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thanks for all the input everyone (even the blunt ones saying im a retard. Other perspectives help cus I can only tell the whole situation to one guy irl atm).. I just had to vent out my thoughts and feelings over this experience. I did brood over the issue for some days but I've pretty much accepted the situation. I mean at first I did really just act on my emotions and wasnt really looking at the big picture. I'm not overly moral or anyhting as you can see. Yea its kinda fucked up for her bf but I dont know him and its just us that I am thinking about
Ive made the decision to kind of leave it up to her. Shes the one with the burden of choice. I cant expect her to drop off what shes comfortable with for something uncertain especially when this guy is willing to come here to be with her. I was with her today and I can tell shes having a hard time with this whole thing.
Really my goal is not to just bang her or win her or osmething. I do care for her. I can live with it if shes happy and everything works out with her bf. Her unhappyness could very well just be the symptom of a long distance relationship. At the very least I made a very close emotional connection with someone. And who knows what will happen in the future. Im not one to plan very far ahead or make comprehensive plans for the future which is one of the reasons that im here in the philippines atm lol.
edit:
And please dont judge her just from a post by some random guy. Hell im not saying that I know everything about her. But why is it really someone's fault to just act on their emotions? Not everyone has some unmovable moral line that cannot be swayed. Not everything is just black and white. And if it turns out that later on I end up in the same situation, then so be it. Like i said I dont look that far in the future. The journy is what counts, and I do want to know her better whether as a friend or sometjhing more
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JIJIyO
Canada1957 Posts
I have no advice to give, but I have to say reading girl blogs on TL is one of my favourite hobbies. I could do this for hours upon hours. I feel really sad when there are no girl blogs for days, or even weeks. Please keep them coming, thanks.
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On September 17 2010 01:05 gameguard wrote:
thanks for all the input everyone (even the blunt ones saying im a retard. Other perspectives help cus I can only tell the whole situation to one guy irl atm).. I just had to vent out my thoughts and feelings over this experience. I did brood over the issue for some days but I've pretty much accepted the situation. I mean at first I did really just act on my emotions and wasnt really looking at the big picture. I'm not overly moral or anyhting as you can see. Yea its kinda fucked up for her bf but I dont know him and its just us that I am thinking about
Ive made the decision to kind of leave it up to her. Shes the one with the burden of choice. I cant expect her to drop off what shes comfortable with for something uncertain especially when this guy is willing to come here to be with her. I was with her today and I can tell shes having a hard time with this whole thing.
Really my goal is not to just bang her or win her or osmething. I do care for her. I can live with it if shes happy and everything works out with her bf. Her unhappyness could very well just be the symptom of a long distance relationship. At the very least I made a very close emotional connection with someone. And who knows what will happen in the future. Im not one to plan very far ahead or make comprehensive plans for the future which is one of the reasons that im here in the philippines atm lol.
edit:
And please dont judge her just from a post by some random guy. Hell im not saying that I know everything about her. But why is it really someone's fault to just act on their emotions? Not everyone has some unmovable moral line that cannot be swayed. Not everything is just black and white. And if it turns out that later on I end up in the same situation, then so be it. Like i said I dont look that far in the future. The journy is what counts, and I do want to know her better whether as a friend or sometjhing more
You're a great guy, kind of person I would want to drink with. Be yourself and everything will work out, I love your attitude towards this.
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On September 16 2010 17:58 Emon_ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 16 2010 14:07 Otakusan wrote:On September 16 2010 11:24 rezoacken wrote:
Dear gameguard :
1 - First of all ignore other advices on what is right or wrong in the matter of "dating morale". For some, hitting on a girl with a bf is being a dick, for others it's her own problem. Neither is right or wrong, we can't wish for a world where everybody fucks with anybody but if no man had to cold as stone on any girl with a boyfriend most of our dads would never have met mom and made us.
What is right in such matter is what you deeply feel is or isn't. This is my first advice for this matter and for a lot in life : "Don't give a fuck about a random moral concerns about your own life" (as long as you don't kill or mutilate anybody of course :D I think you know what I'm trying to explain).
Ask yourself then if you do feel low by what you are doing. If yes, stop immediatly. If no continue to next step.
2 - Look at the girl. About what you like first : beauty, humour, cleverness whatever. Now this was easy if I read you correctly. Now look at her default. If you see none, you are in trouble because you're blind, so look harder until you also see what you dislike : I can get she is whiny and a bit manipulative by what I see.
Now listen me well, there is certainly no reason for you to be in such a shitty state for such a girl. You must admit that you can lose her and that your life won't be worse... she wasn't that special anyway.
3 - Now if you still want to date her (or I should say fuck her. After all if you just want happy friend time with her... you shouldn't have kissed and shit and told her you just want to be friends with her (sometimes this even lead to sex). First stop acting emo, it's counter productive on most girl and will just bring emo girls or girls that will later cheat on you anyway, so stop doing this shit and man up. Be still a gentleman, but with balls.
What it means :
- Bring her to your own world. Forget your emo stage, where you wanted to do things and tell her how you feel about what happens. Act like it didn't happen and go back doing your things and bring her along (sports, activity, TV, see your friends etc). (if you have cool friends that's very good, girls love to see the friends of somebody they date (to get clues about who they are involved with)) This will show the real you to her. Don't try too hard to make her having a good time, be like you would with your best buddy and try to do activities where you can actually touch her (not there perv !).
- Stop buying her crap of : "Ho I don't know I have a bf but I like you too" (imagine whiny annoying tone here). Man up and just tell her you like her but now you can't decide for herself and go back to what you were doing. Don't sit there talking emotional with her for long (just a little here and there if necessary), it brings bad emotions in your interaction and you won't appear to herself as an attractive man.
- When the moment are rights, kiss again and escalate to a more physical contact but withdraw quite quickly before her (if you can) and start again later stronger. Fact : like most women she will probably reject you at a point or another. Just chill out man and say ok I'm fine with it, resume playful activity and try another time/day.
- If it ever feel hopeless because nothing is making progress, ignore her for a while and think/see/date other women in your spare time. You might even meet a great woman which you will date and the previous girl will either disapear or become your friend.
With all this, everything to do will be left for her to do, you will appear as a man, as available but not willing to be on a leash for too long either.
If it completly fails, tell yourself it's her issue for not doing her part and that there is a lot of other fish.
With regards. ^ I would like to add that this guy knows what he's talking about. He's on the right track, but his morals aren't up to par with his game. Advising a guy to go for a slut is bad dating advice. He should assert his value as a human being and have faith that she will mature in time. And manipulating someone to "come into my world" is suggesting that the other persons world view and value is inferior to yours. I'd rather enjoy the company of strangers and treat them as equals - meaning I respect them and expect the same back.
Well never said she's a slut, that's your own view which for myself I find very sexist (unless you also think a man going from a woman to another is a slut too). I clearly stated that it's up to him to decide that part and to be honest with his feeling, if he has remorse he should stop.
You also misunderstood what I was saying about bringing her to his world. It has nothing to do with her world sucking. It is just a cute sentence to say : "show her who you really are" but it being more precise. I strongly believe people doesn't make an image of someone from what he says about himself but from what he does. And well I' not even suggesting to do crazy stuff to impress her, just his usual things : Gym, Tv/Cinema, Cute Bar, Sports, Grocery shopping (and cooking just after, only grocery is boring :p), whatever you want as long as it is easy, casual, and you both might have a great time.
For sure you should first avoid the things she might hate too liketalking SC2 for hours or getting drunk with your buddy puking in each other shoes (true story)  But these are easy to spot.
This is what I meant, doing your stuff with her is not being manipulative, it's being yourself with her. Do you actually drink tea and do shopping (examples) with your close friends ? why would you with a girl you met ? because girl like that and you want her to see you as a perfect boyfriend ? I don't know about you people but for me THAT is manipulative and absolutly dishonest. On a side note I'm note suggesting he rejects what she proposes. He should definitly do her stuff if he likes it and avoid it if he dislikes it and be honest with himself about these !
Edit : Now I admit some of my advices should be taken carefully. And that he should only pick the parts that he believes in.
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On September 17 2010 01:05 gameguard wrote:
Ive made the decision to kind of leave it up to her.
This is a great approach, though your situation is a bit odd.
Even if it does work out in your favor and you two get in a relationship, I wouldn't expect it to be a forever thing. You already know that she is the kind of girl who will cheat on her boyfriend during a long-term relationship. What happens when you leave the Philippines?
Now maybe this is one of the rare exceptions where she treats you differently, but that's unlikely even in the most optimistic circumstances. Don't dwell on all this, just keep it in mind. You're doing what you feel is right, and in my opinion that's the best you can do. Good luck.
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On September 17 2010 01:32 JIJIyO wrote:
I have no advice to give, but I have to say reading girl blogs on TL is one of my favourite hobbies. I could do this for hours upon hours. I feel really sad when there are no girl blogs for days, or even weeks. Please keep them coming, thanks.
Yeah, you're completely right. They're really fun ].
Just to satisfy you, I'll (hopefully) write a girl blog of my own soon enough.
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I had a relationship like this with the girl having a long distance thing going with some guy. But even after they broke up it was difficult to transition to anything because the guy stayed on her mind for a long time.
It didn't end up pretty with all the memories/awkward moments and expectations of you being like him. Ended up with nothing happening besides a lot of problems and her being jaded. If she does make a decision, try not to fall into this type of spiral!
GL and hope this added something to your thought process :$
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she cheated on her boyfriend
if you ever got with her, she could do the same to you :T
some girls like to steal other girl's boyfriends
not for the boyfriend, but to satisfy themselves, girls want to know theyre desirable over other girls
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On September 16 2010 11:24 rezoacken wrote:
Dear gameguard :
1 - First of all ignore other advices on what is right or wrong in the matter of "dating morale". For some, hitting on a girl with a bf is being a dick, for others it's her own problem. Neither is right or wrong, we can't wish for a world where everybody fucks with anybody but if no man had to cold as stone on any girl with a boyfriend most of our dads would never have met mom and made us.
What is right in such matter is what you deeply feel is or isn't. This is my first advice for this matter and for a lot in life : "Don't give a fuck about a random moral concerns about your own life" (as long as you don't kill or mutilate anybody of course :D I think you know what I'm trying to explain).
Ask yourself then if you do feel low by what you are doing. If yes, stop immediatly. If no continue to next step.
2 - Look at the girl. About what you like first : beauty, humour, cleverness whatever. Now this was easy if I read you correctly. Now look at her default. If you see none, you are in trouble because you're blind, so look harder until you also see what you dislike : I can get she is whiny and a bit manipulative by what I see.
Now listen me well, there is certainly no reason for you to be in such a shitty state for such a girl. You must admit that you can lose her and that your life won't be worse... she wasn't that special anyway.
3 - Now if you still want to date her (or I should say fuck her. After all if you just want happy friend time with her... you shouldn't have kissed and shit and told her you just want to be friends with her (sometimes this even lead to sex). First stop acting emo, it's counter productive on most girl and will just bring emo girls or girls that will later cheat on you anyway, so stop doing this shit and man up. Be still a gentleman, but with balls.
What it means :
- Bring her to your own world. Forget your emo stage, where you wanted to do things and tell her how you feel about what happens. Act like it didn't happen and go back doing your things and bring her along (sports, activity, TV, see your friends etc). (if you have cool friends that's very good, girls love to see the friends of somebody they date (to get clues about who they are involved with)) This will show the real you to her. Don't try too hard to make her having a good time, be like you would with your best buddy and try to do activities where you can actually touch her (not there perv !).
- Stop buying her crap of : "Ho I don't know I have a bf but I like you too" (imagine whiny annoying tone here). Man up and just tell her you like her but now you can't decide for herself and go back to what you were doing. Don't sit there talking emotional with her for long (just a little here and there if necessary), it brings bad emotions in your interaction and you won't appear to herself as an attractive man.
- When the moment are rights, kiss again and escalate to a more physical contact but withdraw quite quickly before her (if you can) and start again later stronger. Fact : like most women she will probably reject you at a point or another. Just chill out man and say ok I'm fine with it, resume playful activity and try another time/day.
- If it ever feel hopeless because nothing is making progress, ignore her for a while and think/see/date other women in your spare time. You might even meet a great woman which you will date and the previous girl will either disapear or become your friend.
With all this, everything to do will be left for her to do, you will appear as a man, as available but not willing to be on a leash for too long either.
If it completly fails, tell yourself it's her issue for not doing her part and that there is a lot of other fish.
With regards.
/approve the quoted thread
To OP, I've kinda been in your shoes.
I was single, & I had sex with this girl who has a bf, the relationship dragged for about 2 months, all the time i'd been waiting her to break up with her bf. In the end her bf found out, threaten to hire someone else to beat me yada yada (ok he's rich & luckily we didnt end up in fight). What I'd learnt is, it's not really worth it for the whole process.
Like one of the poster said, if she won't breakup with her bf for you, it just means that her bf is a safer bet (for her). It's a sign that she's confused & indecisive, hence toying your feeling. You just gotta know when to back off & state that you she should break up 1st, instead of dragging.
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On September 17 2010 11:56 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:Show nested quote +On September 17 2010 01:32 JIJIyO wrote:
I have no advice to give, but I have to say reading girl blogs on TL is one of my favourite hobbies. I could do this for hours upon hours. I feel really sad when there are no girl blogs for days, or even weeks. Please keep them coming, thanks. Yeah, you're completely right. They're really fun ]. Just to satisfy you, I'll (hopefully) write a girl blog of my own soon enough.
yayyyyy *giggles*
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EPT
