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farvacola
United States18813 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + But seriously, if you over think the process and act like an angsty child in search of respite from your self-consuming loneliness, ain't nobody gonna wanna friend that. Just help others, listen to those around you, and don't take anyone's shit. The most important thing is, big surprise, you gotta talk to strangers. That's really the only way. | ||
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Scorch
Austria3371 Posts
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Passion
Netherlands1486 Posts
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: P.S. Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks, because that is downright creepy and has just about as much chance of working as a 2-rax against protoss (unless you are a hot guy, of course, which I'm unfortunately not). It doesn't have to be the hot girl. In fact, it doesn't have to be a girl at all. However, I guarantee you, tell 20 people their hair looks shiny, strong and fabulous in every possible way, and you will end up with at least 1 new friend. If it fails, which it won't, I'll be your friend instead. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32021 Posts
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: P.S. Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks, because that is downright creepy and has just about as much chance of working as a 2-rax against protoss (unless you are a hot guy, of course, which I'm unfortunately not). well no one is saying sit next to the hot girl if that isnt your thing. tl is an open and welcoming place. if you wanna go sit next to the hot guy and compliment his hair, i will still be post in your blog o/ | ||
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Wrongspeedy
United States1655 Posts
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Chairman Ray
United States11903 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
Actually, I do remember someone who followed the rule "friends help each other any way they can." He was really an exception. There doesn't seem to be many people like that around. At the time it felt good, like I was becoming part of a group, but after a few weeks where I was just another kid in the club who no one invited anywhere outside that club, I just kinda broke down and left. You really have to take the first steps with someone if you want to be their friend. People might find you a little weird for it, or they might not. Maybe the reason why I thought that person was an exception is because he really needed friends too. If you need friends, you have to humble yourself and make contact. You can't just pretend everything's fine because people will either think of you as that lonely kid, or they'll actually think everything's fine, that you DO have friends. I've been trying to think of one nice/cool thing to do for a new friend each day I go without any. Atm I'm pretty isolated for people. Later when I make friends I will sprinkle the nice/cool things over time, so I'm not being "too nice" or creepy. Smiling helps a TON. Your looks easily gain 2-3 points. You can go from a 4 to a 7 just by smiling! Use their name a lot on your first meeting. This shows that you actually care about them. Even if you can remember a name the first time it's said, use it a lot that first day. Lastly, you can try the "friends by connections / mass-conversation method." This is a principle where you have more to talk about simply because you are talking to more people. Be warned, you can get quite popular this way; be sure to smile! So, you start talking to people. Let's say you get into a really good conversation with one of them. Get their number and start texting them a bit. Do this until you have 10-15 or more people who like to text all day. Odds are in your favor that you will hear something interesting happened with AT LEAST one of them. Then you can tell all your other 9-14 text-friends, and anyone else new that you decide to strike up a conversation with. "One of my friends/my friend (their name) got a speeding ticket yesterday. He was going 93 in a 45." Stuff like that, if it's actually true, can get people interested just because you have interesting stories to tell. People like entertainment nowadays. Then again, you may have to create some of your own interesting stories if you take this route!  All the best. Do something today. | ||
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Thrill
2599 Posts
Edit: military would be another obvious answer seeing how you're from Singapore. | ||
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Race is Terran
United States382 Posts
On May 21 2013 00:23 Clazziquai10 wrote: And I actually don't mean those hi-bye friends that you see once in a while. What I mean are those good and close friends who you can hang out with everyday. I'm frustrated. I simply don't get it. I don't know if it is just me, or if it is just because of where I'm from, but everyone I meet seem to already have their own fair share of close friends, or cliques, to hang out with (I'm now in university btw). Nobody wants to hang out with someone they've just met for a couple of minutes just a while ago, and I seriously mean nobody. It also seems to me (at least) that people nowadays are really materialistic and only really want to be around people who are talented/funny/smart/good-looking in some way. So, dear readers of this blog post, can someone kindly enlighten me on how the FUCK do I make some good friends, or at least, share some of your experience on how did you get to know some of your best friends. P.S. Please don't tell me to do stuff like sit next to that hot girl in lecture and compliment her on how nice her hair looks, because that is downright creepy and has just about as much chance of working as a 2-rax against protoss (unless you are a hot guy, of course, which I'm unfortunately not). Many thanks in advance, and sorry for the angry tone of this blog. Really sad and frustrated right now.  You're using the world materialistic wrong. That's only rich people that flaunt their wealth around to gain friends. Also the way you put it, do you not consider yourself talented, funny, smart, OR good looking? P.S. Compliments are awesome. Especially to hot girls. BUT they have to be genuine ; cant compliment her hair if there's nothing special about it, than it just comes off as weird. One example I remember is I was sitting with these two girls, and they were just talking about whatever, and I don't remember what made me do it, but I said to one of the girls "Hey XXX I just wanted to let you know that you look good doing your homework". The other girl was like wtf that's creepy, but the girl I complimented wasn't weirded out at all because the compliment was genuine and I wasn't expecting anything really from saying it except to make her day better. I had seen her throughout the day because we had both been studying in between classes and meals in the same common area. And when we weren't studying, I was just thinking how exhausted I was from all the work I had done and I thought she must feel a similar fatigued way so I thought a compliment would make her feel better. All I was shooting for was a thanks with a smile and that's what I got from it  Also I've seen a proxy 2 rax beat a protoss player (with nexus cannon) so ya, the skys the limit really On May 21 2013 00:48 LosingID8 wrote: first of all, none of those are examples of materialism. secondly, would you rather hang out with someone who is talented or not? funny or boring? smart or dumb? good-looking or ugly? and btw, looks are really not that high up on the list of traits that people look for in a friend. as long as you don't look like a slob it won't hinder you. agreed lol, just saw your post. Being someone's friend is doing something for that person and not expecting ANYTHING in return. That's really the best mentality you can have when it comes to making new friends and evaluating people | ||
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Darkren
Canada1841 Posts
On May 21 2013 02:45 hp.Shell wrote: The thing that's always bugged me with the "you gotta talk to strangers" bit about making new friends is, no one has tried to talk to me to make a new friend out of me. I've had people sit next to me and stare, stand next to me while everyone around us is speaking to someone else or listening in a small group. That's not enough. If you're going to take the initiative you have to go all the way with it. The first words have to come out of your mouth. You can't expect to go 90% of the way and the other person will go the last 10%. That's just creepy. Actually, I do remember someone who followed the rule "friends help each other any way they can." He was really an exception. There doesn't seem to be many people like that around. At the time it felt good, like I was becoming part of a group, but after a few weeks where I was just another kid in the club who no one invited anywhere outside that club, I just kinda broke down and left. You really have to take the first steps with someone if you want to be their friend. People might find you a little weird for it, or they might not. Maybe the reason why I thought that person was an exception is because he really needed friends too. If you need friends, you have to humble yourself and make contact. You can't just pretend everything's fine because people will either think of you as that lonely kid, or they'll actually think everything's fine, that you DO have friends. I've been trying to think of one nice/cool thing to do for a new friend each day I go without any. Atm I'm pretty isolated for people. Later when I make friends I will sprinkle the nice/cool things over time, so I'm not being "too nice" or creepy. Smiling helps a TON. Your looks easily gain 2-3 points. You can go from a 4 to a 7 just by smiling! Use their name a lot on your first meeting. This shows that you actually care about them. Even if you can remember a name the first time it's said, use it a lot that first day. Lastly, you can try the "friends by connections / mass-conversation method." This is a principle where you have more to talk about simply because you are talking to more people. Be warned, you can get quite popular this way; be sure to smile! So, you start talking to people. Let's say you get into a really good conversation with one of them. Get their number and start texting them a bit. Do this until you have 10-15 or more people who like to text all day. Odds are in your favor that you will hear something interesting happened with AT LEAST one of them. Then you can tell all your other 9-14 text-friends, and anyone else new that you decide to strike up a conversation with. "One of my friends/my friend (their name) got a speeding ticket yesterday. He was going 93 in a 45." Stuff like that, if it's actually true, can get people interested just because you have interesting stories to tell. People like entertainment nowadays. Then again, you may have to create some of your own interesting stories if you take this route! All the best. Do something today. Really sound advice here, i know when i started trying being more social i had learned 5-6 jokes and a couple of simple magic tricks that i used often when i met knew people. Now ive become crazy so i just have to be myself to interest people it is great. Also alcohol, parties, drugs alwais enhance social behavior from everyone, just dont go overboard. Be happy and smile ))))))))))))))) | ||
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Kingsky
Singapore298 Posts
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The_LiNk
Canada863 Posts
On May 21 2013 00:48 Torte de Lini wrote: + Show Spoiler + I listened to this and Zig Ziglar in car rides for 7 years straight. I had to recite optimism papers in front of the mirror twice a day and do it with an ecstatic and enthused voice. I had to walk with my arms cocked to my pecs and moving them swiftly back and forth in public with a smile to let others know I was going somewhere important and I was important. Attitude is important and so is being optimistic with others and with yourself. All I learned from the above were these three rules: 1. Always take interest in what other people have to say 2. A person's name is their favourite thing to say. 3. Take initiative. Stop being a stubborn person and put yourself out there. I bought this book last week and I'm reading it right now actually. I got the part where it talks about listening to people, which is is about taking interest. I'm thinking back about conversation I have with people and I'm always listening but people don't have much to say. It seems like they think I'm not listening. I just don't have much to say, but I'm always listening. Got any protips on that one? | ||
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Torte de Lini
Germany38463 Posts
On May 21 2013 08:39 The_LiNk wrote: I bought this book last week and I'm reading it right now actually. I got the part where it talks about listening to people, which is is about taking interest. I'm thinking back about conversation I have with people and I'm always listening but people don't have much to say. It seems like they think I'm not listening. I just don't have much to say, but I'm always listening. Got any protips on that one? Gotta pull it out of them. You have to listen and take a general interest in what they're saying. You need to follow-up with questions and drive the conversation you want to go. Think of the conversation as a moving car, you need to set the turns and the road: otherwise the driver won't know where to go and it may just fall flat. With a good and well-driven conversation, you can either bridge back onto what you want them to know (say its a potential employer) or just be known as someone who cares and is interested in others. | ||
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sths
Australia192 Posts
These are the only two ways I know how to open an oyster. If anyone else knows some other methods please let me know. Fuck now I'm hungry. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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MarlieChurphy
United States2063 Posts
Anyways, context. You have to get involved with things. Either specific classes, extra curricular, or some local hangout place. Start going there and just being the best you can be. Play to your strong attributes. If you are helpful, be helpful, if you are a joker, mess with people, if you are skilled at something, share it. etc. Once you establish a rapport with someone/people or build some relationship out of common interest you have begun bonding. If it is a structured environment you will see them often at the same time and just act like that's your place to hang together. Then after a while you can start asking to do stuff outside of class. You know finding out what they are into and sharing. Just be assertive and ask what they like to do for fun or what's going on later and if you can join in because you are new/not from here and don't know anywhere or anyone fun/cool to hang out with or do. When talking to people always ask open ended questions like; "what do you think about X?", or "My friend said X, what's your opinion?". What does your daily/weekly life consist of? Gimme a quick rundown and I can tell you what to focus on and how to work it to your advantage. PS- I understand your plight as I was in this age at one point. Confused, depressed, apathetic, angst, whatever you want to call it. Once you get over it (and you will), you will just stop caring so much about random stuff and just be yourself and talk to people like you don't give a fuck. The only problem with this, is often being yourself may not be what most people like so it's not a be all end all solution. I personally still am working on that part of it. You can't please everyone and you shouldn't try, but the ones who stick around understand your values after a while and they may stick around for a longer while. PPS-You also might try and talk to mental-health-whoever at the university and say you are new and not particularly apt in social situations and if they can help you with any extra curricular or specific courses that may help. In order for a human to be healthy, they need social interaction among other things. Newborns will die if they are not held, we are very social animals. | ||
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Good1
Russian Federation138 Posts
The turning point was this summer when i said 'fuck it'. stopped moping around and feel sorry and insecure about myself. I went to a musical college and started to be more open, little by little, tried to speak more openly and not to worry about what the others will think of me. I started to be more confident using the "Fake it till you make it" strategy. To make it simple i tried to put myself out there. When talking to people i try to take interest in them by figuring out their "thing", something i heard from Day9. Once i established some contact i stayed in touch using social networks.(Yeah it's a kind of a necessity nowadays) The next step is to ask them out yourself and put this topic on the table. If you have a good experience chatting there should be no problem in spending time together. I can say many things on the topic because i'm working through this problem myself and have major improvements, It is not problem for me now to be friends with someone i genuenly like, although for various reasons i have a trouble in finding a circle/group of people to hang out with. | ||
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Schplyok
64 Posts
The amount of friends you have depends on the person you are. You can't go about wanting to have many friends if you do not change yourself to the type of person that has many friends. Change yourself by doing things you enjoy. Meet people doing the same ??? Profit. | ||
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lisward
Singapore959 Posts
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hp.Shell
United States2527 Posts
On May 21 2013 06:37 Darkren wrote: Really sound advice here, i know when i started trying being more social i had learned 5-6 jokes and a couple of simple magic tricks that i used often when i met knew people. Now ive become crazy so i just have to be myself to interest people it is great. Also alcohol, parties, drugs alwais enhance social behavior from everyone, just dont go overboard. Be happy and smile )))))))))))))))Much love brother. I feel like I have a lot of advice to give, but I never take any action. What am I so afraid of? It sucks when friends go their separate ways. I think it's that. | ||
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