you down to her level. She might deserve your insults but that will only make it worse, try to be nice and respectful even when she doesn't deserve it - simply for the sake of biding your time until you can leave. As much as you don't want to be like her, when you get older it is going to be really challenging for you to not be like her and to not have a low self esteem because of how she treats her, and it will only be worse for you the longer you stay. This is what some people call a toxic relationship, and I can't say enough that you need to get out of it. Just don't do something drastic, because if you leave before you are ready, and then have to come back later on it will only be worse.
|
Dude, I've spent a bit of time researching mental illness(I'm not a psychiatrist nor claim to be). Your mom is certifiable crazy. Try to pity her/help her instead of getting angry.
I know that seems crazy in itself, as you are depressed due to your mom's antics. You just need to realize that she is not in control of herself all the time. Something is wrong inside her head, it is not your fault. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You sound like an amazing person and son.
I can only suggest that you either battle your parents yourself with your words/will/actions, and if that doesn't work, seek outside help.
|
Sorry maybe I am blind, but how old is he?
|
Again, best thing you can do is be successful in your academics for you - not for her, then pick a college faaaaaaaar away from "home".
You'll build a new life once there.
Also, you should consider yourself lucky to some degree - you have a formative trauma. Most of us in this spoiled generation don't. You're gonna want the opposite of what your mom ended up with. Friends, a big loving family, colleagues who respect and admire you and most important - kids who love you and who feel your support.
It's easier to get things when you want them. If you don't really want anything - you'll just drift. If nothing seems important enough to care about - if nothing spurs the emotion you show in these posts - you wouldn't be better off.
You can look at your "successful" friends who did something, laugh at their petty "accomplishments" in their chosen fields. In the end though, all you ever were was the guy could do everything and therefor chose to do nothing. The ability to do anything & everything, a gift bestowed on you entirely from your parents - socially, genetically or both.
Time to make a choice. Do you want to curse the gift for its origin or use it to save yourself?
--
Look at it this way: a malevolent ruler oppresses his people and make them work for him with no pay beyond necessary upkeep costs. His son who made many friends among the workers growing up inherits the throne. What should the heir do? Give up the throne to the workers and dump the hoarded fortune in their lap? That would most likely result in the rise of another dictator. No, the heir should face the demons of the past - build a democratic society from the ground up, educate the people and provide for them the ground works of a stable future - "give the man a fish / teach him how to fish" etc.
Now you may not be responsible for a whole kingdom here, but you're responsible for the future of at least one man - yourself. You have to make sure your resentment towards your roots doesn't cloud your knowledge. You've been given a great gift - knowledge is the most powerful thing in our world and you have the ability to absorb and interpret it. You mustn't shun your gift, regardless of its origin - it is your power and as Sean and indeed Ben Parker would say - with it comes great responsibility.
It doesn't matter what college you go to - in fact it would probably do you good not to go to whatever prestigious institution you currently 'think' you want to attend. What matters is that you go, that you leave home and start building something new, a solid foundation for yourself to stand on. You can't live their [her] life - not even their [her] dream life. You can only live for yourself and that starts with the road to college.
|
your signature does not support your blog's argument
|
On February 18 2011 03:28 Assault_1 wrote: your signature does not support your blog's argument Hahaha. It's sort of a joke.
Mom is like 54
I'm a Junior in HS, and I Think she'd just totally freak out if I tried to leave to cool off or anything. It's a tough situation. I'm thinking a bit more clearly now that it's morning, but I"M sitll not entirely sure what to do about it.
At school break atm on itouch, so I'll post back in a few hours or w/e. I will be seeing a counselor tomorrow though, says my dad.
Also I"m only a junior, so it's probably not a great idea to separate ties.
fja; oweitu map
|
Here's the best advice I can give you. You need to bear with it until you can leave home for college. I don't care if you have to take out a butt load of loans, but try to go to college as far away from home as possible. It'll help you in your development and independence. I feel your pain.
|
sure she flipped out on you when she didn't really have to but did everyone miss the fact that the key went missing and the blogger didn't really care about it? i know it's unlikely but what if someone stole it from the porch and was going to break into your house yes she's overreacting but there are always two sides to a story and we're only hearing your side of it
|
On February 18 2011 04:05 awu25 wrote: sure she flipped out on you when she didn't really have to but did everyone miss the fact that the key went missing and the blogger didn't really care about it? i know it's unlikely but what if someone stole it from the porch and was going to break into your house yes she's overreacting but there are always two sides to a story and we're only hearing your side of it
It's $20 to change a damn lock. Does a key really warrant all that yelling, or any yelling for that matter? Mistakes happen. People aren't perfect. Shit gets lost. That's how the world goes.
|
On February 18 2011 04:27 Joementum wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2011 04:05 awu25 wrote: sure she flipped out on you when she didn't really have to but did everyone miss the fact that the key went missing and the blogger didn't really care about it? i know it's unlikely but what if someone stole it from the porch and was going to break into your house yes she's overreacting but there are always two sides to a story and we're only hearing your side of it It's $20 to change a damn lock. Does a key really warrant all that yelling, or any yelling for that matter? Mistakes happen. People aren't perfect. Shit gets lost. That's how the world goes. i'm not saying it didn't warrant all that yelling but yes i would be a bit pissed if my son lost a key and didn't bother looking for it or bother telling me it's not about the money, it's about the principle of responsibility he wasn't trusted to carry the key around and yet it somehow still gets lost yes the mom is a crazy psycho but the blogger should've taken the initiative to go look for it or tell his mom
|
On February 18 2011 04:38 awu25 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2011 04:27 Joementum wrote:On February 18 2011 04:05 awu25 wrote: sure she flipped out on you when she didn't really have to but did everyone miss the fact that the key went missing and the blogger didn't really care about it? i know it's unlikely but what if someone stole it from the porch and was going to break into your house yes she's overreacting but there are always two sides to a story and we're only hearing your side of it It's $20 to change a damn lock. Does a key really warrant all that yelling, or any yelling for that matter? Mistakes happen. People aren't perfect. Shit gets lost. That's how the world goes. i'm not saying it didn't warrant all that yelling but yes i would be a bit pissed if my son lost a key and didn't bother looking for it or bother telling me it's not about the money, it's about the principle of responsibility he wasn't trusted to carry the key around and yet it somehow still gets lost yes the mom is a crazy psycho but the blogger should've taken the initiative to go look for it or tell his mom
I'd think it'd be both a lot easier and a lot worse to lose a key if you're forced to hide it outside your house. You can keep picking up keys off the street all day long and never get inside anywhere. It's a bit harder if you don't even know if the owner lost it within 10minutes from his house rather than if it's blatantly hidden behind it.
|
On February 18 2011 02:35 Magic_Mike wrote: You'll understand when you have kids. I guess that's all I can say. If the key was your responsibility to keep I can understand why she would be upset about you losing it. If this is the worst your parents rant and rave at you consider yourself pretty lucky. The vast majority of us (at least all the people I know) have went through similar if not worse. It's not the end of the world man. Try to see things from her point of view. No doubt she loves you very much and just like most parents they want their children to succeed in life. When you give them a task (keeping track of the key) and they fail in that task you feel as a parent that you are a failure and sometimes you lash out. It doesn't mean that she hates you or wants you to move out or anything. She is just frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to her when the both of you have calmed down and when I say talk, I don't mean throw accusations at her about how awful a parent she is. Admit your own fault in the incident before moving on in the conversation.
Also you should be grateful that she is allowing you to live there. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate that. I have two kids and I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult on an emotional level to take care of people with little or no reward. And if you honestly think you suffer from depression, remember that it is sometime hereditary. She could be experiencing the same pain as you and just like you, she may not be able to express it.
Remember that no matter what happens and how she is acting toward you, she loves you very much.
It's the other way around. She should be grateful. He didn't ask for any of this. And if theres no reward? THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE KIDS?!
|
On February 18 2011 02:35 Magic_Mike wrote:+ Show Spoiler + If the key was your responsibility to keep I can understand why she would be upset about you losing it. If this is the worst your parents rant and rave at you consider yourself pretty lucky. The vast majority of us (at least all the people I know) have went through similar if not worse. It's not the end of the world man. Try to see things from her point of view. No doubt she loves you very much and just like most parents they want their children to succeed in life. When you give them a task (keeping track of the key) and they fail in that task you feel as a parent that you are a failure and sometimes you lash out. It doesn't mean that she hates you or wants you to move out or anything. She is just frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to her when the both of you have calmed down and when I say talk, I don't mean throw accusations at her about how awful a parent she is. Admit your own fault in the incident before moving on in the conversation.
Also you should be grateful that she is allowing you to live there. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate that. I have two kids and I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult on an emotional level to take care of people with little or no reward. And if you honestly think you suffer from depression, remember that it is sometime hereditary. She could be experiencing the same pain as you and just like you, she may not be able to express it.
Remember that no matter what happens and how she is acting toward you, she loves you very much.
Did you even read his post? She wouldn't trust him with the responsibility of the key and made him leave it on the back porch to share it, and now who knows where it went? If it had been in his possession and truly been his responsibility he probably wouldn't have lost it. Of course parents lash out sometimes, but this happens far too often and far too extremely. He's still a kid, he's going to make mistakes, it's part of growing up and it's part of being a parent. He's also clearly tried to talk to her before, but she won't listen. He's tried to make her happy, but his priorities aren't hers and when he sucks it up and tries to live by her standards, she gets upset that he's faking it. She sits over his shoulder while he's online and listens in on his phone conversations? Are you really implying that that's okay for a teenage boy? If you have kids, please try to remember what it was like to be one.
I honestly don't know what more you could realistically ask for of a son. You're a good person. I think your mom clearly has psychological issues, don't let anyone tell you this is your fault. You're just a kid and a perfectly normal one. If your mom can't handle the stresses of parenthood, and yeah, there's a lot, that's on her and it's really unfortunate that you have to suffer for it. If I were you, I'd immerse yourself in extracurriculars at school and put your focus on good grades and getting a scholarship and getting as far away as possible.
|
On February 18 2011 05:11 Elryi wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2011 02:35 Magic_Mike wrote: You'll understand when you have kids. I guess that's all I can say. If the key was your responsibility to keep I can understand why she would be upset about you losing it. If this is the worst your parents rant and rave at you consider yourself pretty lucky. The vast majority of us (at least all the people I know) have went through similar if not worse. It's not the end of the world man. Try to see things from her point of view. No doubt she loves you very much and just like most parents they want their children to succeed in life. When you give them a task (keeping track of the key) and they fail in that task you feel as a parent that you are a failure and sometimes you lash out. It doesn't mean that she hates you or wants you to move out or anything. She is just frustrated and doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to her when the both of you have calmed down and when I say talk, I don't mean throw accusations at her about how awful a parent she is. Admit your own fault in the incident before moving on in the conversation.
Also you should be grateful that she is allowing you to live there. Make sure you let her know how much you appreciate that. I have two kids and I can tell you from experience that it is very difficult on an emotional level to take care of people with little or no reward. And if you honestly think you suffer from depression, remember that it is sometime hereditary. She could be experiencing the same pain as you and just like you, she may not be able to express it.
Remember that no matter what happens and how she is acting toward you, she loves you very much.
It's the other way around. She should be grateful. He didn't ask for any of this. And if theres no reward? THEN WHY DID YOU HAVE KIDS?! dude wtf? sounds like someone isn't grateful for their parents if he didn't ask for any of this then he should go find his own house and get his own food and pay for anything himself
|
Your mom has psychological problems. You are her son, and you can't tell her what to do. She has trouble speaking complete sentences without mistakes, it leads me to believe she is either drunk/on drugs or her psychological condition dramatically influences her decision making which is showing up somewhat in her speech.
I have listened to the recording to kinda hear how this goes on.
She has severe psychological issues, you have the potential of developing them as well. Go to a psychologist if you can, try to move out if you can. Do you have a job? If not, try and get one, doesn't matter what it is, being out of the house longer could be good for you. Find a LAN center to go to for SC2 playing. Just stay out of the house, it's not healthy for you. Anytime I had problems with my dad, who I haven't talked to in years, I just would find something to do rather than engage in contact with him.
Start working out, riding a bike, doing something physical too.
|
Treat your parents like you treat anyone else. If they're an asshole to you, be an asshole back. Just because they gave birth to you doesn't give them the right to destroy you psychologically. And yea, they pay for your shelter, food, etc. but they have to. If she actually does lock you out of your house and doesn't let you in or give you food, phone the police, and charge her with child abuse/neglect.
|
I have to agree with awu25 here. I'm wouldn't put it quite as harshly as he did. I'm not trying to be combative I'm just saying that he should try his hardest to see it from her point of view. Really, though, the only part of the story we are getting is his side so none of us can really pass judgement with only hearing part of the story. When I was a kid I had a similar living situation as yours and it ended badly. I won't rant and rave and tell my story on this post because it is your blog but suffice to say that I understand how you feel bud. My situation ended badly because of myself and my parents and BOTH of us focusing only on how we ourselves felt and ignoring the feelings of the other. There was no understanding at all on either side. And to answer Elryi: I had kids because, and I know this is hard to understand for those of you without kids, I loved them before they were even born. I wanted to share life. I wanted to give something back. And I also wanted to leave my lasting imprint on the world. It turned out to be WAAAAAY different than I expected but it was still worth it.
|
On February 18 2011 04:38 awu25 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2011 04:27 Joementum wrote:On February 18 2011 04:05 awu25 wrote: sure she flipped out on you when she didn't really have to but did everyone miss the fact that the key went missing and the blogger didn't really care about it? i know it's unlikely but what if someone stole it from the porch and was going to break into your house yes she's overreacting but there are always two sides to a story and we're only hearing your side of it It's $20 to change a damn lock. Does a key really warrant all that yelling, or any yelling for that matter? Mistakes happen. People aren't perfect. Shit gets lost. That's how the world goes. i'm not saying it didn't warrant all that yelling but yes i would be a bit pissed if my son lost a key and didn't bother looking for it or bother telling me it's not about the money, it's about the principle of responsibility he wasn't trusted to carry the key around and yet it somehow still gets lost yes the mom is a crazy psycho but the blogger should've taken the initiative to go look for it or tell his mom I did look for it. For about an hour earlier. But because I didn't find it...
Also I think it's in the house. I used it to get in a week ago, and then helped her bring in groceriers. Somewhere in there I think it got lost, so it should be in the house...
I think I'll just get our spare hosue key and make a copy at the hardware store: nobody else actually has it (100% sure)
|
Your mom sounds like a real bitch dude. Just be assured that when your 18 you can gtfo. Maybe ignore her for awhile and she will comes to her senses.
|
Wow... these blogs are just getting worse and worse.. I really feel bad for you. If my parents were like this I would have probably moved out a long time ago. There's really no point in staying in a house that is this damaging. No point. It's your life and I understand your parents want the best for you, but when they are doing this type of stuff it's retarded. That's ridiculous and down right abuse.
I'm really grateful that my parents are very chill and really don't mind what I do. But I've shown them that I'm an intelligent person many times and I really think they trust me for this. I'm still a kid too but if I had parents that were this brutal I would tell them to fuck right off. And I tell many of my friends when their parents get too bad just to tell them off and to relax. I don't see the point in causing so much a big fuss about everything in their lives.. It isn't helping anyone. It's making everyone's life more difficult as it is.
But don't take my advice on this one bro... Just talk to a close friend about it or a counselor or something at school about this because your mom just doesn't seem mentally stable. But don't put this against her.. your going to end up hurting yourself in the long run when you hate your mom so much you can't even be talk to her on her death bed. Just take a few deep breaths and chill out... talk to someone and don't worry about your mom. It's your life, she can't control everything.
|
|
|
|