girl with boyfriend - Page 3

On September 16 2010 01:42 JackMcCoy wrote:
Hey, don't worry, I feel you bro. Overwhelmed by the crippling fear that you can't do better than this broad? Hey, you might be right, I’ve seen it happen before, a guy thinks “hey I can do better than this, I have dignity and self-respect. I don’t need her.” Wrong. That guy was ugly and he made the biggest mistake of his life. I don’t want you to do the same. These people don’t know you, so don’t listen to their feel-good Oprah advice, you know you need a regular schedule of getting butt so that you can remain socially relevant to your peers and not drown in the deep, smothering, infinitely black waters of being alone.

Everyone here’s giving you “hallmark channel”, but I’m gonna throw at you some “Discovery channel”. When two dudes in nature are gravitating towards the same chick, they don’t consult Dr. Phil or teamliquid or their favorite Nicholas Sparks movie adaptation, they get down to business. There’s 2 possible routes: fighting or peacocking. You ever seen those goats just ramming their fuckin heads at each other? Be prepared for that, except with fists (or maybe heads). Option 2 is to bring some sexy back and hit her with a piece of the magic.

Obviously you don’t want to fight this guy if he’s bigger than you. Maybe he’s on the juice and could punch your nose out the back of your head. Maybe he’s a troubled stranger with a shady past and nothing left to lose. Basically, don’t fight him unless you have an overwhelming advantage and it will be an easy victory. Don’t overdo it though, because if you start roughing the kid up when he’s on the ground the chick’s emotional hard-coding is gonna make her want to help and mother the weak one. All you want to do is exercise some physical prowess and render him immobile and stupid looking, but remember: only if he’s much smaller and weaker than you (also, if you do engange he does start to win, tell him you’re gay and he’ll be charged with a hate crime if he assaults you, great escape plan).

If you’re not going to fight, then you’ve got to peacock. You’ve got to show this chick why you’re better in every way than this guy. Start off by only referring to him using words like “bozo”, “dweeb” or “pointdexter”. Use every opportunity to make him look stupid, and frequently make subtle remarks about his ambiguous sexuality. If he looks like he works out, ball him things like “meathead”, “juicer” or “hulktard”. If he looks nerdy then call him things like “Screech” or “Urkel”.
When you hang out together, excuse yourself to go to the gym then make threatening phone calls to his cell phone where you disguise your voice with one of those voice changers and say things like, “This is the police, you’re gonna die now faggot!” or “Do you know what we do to little pieces of fish like you in the bighouse? That ass is mine in 14 days.” This will serve to confuse and scare him, making him seem nervous and jittery while you’re cool hand Luke. Start calling his room at all hours of the night, waking him up and psyching him out. This campaign of psychological warfare will take its toll, and pretty soon he’ll be a walking mess.

Start making references to other girls you’re gonna take out, then make up fantastical stories about how amazing your dates were while she’s stuck babysitting this bag of nerves. Something like, “Yeah, it was really magical. We went to this little Italian place by the bay and they put us out on the honeymoon table under the stars. We were just staring into each other’s eyes when John Mayer came over to us and said we looked so happy that he wanted to play an impromptu set of romantic hits for us. One of the old men came over to tell us how happy he was for us when he started choking on some of the fantastic meatballs we were all eating. I hopped up and gave him the Heimlich and saved his life, and to thank me he’s flying us out to stay in his villa in Tuscany next month for free. I’m not going to call myself a hero, but that was their word for me. It was a pretty good night.”

There are plenty more avenues to pursue until you break this guy. Feel free to try some of the following: call his work as “US Marshall Mike Dexter” and tell them you’re looking for an escaped sex offender, giving the other guy’s name. Try to sound like a girl and leave voicemails on both his and her phone demanding a paternity test and thanking him for hepatitis. The possibilities here are endless.

As you can see, getting girls is easy. Good luck!