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If you and her end up being serious, make sure you tell her "mahal kita"; it's "I love you" in Tagalog. Dating: How's your luck? - Page 833
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45925 Posts
If you and her end up being serious, make sure you tell her "mahal kita"; it's "I love you" in Tagalog. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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RaiZ
2813 Posts
I'm not bad looking, I don't have childrens, I'm willing to make a lots of efforts, but no matter how much effort you put in, the mind of having a relationship with someone that is deaf is terrifying them. I'm 32 for old sake. Even matured womens just doesn't want to have a relationship, just be friend. I'm tired of that shit. I have already way too much friends, I don't want it anymore. How fucking hard is that ? Better kill myself than finding another women who would be willing to make an effort since it doesn't exist. | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
The thing is, relationships like you want are extremely rare and getting rarer. Women have finally caught up to men when it comes to being shallow and commitment-phobic, so the game has changed. Now it's about how much pleasure you can get in the short term against how much effort you have to put in. This is a bit more difficult for men because traditionally, they got their emotional support from their spouse whereas women have traditionally been better at making emotional bonds with friends and family. At some point they realised that they didn't want to have a second, unpaid job in the form of a needy partner / husband anymore. In my view, a lot of the vitriol towards feminism stems from the fact that women demand something that is completely reasonable but that men are not equipped to give up. So my advice is: try getting your emotional support from your friends and family, and from yourself. Everything a spouse can do, a selection of friends can do better. | ||
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RaiZ
2813 Posts
On May 14 2016 18:49 DickMcFanny wrote: I realise it must be difficult being deaf and dating, but the reason women don't want relationships with you is probably not that you're deaf. The thing is, relationships like you want are extremely rare and getting rarer. Women have finally caught up to men when it comes to being shallow and commitment-phobic, so the game has changed. Now it's about how much pleasure you can get in the short term against how much effort you have to put in. This is a bit more difficult for men because traditionally, they got their emotional support from their spouse whereas women have traditionally been better at making emotional bonds with friends and family. At some point they realised that they didn't want to have a second, unpaid job in the form of a needy partner / husband anymore. In my view, a lot of the vitriol towards feminism stems from the fact that women demand something that is completely reasonable but that men are not equipped to give up. So my advice is: try getting your emotional support from your friends and family, and from yourself. Everything a spouse can do, a selection of friends can do better. Yeah sure, how many time did I hear that ?... You're not wrong though about the women being more independant. Actually I'm not even surprised. I'm not an old fashioned guy either. Truth is, this handicap has a larger impact than you'd actually think. | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8081 Posts
On May 14 2016 18:49 DickMcFanny wrote: I realise it must be difficult being deaf and dating, but the reason women don't want relationships with you is probably not that you're deaf. The thing is, relationships like you want are extremely rare and getting rarer. Women have finally caught up to men when it comes to being shallow and commitment-phobic, so the game has changed. Now it's about how much pleasure you can get in the short term against how much effort you have to put in. This is a bit more difficult for men because traditionally, they got their emotional support from their spouse whereas women have traditionally been better at making emotional bonds with friends and family. At some point they realised that they didn't want to have a second, unpaid job in the form of a needy partner / husband anymore. In my view, a lot of the vitriol towards feminism stems from the fact that women demand something that is completely reasonable but that men are not equipped to give up. So my advice is: try getting your emotional support from your friends and family, and from yourself. Everything a spouse can do, a selection of friends can do better. I tried to think about what you said, but I can't relate it to anything I've observed. If I have observed something, it's rather many married couples where the man is hanging out with his mates drinking beer, skying and partying while the wife is craving for support, love and attention that is just not being given. I almost always had relationship with girls or women who were giving more love attention and support than I was able to return (though I've grown up a bit and it's changing). I think there is no such thing as "men do this, women do that". Everyone is different and every relationship functions differently. If anything, those balance depends of the milieu, the culture, and the type of sensitivity of individuals involved. | ||
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Biff The Understudy
France8081 Posts
On May 14 2016 20:23 RaiZ wrote: Yeah sure, how many time did I hear that ?... You're not wrong though about the women being more independant. Actually I'm not even surprised. I'm not an old fashioned guy either. Truth is, this handicap has a larger impact than you'd actually think. I'm sure it does, but don't give up. Thing is, when you find someone who sticks up and commits, it will probably be much more solid than what most people get. It's all about finding the right person, and that takes time, and most of all, not trying too hard. The more we want the right person to arrive the least she does Good luck!!! | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
On May 14 2016 20:23 RaiZ wrote: Yeah sure, how many time did I hear that ?... You're not wrong though about the women being more independant. Actually I'm not even surprised. I'm not an old fashioned guy either. Truth is, this handicap has a larger impact than you'd actually think. Sorry man, I didn't mean to presume I understand your position. | ||
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DickMcFanny
Ireland1076 Posts
On May 14 2016 20:54 Biff The Understudy wrote: I tried to think about what you said, but I can't relate it to anything I've observed. If I have observed something, it's rather many married couples where the man is hanging out with his mates drinking beer, skying and partying while the wife is craving for support, love and attention that is just not being given. I almost always had relationship with girls or women who were giving more love attention and support than I was able to return (though I've grown up a bit and it's changing). I think there is no such thing as "men do this, women do that". Everyone is different and every relationship functions differently. If anything, those balance depends of the milieu, the culture, and the type of sensitivity of individuals involved. Do you still live in France? | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
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waffelz
Germany711 Posts
On May 14 2016 17:59 RaiZ wrote: I'm getting really tired of the dates. Everytime I encounter them in real life, they end up not texting me back because of my handicap. Welcome to the world of hypocrits. I'm not bad looking, I don't have childrens, I'm willing to make a lots of efforts, but no matter how much effort you put in, the mind of having a relationship with someone that is deaf is terrifying them. I'm 32 for old sake. Even matured womens just doesn't want to have a relationship, just be friend. I'm tired of that shit. I have already way too much friends, I don't want it anymore. How fucking hard is that ? Better kill myself than finding another women who would be willing to make an effort since it doesn't exist. Of course that sucks, but it isn’t all that surprising. I have never dated someone that is deaf, but I can imagine that it can be really intimidating. I don’t know if you always have been deaf, but by removing sound, you take a lot away from our usual means to communicate. Words are only half the message, if I couldn’t proper utilize stuff like tone, tempo of speech I probably would have been thrown off. My vocabulary would most likely be a lot more limited as well since I dig language a lot and often find myself having to explain words others usually don’t know. Lip-reading them seems even more unlikely. Given the fact that I am quite confident in my eloquence and that I rely heavily on it to have fun, having a relationship where I am not able to use a big part of it makes me see how one would shy away from it. Some of my assumptions might be wrong, but after all, it isn’t called a disability for no reasons and while I probably would be thrilled to make this experience, to these women it probably just doesn’t seem worth the effort. Plus the general thing of people with disability tending to make people uncomfortable even though you happen to have one of the more presentable ones. Maybe you should try dating some deaf girls, at least to them this shouldn’t be a problem. And you probably both can Best of Luck to you. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I'm getting really tired of the dates. Everytime I encounter them in real life, they end up not texting me back because of my handicap. Welcome to the world of hypocrits. What do you mean by "the world of hypocrits"? Do you mean that the women you date say that they have no problem with you being deaf yet when you do go on dates that is not the case? I'm assuming you tell them you are deaf before you go on the date? I think whenever you have something stacked against you you should be very open about it. I have a friend who is pretty short, in Sweden I'd say 70-80% of the girls are equally tall or taller than him. When he got tinder I basically told him to write it out in clear text how tall he was. I agree with the others. Your best bet might be to date someone else with some kind of disability, they might be more understanding. I know I would personally have a harder time dating someone who couldn't communicate as well as I am normal to. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On May 14 2016 17:59 RaiZ wrote: I'm getting really tired of the dates. Everytime I encounter them in real life, they end up not texting me back because of my handicap. Welcome to the world of hypocrits. I'm not bad looking, I don't have childrens, I'm willing to make a lots of efforts, but no matter how much effort you put in, the mind of having a relationship with someone that is deaf is terrifying them. I'm 32 for old sake. Even matured womens just doesn't want to have a relationship, just be friend. I'm tired of that shit. I have already way too much friends, I don't want it anymore. How fucking hard is that ? Better kill myself than finding another women who would be willing to make an effort since it doesn't exist. How could they not know that you're deaf before the date itself? And there's no advice I can give you as I have not been in your position, but basically as with anything I've encountered in my life there's only one solution - trying that much harder. Not by finding a girl and then showing her that you're willing to put in loads of effort to make up for who you are, that's bullshit. But by putting in lots of effort into finding a girl that takes you for what you are in the first place, who is willing to put in equally as much effort into the relationship as you are. Obviously with deaf chicks it will be radically easier, but I'm a romantic thinking it's by no means a reason to just stop going out with girls without hearing loss. Good luck, and don't you give up! | ||
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RaiZ
2813 Posts
On May 15 2016 02:15 bloodwhore~ wrote: What do you mean by "the world of hypocrits"? Do you mean that the women you date say that they have no problem with you being deaf yet when you do go on dates that is not the case? I'm assuming you tell them you are deaf before you go on the date? That's exactly this. Otherwise I'd not call them hypocrites. Concerning your second point I'd not see any problems dating a deaf girl but sometimes I'd like to know if it's possible to have a relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily share the same handicap (more preferably a normal one because I'd been raised in normal schools all my life. I've tried a deaf school but that didn't last long because we didn't share the same world, at all). | ||
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Dingodile
4139 Posts
On May 14 2016 23:15 B.I.G. wrote: Do you date girls with a handicap RaiZ? Good luck finding them, I haven't seen one but some boys randomly. I am deaf too. I cannot watch movies without subtitle (thank god netflix). I was thinking about acousticians but they aren't dating agency. edit: me too, raised a normal life and visited normal school. All experts and acousticians are still telling me I can not go to normal school because of heavy deaf. Yeah... I am at uni now, mechanical engineering 5th semester. edit2: I am heavy deaf in linguistical level. close to normal in all other frequencies (high and depth tone). I am single too but I am saitsfied with it. Talk/discussion is rather a burden than enrichment. | ||
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RaiZ
2813 Posts
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On May 15 2016 04:21 RaiZ wrote: That's exactly this. Otherwise I'd not call them hypocrites. Concerning your second point I'd not see any problems dating a deaf girl but sometimes I'd like to know if it's possible to have a relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily share the same handicap (more preferably a normal one because I'd been raised in normal schools all my life. I've tried a deaf school but that didn't last long because we didn't share the same world, at all). How sure are you that it's the deafness that's causing them to turn you down? Maybe you're hiding behind the deafness as a reason not to accept that there's something else that's holding you back? | ||
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ragnasaur
United States804 Posts
While I am not deaf, I do feel like I have my personal handicaps with relationships, as many other people have. It's like that book The Outsiders. The grass always looks greener on the other side. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States45925 Posts
On May 15 2016 08:59 ragnasaur wrote: Deafness can be viewed as a positive thing, especially in regard to relationships with women. While I am not deaf, I do feel like I have my personal handicaps with relationships, as many other people have. It's like that book The Outsiders. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Could you please elaborate on how a hearing disability would be beneficial when dating women? Besides the obvious low-hanging fruit of a joke about how it'd be easier to "listen" to them yap incessantly? Since I really don't think that happens lol. | ||
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RaiZ
2813 Posts
On May 15 2016 08:24 Mikau wrote: How sure are you that it's the deafness that's causing them to turn you down? Maybe you're hiding behind the deafness as a reason not to accept that there's something else that's holding you back? I don't see any other reason except maybe the tone of my voice ? But I highly doubt it because you'd obviously see it, especially after all the years you've been seeing in the behavior of the humankind with your eyes only. Or maybe because it's my belly ? But it's hardly noticeable no matter how good the girls are at guessing through the clothes you wear. On May 15 2016 08:59 ragnasaur wrote: Deafness can be viewed as a positive thing, especially in regard to relationships with women. While I am not deaf, I do feel like I have my personal handicaps with relationships, as many other people have. It's like that book The Outsiders. The grass always looks greener on the other side. Yeah dude thanks but just... No. I don't believe that crap. While I agree there are far worse things to happen to someone, I'm really glad I only have this handicap. But still, it sucks. You simply don't realize it, that's like telling someone that you can have fun without drinking. Or run without your shoes. Having this handicap really does suck. Only way I think I can have a shoot would be getting a little buffer, and money. Lot of money. Too bad I didn't start poker earlier. | ||
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