Gay StarCraft Players - Page 321

On December 04 2012 04:35 RoMGraViTy wrote:
What follows may as well be a personal blog, but i think it can be here all the same.



I joined this thread 1 year and four months ago. I was shy, confused, and had never had a gay friend in my life. In the time that I’ve been here, I have made many good friends, learned a great deal about myself, and more importantly, gained a great deal of confidence. The snowball effect that began when I first noticed this thread led to something this past week which I never imagined actually happening – I came out to my mom.

I need to credit the amazing people ive met here, without whose support and friendship, Id have no idea where I’d be today. Among the many people here, I formed a close friendship with three people in particular at different periods of time that helped me more than anything – GDR, Sprouter, and my incredible friend Nick. It is primarily through my friendships with each of them that I gained confidence in myself and comfort in my own skin. I am incredibly grateful to have met each of them.
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Tuesday night did not go as planned. It was a simple trip with my mom to take the dog to the vet. Having been troubled deeply over the past few weeks by the incredible desire to come out to my parents and the unrelenting fear it was giving me, I designed a plan to appear (more than I already was anyway), depressed, extremely quiet, disinterested in things, all in order to grab attention and and make them question me directly. This plan had shown signs of working, and it culminated Tuesday (for my mom) on the drive with a barrage of questions and guesses as to what was bothering me. By exhausting every other possibility she could think of come up with, my hope was that it would open the door to “other” possibilities.
It was a gut wrenching ride. My chest was pounding, and I could only answer “no” again and again to her inquiries. Nearly there, I made the decision to tell her before the drive home. While there, I was mentally freaking out. There were occasions were occasions when my eyes watered as I rehearsed a speech in my head, and she noticed. I’m glad I had by chance not taken my meds that day, as the amphetamines would probably have given me a heart attack.

When finished, I took the dog back to the car and waited for her, trying to muster up every ounce of courage among the fear. She came, and as she started the car, I raised my hand and signaled her to stop. A shorter paraphrase of the speech id been preparing began –
“There has been something torturing me for a long time….
I may not seem like it, I may not act like it, but…
….Im…Im gay”

And I started tearing up. I don’t know if she did, I only could look forward for several minutes. Then started the expected questions: Are you certain about this? How long have you known? I did my best to answer. This was quickly followed up with, as every person doing this hopes to hear, “its ok, I still love you”

This went on for a few more minutes. She said I never should have held that in for so long and never to do that again, to which I said I couldn't imagine anything equating to it.

On the way home, she agreed to keep it secret from my dad until im ready, and I told her that she should ask any questions she wanted, which she did. Overall the ride with very somber, but far more relax than it had been. We spoke for the for short ride home, the dog on my lap the entire time.

When we got home, we hugged, said a few things, and went inside where my dad was already home from work, and we spoke nothing else of it that night. There was only another long hug shortly before I went to bed following watching the back half of the Two Towers with her and my brother, continuing my campaign to make her watch The Lord of the Rings for the first time.

In summary- Im not sure how I feel. On one hand, I’m still incredibly nervous about telling my dad, and beyond that, the rest of my family and friends. But on the other, a huge burden has been lifted, and confidence renewed.

There is another topic which id like to quickly chime in on here and now because of its relevance. For the entirety of the time that I have been part of this thread, there have been periodic posts asking why such a thread needs to exist. For my part, I can honestly say that without this thread, I never would have met so many wonderful people, who share similar interests and stories, without whom I never would have gained the confidence necessary to accept myself, let alone tell others. StarCraft was only a pylon, a common interest, by which this group of people met and became friends, a group which I wouldn't be the same without.

Its true that my experience was only just another step on a long road, but after months of secrecy and severe anxiety, I can begin to speak and act a little more freely. While my next big step is to tell my dad, I am far less worried about it now than I’ve ever been. It would appear that I have crossed the Rubicon.

On December 08 2012 12:19 Troxle wrote:
Also first day of HRT was today! :D

On December 11 2012 03:33 number01 wrote:
Do gay people need to always show their "pride" in front of others? I am heterosexual but I do no go around showing my heterosexualness. That is the only thing that annoys me. I mean after the first 3 times i support it but then it gets old.
That is my rant.

On the other hand, props to you for making this post so other gays can find support.

On December 11 2012 03:47 Troxle wrote:


And not all gay people go around flauntin' their homosexuality. I'd say you are more likely to meet a quiet gay guy and never know it then you are to meet a "flamer".

On December 10 2012 14:45 Sprouter wrote:
would you guys use mumble if i found some means for a server? ;o

On December 11 2012 04:13 EnterpriseE1701E wrote:


The population and voices in most of our skype calls beg to differ

On December 11 2012 04:31 Troxle wrote:


You are also talkin' about out gay guys who aren't afraid of their sexuality versus a lot of gay guys who either don't embrace it or just aren't open about it. I'd say usin' the Skype call creates a bias cause I doubt some of the people in the call go around talkin' like that in public.

On December 11 2012 12:30 Drekkonis wrote:


flamboyant =! stupid , I just want to point that out. Your intelligence has nothing to do to with it how colourful someone's personality is.