|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On September 30 2016 00:02 B.I.G. wrote:
Tomorrow I have a second date with a girl that is pretty hot on the outside but pretty cold on the inside.
Don't get me wrong she's friendly enough but she just might be enough of a sociopath to go on dates just to get free food and booze. Any of you guys had experience with girls that seem to be more interested in what you can give them than you?
BTW this is a very casual date so no need for "she doesn't really love you!" kind of advice (although well meant).
A super simple solution to this would be to share the cost. I'm glad I live in Sweden where it isn't weird to split the bill. Easier to evade the gold diggers 
|
On September 30 2016 04:39 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On September 30 2016 00:02 B.I.G. wrote:
Tomorrow I have a second date with a girl that is pretty hot on the outside but pretty cold on the inside.
Don't get me wrong she's friendly enough but she just might be enough of a sociopath to go on dates just to get free food and booze. Any of you guys had experience with girls that seem to be more interested in what you can give them than you?
BTW this is a very casual date so no need for "she doesn't really love you!" kind of advice (although well meant). A super simple solution to this would be to share the cost. I'm glad I live in Sweden where it isn't weird to split the bill. Easier to evade the gold diggers
Never go on expensive dates. Invite her an ice cream (day) or drinks (day or night)
|
Split bills makes the most sense to me. I always split bills the first date. Doesn't mean it has to be perfectly split 50/50, I usually pay more, but as long as she pays for some things as well it's fine.
|
I've gone on 5 dates in the last couple of weeks. I've never spent more than 12$ on any of them. Even the baseball game I'm going to. My roommate works at the stadium, and I'm getting 60$ seats for 5$.
|
I agree with how cost should be split at least partially but in some places that isn't very common yet so I guess it's about figuring out if it's "worth the risk".
|
Split the bill 100%. If the lady doesn't agree to split, that's a huge red flag. Also, a good first date is inexpensive and easy to bail out on. Walks and coffee are the prototypical first dates. GoTunk! has some good ones too.
For myself, I've found myself a girlfriend and she's great. She's smart, good looking, and our personalities and humour jive really well. We're both into dark humour, the Office, talk about social issues a lot, etc. However, even though I think she's awesome, I don't love her. I've experienced love(or infatuation) before and I remember the feeling of smiling every time a love song comes on, but I'm not there yet. I miss her if I don't see her for 2 or more days, and enjoy just thinking about her, but it's not love.
Is there something I can do to help that feeling flourish? Or is it just based on time? The last time I felt love it was very quick from the start, but that was probably an unusual case, especially for me.
|
United States15275 Posts
How much you should pay on a first date depends on how you can "freely give" without reaching for validation. If anything, the politics of it are overrated when people talk about dates. If you want to pay 100%, pay and don't make a big deal about it. If you want to split, split and don't make a big deal about it. In short, go about it as if you had nothing riding on the interaction.
On October 01 2016 14:56 WarSame wrote:
For myself, I've found myself a girlfriend and she's great. She's smart, good looking, and our personalities and humour jive really well. We're both into dark humour, the Office, talk about social issues a lot, etc. However, even though I think she's awesome, I don't love her. I've experienced love(or infatuation) before and I remember the feeling of smiling every time a love song comes on, but I'm not there yet. I miss her if I don't see her for 2 or more days, and enjoy just thinking about her, but it's not love.
Is there something I can do to help that feeling flourish? Or is it just based on time? The last time I felt love it was very quick from the start, but that was probably an unusual case, especially for me.
Why is she your girlfriend if you don't love her (in the infatuation sense or the Erich Fromm sense)? Why aren't you just dating?
|
What is the difference for you between just dating and a girlfriend? And there are plenty of things I like a lot about her, I just am missing that infatuation.
|
Certain personality types lose the feeling of infatuation pretty quickly once the initial phases of a relationship (if they feel it at all). It's a pretty strong emotion and some people just don't feel emotions the same way as others. Are you attracted to her still, physically?
Past a couple of months I usually lose it in all of my relationships as it's typically a fleeting, temporary emotion for most people. This is why relationship experts will often point out that Love is a CHOICE, and not necessarily something that is constantly "felt".
|
United States15275 Posts
On October 02 2016 04:53 WarSame wrote:
What is the difference for you between just dating and a girlfriend? And there are plenty of things I like a lot about her, I just am missing that infatuation.
If you're dating someone, you are having fun while getting to know them. And that's it. Either party can break off contact; even if it's annoying and uncouth, it's not considered wrong. You have a set of implicit obligations with a girlfriend: you prioritize her above other people, you care about her over most people, you attempt to maintain the relationship at a high level of quality, you allow yourself to be emotionally vulnerable around her and you're expected to be exclusive towards her (unless you're a polygamist).
I like a lot of things about my friends. I like a lot of things about my one-night stands. I don't consider either of them girlfriend material for those reasons alone.
|
I thought you were married cosmic
|
United States15275 Posts
On October 03 2016 12:06 B.I.G. wrote:
I thought you were married cosmic
When did I ever say that lol
|
must have been my own delusions then ;p
|
|
|
Go away you tease. If you don't put an ever increasing number back in your sig, you're dead to me! 
|
Anyone know anything about dating in Korea? Since I'm currently living in a proverbial hell for meeting people I figure I might as well plan on doing some dating in Korea since I imagine it'll be more doable than dating in Bumfuck, VA without a car.
|
well what exactly do you want to know?
|
Anything, I'm down for whatever information there is, any common things to expect, places that are common to go to meet people, common things people do on dates, etc. etc.
|
are you white?
theres only 1 place which is known for high foreigner concentration; itaewon.
if youre looking to just pick up chicks though clubs at gangnam, itaewon and hongdae will provide you enough opportunity to hit it off. korean women have a soft spot for white guys
common things to expect from a korean girlfriend:
highly self conscious about appearance. korean society in general is very shallow in that aspect and it can be annoying if youre not used to that culture.
clingy (compared to western girls). they get attached fairly quickly and the whole concept of 'casual' dating or even worse, friends with benefits/sex partner dynamics are rare and quite frankly frowned upon. be prepared to say i love you way before you actually mean it.
be prepared to say goodbye to a social life outside of your girlfriend. its fairly common in korea for people to lose contact with their friends/colleagues etc once they enter a relationship because its expected for both parties to invest everything into that relationship. needless to say there are many people who end up lonely and broken when these relationships fail because they have nothing to fall back on (friendships already long gone etc)
you will also go to many different places far and wide to do a wide range of activities. this one is more dependent on age, career, hobbies etc (you do less if youre older or you have a full time job etc). korea has so much shit for 'couples' that even if you spend all your time searching for 'couple' activities you probably couldnt do them all.
as for sex, koreans are pretty horny despite all their efforts to appear conservative. go ham
theres probably a lot more stuff to talk about, i just dont remember what to talk about or its just hard to generalise. if you want more info on a specifc topic let me know
|
Geez, being (sexually) together with this girl is still not an overall good experience. I did improve myself from last time, but her attitude is extremely annoying, and when I don't see that extra effort in her, it makes me not wanting to do anything, let alone confidently lead her on what to do.
Anyway, I don't even want to bother thinking about that right now. My question for the day would be: is dating/being with a narcissist really that unbearable? I am one for sure, and the things I read about it on the internet sounds kinda ridiculous. Attention seeking tantrums and mild manipulation aside (yeah-yeah, but no one's a saint), I don't feel like a shitty person, or someone who is "incapable of empathy or love".
What's especially annoying, is that you try to set boundaries for yourself not to overload the other person, aka you try to be better, but when you see that the other person is in fact in the wrong, you either explode in yourself, or you try to calmly translate your message to her, but if she doesn't understand/it's not a problem for her, then it's even worse.
On another note, if someone is not sympathetic (girl or boy, doesn't matter) I don't feel like I should force not being an asshole onto myself.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
