EPTEven if I misunderstood him, I still find that's in a interesting point of view, which I never considered. Thanks for the insight Cosmic.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 887
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Cynry
810 Posts
Even if I misunderstood him, I still find that's in a interesting point of view, which I never considered. Thanks for the insight Cosmic. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
Super happy: Got an (as far as I know) awesome roommate, dude form Afghanistan (well born there, he is in germany for seven years now, his german is almost better than mine (strong dialect :D) who plays pc/board/p&p/tabletop games, and generally shares and shares a lot of my interests. AND: Tomorrow im going on a date with one of the female canidates. We really clicked, but she didn't like the room very much, so I asked her out for a cup of coffee instead. Im kinda prowd how smooth(ly? never get that right) I made that transition :D. | ||
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Cynry
810 Posts
On October 16 2016 03:26 B.I.G. wrote: Goddamnit guys its not an "interesting point of view" it's truth. Do yourselves a favor and try to understand the shit women have to deal with a bit better. Now I have this urge to explain myself in a logical fashion. Typical male reaction, eh :D See, I understand what was said here  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 16 2016 03:49 Snotling wrote: Tomorrow im going on a date with one of the female canidates. We really clicked, but she didn't like the room very much, so I asked her out for a cup of coffee instead. Im kinda prowd how smooth(ly? never get that right) I made that transition :D. Nice. Maybe she will visit your place a lot anyway | ||
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Impervious
Canada4222 Posts
On October 16 2016 02:15 Cynry wrote: Not sure Cosmic is saying that all women do that. From what I understood, and found a very interesting point of view, he's saying that women tend to care more about how comfortable they are feeling emotionaly with a guy (or anyone) than they care about the specifics of why he doesn't have a car. This particular women handled the situation (being that she was feeling good with impervious, and all of the sudden she feels in opposition with him because he starts arguing about stuff that doesn't matter) in her own, over the top, way, but that doesn't mean she's crazy or that all women act like this. Even if I misunderstood him, I still find that's in a interesting point of view, which I never considered. Thanks for the insight Cosmic. I didn't think that not owning a car mattered either though. She basically started attacking me for what seems to be a perceived inconsistency in what I had been saying to her about what I do for a living and recent road trips I've made using rental vehicles. The only thing I can see that I could have done differently is show up with a car in order to avoid the whole situation. But if I had done that, and there were no issues on the first date, what would have happened the next time something unusual happens? I'd have sunk more time, money, and effort into something that would ultimately end in a similar fashion. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Makes sense to me, just miscommunication. She probably had bad experiences in the past when guys didn't have integrity and honesty and were making up stuff then hurt her to get laid or something like that and she just associated that and took it out on you. I think it's pretty cool and would bring that up on first dates that you drive all these cool rental cars all over the place but don't have your own by choice when you get to talk about your work. Definitely not going on dates in a car just to appease to her heh | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On October 16 2016 07:46 LemOn wrote: Eh if someone tells me about cool roadtrips in a car, and works with cars of course I'd assume they own a car as well no? Makes sense to me, just miscommunication. She probably had bad experiences in the past when guys didn't have integrity and honesty and were making up stuff then hurt her to get laid or something like that and she just associated that and took it out on you. I think it's pretty cool and would bring that up on first dates that you drive all these cool rental cars all over the place but don't have your own by choice when you get to talk about your work. Definitely not going on dates in a car just to appease to her heh To me that makes a lot more sense as an explanation. I'm self-aware enough when I'm talking with a lady, to be considerate of the emotional flow of the situation, and even if it might be tempting to explain something, sometimes it's not worth the negative emotional flow it brings. But the lady in question exploding on me like that is still so far removed from my experience that I feel like there would have to be some external factor involved. This isn't me being anachronistically misogynistic, this is me being a thoughtful, considerate person, who makes an effort to make others comfortable when I talk with them, and so such a drastic reaction to something so ostensibly innocent just makes no sense, if I analyze the information available to me. And if I'm being rash about it, I might label her as crazy, because the response was out of proportion to begin with. That doesn't make me right, but it's why a lot of people feel that way. | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On October 15 2016 19:52 Skynx wrote: Hahaha where you got that from? On the other hand why would your super rational consciousness post opinions on internet then allow itself to get upset over it when someone with better knowledge tells how wrong they are? I'm not getting upset over anything. I'm just surprised that I seem to be getting attacked for a statement through which I mean no harm, and only seek to offer my perspective. Logic, in terms of a relationship, most often comes in the form of emotional maturity, the ability to understand the things you feel, and why you feel them. Also related is the important ability to recognize when you're feeling an emotion that's just flat-out wrong, and that sometimes your visceral reaction to something, like how a night with your lady might have played out, or her reaction to something you might have said, is incorrect, and that sleeping on things is often the best thing to do. If you let your emotions rule you, you're in for a world of hurt the moment you experience an out-of-proportion emotional response, all it takes is a single misunderstanding about anything. Either way, it's always best to let your emotions settle before you decide how to act. You need to be able to control yourself, despite whatever emotions are taking hold. That's what I mean. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On October 16 2016 10:16 NewSunshine wrote: I'm not getting upset over anything. I'm just surprised that I seem to be getting attacked for a statement through which I mean no harm, and only seek to offer my perspective. Logic, in terms of a relationship, most often comes in the form of emotional maturity, the ability to understand the things you feel, and why you feel them. Also related is the important ability to recognize when you're feeling an emotion that's just flat-out wrong, and that sometimes your visceral reaction to something, like how a night with your lady might have played out, or her reaction to something you might have said, is incorrect, and that sleeping on things is often the best thing to do. If you let your emotions rule you, you're in for a world of hurt the moment you experience an out-of-proportion emotional response, all it takes is a single misunderstanding about anything. Either way, it's always best to let your emotions settle before you decide how to act. You need to be able to control yourself, despite whatever emotions are taking hold. That's what I mean. And should probably find people who are able to do that, else you may run into a situation like this: "Hey, wanna go see a movie sometime? Saturday night okay?" "Yeah sure" Saturday night "Okay, they got a few good ones playing, I'm thinking between X and Y. Is there anything you wanna see?" "WHAT? YOU DIDN'T ALREADY PICK A MOVIE?! YOU DIDN'T GET TICKETS OR ANYTHING?!" "Oh, I kind of thought we could pick a mo-" Leaves | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On October 16 2016 10:56 Dark_Chill wrote: And should probably find people who are able to do that, else you may run into a situation like this: "Hey, wanna go see a movie sometime? Saturday night okay?" "Yeah sure" Saturday night "Okay, they got a few good ones playing, I'm thinking between X and Y. Is there anything you wanna see?" "WHAT? YOU DIDN'T ALREADY PICK A MOVIE?! YOU DIDN'T GET TICKETS OR ANYTHING?!" "Oh, I kind of thought we could pick a mo-" Leaves I mean, I don't even try to really handle anyone who gets like that, if that's how they roll I never even get attracted to them in the first place. But yes, it certainly helps.  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 16 2016 10:56 Dark_Chill wrote: And should probably find people who are able to do that, else you may run into a situation like this: "Hey, wanna go see a movie sometime? Saturday night okay?" "Yeah sure" Saturday night "Okay, they got a few good ones playing, I'm thinking between X and Y. Is there anything you wanna see?" "WHAT? YOU DIDN'T ALREADY PICK A MOVIE?! YOU DIDN'T GET TICKETS OR ANYTHING?!" "Oh, I kind of thought we could pick a mo-" Leaves You don't have to date 14 year old girls. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Skynx
Turkey7150 Posts
On October 16 2016 18:26 LemOn wrote: Think you guys don't understand how weak the relatively new rational logical part of human brain is people. Vast majority of decisions and behaviours have little to do with it Hahaha ofc man just mute everyone pick meepo and win anyway right? | ||
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IgnE
United States7681 Posts
On October 16 2016 18:31 LemOn wrote: And I find it useful to not sleep on anything actually, Instead try to train your awareness and share your emotions and thought process in the moment, with injected logic if possible and ask questions and listen to get to understand the other person's. I think letting your emotions settle is about the worst thing you can do and leads to unhealthy relationships as you start withholding who you really are and encourage/expect the same. See I don't think there is a "who you really are" so I don't think that "letting your emotions settle" leads somehow to a representation that is "not who you really are". | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On October 20 2016 11:38 IgnE wrote: See I don't think there is a "who you really are" so I don't think that "letting your emotions settle" leads somehow to a representation that is "not who you really are". I wholeheartedly agree with this mindset. I don't believe that, outside of MPD, there are different people in a person. You are who you are all the time, with all of your emotional ranges. | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
Taking a break from something or postponing a decision by a little bit, when there are no time constraints, is, in my perspective, a very useful thing. I can think about the decision more calmly. E.g. I postponed getting a gamepad for some time now because I don't really need it. But my emotions say: want want want. Do I have to listen because I am, after all, a gamer by heart? No. Because my laptop has a shitty bluetooth and I don't want to spend 60€ on a Xbox One controller. Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry. But do you get my point? Taking a step back and trying to look at a situation with a calm, collected mind can, and let's stress can, help you make decision that arn't rash. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
But you still have to actually be aware of those emotions and share them with yourself And in a relationship or looking to start one all you're doing is sharing yourself with the other person, as you are in the moment, your emotional ranges as Dark_chill said. It doesn't mean you have to act on all your emotions, like when you tell your girlfriend on the street you find another girl attractive or that a girl has nice hair doesn't mean you'll go over there and start humping her leg :D | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I have been arguing a bit with my FWB on different topics and I was kinda mean yesterday (nothing super serious). Things have been escalating lately and it has been leaning towards us stopping our fwb thing for a while now. So I met up with her for the last time today. Started out with me apologizing and talking about things. Then we started as usual. Afterwards shit went horribly wrong. While cuddling she starts crying. I guess she still had feelings for me and is now really sad she won't see me again. Cue 30 minutes of me not being sure what to do. And now I feel like shit. Lesson learned though. | ||
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