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so had a really weird coincidence
i grabbed dinner with a girl who is friends with my roommate's girlfriend - he's been trying to set me up with her, though he's done a kinda crappy job. anyways, it's the third time we're hanging out and it's going decently.
however randomly at the restaurant i saw a girl who i was seeing previously. it'd been like a year since we'd talked (things ended a bit awkwardly). i thought i was going crazy, but i'm 100% sure it was her and she definitely recognized me too. it kind of threw me off a bit for the rest of the evening, and i'm not sure where my head is right now either.
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On October 23 2016 04:28 ticklishmusic wrote: and i'm not sure where my head is right now either.
Do you mean you are not sure if you want to date her again...?
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And what is the lesson you learned bloodwhore?
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So a few pages back I posted the question below. Thanks everyone for their comments (there were many so I feel back about thanking anyone in particular haha).
Anyhow, I ended up agreeing, and we went to watch Rent together. And:
A) I was not the stand in, I was the back-up, reserve stand-in (I.e. Third choice). Lol.
B) It didn't matter, because I love musicals and rent was amazing.
C) She didn't understand parts of the production, and I realised that there was no way I could have dated her anyway. Still it was really nice for her to refuse payment for the tickets.
On October 13 2016 23:13 levelping wrote:
I'd like some thoughts.
A few months ago, I was turned down by a girl. At the time, we had been spending a lot of time together and getting along really well so I thought I should ask her how she felt about us as more than friends. She said no, and also started seeing another guy shortly after. I felt pretty used, seeing as she admitted that spending time with me was like having all the benefits of dating without the commitment.
Anyway that's the background. Since then I've kept some distance, and she's been doing her thing with the other guy.
Tonight she messages me out of the blue asking me to catch a musical with her. I am under no impression that this is anything other than platonic. It sounds like she just wants to hang out with a friend. All the same, I can't help but feel like a stand-in for the guy she's seeing (whom I hear is a little boring and doesn't like musicals).
I'm at the point where I think I've buried most of my affection for her. In fact having done so I don't really find her than interesting a person to spend time with anyway. Still I'm a bit worried that going out with her is just going to revive all kinds of issues I really rather not have to deal with. At the same time, I realise that I can't shut her out forever just because she rejected me, that would be terribly petty.
Should I go out with her?
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On October 24 2016 12:59 levelping wrote:
So a few pages back I posted the question below. Thanks everyone for their comments (there were many so I feel back about thanking anyone in particular haha).
Anyhow, I ended up agreeing, and we went to watch Rent together. And:
A) I was not the stand in, I was the back-up, reserve stand-in (I.e. Third choice). Lol.
B) It didn't matter, because I love musicals and rent was amazing.
C) She didn't understand parts of the production, and I realised that there was no way I could have dated her anyway. Still it was really nice for her to refuse payment for the tickets.
Will you keep her as a friend? That is the question.
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On October 23 2016 05:34 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 23 2016 04:28 ticklishmusic wrote: and i'm not sure where my head is right now either. Do you mean you are not sure if you want to date her again...?
no. obviously there were reasons it didnt work out (and i would rather not bother with what if's, though there are a few). it was just definitely a really weird coincidence and im the kind of person who cant stop the gears from spinning for at least a little while over it.
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On October 24 2016 17:54 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On October 24 2016 12:59 levelping wrote:
So a few pages back I posted the question below. Thanks everyone for their comments (there were many so I feel back about thanking anyone in particular haha).
Anyhow, I ended up agreeing, and we went to watch Rent together. And:
A) I was not the stand in, I was the back-up, reserve stand-in (I.e. Third choice). Lol.
B) It didn't matter, because I love musicals and rent was amazing.
C) She didn't understand parts of the production, and I realised that there was no way I could have dated her anyway. Still it was really nice for her to refuse payment for the tickets.
Will you keep her as a friend? That is the question.
Uh I just plan to regard her in the same way I do most distant friends. She's a nice person but I wouldn't say we're close, nor do I anticipate us getting closer.
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So I asked this girl on a date over text. This is her response:
"hmm well u know how busy i am so i really dont know when I would have free time"
So I should give up on her right?
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On October 31 2016 15:22 bdonballer wrote:
So I asked this girl on a date over text. This is her response:
"hmm well u know how busy i am so i really dont know when I would have free time"
So I should give up on her right?
Yeah she doesn't sound too interested.
Just respond with something along the lines of "Okay, I would love to meet up, so let me know if you change your mind."
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Yeah that's a definite not interested. You could also just "subtly" let her know what it means by saying something like OK never mind then (depending on how well you know her of course). You shouldn't call her out on it or anything but unless you are only interested in sex I would let her know I'm not planning on being her backup plan (as suggested by saying let me know if you change your mind).
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United States15275 Posts
On October 31 2016 15:22 bdonballer wrote:
So I asked this girl on a date over text. This is her response:
"hmm well u know how busy i am so i really dont know when I would have free time"
So I should give up on her right?
It depends on whether she meant it literally or she was just not in the mood at the moment she read the message.
Also, framing it as a date was probably the wrong move.
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You guys are over thinking this. "Cool let me know when you're free cutie and we'll go have some fun" fin.
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She could be playing you. "You know how busy i am" girl could be giving you some line
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I just assumed that a girl would make time for someone they liked, so if they don't 'have time' for you then they don't like you enough. So she is just letting me down easy or is just toying with me.
A simple yes or no would be so much fucking easier.
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I don't know but everything has a time so we firstly concentrate on our carrier.
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On November 01 2016 17:45 bdonballer wrote:
I just assumed that a girl would make time for someone they liked, so if they don't 'have time' for you then they don't like you enough. So she is just letting me down easy or is just toying with me.
A simple yes or no would be so much fucking easier.
They probably will make time for someone they like. That's why it's so much easier to just say that you want to see them and put the ball in their hands. I didn't think girls would respond well to this but girls have come back to me several times since I started dating and Lem0n told me to do it this way.
You might think that she is using the "im busy" as an excuse, but she could in fact be busy. Or she is dating someone else at the moment. Or she just want to be single for a while. Could be a a million different reasons for why she doesn't want to date you right now. It doesn't mean she won't date you later down the line. Don't burn any bridges.
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On November 01 2016 17:45 bdonballer wrote:
I just assumed that a girl would make time for someone they liked, so if they don't 'have time' for you then they don't like you enough. So she is just letting me down easy or is just toying with me.
A simple yes or no would be so much fucking easier.
How can a girl like you when you didn't even go on a date yet? You're more or less a stranger, even if you've known her for a long time when you had no romantic encounters. You asked her out over text too (phone asking out can turn into mini-dates often) - how you behave now is important.
So I wouldn't read much into it, all attractive women have men swarming over them, she's busy at work on top of that, all you can do is make her feel comfortable, make it very easy for her to meet you, with a message that asssumes she wants to do just that, And then leave it on her, move onto other things.
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Cosmic why is it such a bad idea to frame it as a date according to you? I think that if you meet someone for the first time or have only met once or twice there's nothing wrong with making your intent know IMO. Whenever I take a girl out the first time I make sure that she knows I'm not there with her because I want another platonic friend.
In my experience women react well to the straightforwardness in these matters.
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I don't even think it's about them reacting, the first moments you spend with someone can define how you perceive yourself with them. And unless you're a Pick Up Artist that wants to bang women for sport and then feel awkward with them in the long run just laying a foundation of openness from the get go is really important.
Plus, yeah...it works too even when you are PUA :D
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United States15275 Posts
On November 01 2016 17:45 bdonballer wrote:
I just assumed that a girl would make time for someone they liked, so if they don't 'have time' for you then they don't like you enough. So she is just letting me down easy or is just toying with me.
A simple yes or no would be so much fucking easier.
Sometimes they mean what they say, sometimes they mean something different.
On November 02 2016 22:02 B.I.G. wrote:
Cosmic why is it such a bad idea to frame it as a date according to you? I think that if you meet someone for the first time or have only met once or twice there's nothing wrong with making your intent know IMO. Whenever I take a girl out the first time I make sure that she knows I'm not there with her because I want another platonic friend.
In my experience women react well to the straightforwardness in these matters.
It's fine to express attraction. You should always make that clear at the beginning. Being able to trust you is the most important thing.
A date is different. It's a social convention with implicit rules, stakes, and expectations. It puts stress on her to comply with her idea of what composes a good date. It forces the possibility of a relationship to the forefront. And on the subject of sex, it puts her in her head. Now she will worry about appearing "easy" separate of whether she wants it or not. It's hard to be comfortable or free with all those things pressing on a girl, and that's largely exclusive to them. Personally I dislike them. It's a pointless limiting social convention, especially when we're both into each other and know it.
For bdonballer's situation, I suspect "date"was the breaking point. I don't know if she likes him or not, but I imagine she would have been open to the idea of hanging out/getting coffee/being invited to an event/anything that would forgo stress or some emotional commitment. And you can do all of those while maintaining sexual tension. But if she's actually busy or stressed from other obligations in her life, the last thing she wants is more obligations. She doesn't want to deal with a date (i.e. a big deal) now.
TL;DR A long-winded version of what Lemon said.
On November 03 2016 21:14 LemOn wrote:
And unless you're a Pick Up Artist that wants to bang women for sport and then feel awkward with them in the long run just laying a foundation of openness from the get go is really important.
As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a PUA. To me, being a PUA was better than being President of the United States...
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EPT
