EPTAlso, she didn't mean what she said.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 885
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
Also, she didn't mean what she said. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4217 Posts
On October 11 2016 10:52 CosmicSpiral wrote: Your mistake was trying to engage logically. Don't engage logically. Also, she didn't mean what she said. I'm aware of that. I'd bet she's been seriously misled in the past, and has valid reasons to question things when they don't line up like she would expect them to. It's not the first time I've dated a girl that has been confused or shocked when I first tell them that I don't have a car, but this was the most ridiculous response that I've seen. | ||
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On October 11 2016 11:09 Impervious wrote: I'm aware of that. I'd bet she's been seriously misled in the past, and has valid reasons to question things when they don't line up like she would expect them to. It's not the first time I've dated a girl that has been confused or shocked when I first tell them that I don't have a car, but this was the most ridiculous response that I've seen. That's not what I meant. More specifically, what she was trying to express had little to do with her words. You're still thinking about this situation like she's a guy. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On October 11 2016 11:20 CosmicSpiral wrote: That's not what I meant. More specifically, what she was trying to express had little to do with her words. You're still thinking about this situation like she's a guy. CosmicSpiral, I think it might be a good idea to move away from that idea. It's one thing to say that men and women have differences between them due to cultural/biological/etc etc. It's another to say that all women are crazy. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Doesn't take away from the fact its pretty damn weird she reacted like that over not having a car.. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
On October 11 2016 22:55 B.I.G. wrote: He is not saying all women are crazy, he's saying applying man-logic on a woman is a mistake. Doesn't take away from the fact its pretty damn weird she reacted like that over not having a car.. I don't think it makes sense to genderize the logic here; it is generally a bad idea to "logic" one's way through forming relationships with other people, gender of those other people notwithstanding. Something tells me that men would find other men equally as confusing if only they were trying to fuck them, and my gay friends have confirmed my anecdotal suspicions. That all said, this woman's reaction still seems suspect lol | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On October 11 2016 14:18 Dark_Chill wrote: CosmicSpiral, I think it might be a good idea to move away from that idea. It's one thing to say that men and women have differences between them due to cultural/biological/etc etc. It's another to say that all women are crazy. She's not crazy. Impervious thinks she's crazy because her reaction is completely out of proportion to the importance of the issue, which it is. But he thinks she lost her mind over the question of the car, which she didn't. She never gave a shit about why he doesn't have a car. From his perspective, she's only responding to the information of the conversation and everything she says should be taken at face value e.g. he's treating her like she's a man. The differences are exactly why most men have problems with women. In this very thread, most posts about the "irrational"/"crazy" experiences with women are explainable. Or rather, would be explainable if the posters were sufficiently self-conscious of what they were doing during the interaction. But since they aren't, the woman's actions are magically inexplicable and therefore she has issues. On October 11 2016 23:41 farvacola wrote: I don't think it makes sense to genderize the logic here; it is generally a bad idea to "logic" one's way through forming relationships with other people, gender of those other people notwithstanding. Something tells me that men would find other men equally as confusing if only they were trying to fuck them, and my gay friends have confirmed my anecdotal suspicions. You mean sex, not gender. Gender arguably plays a crucial role. | ||
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farvacola
United States18857 Posts
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CosmicSpiral
United States15275 Posts
On October 12 2016 01:10 farvacola wrote: Nope, I meant gender, but this ain't the place to get into a debate pertaining to gender essentialism Well, I made the distinction assuming gender essentialism isn't true.  | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Not claiming I am an expert by any means but I know enough to know I truly know nothing  | ||
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solidbebe
Netherlands4921 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
Maybe that just has to do with where you live and culture, but it is certainly considered crazy to react the way she did where I live. I also think it is a stretch to say it has to do with gender/sex, a guy who reacted that way would be just as crazy in my eyes. | ||
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On October 12 2016 03:16 bloodwhore~ wrote: I'm not sure I follow your reasoning why you think it is weird to say a woman is crazy because she flips if she finds out a guy doesn't have a car even though the guy explained why. Maybe that just has to do with where you live and culture, but it is certainly considered crazy to react the way she did where I live. I also think it is a stretch to say it has to do with gender/sex, a guy who reacted that way would be just as crazy in my eyes. It's not that she's not crazy. It's that it doesn't mean all women are like that. Point I'm trying to get across is that women aren't any more illogical than men. This one was, and even though men and women are different, blindly categorizing people doesn't help anyone and is kind of disingenuous. There's higher variation within groups than between groups. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On October 12 2016 03:46 Dark_Chill wrote: It's not that she's not crazy. It's that it doesn't mean all women are like that. Point I'm trying to get across is that women aren't any more illogical than men. This one was, and even though men and women are different, blindly categorizing people doesn't help anyone and is kind of disingenuous. There's higher variation within groups than between groups. I agree with you. It's Cosmic who seems to argue that it isn't so strange for a woman to respond like that - which is crazy | ||
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NewSunshine
United States5938 Posts
On October 11 2016 11:20 CosmicSpiral wrote: That's not what I meant. More specifically, what she was trying to express had little to do with her words. You're still thinking about this situation like she's a guy. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what you're on about, in fact your replies to this story have raised more questions for me than answers. If you're convinced that, in this story, the girl's response - to a very reasonably-presented piece of information - had nothing to do with what she was actually saying, or any type of face-value logic, then - forget sex or gender, as a reasonable and sane human being - what is my response to this supposed to be? If I stay true to who I am and act in a way that's natural to me, and I attract someone and we hit it off like Impervious seemed to have, would it not then be extremely suspicious for that person to suddenly flip like a switch like that? To me, a reaction like that indicates some kind of baggage, and that's a totally valid reason for a reaction like that, and why such a relationship might not work out after all. In that case, crazy, scarred, baggage, whatever you want to call it, is this ultimately the sort of person I'm equipped to handle as I am right now? The way you respond seems to suggest that somehow there's something I(or Impervious) should have done differently, that somehow I could have been more understanding, and that would have changed the outcome. I think of myself as a calm, rational, understanding person, and I cannot fathom how I would approach a woman reacting that way to something totally inconsequential like that. | ||
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Impervious
Canada4217 Posts
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
On October 12 2016 09:23 Impervious wrote: I also feel more confused right now. You've come to the right place | ||
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levelping
Singapore759 Posts
A few months ago, I was turned down by a girl. At the time, we had been spending a lot of time together and getting along really well so I thought I should ask her how she felt about us as more than friends. She said no, and also started seeing another guy shortly after. I felt pretty used, seeing as she admitted that spending time with me was like having all the benefits of dating without the commitment. Anyway that's the background. Since then I've kept some distance, and she's been doing her thing with the other guy. Tonight she messages me out of the blue asking me to catch a musical with her. I am under no impression that this is anything other than platonic. It sounds like she just wants to hang out with a friend. All the same, I can't help but feel like a stand-in for the guy she's seeing (whom I hear is a little boring and doesn't like musicals). I'm at the point where I think I've buried most of my affection for her. In fact having done so I don't really find her than interesting a person to spend time with anyway. Still I'm a bit worried that going out with her is just going to revive all kinds of issues I really rather not have to deal with. At the same time, I realise that I can't shut her out forever just because she rejected me, that would be terribly petty. Should I go out with her? | ||
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Deleted User 101379
4849 Posts
On October 13 2016 23:13 levelping wrote: I'd like some thoughts. A few months ago, I was turned down by a girl. At the time, we had been spending a lot of time together and getting along really well so I thought I should ask her how she felt about us as more than friends. She said no, and also started seeing another guy shortly after. I felt pretty used, seeing as she admitted that spending time with me was like having all the benefits of dating without the commitment. Anyway that's the background. Since then I've kept some distance, and she's been doing her thing with the other guy. Tonight she messages me out of the blue asking me to catch a musical with her. I am under no impression that this is anything other than platonic. It sounds like she just wants to hang out with a friend. All the same, I can't help but feel like a stand-in for the guy she's seeing (whom I hear is a little boring and doesn't like musicals). I'm at the point where I think I've buried most of my affection for her. In fact having done so I don't really find her than interesting a person to spend time with anyway. Still I'm a bit worried that going out with her is just going to revive all kinds of issues I really rather not have to deal with. At the same time, I realise that I can't shut her out forever just because she rejected me, that would be terribly petty. Should I go out with her? You aren't "going out" with her, you're just going to a musical with a friend. As long as you keep your emotions in check and don't push for more, is there any reason not to be friends with that girl? Men and women can be friends. It only gets difficult when either one tries to make it more, but since you know that she's not interested, you could be the only one making it difficult. | ||
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