EPT
Utterly mind-fucked by girl
| Blogs > resonance |
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
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NarutO
Germany18839 Posts
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Butigroove
Seychelles2061 Posts
sounds like she was jsut being friendly lol. | ||
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iHATEken
Maldives6 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:12 Xxio wrote: Some girls just like to play mind games :S they would make good pro gamers eh? | ||
Xxio
Canada5565 Posts
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Xeofreestyler
Belgium6771 Posts
And yes, some bitches can fuck your mind badly. I hate that. | ||
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lone_hydra
Canada1460 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:07 Butigroove wrote: 1/5 for effort. sounds like she was jsut being friendly lol. Nah man, you didn't get mind fucked by her, you got mind fucked by your hormones. It's just another case of a sociable girl who tried to be nice and friendly and its misinterpreted as romantic interest. No hard feelings, happens to the best of us. | ||
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theobsessed1
United States576 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:07 Butigroove wrote: 1/5 for effort. sounds like she was jsut being friendly lol. | ||
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ToyotaDemon
Australia150 Posts
Don't worry, every guy does it/has done it. Just gotta learn from this experience and make your intentions clear next time, etc xP | ||
mikeymoo
Canada7170 Posts
On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: I gotta blog this. This is so frigging ridiculous. Ok so I started work at a clothing store about 3 months ago or so. Everything is all good, I am liking my job, I am liking my co-workers, etc.. Anyway, there is a co-worker who is a year younger than me and pretty decent looking. We talked a lot at work and she seemed very into me, and I was interested in her as well. We talked for a while and I got very good indicators of interest from her. I was thinking about asking her to do something, however I did not want to date anybody from work simply to avoid possible problems (I really want to keep this job). Anyway, so that lasted for a while. Couldn't really ask to do something, so I kinda left it. We still chatted a fair bit at work but w/e. She told me a while ago that she is starting school in January, and might be leaving work. I'm thinking that's a great opportunity to ask her to do something. At the beginning of December she tells me that she is quitting work by the end of December. I'm thinking that's great I'll ask her out when she quits. Now a little info about her. Firstly she is asian. Being caucasian, I tend to find most asian girls to act very different from white girls. The way they interact and what they talk about, etc.. Doesn't bother me, I live in Vancouver which is so ridiculously asian it's not even funny. I would say it's about 70% asian in Vancouver and 30% the rest. Anyway, secondly, she ishardcore Christian. So ridiculously christian it's not even funny. I am really not attracted to that at all as I switch back and forth from being agnostic to atheist (but I was catholic when I was much younger). But hell you know what, why should that be a reason to not ask her out. I need some experience, why the hell not. She is into me, why the hell not. So we had a work party and she came and she was quiet as hell the whole time. I thought it was kinda peculiar but w/e, nobody really talked much at the work party because nobody wanted to say something stupid and be possibly fired/in trouble/etc.. This was around the 22nd. So after that she texts me asking me something about work, and I replied. We sent a couple texts and we start text chatting and I ask her what she has planned for the break. She replies: "haha well i have 3 more days of work! and then next week i just chill = we shud hang out! Wat's up for ur break?" I'm thinking, wow ok she must be pretty damn into me to ask ME out, I don't know many girls who ask guys out unless they are REALLY into the guys. So I am like wow dope. I say ok let's do it. I even mention that I was about to ask her to do something but she beat me to it. She responds: "HAHA xD ya for sure ! Wat do u have in mind?" I tell her I will think of something and let her know in a couple days. She says great. Now at this point I'm thinking, this is pretty dope. I got a girl who is really interested in me, and I hardly did anything to get to that point. Life is also good as well being on break and couple fun things going on and of course being able to play sc. I call her a couple days later, and recommend ice skating. Firstly I am really not into movies, I think it totally screams boring guy. Secondly, ice skating would make certain the mood the clear, this wasn't just being friends. She sounded very nervous and was like "sure ok!". Seemed good. Nervousness is great. Gotta love that awkwardness period in between friends and a potential relationship. So I go to work again and this was the last day she was working and we chat a bit. However, I notice she really isn't into the convos. She loses interest fast, one time she even interrupted me to talk to somebody else. I was thinking what the hell, that's a bit rude. She is talking to other people more than me, etc.. I'm not too worried though, I blame it on that awkwardness period. Don't blame her, she is kinda shy anyway (funny cuz she asked me out!). So I'm starting to be concerned here whether or not she meant to go as friends or a potential relationship. I browse her facebook that night and notice she is going to the movies with a co-worker friend of mine my age! I'm like...what the fuck? Wtf is going on. She is confusing me the hell out of me. So I call her and she doesn't pick up. I send a text saying I need to talk to you something is bothering me. She replies "kk sry, was eating dinner with friends. Ill call u soon!" I am thinking ok. She tells me later that night that she won't be home till late so won't be able to call. Ok. I go play sc. While I am playing sc she goes on msn and msgs me saying "yoooo" "you wanted to chat??", but I was playing so I didn't get the msg till she was offline. I sent a fb message saying I will call her tomorrow. Tomorrow, which was today, I called her up after work. "hey do you have a few minutes to talk?" she replies "um sure okkayy" I say, "k I'm going to be really honest here and I want you to do the same" "okayy.." She sounds nervous, as if I am about to propose to her or something. "I am really confused right now and...am getting really mixed........feelings from you. What were your intentions when you asked me to do something? Do you know what I mean? -nice awkward pause- "oh..justt friendss" are you effing kidding me... I explain my side of the story. She contributes almost nothing to the conversation. I ask at the end of another pause: "so uh...is there anything you wanted to say?" "umm...sorryyy" Honestly, I knew there was no relationship there, but I just did it cuz I figured why not. "mkkk well, im happy we cleared this up" blah blah blah.. What the fuck. Who does that seriously. At least I saved myself time and didn't bother going skating. Edit: Reminds me of this video tbh if you really thought she was super into you and that she was asking you out... you must be kinda self-centered. Maybe she sent out different vibes, but I really can't see how you're so disappointed. It didn't strike me that she wanted to start a relationship or anything. | ||
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BanZu
United States3329 Posts
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Snet
United States3573 Posts
Just be glad she is quitting so you don't have to see her around anymore. Take it as a learning experience. Girls are mostly oblivious when it comes to being a friend or relationship. | ||
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:18 mikeymoo wrote: + Show Spoiler [just in case] + On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: I gotta blog this. This is so frigging ridiculous. Ok so I started work at a clothing store about 3 months ago or so. Everything is all good, I am liking my job, I am liking my co-workers, etc.. Anyway, there is a co-worker who is a year younger than me and pretty decent looking. We talked a lot at work and she seemed very into me, and I was interested in her as well. We talked for a while and I got very good indicators of interest from her. I was thinking about asking her to do something, however I did not want to date anybody from work simply to avoid possible problems (I really want to keep this job). Anyway, so that lasted for a while. Couldn't really ask to do something, so I kinda left it. We still chatted a fair bit at work but w/e. She told me a while ago that she is starting school in January, and might be leaving work. I'm thinking that's a great opportunity to ask her to do something. At the beginning of December she tells me that she is quitting work by the end of December. I'm thinking that's great I'll ask her out when she quits. Now a little info about her. Firstly she is asian. Being caucasian, I tend to find most asian girls to act very different from white girls. The way they interact and what they talk about, etc.. Doesn't bother me, I live in Vancouver which is so ridiculously asian it's not even funny. I would say it's about 70% asian in Vancouver and 30% the rest. Anyway, secondly, she ishardcore Christian. So ridiculously christian it's not even funny. I am really not attracted to that at all as I switch back and forth from being agnostic to atheist (but I was catholic when I was much younger). But hell you know what, why should that be a reason to not ask her out. I need some experience, why the hell not. She is into me, why the hell not. So we had a work party and she came and she was quiet as hell the whole time. I thought it was kinda peculiar but w/e, nobody really talked much at the work party because nobody wanted to say something stupid and be possibly fired/in trouble/etc.. This was around the 22nd. So after that she texts me asking me something about work, and I replied. We sent a couple texts and we start text chatting and I ask her what she has planned for the break. She replies: "haha well i have 3 more days of work! and then next week i just chill = we shud hang out! Wat's up for ur break?" I'm thinking, wow ok she must be pretty damn into me to ask ME out, I don't know many girls who ask guys out unless they are REALLY into the guys. So I am like wow dope. I say ok let's do it. I even mention that I was about to ask her to do something but she beat me to it. She responds: "HAHA xD ya for sure ! Wat do u have in mind?" I tell her I will think of something and let her know in a couple days. She says great. Now at this point I'm thinking, this is pretty dope. I got a girl who is really interested in me, and I hardly did anything to get to that point. Life is also good as well being on break and couple fun things going on and of course being able to play sc. I call her a couple days later, and recommend ice skating. Firstly I am really not into movies, I think it totally screams boring guy. Secondly, ice skating would make certain the mood the clear, this wasn't just being friends. She sounded very nervous and was like "sure ok!". Seemed good. Nervousness is great. Gotta love that awkwardness period in between friends and a potential relationship. So I go to work again and this was the last day she was working and we chat a bit. However, I notice she really isn't into the convos. She loses interest fast, one time she even interrupted me to talk to somebody else. I was thinking what the hell, that's a bit rude. She is talking to other people more than me, etc.. I'm not too worried though, I blame it on that awkwardness period. Don't blame her, she is kinda shy anyway (funny cuz she asked me out!). So I'm starting to be concerned here whether or not she meant to go as friends or a potential relationship. I browse her facebook that night and notice she is going to the movies with a co-worker friend of mine my age! I'm like...what the fuck? Wtf is going on. She is confusing me the hell out of me. So I call her and she doesn't pick up. I send a text saying I need to talk to you something is bothering me. She replies "kk sry, was eating dinner with friends. Ill call u soon!" I am thinking ok. She tells me later that night that she won't be home till late so won't be able to call. Ok. I go play sc. While I am playing sc she goes on msn and msgs me saying "yoooo" "you wanted to chat??", but I was playing so I didn't get the msg till she was offline. I sent a fb message saying I will call her tomorrow. Tomorrow, which was today, I called her up after work. "hey do you have a few minutes to talk?" she replies "um sure okkayy" I say, "k I'm going to be really honest here and I want you to do the same" "okayy.." She sounds nervous, as if I am about to propose to her or something. "I am really confused right now and...am getting really mixed........feelings from you. What were your intentions when you asked me to do something? Do you know what I mean? -nice awkward pause- "oh..justt friendss" are you effing kidding me... I explain my side of the story. She contributes almost nothing to the conversation. I ask at the end of another pause: "so uh...is there anything you wanted to say?" "umm...sorryyy" Honestly, I knew there was no relationship there, but I just did it cuz I figured why not. "mkkk well, im happy we cleared this up" blah blah blah.. What the fuck. Who does that seriously. At least I saved myself time and didn't bother going skating. Edit: Reminds me of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGKtO97mBuw tbh if you really thought she was super into you and that she was asking you out... you must be kinda self-centered. Maybe she sent out different vibes, but I really can't see how you're so disappointed. It didn't strike me that she wanted to start a relationship or anything. I'm kinda relieved about it tbh, I can't say I'm exactly disappointed cuz I knew it was going no where. Reading the story over it seems sorta clear. Just a pain in the ass to deal with. On December 28 2009 13:21 BanZu wrote: Uh... yea, reading what she said it really does seem like just regular conversation (friend-to-friend). On December 28 2009 13:21 Snet wrote: That's kind of shitty. A girl doesn't agree to go ice skating with one guy as just friends, especially if you guys aren't really friends (just coworkers). Just be glad she is quitting so you don't have to see her around anymore. Take it as a learning experience. Girls are mostly oblivious when it comes to being a friend or relationship. Thanks. | ||
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NeVeR
1352 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
ibelieve it's only awkward like the way you described in movies lol xD | ||
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BrodiaQ
United States892 Posts
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jeddus
United States832 Posts
It brought me back 10 years, I knew the end from the beginning. I even thought ice skating was a good call, much better than the movies. My personal opinion is she WAS interested, got fickle, then flipped it around. Tis the way of the wimmin. And for those who might question me: Been married three years now, we dated a long time, and before that I went through plenty of mind boggling relationships, including the one I am in for the rest of my life now. "..just friends." Shish! Dagger in the heart. | ||
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nayumi
Australia6499 Posts
So ya... | ||
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ddengster
Singapore129 Posts
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NeVeR
1352 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:41 jeddus wrote: This blog was like a dagger in the heart, dagger in the heart man. It brought me back 10 years, I knew the end from the beginning. I even thought ice skating was a good call, much better than the movies. My personal opinion is she WAS interested, got fickle, then flipped it around. Tis the way of the wimmin. And for those who might question me: Been married three years now, we dated a long time, and before that I went through plenty of mind boggling relationships, including the one I am in for the rest of my life now. "..just friends." Shish! Dagger in the heart. lol this made me chuckle | ||
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fight_or_flight
United States3988 Posts
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Arhkangel
Argentina769 Posts
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Nitrogen
United States5345 Posts
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monkxly
Canada241 Posts
bro don't worry about one girl, it really doesn't matter u gotta skate | ||
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.gypsy
Canada689 Posts
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Methos
United States206 Posts
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ghostWriter
United States3302 Posts
On December 28 2009 14:17 monkxly wrote: i'm surprised no one has mentioned this yet bro don't worry about one girl, it really doesn't matter u gotta skate i'm surprised that people keep trying to propagate an unfunny meme and yeah you should have made your intentions clear. getting friendzoned is the worst. All the costs of having a girlfriend without any of the benefits = nothx | ||
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genryou
Malaysia390 Posts
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intrigue
Washington, D.C9933 Posts
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StorrZerg
United States13919 Posts
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SonuvBob
Aiur21549 Posts
On December 28 2009 14:42 intrigue wrote: asian girls, mon dieu! not a fan. Self-hatred? | ||
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BuGzlToOnl
United States5918 Posts
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SanguineToss
Canada815 Posts
on the serious side theres tons of girls out there man, sorry for this shit though ;( | ||
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:21 Snet wrote: That's kind of shitty. A girl doesn't agree to go ice skating with one guy as just friends, especially if you guys aren't really friends (just coworkers). Just be glad she is quitting so you don't have to see her around anymore. Take it as a learning experience. Girls are mostly oblivious when it comes to being a friend or relationship. Why not? Both sides were totally oblivious. Serves the OP right for trying to spring a trick date on her under the pretense of hanging out. If you want to take a girl out, just go and ask, It's also kind of bullshit that a girl being friendly is automatically perceived as her being romantically interested. OP, the best advice I've got for you is to be more direct next time, and get some female friends. Not girls you're interested in, just friends. I say all this having just been rejected by a girl I was getting much more intimate signals from than you were, and having directly asked her out on a date. Türkçe kızlar... | ||
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selboN
United States2523 Posts
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TheosEx
United States894 Posts
Step 1: You: Um, I don't understand... why do you keep sending me mixed signals like you're interested in me sometimes, then not sometimes... Her: Um, I just wanted to be friends Step 2: You: Uh... I think you misunderstood... I just wanted to get on the same page, I just wanted to make sure you weren't attracted to me, because I am not attracted to you... *insert long awkward silence* Step 3: ....? Step 4: *Profit* But seriously, if she wants to play mind-games with you, you are perfectly justified in playing mind games back with her. Don't feed her ego by letting her know she played you. | ||
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Frits
11782 Posts
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 16:22 Frits wrote: am i the only one who sees all the mistakes the op made or what shoot | ||
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Myxomatosis
United States2392 Posts
"HAHA xD ya for sure ! Wat do u have in mind?" you should consider killing her rather than dating her | ||
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Speake
United States494 Posts
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 17:32 unSpeake wrote: Don't be a bitch and ask her out earlier. Sounds like her text to "hang out" was just mindless banter which is common when you won't ask a girl out I didn't want to ask her out till she quit work, read my first post. | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
Especially when you're getting up to your 20's and such, it's fine for girls to ask guys if they want to hang out. My coworker just asked me if I wanted to hang out yesterday... I wasn't sitting there thinking "omg she must be really into me cuz she asked me to hang out"... Unless you're still a teenager, or are really immature... the OP should almost never be confused to be something more than it was... | ||
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Cambium
United States16368 Posts
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 17:50 Xeris wrote: It seems like many of you don't have enough girl friends... it may sound shocking, but it is perfectly ok and normal to have platonic friendships with females. From what you described she just considers you a friend and wanted to hang out. I hang out with girls just as much as I hang out with guys, and for the most part there aren't any 'signals' or intimate attraction of any kind... we just hang out as friends. Especially when you're getting up to your 20's and such, it's fine for girls to ask guys if they want to hang out. My coworker just asked me if I wanted to hang out yesterday... I wasn't sitting there thinking "omg she must be really into me cuz she asked me to hang out"... Unless you're still a teenager, or are really immature... the OP should almost never be confused to be something more than it was... ya I would assume that from the op obv., but, well, it's harder to think of that in the moment. Too many indicators of that really threw things off. Personally I think it gets kinda stupid having the mind frame that she is always wanting to be friends. Then when a girl who actually is into you comes along you might keep that same mind frame and lose a chance at a relationship. I'm happy this happened because it saved me time having to bother with her and I can move onto the next girl. If she was interested, then it woulda worked out. To all the people who said I was unclear about my intentions, I really don't get ya. I made it perfectly clear at the end, I don't see how much more clear I could be unless I act like a social retard replying back to her first text: IS THIS A DATE YES OR NO? I think I made the right move clearing things up, coulda been a lot worse :S thanks for comments | ||
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Ganfei
Taiwan1439 Posts
On December 28 2009 17:50 Xeris wrote: It seems like many of you don't have enough girl friends... it may sound shocking, but it is perfectly ok and normal to have platonic friendships with females. From what you described she just considers you a friend and wanted to hang out. I hang out with girls just as much as I hang out with guys, and for the most part there aren't any 'signals' or intimate attraction of any kind... we just hang out as friends. Especially when you're getting up to your 20's and such, it's fine for girls to ask guys if they want to hang out. My coworker just asked me if I wanted to hang out yesterday... I wasn't sitting there thinking "omg she must be really into me cuz she asked me to hang out"... Unless you're still a teenager, or are really immature... the OP should almost never be confused to be something more than it was... pretty sure most ppl dont' fuckin go ice skating as friends | ||
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Xeris
Iran17695 Posts
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On December 28 2009 18:05 resonance wrote: ya I would assume that from the op obv., but, well, it's harder to think of that in the moment. Too many indicators of that really threw things off. It's always the case. You should've posted this before you asked her out, so we could give advice. ^^ | ||
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 18:16 Jibba wrote: It's always the case. You should've posted this before you asked her out, so we could give advice. ^^ lol i didn't ask her out she asked me out! i just made the arrangements. I wanted to ask her out when she left work but she beat me to it like I mentioned before. I wouldn't ask for advice anyway simply b/c giving relationship advice about a relationship that you don't know about is kinda useless. I'm surprised I'm not getting many responses about how I actually made a good decision cuz I basically avoided 1 or more confusing outings with this girl! edit: anyway ya regardless thanks for input | ||
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blabber
United States4448 Posts
On December 28 2009 18:20 resonance wrote: lol i didn't ask her out she asked me out! i just made the arrangements. I wanted to ask her out when she left work but she beat me to it like I mentioned before. I wouldn't ask for advice anyway simply b/c giving relationship advice about a relationship that you don't know about is kinda useless. I'm surprised I'm not getting many responses about how I actually made a good decision cuz I basically avoided 1 or more confusing outings with this girl! edit: anyway ya regardless thanks for input I don't see the part where she asked you out... I see a part where she asks you to hang out with her, but no part where she actually asks you out (ie. dating) | ||
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DeathSpank
United States1029 Posts
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Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
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FonzeXD
United States220 Posts
"Eat ALL THE GRASS, eat all the grass that you want, accidents happen in the dark." You should have just asked from the start "Are you single?" and it would have cleared the fog around you. Also, Ice skating?!?! WTF ON A FIRSTY? Nonono.. Check out this situation(oh god jersey show get out of my head): [When the girl does everything] {Note: This all happened in 8 months or so, 8 months ago; lots of humans on this planet} Okay, story time kids yaaaay!! ^_^ Well, this one time, the opposite happened to me(a guy!). I went to get tutored at my college and my tutor ends up getting all nervous around me and I'm just sitting there like "teach me math already" and then she asks if I want to go see a movie. I was like "uhh, I have horrible patience but SURE!!" I also said "can we go stoned?" and she looked at me a little funny but just agreed(Note: BARELY MET HER). Little did she know I was crazy like that and busted out a fat joint when I picked her up to go to the movies and we smoked for a while... she was laughing and thought the road would go up into the sky(I didn't know it was her first time smoking weed...she was tripping). We go to the movies and make out the instant it gets dark and it was really fun. The next day though, she obviously wants something with me but here's the thing: "A woman looking for love found sex; a man looking for sex found love." and that's how "friends with benefits" is born, when you least expect it. Another incidentt: I started talking with a friend's friend of mine, just randomly when I'd see her at college with my friend. She had a body and she was funnyyyyyyyy but she had a crazy ex boyfriend always on her tail. I randomly saw her once at college alone and started to small talk and it led to her saying if I wanted to go to the movies with her. I said "suree, why not?" We go to the theater and the first thing she does is LIFT THE SEPARATOR(the arm rest). What happened next was obvious, but, after a while she wants to hang out with me and, well, I got her to try weed. She was instantly hooked; I was shotgunning her, making out with her with the joint still lit, taking puffs. Then, that same girl asks if I want to go to a concert with her. Big mistake; she had the time of her life and she asked me out. I said yes. I then realized; these women who took the initiative were really desperate for penis and everyone was scared to give it(performance anxiety?). The moment I stepped in, it just changed everything for them. I just used them both to oblivion and smoked weed with them then dumped the second one. Now, SITUATION number TWO!![When the guy(me) does everything]: I was talking with a girl for 4 months and asked her out at the very end. She said "I already have a boyfriend but please don't stop being my friend!!" Fuck that. I moved on and talked to another girl for a week. I asked her out at the end, she said "It's been awesome but too fast, too fast" but it was obvious that we clicked because we kissed after I asked her out(passionate). I tell her "you can call me whenever you want; I'll answer" so she did. I answer, STONED as fuck and I start talking "HEY WSSUP GIRL WOOO!!!!" She hung up forever. I asked my cousin who his friend was this one time and he said "Oh my 2nd cousin" and I asked if I could tap that shit. He said go for it but that she needs a pic of me to see. I send my cousin a pic and my cousin sends the pic to her. She responds "you look like a girl." Great. I talked with a girl I met on myspace but from my class. I saw her at a party and thought she was cool. We talked and talked non-stop and suddenly, she wouldn't stop texting me. I was getting stoned with all my friends, laughing, running from cops and she's typing love letters to me through my phone. I just thought 'well, pussy is pussy' and I asked her out through text for lulz. She said yes. All my friends laugh and we joke but I end up going out with the person. She was desperate as hell for penis and wanted me in her BAD, so bad that she'd get me drunk just so we could "accidentally" fuck somehow(which didn't work because I fell off the bed and passed out on the floor, and, how can you fuck on accident?). I used her to oblivion and back and smoked weed with her then she figured it out and dumped me. Morale: Someone has to take the initiative. If the girl is just smiling and flirting with you, that's not her taking the initiative: that's called "being horny." Being horny is like a high though; it's there, then, it's not. If you're just joking around with a girl and smiling and flirting, that's not taking the initiative either; that's YOU being horny. My suggestion: be yourself, act as if the girl isn't even there, have fun no matter where you're at, and the most important one: Being SPONTANEOUS! If it's all planned out("okay, so, 9p.m. movies tonight? See ya there!"), it's boring. It's like a wall; if there is a 'wall', then there's always someone out there who will want to bring it down. Bring down their walls: suggest weed before the movie! Suggest a shot of alchi! Suggest... making-out during the movie! Just as long as you throw it out into the ocean Mr. Fishing man, you can reel SOMETHING in, no matter if it's good or not. If it's not good, back to the ocean with you! If it's good... eat it. Get a trophy. Reel in two next time. Get better bait. I hate talking in metaphors but I can't stop. XD | ||
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Rekrul
Korea (South)17174 Posts
So I go to work again and this was the last day she was working and we chat a bit. However, I notice she really isn't into the convos. She loses interest fast, one time she even interrupted me to talk to somebody else. I was thinking what the hell, that's a bit rude. She is talking to other people more than me, etc.. I'm not too worried though, I blame it on that awkwardness period. Don't blame her, she is kinda shy anyway (funny cuz she asked me out!). theres really not enough information to accurately judge what went wrong...but the way you acted in this situation could have totally swung it in or out of your favor...girls always do shit like that on purpose to see how you react...they don't even do it consciously alot of the time. if you came off needy at all in that situation they can feel it, even if you are physically not showing signs, if you feel it they probably feel it. but judging on your original conversation with her she did not ask you out. when a girl says 'we should hang out' she is not asking you at all. she is merely unlocking the door, its still up to u to have the balls to open it and step in. I browse her facebook that night and notice she is going to the movies with a co-worker friend of mine my age! I'm like...what the fuck? Wtf is going on. She is confusing me the hell out of me. once again, shes playing the same game with you with a bunch of other guys obviously, do not be so naive to think a girl won't keep her options open, obviously the other guy was doing something better than you So I call her and she doesn't pick up. I send a text saying I need to talk to you something is bothering me. THIS IS A HUUUUUGE NONO. When you call a girl one time and she doesn't pick up you should never try to text or call again. She will always see your missed call and any further attempt to communicate on your behalf will just come off as incredibly needy. In cases like this its almost always better to just wait and hope, your chances still seem low but saying something like that makes your chances even smaller. Ur phone conversation with her was the worst...thats just completely and entirely awkward as fuck. Long story short u can't come across as a guy expecting something...you just have to be cool with whatever happens and no matter what the girl says/does if you want her to actually want to end up wanting to be with you. | ||
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 28 2009 20:44 Rekrul wrote: theres really not enough information to accurately judge what went wrong...but the way you acted in this situation could have totally swung it in or out of your favor...girls always do shit like that on purpose to see how you react...they don't even do it consciously alot of the time. if you came off needy at all in that situation they can feel it, even if you are physically not showing signs, if you feel it they probably feel it. but judging on your original conversation with her she did not ask you out. when a girl says 'we should hang out' she is not asking you at all. she is merely unlocking the door, its still up to u to have the balls to open it and step in. once again, shes playing the same game with you with a bunch of other guys obviously, do not be so naive to think a girl won't keep her options open, obviously the other guy was doing something better than you THIS IS A HUUUUUGE NONO. When you call a girl one time and she doesn't pick up you should never try to text or call again. She will always see your missed call and any further attempt to communicate on your behalf will just come off as incredibly needy. In cases like this its almost always better to just wait and hope, your chances still seem low but saying something like that makes your chances even smaller. Ur phone conversation with her was the worst...thats just completely and entirely awkward as fuck. Long story short u can't come across as a guy expecting something...you just have to be cool with whatever happens and no matter what the girl says/does if you want her to actually want to end up wanting to be with you. Oh ya apparently btw she is doing the friend thing with the other guy as well. In fact she is doing the friend thing with a bunch of people, she said she was asking a bunch of people from work to chill with her. Dunno if the other guy will have the same realization like me hah. Anyway she is a weird case, I am going to put this behind me and not stress it. Thanks for input regardless, good to know. | ||
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Frits
11782 Posts
no chance to begin with | ||
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Salv
Canada3083 Posts
Make this is a learning experience, which it seems like you have lol. | ||
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coltrane
Chile988 Posts
Try to relax, and be faster, you lost her in some point... You could always get what you want. Its on you. | ||
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KvkG
United States65 Posts
On December 28 2009 23:51 Frits wrote: dude i think you're forgetting she's a hardcore christian no chance to begin with lol since when did being hardcore christian mean no chance? I find hardcore christians are often easier than regular folks | ||
DivinO
United States4796 Posts
From an Asian girl OR a white girl. | ||
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On December 29 2009 02:57 d3_crescentia wrote: sounds like she's trying on guys to see which one fits if a baby can come out of her hole, they will definitly all fit. | ||
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
Fix that shit asap. | ||
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Comeh
United States18918 Posts
On December 29 2009 03:39 {88}iNcontroL wrote: it's because you are the kinda guy who says "dope" Fix that shit asap. Here's your problem. | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
On December 29 2009 03:39 {88}iNcontroL wrote: it's because you are the kinda guy who says "dope" Fix that shit asap. that's tight | ||
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Raptor[eigen].
Canada18 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + I hope everything works out. | ||
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IdrA
United States11541 Posts
On December 29 2009 11:12 Raptor[eigen]. wrote: Just remember... It could of been much worse... + Show Spoiler + http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zdv2exhGxU4 I hope everything works out. ya, you could be dane cook thank the lord for small blessings | ||
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BraveNewWorld
United States229 Posts
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Maero
349 Posts
On December 29 2009 11:21 IdrA wrote: ya, you could be dane cook thank the lord for small blessings oh god damn it this got me | ||
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
On December 29 2009 03:15 YPang wrote: if a baby can come out of her hole, they will definitly all fit. loooooooooool in other news, conversations with my sister and from personal observation reveals that when a woman is single and looking, she'll intimate situations with a lot of different guys and screen through them until she finds the best available relationship candidate through a series of tests and you, good sir, have failed spectacularly some women are aware that they do this (which is why they always have plausible deniability), but a lot of times it's just an unconscious response - you finding out about the other dude was a test in and of itself, and it didn't require any additional effort from her to set up | ||
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udgnim
United States8024 Posts
if they keep coming back for more, they want you. | ||
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Linx_101
Canada166 Posts
you described the situation im in almost to a T. Its actually quite scary. Now I have this bad feeling that this is going to happen to me, and this time the girl isn't going to quit the job :S | ||
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On December 29 2009 15:30 d3_crescentia wrote: in other news, conversations with my sister and from personal observation reveals that when a woman is single and looking, she'll intimate situations with a lot of different guys and screen through them until she finds the best available relationship candidate through a series of tests Gross. | ||
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Loser777
1931 Posts
On December 29 2009 15:30 d3_crescentia wrote: loooooooooool in other news, conversations with my sister and from personal observation reveals that when a woman is single and looking, she'll intimate situations with a lot of different guys and screen through them until she finds the best available relationship candidate through a series of tests and you, good sir, have failed spectacularly some women are aware that they do this (which is why they always have plausible deniability), but a lot of times it's just an unconscious response - you finding out about the other dude was a test in and of itself, and it didn't require any additional effort from her to set up I don't feel ronery anymore. | ||
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Zapdos_Smithh
Canada2620 Posts
On December 29 2009 15:30 d3_crescentia wrote: and you, good sir, have failed spectacularly Had to respond to this comment. I really don't consider this failing at all, I saved myself a ton of time and avoided any more confusion with her. I'm not bothered that she just wanted to be friends, I really just wanted to try dating her simply for experience, I knew there really wouldn't be much relationship. Was just shocked @ the result. But if you wanna believe it's a spectacular fail then go for it. On December 29 2009 15:45 udgnim wrote: this is why you're supposed to be an asshole if they keep coming back for more, they want you. Ya, I thought about this for a moment. I normally am with most girls I find but I really couldn't with this girl cuz she was, again, hardcore christian and she would just be turned off simply put. Now I know not to really bother with hardcore religious girls On December 29 2009 15:56 Linx_101 wrote: WOW Resonance, you described the situation im in almost to a T. Its actually quite scary. Now I have this bad feeling that this is going to happen to me, and this time the girl isn't going to quit the job :S Hehe, don't feel worried. Most people in my blog seem to be thinking that I made a horrible decision/really fucked up/got owned etc.. I'll agree that I definitely got a bit owned there, but I don't think I really made any bad decisions. She asked me to do something, I followed up with what appeared to be a date to most normal people. She agreed but didn't understand. She gave me mixed signals. I confronted her to make sure everything was clear. It wasn't clear, and that's the end of that. I'd be really bothered/feeling rejected if I was really into her but I wasn't. Anyway this girl might be coming back to my job at some point (most employees do) but whatever who cares. The point is that I made everything clear and didn't have to bother with her anymore. If she was into me and was mature then my semi-confrontation would be fine. The only reason it was awkward/not the most fun was because she wasn't mature enough at all to comprehend/be serious about the situation. Dw about it  | ||
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ZhenMiChan
Netherlands1181 Posts
This thread is great. I once found an asian girl; we talked for a bit. After seeing eachother everyday for two weeks i kissed her. Real story. | ||
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t_co
United States702 Posts
On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: I gotta blog this. This is so frigging ridiculous. Ok so I started work at a clothing store about 3 months ago or so. Everything is all good, I am liking my job, I am liking my co-workers, etc.. Anyway, there is a co-worker who is a year younger than me and pretty decent looking. We talked a lot at work and she seemed very into me, and I was interested in her as well. We talked for a while and I got very good indicators of interest from her. I was thinking about asking her to do something, however I did not want to date anybody from work simply to avoid possible problems (I really want to keep this job). Anyway, so that lasted for a while. Couldn't really ask to do something, so I kinda left it. We still chatted a fair bit at work but w/e. She told me a while ago that she is starting school in January, and might be leaving work. I'm thinking that's a great opportunity to ask her to do something. At the beginning of December she tells me that she is quitting work by the end of December. I'm thinking that's great I'll ask her out when she quits. Now a little info about her. Firstly she is asian. Being caucasian, I tend to find most asian girls to act very different from white girls. The way they interact and what they talk about, etc.. Doesn't bother me, I live in Vancouver which is so ridiculously asian it's not even funny. I would say it's about 70% asian in Vancouver and 30% the rest. Anyway, secondly, she ishardcore Christian. So ridiculously christian it's not even funny. I am really not attracted to that at all as I switch back and forth from being agnostic to atheist (but I was catholic when I was much younger). But hell you know what, why should that be a reason to not ask her out. I need some experience, why the hell not. She is into me, why the hell not. So we had a work party and she came and she was quiet as hell the whole time. I thought it was kinda peculiar but w/e, nobody really talked much at the work party because nobody wanted to say something stupid and be possibly fired/in trouble/etc.. This was around the 22nd. So after that she texts me asking me something about work, and I replied. We sent a couple texts and we start text chatting and I ask her what she has planned for the break. She replies: "haha well i have 3 more days of work! and then next week i just chill = we shud hang out! Wat's up for ur break?" I'm thinking, wow ok she must be pretty damn into me to ask ME out, I don't know many girls who ask guys out unless they are REALLY into the guys. So I am like wow dope. I say ok let's do it. I even mention that I was about to ask her to do something but she beat me to it. She responds: "HAHA xD ya for sure ! Wat do u have in mind?" I tell her I will think of something and let her know in a couple days. She says great. Now at this point I'm thinking, this is pretty dope. I got a girl who is really interested in me, and I hardly did anything to get to that point. Life is also good as well being on break and couple fun things going on and of course being able to play sc. I call her a couple days later, and recommend ice skating. Firstly I am really not into movies, I think it totally screams boring guy. Secondly, ice skating would make certain the mood the clear, this wasn't just being friends. She sounded very nervous and was like "sure ok!". Seemed good. Nervousness is great. Gotta love that awkwardness period in between friends and a potential relationship. So I go to work again and this was the last day she was working and we chat a bit. However, I notice she really isn't into the convos. She loses interest fast, one time she even interrupted me to talk to somebody else. I was thinking what the hell, that's a bit rude. She is talking to other people more than me, etc.. I'm not too worried though, I blame it on that awkwardness period. Don't blame her, she is kinda shy anyway (funny cuz she asked me out!). So I'm starting to be concerned here whether or not she meant to go as friends or a potential relationship. I browse her facebook that night and notice she is going to the movies with a co-worker friend of mine my age! I'm like...what the fuck? Wtf is going on. She is confusing me the hell out of me. So I call her and she doesn't pick up. I send a text saying I need to talk to you something is bothering me. She replies "kk sry, was eating dinner with friends. Ill call u soon!" I am thinking ok. She tells me later that night that she won't be home till late so won't be able to call. Ok. I go play sc. While I am playing sc she goes on msn and msgs me saying "yoooo" "you wanted to chat??", but I was playing so I didn't get the msg till she was offline. I sent a fb message saying I will call her tomorrow. Tomorrow, which was today, I called her up after work. "hey do you have a few minutes to talk?" she replies "um sure okkayy" I say, "k I'm going to be really honest here and I want you to do the same" "okayy.." She sounds nervous, as if I am about to propose to her or something. "I am really confused right now and...am getting really mixed........feelings from you. What were your intentions when you asked me to do something? Do you know what I mean? -nice awkward pause- "oh..justt friendss" are you effing kidding me... I explain my side of the story. She contributes almost nothing to the conversation. I ask at the end of another pause: "so uh...is there anything you wanted to say?" "umm...sorryyy" Honestly, I knew there was no relationship there, but I just did it cuz I figured why not. "mkkk well, im happy we cleared this up" blah blah blah.. What the fuck. Who does that seriously. At least I saved myself time and didn't bother going skating. Edit: Reminds me of this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGKtO97mBuw ignore her, dont put up with that sorta shit | ||
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teh leet newb
United States1999 Posts
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Mortician
Bulgaria2332 Posts
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MountainDewJunkie
United States10341 Posts
On December 29 2009 18:12 teh leet newb wrote: OP: So you waited 3 months to ask her out? That pretty much just killed it. Yeah, bro. You locked yourself in the "friend zone." Girls don't wait around like guys do. | ||
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~OpZ~
United States3652 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:41 jeddus wrote: I even thought ice skating was a good call, much better than the movies. My personal opinion is she WAS interested, got fickle, then flipped it around. Tis the way of the wimmin. ...Yea...She seemed interested.... I think you let her make a few too many moves... =/ Honestly, as much as I like the idea of ice skating over the movies...she clearly like the movies idea...sucks man, but its life... You shoulda asked her out before she quit work man...Once you known she was quitting it wouldn't of mattered. Like seriously, at that point they wouldn't fire you for anything happening...and a retail clothing store? They wouldn't care... Lol...And I'd of recommended not saying this On December 28 2009 13:41 jeddus wrote:""hey do you have a few minutes to talk?" she replies "um sure okkayy" I say, "k I'm going to be really honest here and I want you to do the same" "okayy.." She sounds nervous, as if I am about to propose to her or something." Kinda a convo kill right there. Bitches aren't direct creatures...They don't like the point, they like dodging the point. On December 28 2009 16:22 Frits wrote: am i the only one who sees all the mistakes the op made or what Nope, had to point some out. Lol. I was thinking I was the only person to not just jump on the "that girls stupid" wagon...Shit, she's a girl, we know that already...lol... But yea, as rek said, don't ever let yourself come off as needy. | ||
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Zurles
United Kingdom1659 Posts
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AtlaS
United States1001 Posts
By the way, it's a pretty easy sign that she only wants friendship with you if she's going on these little play-dates with other co-workers too. That or she's just a slut. | ||
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Zurles
United Kingdom1659 Posts
On December 28 2009 20:44 Rekrul wrote: theres really not enough information to accurately judge what went wrong...but the way you acted in this situation could have totally swung it in or out of your favor...girls always do shit like that on purpose to see how you react...they don't even do it consciously alot of the time. if you came off needy at all in that situation they can feel it, even if you are physically not showing signs, if you feel it they probably feel it. but judging on your original conversation with her she did not ask you out. when a girl says 'we should hang out' she is not asking you at all. she is merely unlocking the door, its still up to u to have the balls to open it and step in. once again, shes playing the same game with you with a bunch of other guys obviously, do not be so naive to think a girl won't keep her options open, obviously the other guy was doing something better than you THIS IS A HUUUUUGE NONO. When you call a girl one time and she doesn't pick up you should never try to text or call again. She will always see your missed call and any further attempt to communicate on your behalf will just come off as incredibly needy. In cases like this its almost always better to just wait and hope, your chances still seem low but saying something like that makes your chances even smaller. Ur phone conversation with her was the worst...thats just completely and entirely awkward as fuck. Long story short u can't come across as a guy expecting something...you just have to be cool with whatever happens and no matter what the girl says/does if you want her to actually want to end up wanting to be with you. As well as this. Never wait for a girl to ask you out, you should have made a move way before this happened. You shouldn't be waiting for her to open the door, you should be kicking the door down. Also 95% of the talking+Bullshit with women is not actually making a difference in her opinion on you. There are pivot moments in the interaction with women and these moments are what changes her mind. All of the chumps at her work + in her social circle and going to be talking the meaningless BS you probably churned out. You have to make a difference when it matters and make the moves. and like Rekrul said here . "if you came off needy at all in that situation they can feel it, even if you are physically not showing signs, if you feel it they probably feel it." as soon as you show some approval-seeking behavior your giving her the higher ground. You aren't asserting any dominance, no one is attracting to guys who are trying to impress women. They might find it amusing for a short while but it isn't going to move the relationship on. You need to show signs that you are a man worth having in her life. You need to make her feel the need to impress you, you need to exude dominance and confidence. You have to be a risk taker, you need to know the worst case scenario and not give a flying fuck about it. Don't drool over her and DEFINITELY do not call her and then text. That's the nail in the coffin, women don't want a clingy wimp then want to jump on the roller coaster ride of your amazing life, even though she's probably getting kicked out later. By the time that terrible phone conversation took place it was over, at least you can learn from this failure. And don't try anything else with her now, it's way gone. | ||
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sky_slasher
United States328 Posts
you were over-analyzing. she was just excited to get off work and chill. "Yeah I don't work any more~ let's hang out~~" she probably said that to buncha ppl. The person that went to movies with her, scheduling, logistics, and ppl just hanging out timing moment worked out. Many girls forget stuffs and just hang out with ppl whoever happens to be hanging around. | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
What? that's what guys should be doing too it's called natural selection | ||
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StorkHwaiting
United States3465 Posts
On December 30 2009 04:49 Hypnosis wrote: What? that's what guys should be doing too it's called natural selection lol yeah sers. I don't get why d3 wrote that like it's some arcane ritual only women do. It's called meeting people and getting to know them. It's just sad that women can't hang out with a person without signing some kind of contract that it's the first step towards sex. Most girls who have cool personalities get away with this no problem. It's the dumb/annoying girls who try to do it and fail because no guy in their right mind would think hanging out with her was fun without the possibility of sex. Kind of like rich guys who have no personality, girls will only hang out with them thinking they can get some free drinks/meals/VIP passes out of it. Never any other reason. | ||
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Jibba
United States22883 Posts
On December 30 2009 04:49 Hypnosis wrote: What? that's what guys should be doing too it's called natural selection First of all, it has nothing to do with natural selection. Second, it was a subtle joke about him and his sister. | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
On December 30 2009 07:13 Jibba wrote: First of all, it has nothing to do with natural selection. Second, it was a subtle joke about him and his sister. ok...? | ||
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PH
United States6173 Posts
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
On December 30 2009 07:13 Jibba wrote: First of all, it has nothing to do with natural selection. Second, it was a subtle joke about him and his sister. I don't get it. I love my sister very much. | ||
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pubbanana
United States3063 Posts
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kdog3683
United States916 Posts
Kiss her the 1st time you hang out. Whether that be meeting her at work, classroom, school, club first time. If she likes you, she will push away only a little hard. That is when you use the power of suction to pull her closer until she succumbs to your manlyman powers. If she doesn't like you, when you turn on the lip suction, she will pull away harder. You must now apologize profusely, and hope there is no restraining order. | ||
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dogabutila
United States1437 Posts
On December 28 2009 13:17 ToyotaDemon wrote: This is not really a "mind-fuck" it is just you (a simple male engulfed in testosterone) unconsciously looking for "signs" in a female that you are interested in. Don't worry, every guy does it/has done it. Just gotta learn from this experience and make your intentions clear next time, etc xP On December 28 2009 13:49 ddengster wrote: Asian christians are so friendly(at least those whom I've met), they confuse you sometimes. | ||
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Zurles
United Kingdom1659 Posts
On December 30 2009 13:51 kdog3683 wrote: My belief is. Kiss her the 1st time you hang out. Whether that be meeting her at work, classroom, school, club first time. If she likes you, she will push away only a little hard. That is when you use the power of suction to pull her closer until she succumbs to your manlyman powers. If she doesn't like you, when you turn on the lip suction, she will pull away harder. You must now apologize profusely, and hope there is no restraining order. just hug her first time you hang out, kissing then is too fast for tons of women. | ||
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Sadistx
Zimbabwe5568 Posts
At least you tried to skate. | ||
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YPang
United States4024 Posts
On December 31 2009 00:57 Sadistx wrote: You waited too long bro. At least you tried to skate. LMFAO, i just realized "skating" XD | ||
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Nazarene
Denmark996 Posts
LMAOOOOO me too hahahahahahahaha!!!!!! A+ for effort! | ||
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duckett
United States589 Posts
On December 29 2009 15:30 d3_crescentia wrote: loooooooooool in other news, conversations with my sister and from personal observation reveals that when a woman is single and looking, she'll intimate situations with a lot of different guys and screen through them until she finds the best available relationship candidate through a series of tests and you, good sir, have failed spectacularly some women are aware that they do this (which is why they always have plausible deniability), but a lot of times it's just an unconscious response - you finding out about the other dude was a test in and of itself, and it didn't require any additional effort from her to set up your sister is uber sinister she also says she likes playing games with guys =P | ||
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d3_crescentia
United States4054 Posts
On December 31 2009 03:36 duckett wrote: your sister is uber sinister she also says she likes playing games with guys =P at least she's honest about it | ||
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KvkG
United States65 Posts
rofl that can't be a coincidence. You obviously failed because you didn't skate in the proper fashion: with a skateboard. Don't try to half ass it and try to work iceskating up to the level of real skating u gotta skate | ||
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
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Ghardo
Germany1685 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + :[ | ||
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SkylineSC
United States564 Posts
that and your probably not attractive or smart enough. asian girls are superficial | ||
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IdrA
United States11541 Posts
On December 31 2009 04:31 {88}iNcontroL wrote: That isn't funny. Spewing terrible memes all over tl.net will not get you anywhere. jlig | ||
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SonuvBob
Aiur21549 Posts
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DoX.)
Singapore6164 Posts
On December 31 2009 04:25 KvkG wrote: rofl that can't be a coincidence. You obviously failed because you didn't skate in the proper fashion: with a skateboard. Don't try to half ass it and try to work iceskating up to the level of real skating u gotta skate LOL | ||
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
God bless you. | ||
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HowitZer
United States1610 Posts
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Colbert
Canada148 Posts
I've been a professional dating coach in canada for a while now. I teach men mainly 1on1, and my ultimate goal is to get them on a path towards success. This means, they need to understand where they are, understand where (want) to go, and most importantly, how to get there. Now, I'm going to give you some food for thought, and whether or not you implement any of this, that's up to you. But if you do, you'll most definitely have much more success (whether that be one night stands, a girlfriend, just making friends in general, etc). Alright. That's enough about me. Let's do this thing. One of the most important concepts that applies in every aspect of life (dating, starcraft, etc), is to take full responsibility if something doesn't work out how you want it to. Never blame anyone but yourself. An example: You are protoss, and you lose to a zerg. You could cry "ZVP IMBA!!!" or, you could watch the replay and see where you could have improved. Just like here, you posted saying how you didn't do anything wrong and how it was this girl who is just a headcase being totally weird. From what I read, there are a few different areas you could have improved and that would have landed you (at the very least) on a date with the girl, and by saying anything (such as, "i wasnt really that interested anyways") other than "shit, I fucked up", you are only protecting your ego, and re-in forcing these bad habits that caused this in the first place. On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: Ok so I started work at a clothing store about 3 months ago or so. Everything is all good, I am liking my job, I am liking my co-workers, etc.. Anyway, there is a co-worker who is a year younger than me and pretty decent looking. We talked a lot at work and she seemed very into me, and I was interested in her as well. We talked for a while and I got very good indicators of interest from her. I was thinking about asking her to do something, however I did not want to date anybody from work simply to avoid possible problems (I really want to keep this job). She told me a while ago that she is starting school in January, and might be leaving work. I'm thinking that's a great opportunity to ask her to do something. At the beginning of December she tells me that she is quitting work by the end of December. I'm thinking that's great I'll ask her out when she quits. But hell you know what, why should that be a reason to not ask her out. I need some experience, why the hell not. She is into me, why the hell not. This is all for the most part - good. I have the same philosophy (avoid dating co-workers). On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: So we had a work party and she came and she was quiet as hell the whole time. I thought it was kinda peculiar but w/e, nobody really talked much at the work party because nobody wanted to say something stupid and be possibly fired/in trouble/etc.. This was around the 22nd. So after that she texts me asking me something about work, and I replied. We sent a couple texts and we start text chatting and I ask her what she has planned for the break. She replies: "haha well i have 3 more days of work! and then next week i just chill = we shud hang out! Wat's up for ur break?" I'm thinking, wow ok she must be pretty damn into me to ask ME out, I don't know many girls who ask guys out unless they are REALLY into the guys. So as a few people have already said, this is more her way of opening the door for you instead of blatantly asking you out. Internally your reaction was sort of good, but sort of bad. Basically, the problem that happened was you took it as basically that she's super into you, and it's a guaranteed thing (ie: it's going to go very well). On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: So I am like wow dope. I say ok let's do it. I even mention that I was about to ask her to do something but she beat me to it. It's tough not to do, but I don't really like it when you mention that you were going to do the same thing. To me, it comes across as, you've been thinking about it but were too much of a pussy to actually ask. It doesn't benefit you in any way really. A few variations you could have done instead are: "Ya... I've been meaning you ask you out for awhile, butt I've been wayy too busy." or, more appropriate for your case... "Ya, I wanted to ask you out, but I don't date co-workers, so anyways...." This type of thing works really well, but you need to make sure when you say it you go "so anyways.." and onto a new topic right away... that way she's processing the comment on more of a sub-conscious level instead of you being quiet and waiting for her to react to it. Something like this will really set the frame well for your date. On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: Now at this point I'm thinking, this is pretty dope. I got a girl who is really interested in me, and I hardly did anything to get to that point. I call her a couple days later, and recommend ice skating. Firstly I am really not into movies, I think it totally screams boring guy. Secondly, ice skating would make certain the mood the clear, this wasn't just being friends. She sounded very nervous and was like "sure ok!". Seemed good. Nervousness is great. Gotta love that awkwardness period in between friends and a potential relationship. This is all good. Ice-skating is a great date because there's a good chance the girl sucks at skating, so she will want to hold onto you a lot. On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: So I go to work again and this was the last day she was working and we chat a bit. However, I notice she really isn't into the convos. She loses interest fast, one time she even interrupted me to talk to somebody else. I was thinking what the hell, that's a bit rude. She is talking to other people more than me, etc.. I'm not too worried though, I blame it on that awkwardness period. Don't blame her, she is kinda shy anyway (funny cuz she asked me out!). Throughout the whole post, there's various instances where you show your lack of confidence. Up until this point you aren't showing it too much, but it's subtle things like this that give it away. Things like over-analyzing her behavior, reading into things wayyy to much. You guys have a date coming up, she wants to go because she likes you, and vice versa, just be chill until that day comes. [/quote] On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: So I'm starting to be concerned here whether or not she meant to go as friends or a potential relationship. I browse her facebook that night and notice she is going to the movies with a co-worker friend of mine my age! I'm like...what the fuck? Wtf is going on. She is confusing me the hell out of me. So this is a perfect example. You are already being insecure about whether or not she wants to go out as friends or as a date. OF COURSE IT IS A DATE. The only thing keeping it from being a date is you. Browsing her facebook is not only (creepy), but also reaaallly bad. Who gives a shit if she's going to the movies with a co-worker of yours. It's not like you guys are married. Your expectations seem a bit much. There is nothing stopping her from going on any amount of dates, or sleeping with any amount of guys. Until you two are "mutually exclusive", her dating life is irrelevant to you. Much like yours is irrelevant to her. On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: So I call her and she doesn't pick up. I send a text saying I need to talk to you something is bothering me. Tomorrow, which was today, I called her up after work. "hey do you have a few minutes to talk?" she replies "um sure okkayy" I say, "k I'm going to be really honest here and I want you to do the same" "okayy.." She sounds nervous, as if I am about to propose to her or something. "I am really confused right now and...am getting really mixed........feelings from you. What were your intentions when you asked me to do something? Do you know what I mean? -nice awkward pause- "oh..justt friendss" are you effing kidding me... I explain my side of the story. She contributes almost nothing to the conversation. I ask at the end of another pause: "so uh...is there anything you wanted to say?" "umm...sorryyy" Honestly dude, this isn't attractive behavior. You are treating her like a "girlfriend" when you haven't even been on the first date yet. You are putting wayyy too much pressure on her. I can guarantee she originally wanted to go on a "date" with you, but after seeing how reactive you became once that was set in stone, she lost all attraction. She said "oh justt friends" because you put a ton of pressure on her. Making her decide. Example. Go up to a girl and ask her what kind of music she likes. The majority of the time, what will she say? "Everything". Does she really like everything? Probably not. She's answering "Everything" because that is the easiest and quickest response, to get you to shut up and stop asking questions. You're putting too much social pressure on her. Whereas if you asked her "Hey, what kind of music do you like... because I like blah blah blah"... guaranteed you will get a more in-depth response from her, because you've been in more effort and she will want to re-pay that. Go try it out. On December 28 2009 12:57 resonance wrote: Honestly, I knew there was no relationship there, but I just did it cuz I figured why not. "mkkk well, im happy we cleared this up" blah blah blah.. What the fuck. Who does that seriously. At least I saved myself time and didn't bother going skating. Basically, you were way too reactive. Being reactive is not a trait of a confident dude. Your behavior was geared towards you guys already being in a relationship, instead of two people about to go on a first date. You put way too much social pressure on her to decide if you guys were going as friends or a potential relationship, instead of just going on the date, seeing how it went, and deciding if you wanted to go on a second one (how dating should work). So, where do you go from here? Well first, obviously, you need to get out into the dating scene more. That way, you can make improvements and you won't fuck up little things so much. Many different approaches to this, do whatever you feel like. Second, you could read "A New Earth" or "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Get the audio books if you aren't much of a reader. These help a lot on the topic of the "ego" and how to just chill out and enjoy life moment by moment, instead of being concerned with events that are in the future (which causes anxiety -> you fucking it up). If you need further explanation or have questions, don't hesitate. I can definitely expand and go deeper on everything. -Aksion | ||
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obesechicken13
United States10467 Posts
Ok. I go play sc. What the puck? I thought u quit. I stopped playing everything for 1.5-2 months at least october somethingeth after reading your blog. I'm ashamed of you -_- I can't even look at you right now (nor could I ever, I guess). Hey guys, I guess it's true... It really is impossible to quit starcraft. | ||
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GGTeMpLaR
United States7226 Posts
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2on2
United States142 Posts
Dont feel bad dude, I had the same thing happen to me with a co-worker. shes really cute and asked me out one day, i dicked around and gave ALL the wrong replies and never got to spend a moment with her. Play the numbers game and ask every girl out, make it a game and try Bo3 everyday These help a lot on the topic of the "ego" and how to just chill out and enjoy life moment by moment, instead of being concerned with events that are in the future (which causes anxiety -> you fucking it up). Thats really good advice, perfectly describes my flaw | ||
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Kennelie
United States2296 Posts
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Warrior Madness
Canada3791 Posts
If you LOOKED at her in a very friendly, platonic way, and talked to her about friendly, platonic topics from the very first time you met and onwards, then what do you expect? Even when I'm talking with my close friends (girls, mostly  ) I always put in just a little whiff of sexual energy in our conversations by adjusting my body language (From time to time I'll look deeply into one of their eyes, talk a little slower than usual, and look at their lips) and by talking openly about sex. With coworkers it's always iffy, and I actually recommend against it if you're not too experienced with flirting with women. I always insinuate sexual things if she relates to something I say but in a work place this can go horribly wrong if your bodylanguage is a little creepy. My old boss is really creepy for instance, and he told me one time that he commented on a girls hair one day and she took it the wrong way and he got this long lecture by his boss on what's appropriate and not. So for chicks at work, once I've established some sort of mutual connection I always just say something more tame, but redirect it none the less. "You know, if we weren't coworkers, I would've asked you on a date a long time ago, but I don't want us to get in any trouble." And that, doesn't even take a day to do. But from the very beginning you establish what you want, and you present yourself as a potential mate. Anyways, that aside, I think 1) You didn't lead from the start 2) You reacted awkwardly. I think the fact that she had to offer to go out, first of all, after all these months showed a lack of a back bone on your part. Second of all, even through merely reading your story I get the feeling that you came off as needy when she offered to go out. It sounds like she was kind of interested in you but the tone of your responses put SOOOO much pressure on her. Not good. Also, even if she's the one to react awkwardly, you should never react to her reaction. Always be calm, and non-needy. Don't overplan things (Like picturing her as your girlfriend). If she's being weird, or bitchy, call her out on it but never have the mentality that it's because something's wrong with YOU. Anyways, not much to salvage from this other than a learning experience. | ||
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M-buster
Honduras8 Posts
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stalife
Canada1222 Posts
Asian + hardcore christian = drama | ||
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MisteR
Netherlands595 Posts
Most is just bs though. There's only one thing in this story, and that is a lesson learned. Going medieval on his mistakes is not the way to advice someone. What happened here? Guy gets some chemistry going with a girl, decides he wants to act on it, finds out the girl already acts, but in the end she acted with a different intention. Sure he could've done this smoother, but so could the girl. The end result would've been the same though, I'm sure of that. | ||
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