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Hello TeamLiquid =D
This is my first blog so I am unsure on how this even works  But, I hope I can entertain some of you with my confusion and I hope I can find some good advice that I see on many other girl blogs. It can be rather lengthy, because of the fact that this is story that takes place for 1 year now. Also, I know my grammar is bad. Deal with it 
How I met the girl:
+ Show Spoiler +So yea, how it all started... I was working in a restaurant, doing the dishes for a whole year now when we got a new colleague. She was a few days younger then me and she was a nice looking and a little shy girl. She immediatly caughted my attention and I tried to get to know her over the first few weeks. Everything went right and we became good friends I guess. I was afraid to ask her out to do anything since I was on a rejecting spree of 5 times now xD So, I tried to build it up slowly.
Fellow workers started talking about how much we fit together and started to push it a little bit. I kinda ignored it, but everyone was saying that it looked like she also liked me. So, I asked her number and we started texting a lot. But stupid me had contact with another girl who I was gonna meet in a few weeks. So I delayed asking my colleague out until I met the other girl. I was working less and kinda lost contact with her for some time. I met the other girl and found out that she was definitly not my type so I realized that I fucked up with the first girl. So, I tried to get in touch again.
The rejection:
+ Show Spoiler + So, I got in contact with the girl again and we really had nice conversations. I found out that in a few months she was gonna move 200 km to the south of our current city for her new study. In the following weeks I realized that my time was ticking because of her moving. So, I did what I should have done so many weeks earlier (this was like 4 months after we met), I asked her to go to the movies with me and guess what, she said yes. I was so happy, but I knew that I was no where yet. The night came that we went to the movies and we had great fun. No awkward silences or anything and everything went smooth. But, I never had the ballz to make ANY kind of hint that I really liked her. No slight touching, no flirting look, no complement (well maybe one) just nothing. After the "date" I thought: Ok, all or nothing. Now comes my huge mistake, I confessed to her that I really liked her and that I wanted to go on a real date with her (over a text message ofcourse ). Unfortuant me, she turned me down, with the main reason being that she was moving to the south. Ofcourse, this could be lie and she maybe did not liked me at all.
The confusion begins:
+ Show Spoiler +It was a few weeks later, now november (she was moving in the end of Januari) and it was my 19th birthday. I asked a lot of colleague's to come to my party so I was forced to ask her to come too. The party begins and it was a good party, but the girl started flirting with me (she is not a attention seeker at all, I know that) and everyone noticed it. It was like 3 o'clock and most people went home. She lives 40 minutes of cycling away and I brought her home that night. When we came to her place we went inside for me to lent some gloves and there was the moment. I should have kissed her, the moment was their aaaaannnnd I didn't. Fuck me, really. I pussied out.
I was so confused after that night. I was rejected and the next time I see her she starts to flirt with me?
The friendzone:
+ Show Spoiler +We kept in touch and I didn't want to risk another rejection so we became good friends over texting. I learned a lot about her and she about me. She moved to the south (200 km) and I also moved to the south (100km), but every weekend we were at our own parents houses, which where close to each other.
We really became close friends, even thought it was only over texting, but I always had in the back of my mind: she knows that I liked her. We didn't see each other until the end of april. She is a second year ballroom/latin dancer (don't worry, her danspartner is openly gay) and one day she asked me to come to one of her tournaments. So, naturally I said yes and we went to her tournament. Important: In the time that we did not see each other I got rid of most of my visible acné, clothed like someone of my age and just generally took some time for my lookes. That evening: Damn, she dances sooooo good. Really sexy to. All my feelings that never went away really came back. We even danced a few songs and it was a great night.
Friendzone or more?
+ Show Spoiler +The last month we have seen each other four times. The week after the dancing tournament we decided we were gonna watch our favorite movies at her place and that we would cook. Her mother and little brother where home to, so nothing special could happen that night. Ofcourse I did my best to make a good impression at her mother and borther, which I did. It was fun and all, but we were never alone. (She did asked me to home to her because there were less people there)
Last week she asked me to come to an open dance evening. I unfortuantly had to work, but her mom was at my town so she asked her mom to pick me up from work. (I worked damn fast that night to be done early) So it was pretty suprising for her that I made it on time! We laughed and danced a few times.
This evening my confusion increased. She made excuses to sit me and she was giving me those gentle touches. I tried to grow some ballz and respond good to those things and it went ok. I did my utter best to give her compliments and stuff and I think I do ok, for my standards. She also asked me to come to her final dance tournament next week (today :O )
So last saturday at work, I talked with some colleagues to still remember her. And she said to me: "She definitly likes you, she starts texting you spontanous and askes you to come to her dance evenings, I am a girl, I know this" That same evening I talked with 2 more persons that know the sitaution and they responded something among the following lines:"I got the feeling you are just whirling around each other in terms of making moves".
So today I went to ehr final dance tournament, I knew I had no moment to make a real move or anything so I just wanted to enjoy the day. She looked astonishing today and she danced so good. She gave me a few looks that melted me, and we sat next to each other at her brakes. I just did some small casual flirting and she still responds really positive. We danced again, this time I knew how to do some basic steps =D. And nothing special could happen today.
What should I do TL? (kinda TL;DR)
+ Show Spoiler + I just generally don't know what to do anymore. Should I make a move and how? I would like to get some advice on what I should do, keeping in mind the following: She knows that I liked her before and still keeps good contact. We are really good friends, so I put something on the line. She is texting me first a lot, she is making excuses to sit next to me, she gently touches me sometimes (I meen like on the shoulder or leg) and she gives me some florty looks and smiles. We only can see each other in weekends or breaks and we both have really time consuming studies. (Summer vacation comming up though) I know for a fact that she is not an attention seeking women. And last but not least, I am really bad at flirting. I can talk to women, no problem, but flirting is my ONLY weakness!
I hope you enjoyed the story and respect for anyone that listend to the whole story. Please give me some advice, because I really don't wanna fuck this up.
 
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Canada5155 Posts
I was in a similar position once. There's no magic to this; just go for it. Be explicit, and just tell her how you damned feel. Don't come up with some elaborate plan, don't try to think of some kind of "move". Just find a moment alone with each other and speak from the heart.
Be prepared for her saying no, but it honestly sounds like she likes you back. At least, in my experience that was the case.
If not, then what else can you do? You'll have to move on. Prepare for that too.
because I really don't wanna fuck this up.
This is such an interesting mindset most guys have at some point in their lives. Eventually you learn:
If she likes you, there's nothing to fuck up.
If she doesn't like you, there's nothing to fuck up either.
It's not in your hands to fuck up.
You have feelings, she might have feelings as well. Unfortunately it falls on our gender to explicitly initiate more often than not. Put it out in the open and find out.
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sounds to me like she wants you to make a move. just try to remember that she is probably as nervous as you are, if not more, and you said she's shy? she probably is doing her best to give you a hint without giving away too much, and she might be a bit confused because you haven't made a move.
i'm like the worst at making moves ever, so i don't know if i could help you out much there. maybe wait till your alone at some point and then wait for "that moment" and then don't hesitate, just do it. with me, if that moment doesn't show itself, than i usually don't know what to do, because creating that moment seems more like a friggin dice roll than anything else.
my suggestion is to keep doing what you're doing, but maybe up your ante a little bit. keep asking her out for dinner or something. eventually you're gonna have to bite the bullet and take a chance, but she sounds like she's worth it so i would just go for it.
edit: the person above me gave like 10x better advice, so listen to them.
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Make your move bro, its as simple as just asking her out on a date, but building up the courage to it is 90% of the effort.
Just be confident in what you do, do what comes naturally at mind, because if she likes you, she likes you for who you are! Don't sweat anything, relax, take her to the movies, or some place where you guys have something to do together.
Most of all, don't sweat it too much, you know exactly what to do! You're doing perfectly fine dude, just remember that for something magical to happen, you have to make it happen!
Good Luck!
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i too would like to know what "just make a move" actually means
i went through the same BS of agonising over when and what i could possibly do and thinking there was never the right moment or opportunity
and still i dont know how to make the opportunity or what you're supposed to do to get from A to B
it gets harder and harder the more you hang out because it becomes so out of the ordinary to do something like that then
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Thank you for the advices, they all seem to aline to what I thought I should do, but since we probably both are really shy. How do I actually make a move? And like FFGenerations says, what kind of move? I mean I can probably get on a date with her no problem, this sounds pretty postivie  , but I still don't have the guts to do anything, nor do I really know what to do.
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I always took make a move to just mean advance your current situation. If you haven't dated, ask her out. If you've been on some dates but haven't kissed, then make your move and kiss her. Already kissed but haven't done anything else, make a move and get your hands somewhere, it's just seems like pretty general advice.
I know personally it took me around date 4 or 5 before finally attempting to kiss my gf, and afterwards all she said was "well that took you long enough". Just get the courage up to do something, and as HP said, as long as she likes you she'll be responsive in a positive way.
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She probably liked you from the start and rejected you simply because she was moving. Sounds like it's working out anyway despite the distance.
Ask her out. glhf
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Okay man you've screwed it up with this girl royally from the very start, but in spite of this you have a really good shot. I feel like this is a pretty easy read so here's what's been going on through all these encounters:
1. "How I met her" You met her and texted her for a while, she was obviously open to dating you at that time but you did nothing so before long she starts to think, "I guess he doesn't like me that way". This is always a bad thing to do. If you like a girl you should ask her out right away and make it clear to her that you don't see her as a friend but as a romantic interest. Then she will view you the same way. It's true she may not like you and reject you -- if she does it's better to have it happen fast rather than hanging around for weeks or months before you find out.
2. "The rejection" You reestablish contact and ask her to go to a movie. She is wondering, "is this a date or not? And do I even like this guy?" She herself isn't sure at this point. You have a chance to impress her. Unfortunately you pussy out and don't make any move at the movie. Then, much worse, you confess to being a pussy over a text message. Unfortunately a guy who is lacking in self-confidence is very unattractive to women -- you basically did the worst thing you could do by ADMITTING that you're not confident enough to make a move. After this it would be a miracle if she didn't reject you.
3. "The confusion" You have a party with a bunch of your friends and you invite her. Your birthday. Everybody there knows you and is wanting to talk to you and congratulate you. Meanwhile you probably started the night not wanting to talk to the girl at all. All of the sudden she sees you in a totally different, non-pussy light. You come off as a person who has lots of friends and has totally gotten over any interest you had in her; i.e. you are much more attractive now. She likes what she sees and begins flirting, which you return. Everything is great. She lets you take her home, you go into her house. She is wondering how far things will go. And what happens?? Nothing, you are too nervous to make a move. Now she's confused, or probably more just thinking that you don't like her. You leave. She moves away.
4. "The friendzone" Your title is apt. She thinks that you are over her and anyway you live really far away anyway so she begins to see you as a friend and nothing more. Then in April you see each other and you look way better. She is dancing with you, probably liking you, but of course she thinks you don't like her and are just a friend. You do nothing to change her perception.
5. "Friendzoned or more?" In May you see each other 4 times. It is obvious she still likes you, but she is also confused. There are two possibilities in her mind: either you are a really nice cool guy who has no feelings for her (i.e. attractive) or you are a guy who wants her but is too wimpy to make a move (i.e. unattractive). She is giving you every signal in the book and you're ignoring them all. Her confusion is increasing. "Why is he coming to dances with me but then not doing anything?? He must not like me. But then why does he always come out when I invite him?!?! WTF"
6. "What do I do?" Answer is obvious. Ask her out. She likes you and as long as you don't screw anything else up you're still good.
Here are a few things you should understand:
(a) Attraction is not rational. Girls don't say "I'm moving 200k away so I will choose not to like him". No. You don't choose whether you like someone or not, it's an emotional reaction.
(b) The MOST attractive thing to a woman is confidence. This is why assholes and "bad boys" get so many girls. Because they are confident. What you have been doing by ignoring all her signals has made her feel rejected, which ironically has probably made her more interested in you. The corollary is that the most UNATTRACTIVE thing to a woman is lack of confidence. NEVER be wimpy or whiny, this will turn any woman off.
(c) Contrary to what an earlier poster said, a woman doesn't either like you or not like you. Often a girl is not sure if she likes you. This is part of why women can be so confusing and send so many mixed signals, because they can't decide. As a girl gets to know more about you her feelings can change. This is weird for a man to understand because 99% of the time you can decide if you like a girl within a few minutes (or seconds) of meeting her.
So what is my advice? Ask her out in a way that shows confidence, but also where she can't reject you. I suggest that you think of a fun cool activity that you know she would like to do, then tell her "I'm going to do [activity X] on [date and time], it will be really fun, let me know if you're interested in coming." She will most likely agree to go, or if she absolutely can't make it she will say she wants to but she can't. If she can't you just have to wait a bit and then do the same thing with a new activity. (BTW you should still do the fun activity without her, and then tell her how much fun you had when you did it!) You should plan the activity from beginning to end -- do not ask her "do you want to do this?" at any point. Just be decisive and confident and she will respond.
So now you have a date set up. Of course she will still be confused because she is not sure if you like her or not so she's wondering if this is going to be a date or just friends doing something fun. You should leave her in suspense until you are actually on the date.
When you are there in person, at the start of the date you have to make it clear that you are interested in her in a sexual/romantic way. The easiest way to do this is to compliment her in a somewhat vulgar way: "your ass looks really hot today" or something like that. She'll laugh and not know how to respond. Continue to make these comments during the fun activity that you have planned. Once it is clear that she's okay with flirting you have to start touching her. Back, arm, shoulder, etc. If she seems comfortable with you touching her in non-sexual ways then you can be pretty much 100% sure that she likes you.
During the date do not ever start talking about how you want to have a relationship with her or asking her how she feels about you. These are things that show uncertainty and a lack of confidence.
At some point you have to kiss her, and then do more stuff depending on circumstances and how comfortable the two of you are. If she is letting you touch her and not pulling away or acting uncomfortable then you are pretty much good to go ahead and kiss her. After you kiss her and make out with her a bit you should probably bring the date to an end -- this is hard to do, but it shows huge confidence to stop a make out session and leave, and it will make her want you more than ever. It's a million times better than you trying to sleep with her on the spot and getting rejected (which happens a fair bit with younger girls even if they do like the guy).
After one good date like this your relationship will basically change completely and she will be your girlfriend. If everything you've written was truthful and accurate then I'd say you have a very good chance of success (90%+) as long as you follow this plan. But you MUST NOT wimp out again. And you MUST NOT tell her that you've been secretly longing for her for months. That is the absolute worst thing you could do.
Sorry for the wall of text. I just wrote so much because I learned all this stuff the hard way and I wish I'd had someone give me advice like this so I could have saved many screwups and missed opportunities along the way. Good luck, and please post an update.
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Wait, you are asking us to make sense of the actions of a woman? Dear god man you might as well ask us to build you a spaceship...
But in all seriousness, lets try the deductive skills:
-There obviously isn't some primal sexual attraction between you two, otherwise we wouldn't be reading this blog
-IMO the only conclusion you can draw from all the calling/texting/hanging out is that she likes you as a friend (at least).
-The touching is harder to interpet. Logically, one would say it's a sign of attraction, but to me that doesn't seem to be in line with the her inviting you to hang out with her family...
Conclusion: I don't have a single clue what's going on inside that girl's head. She probably doesn't exactly know either. Could be that shes hanging out with you because she doesn't really have other friends.
Solution/advice:
-Talking with her about your feelings is fucking gay IMO, but if you think she would dig that, by all means, go for it.
-Try to get drunk with her. That stuff works like a charm. (Not saying you should booze her up and put her in the back of your trunk, but have some drinks with her to loosen the tounge)
-In general, not knowing/doubt is way more terrible then the "shame" or dissapointment rejection might cause.
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Wow thanks for the responds men!
Okay man you've screwed it up with this girl royally from the very start
I have learned some stuff to the last months and this was indeed my conclusion.
I think your despriction of waht happend in her thought might be pretty accuarate but am I really missing that much stuff out? Also, can a girl expect a guy to try again after just being rejected by her?
BTW you should still do the fun activity without her, and then tell her how much fun you had when you did it!
Not sure how I can ask someone to do an activity and then when she can't go ask a friend to do it? Thats a bit odd.
The easiest way to do this is to compliment her in a somewhat vulgar way: "your ass looks really hot today" or something like that.
Haha, well you know, that not gonan happen. I reasontly started to give her some "normal" compliments, but this is just not me.
Once it is clear that she's okay with flirting you have to start touching her. Back, arm, shoulder, etc. If she seems comfortable with you touching her in non-sexual ways then you can be pretty much 100% sure that she likes you.
I kinda started doing that the lost month and didn't have any negative responses yet. Still only minor though, then again. I did some latin dancing with her which pretty much does force that kind of interaction.
If she is letting you touch her and not pulling away or acting uncomfortable then you are pretty much good to go ahead and kiss her. After you kiss her and make out with her a bit you should probably bring the date to an end -- this is hard to do, but it shows huge confidence to stop a make out session and leave, and it will make her want you more than ever. It's a million times better than you trying to sleep with her on the spot and getting rejected (which happens a fair bit with younger girls even if they do like the guy).
Seems to be good advice, afetr liking her for quiet some time, I am not really after getting laid for one night and never see her again. So this should be doable for me. If I can convince myself to just do it.
If everything you've written was truthful and accurate
I tried to be, so much to tell, but you guys only got some limited concentration! I did leave out some stuff, both negative and positive (for exmaple she has given me a nickname )
Again, thanks for the responds, much appriciated.
-The touching is harder to interpet. Logically, one would say it's a sign of attraction, but to me that doesn't seem to be in line with the her inviting you to hang out with her family...
Haha, well she didn't know that they would stick around. She actually thought that her mother would leave and her brother would go upstairs or something. I do know that for a fact
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On June 04 2012 06:22 HawaiianPig wrote:
I was in a similar position once. There's no magic to this; just go for it. Be explicit, and just tell her how you damned feel. Don't come up with some elaborate plan, don't try to think of some kind of "move". Just find a moment alone with each other and speak from the heart.
Horrible advice. Talking about feelings doesn't build attraction. A girl won't fall in love with you because you tell her how you feel and how much you adore her, a girl falls in love with you because she's attracted, feels a connection with you while you - phyiscally - escalate the situation and take responsibility for it. In this case they have a lot of connection/rapport/comfort, just no physical escalation at all.
On June 04 2012 06:25 sc2superfan101 wrote:
my suggestion is to keep doing what you're doing, but maybe up your ante a little bit. keep asking her out for dinner or something. eventually you're gonna have to bite the bullet and take a chance, but she sounds like she's worth it so i would just go for it.
Keep asking her out? Keep doing what he's doing? What he's doing is tip-toeing around anything that could get him rejected and that girl STILL gives him MULTIPLE openings and possibilities to finally grow some balls.
You're putting her on a pedestal and you glorify her. The second she asks for your presence, you jump. You are doing "small casual flirting" after SHE asks you out for the xth time.
#1: Stop glorifying her. She isn't the only woman on this planet and she's also not the only possible mate for you for the rest of your life. Treat her like you would treat a buddy of yours. That includes doing favors and jumping whenever she yells. She isn't the center of the world, don't treat her as if she is.
#2: In addition to that - want to know what the difference is between a friendship and a relationship? In a relationship you have sex (uhh I said it, sounds dirty eh? =P). Having sex includes physical attraction. Physical attraction requires you to touch her. It requires physical contact. Not talking about your feelings.
Date her, bring out that inner caveman (if you have to, stop jerking off for a week or two and imagine her naked while you're on the date) and start getting physical. Put your arm around her here and then, box her a little when she makes a joke and see the mystery that is "OH WOW THIS ISN'T AS AWKWARD AS I THOUGHT IT IS" resolve itself.
On the other hand, you can keep doing what you always did and get the 6th strike on your "rejection spree". Maybe that's a clue to change your behaviour if you want to be successful with women. =P
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On June 04 2012 08:05 JellowLight wrote:Show nested quote +-The touching is harder to interpet. Logically, one would say it's a sign of attraction, but to me that doesn't seem to be in line with the her inviting you to hang out with her family... Haha, well she didn't know that they would stick around. She actually thought that her mother would leave and her brother would go upstairs or something. I do know that for a fact
ouch - vicious family cock block.. dude have I been there before..
Anyways, thats a nice sigh, in that case I refer back to my colleague's touchy test. Just go watch a movie with her (at home) and start exploring some boundaries. GL private.
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On June 04 2012 07:43 ziggurat wrote:
When you are there in person, at the start of the date you have to make it clear that you are interested in her in a sexual/romantic way. The easiest way to do this is to compliment her in a somewhat vulgar way: "your ass looks really hot today" or something like that. She'll laugh and not know how to respond.
I think this might draw on people having had more experience to seem like an acceptable compliment.
If applicable, tell her she has bright eyes. There will be plenty of time to tell her how great some of her other features are when you two are more comfortable with each other.
As for the setting an event, it doesn't have to be an event you would do without her. Just choose a day, choose a suitable event, and tell her the details. If she can't make it, offer a second day, don't make it too close to the original day though or you might come off over-eager.
Edit: If you must comment on those more intimate seeming features (as opposed to 'bright eyes', make it seem like a complete accident.
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United States9940 Posts
picture it like this. its a TvT, both people have ur siege lines established. but ur behind and you need to be the aggressor. It's a game of chess from here.
Make your move. Then see what she does.
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Maybe she just wants to be friends. I think the right thing to do would be to tell her you still have feelings for her. And you should decide where you want to go from there.
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I think you should just wait. Do what you want and let it all play out, if it turns out she doesn't want to be with you then it wont happen but you're not going to find out by asking TL.
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Looks like I'm late to the party (yet again), lots of good advices above so I won't repeat too much - don't think too hard, don't even think about "what will happen if I say this" - just say it. Do first, think later. Surprisingly, it'll work itself out for the better.
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After reading your OP, I agree with HawaiianPig:
You really need to step up and make a move. Tell her how you feel, make something happen, take her into your arms and then make sweet, sweet love to her. Be a fucking man, and make her your woman.
You've already missed so many opportunities that were softballs. She likes you. She wants you.
You need to try. Even if things don't work out, it's better than living your life wondering what could have been. Do you really want to make blogs like these forever?
EDIT: Good luck
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Canada5155 Posts
On June 04 2012 08:15 r.Evo wrote:Show nested quote +On June 04 2012 06:22 HawaiianPig wrote:
I was in a similar position once. There's no magic to this; just go for it. Be explicit, and just tell her how you damned feel. Don't come up with some elaborate plan, don't try to think of some kind of "move". Just find a moment alone with each other and speak from the heart. Horrible advice. Talking about feelings doesn't build attraction. A girl won't fall in love with you because you tell her how you feel and how much you adore her, a girl falls in love with you because she's attracted, feels a connection with you while you - phyiscally - escalate the situation and take responsibility for it. In this case they have a lot of connection/rapport/comfort, just no physical escalation at all.
This is stupid.
He's "not building attraction". This isn't some Pick Up Artist bullshit where you have to lie and put up a front to her to get her to fall for you. The two of them are beyond some vapid night-club style flirt.
There is no "move"
Whatever you do, OP, don't listen to this kind of bullshit.
You have feelings for her, she most likely has feelings for you too.
The two of you need to talk it out. There's nothing more to it. Find an opportunity and raise it with her. Be a damned adult and just talk to her.
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EPT
