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sudo.era
United States300 Posts
I love the Arrested Dev/Firefly refs. edit: One little thing that's bothering me (I'm a writer, too), was that you seem to try so hard to find unique verbs/adverbs. Sometimes the best way to say "say" is... "say". I remember some famous writer saying something like that and it stuck in the back of my mind, really influencing every line I've written since then. Hemingway? I don't remember. Too much flair in every paragraph tires the reader out. Keep writing, please!  | ||
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tertle
Australia328 Posts
Congrats on releasing a novel anyway! | ||
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SixPackAbs
United States160 Posts
http://day9fan.com/~/boy-and-his-game-day9 Just write that down, and it is a way better sc2 book, the first 2 chapters make this look like someone who knows a little about starcraft and a little about writing tried to combine the two; much like mixing a strong acid with a strong base, they did not react well. Reads like a fanfic written by a casual fan. | ||
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Synche
United States1345 Posts
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OreoBoi
Canada1639 Posts
This sounds pretty interesting, I'll have to give it a read. | ||
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Rehio
United States1718 Posts
I couldn't stop giggling while I read about Starcraft. Not because it's silly or embarrassing, but because it's so strange to read about this. | ||
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Dali.
New Zealand689 Posts
On June 22 2011 10:47 OreoBoi wrote: Since the main character is named Sean, this book better have a good plott. This sounds pretty interesting, I'll have to give it a read. Ladies and Gentlemen, we have our winner. | ||
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Mikilatov
United States3897 Posts
I'm going to check this out. =) | ||
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MindBreaker
United States574 Posts
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Troxior
United States168 Posts
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pookadin
Australia422 Posts
The main characters' name is Sean Boxer....apparently because she is a fan of day 9 and slayers boxer..Get some imagination and originality.. Also, why does the story assume that only 1 of 2 americans can win the GSL? Thats not realistic at all... It feels like its been written by a 14yo for an english assignment. I love how she stereotypes our community into bachelors living as slobs with takeway and energy drink rubbish all around... | ||
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Atila
Cuba122 Posts
On June 22 2011 10:47 OreoBoi wrote: Since the main character is named Sean, this book better have a good plott. . comedy gold | ||
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endy
Switzerland8970 Posts
On June 22 2011 10:47 OreoBoi wrote: Since the main character is named Sean, this book better have a good plott. That wasn't a tasteless joke for sure. | ||
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Alabasern
United States4005 Posts
My brain hurts P: | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
Cracking his knuckles, he set his fingers to the keyboard and got to work. Don't start sentences this way. It is always more effective to write directly. "He cracked his knuckles and set his fingers to work on the keyboard." Maybe that sounds like the same thing, but trust me if you replace every sentence you wrote this way your book will read about 100 times better. If you're genuinely interested in becoming better at writing, please consider rewriting some of the paragraphs this way, and rereading them for yourself to see if it helps. I can't help you have better ideas, but I can tell you that this is one of the first things regular readers groan at when reading amateur fiction. Once you start noticing it it's horrible. | ||
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Shaithis
United States383 Posts
you're really good at making puns very useful talent toi have | ||
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onedayclose
United States1145 Posts
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PheNOM_
United States417 Posts
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Metaphysic
63 Posts
It also reads like a bit of a cash grab by someone who doesn't actually know a lot about starcraft or the e-sports pro scene, but is just hoping that it will sell to some nerds who will buy anything starcraft related. | ||
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KuroN3ko
Malaysia154 Posts
My head hurts... | ||
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