|
so im studying med in the philippines (been here like 3 months). I met this girl whose friends with my best friend here. They would come over to my room alot to study, drink, or just chill. We kinda hit it off nicely and it was all good for a short bit. The problem is she has a boyfriend in another country who shes been dating with for 3-4 years or osmething. This guy is coming here in a month or so to be with her.
One week when there was exams almost every day, she slept over at my place like every time. Alot of snuggling lead to kissing and what not.
"I really like u.. Why do u have to have a boyfriend . ."
"I like you, but i have a boyfriend..."
something like that.
One night, we were drinking and kissing at my place. Then my friend came over. She told me she wants to go out. So I go to the club with her. We dance and drink some more and its all good. We kiss really intensely before entering back into my room. So my friend (whose been telling me that I have to bang her or I lose my chance) leaves.
Knowing time is running out and feeling desparate, I tried to go for it. But she wasnt ready to go all the way. She left and was mad for a while. I felt like total shit and drank a shitton of beer.
I said sorry the next day and she was hurt telling me im just like any other guy. But she still has feelings for me. Although it cooled down a bit she still came over and we drank together and shit. I was a bit confused as to how i should treat her at this point so i just kinda chilled out and let her initiate the touching and stuff.
Now one day we watched a movie and drank some beers at my place and after the movie, she suddenly left. I was like what the hell? Next night she came over and told me that she was so close to just taking off my clothes that she had to leave.
After we had that talk, we were drinking..
"I feel like im running out of time."
"me too" she said.
Anyways later when were about to sleep she sits on the bed for a cig with her back to me. She was crying/holding back tears. So at this point, I realize that she must be having a hard time too. I feel like ive been selfish only thinking about how im gonna most likely get hurt through all this (which is probably how its gona turn out T_T).
I let her alone for a bit then hugged her and comforted her.
After alot of sobbing she said
"I dont wanna lose you. I dont want you to hate me."
"I won't ever hate you. I promise."
"Dont promise."
"I promise."
"Dont."
So she made up her mind now. Even though this hurt, I really did mean those words. I mean I knew this was coming from pretty early on in the relationship.
In the morning I was a bit down... and she felt it and cried a bit more. After some more comforting, she left.
I was thinking, 'I will just be there for her.' 'I just want her to be happy.' 'If shes happy, I can get hurt a bit its ok.' Yea its emo shit. Listening to korean ballads all my life probably had something to do with these thoughts lol.
Anyways after dinner the next day she told me before i left that she will back off slowly. Even though I knew it was coming and I knew it was inevitable, I felt really down when I heard her say it. After many nights of drinking, I kinda came to accept it.
But.... I dont know if she really is happy with the boyfriend. Thats what bugs me. She says shes happy and she loves him, but she never seemed cheerful talking to him on the phone. Almost never. Most of the time they argue. It feels like shes been with him for so long so shes comfortable with him. She knows him well. She can depend on him. She loves him... but is she happy? Shes afraid of change. Or thats what I think at least...
Last night she came over to teach me something for school. So after she was done teaching me, I left to get some more beers. I came back to see her talking to her bf on the phone. Probably the most serious arguement ive seen yet. I dont understand the language so Im not sure but i got this odd feeling they were fighting because she was over at my place (I could be totally off on this though).
After a long time she through the phone down and was almost crying, trying to study. I wanted to hug her but it didnt feel right. I was just watching her from the other bed and it really hurt to see her sad. I mean I was conflicted of course. I would like to make her mine of course. But at that moment I just felt really bad to see her like that.
So thats about it. Present day. I guess the reason I wrote this long ass shit was for some opinions/advice on how to proceed... I mean, just cutting her off because its hurting me is probably hard because 1) she doesn't want to lose me as a ..whatever i am. And I want her to be happy. 2) We see each other everyday at school so it would be awkward. 3) Call me sad, but I do enjoy her company. Although it wont be like before. 4) Off chance they break up?
I will just stand by her if she needs me and try to be good to her. Whether this is healthy, I dunno. But I made a promise and I intend to keep it.
 
|
You want her
She wants you (sort of)
She wants to be happy
She cheated on her boyfriend
Boyfriend finds out, they break up
She gets with you
???
profit
|
|
|
Sounds like what's gonna happen to me sometime in the future.
|
I say confront her. Just ask her if she's happy with her boyfriend. Try to do this as a friend tough, not as a potential new boyfriend.
Worst case senario she gets mad at you, just like the first time, but she will probably forgive you and it will atleast clear soem space between you. Best case she comes to the conclusion that it's not working with her boyfriend and you get another shot.
For what it's worth, I enjoyed reading your story 
|
Good luck. It's a tough situation, of course. Just wait it out.. Be there for her. You know her better than we know her, so we can't give much advice.
|
she sounds like a real keeper, go for it you guys will be happy FOREVER!
on a more serious note what makes you think when you guys are together she wouldn't just do the same shit to you?
|
to be straight, i would never touch a girl with a bf unless they are about to break up...
1/ because i dont want to be a jerk who steal somebody gf... i was really sad when my 1st gf start dating again after we broke up so i know how the guy must feel.
2/ If she already has a bf and she still making out with you, she is either a slut or lying to her bf. If she is a slut, im sorry but if you think she is lying to her bf bc of you.... what make you think that she wont do it again when u guys get together?
3/ you said you have been there for 3 months and the girl willing to break up with her bf to get together with you?.... are you kidding me? 3 months? my 1st relationship lasted for 5 years and 2nd is almost 4 years...
4/ her bf is oversea and willing to come back just to be with his gf... believe me, that means he CARES about the relationship... and when the guy care, most of the time its the girl's fault...
just a warning man... The girl has been in a relationship for years and willing to drop out for a guy she knew for 3 months... Not worthed!
But if you think you guys are suit for each other, go for it... good luck buddy
|
You're suffering from a clear case of what we call "scarcity mentality."
Why do need this particular girl? There are literally thousands of women who are single and willing to fondle your genitals and spread their legs for you within probably a 2-3 kilometer radius from where you are at any point. I would never ruin someones relationship, because one girl particular girl isn't important to me.
I'd drop it and move on, because she's going to feel like shit because she cheated on her boyfriend and won't feel very good about that, causing problems in your relationship in the future.
|
She seems like she's pretty high maintenance tbh. Just be friends for a while I guess.
|
Whatever you do, don't be the one who breaks them up. You will feel like shit for the rest of your relationship/life, and if things don't work out between the two of you, she'll have an additional reason to hate you.
If it just happens that they break up (since they're already arguing a lot), give her a buffer period to settle her emotions, and after that you're free to date her guilt-free.
|
On September 15 2010 23:49 SolHeiM wrote:
You're suffering from a clear case of what we call "scarcity mentality."
Why do need this particular girl? There are literally thousands of women who are single and willing to fondle your genitals and spread their legs for you within probably a 2-3 kilometer radius from where you are at any point. I would never ruin someones relationship, because one girl particular girl isn't important to me.
I'd drop it and move on, because she's going to feel like shit because she cheated on her boyfriend and won't feel very good about that, causing problems in your relationship in the future.
This guy pretty much nailed it. You need to burn that bridge. Move on. Find some other girl that actually reciprocates your feelings, and is actually worth your time. As it is, she's the one being selfish by leading you on, and keeping her other boyfriend around at the same time.
Fuck that.
|
On September 15 2010 23:49 SolHeiM wrote:
You're suffering from a clear case of what we call "scarcity mentality."
Why do need this particular girl? There are literally thousands of women who are single and willing to fondle your genitals and spread their legs for you within probably a 2-3 kilometer radius from where you are at any point. I would never ruin someones relationship, because one girl particular girl isn't important to me.
I'd drop it and move on, because she's going to feel like shit because she cheated on her boyfriend and won't feel very good about that, causing problems in your relationship in the future.
meh.. just sort of happend. What can i do though I really like her.
But I get your other point. It irks me that im doing this. Thats why im willing to just wait it out and see. Who knows maybe Ill get over it after a while.
To someone who posted earlier. Well she was attracted to me yea, but shes not gona drop her bf of 4 years for someone who she knew for 2 months.
|
She's a drama Queen, a tease, and loose.
I wish some of the whiners who post these young love blogs on TeenLiquid could walk a few miles in someone with real problems shoes. I've got it hard, but it doesn't compare to some of the problems out there so I suck it in and get on with it. Instead of writing a 30 paragraph thread on here I think you should have took a deep breath, manned-up and sorted the situation out one way or another. Easier said than done? Maybe, but c'mon man look her in the eyes - tell her how you feel and that you don't think you can be just a friend.....don't let it end in some uncertain way, show her who's boss!
...oh yeah I hope her boyfriend finds out, finds you, and punches your head in too. Nothing personal though mate but as a faithful father of 2 things like this piss me off
|
I want baller in this thread with his charts
|
To be honest, it looks like you made the promise for your own selfish reasons. She doesn't want you to promise something, she wants you to man up and show that you're different. I think you showed the opposite by clinging to this girl and showing her that you're a scared guy who can't take a girl leaving him. I feel you bro but you can't show weakness like that. From what I see, you actually hurt both her and yourself.
Iono man, open confrontation just makes you look desperate. Regardless of whether you end up with her or if you keep her as a friend, keep things fun with her and be yourself. Don't make it too emotional and be open to meeting new girls.
Anyways yeah. the bf thing is a bit odd, and I don't want to give you false hopes, but either way you'll be a happier man by not being too attached and becoming stronger. Good luck.
|
u need to guard ur game better
|
I think being a nice guy who understands her "difficult" situation is the wrong approach.
You need to be decisive and somewhat of a dick in order to resolve this. Or the bird will fly forever and you will be friends for sometime and then you will become distant and forget about each other (without getting laid and having any sort of fun).
And if you zoom out and look at it from a 3rd person view, this chick is a bitch. She's is almost cheating on her boyfriend while playing around with YOUR feelings. She appears to be in a hard spot to handle but in reality it's only a girl who doesn't know what the fuck she is doing. She is playing games with two men at the same time and on top of that she makes you feel guilty too. Give me a break.. this "I want you but I can't have you" bullshit is just cliche and meaningless.
I've been in this kind of situation 3 times and the this is what I concluded my friend.
The 1st time I was young and sensitive and got hurt really bad because the girl never breaks up if you are like that. And the other 2 times, I was the cool guy who doesn't give a fuck and they both broke up eventually (after we had sex constantly off-course). Everyone happy and honest.
Good luck.
|
On September 15 2010 23:46 deo.deo wrote:
she sounds like a real keeper, go for it you guys will be happy FOREVER!
on a more serious note what makes you think when you guys are together she wouldn't just do the same shit to you?
You win the United Carpenters Hammering Award for hitting the nail on the head.
Sounds like the girl described in OP will screw anyone that shows her some attention, meaning she lacks confidence and direction in her life. Not a bad thing, it's a phase and she needs to find herself before committing to a relationship. She probably has a third guy on FB/MSN whatever, and there will be more until she decides to grow up. My advice: don't touch her even if she's single. You obviously have feelings for her and when she double crosses you you'll be drinking a lot more beer.
|
Believe it or not i actually had this same thing happen, Not exactly the same but VERY similar i feel your pain bro >_>
in the end u gota just realize bitches are crazy ur better without >_<
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
