EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 460
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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JoeCool
Germany2520 Posts
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biology]major
United States2253 Posts
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Xiphos
Canada7507 Posts
On April 28 2014 01:52 TwiggyWan wrote: Lived the exact same situation with an even worse ratio D: Fortunately there is student night parties where you can hopefully meet girls from other kinds of schools with much more favorable ratios  I would personally go to your school's library in order to meet up chicks. But that depends on the girl's reaction. If you go chat up a girl that is truly focused on her studies, that won't end up well. Just go for girls that seems to have more liberty of time at hands. OR go to your local bars/clubs to have fun with the opposite sex. Up to you | ||
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
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Haku
Germany550 Posts
On April 28 2014 13:04 LeeDawg wrote: So, my girlfriend is possibly leaving the state I live in (New York) for what could be her dream job in another, far away, state (Florida.) It's not definite yet, since she still hasn't interviewed with them yet, but her step mother works for them currently, so she has an "in." We're not in a place where I'm going to leave here for her, even though I love her dearly, and with her current work situation, where she's working 80 hours a week to make ends meet, I definitely can't tell her to stay since she'd be making way more money working half of that. It's just heartbreaking, since she's the first person I've had any serious feelings for in years, and she may be leaving, for a part of the country that's literally 1000 miles away... She has to take care of herself though.... Do not even know what to say about that, i am just sorry. Have the same situation with my actual girlfriend atm, we are together since nearly 3 years and shes about to go for a job far away... | ||
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Bongy
Denmark151 Posts
On April 28 2014 13:04 LeeDawg wrote: So, my girlfriend is possibly leaving the state I live in (New York) for what could be her dream job in another, far away, state (Florida.) It's not definite yet, since she still hasn't interviewed with them yet, but her step mother works for them currently, so she has an "in." We're not in a place where I'm going to leave here for her, even though I love her dearly, and with her current work situation, where she's working 80 hours a week to make ends meet, I definitely can't tell her to stay since she'd be making way more money working half of that. It's just heartbreaking, since she's the first person I've had any serious feelings for in years, and she may be leaving, for a part of the country that's literally 1000 miles away... She has to take care of herself though.... If I may, why aren't you in a place where you can follow? | ||
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crazyweasel
607 Posts
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Snotling
Germany885 Posts
On April 28 2014 23:48 crazyweasel wrote: hmm the one chance that you have is to marry her. so you can go with her or so she stays. otherwise there arent much other greater universals that surpasses money except love. that doesnt change anything. you dont get magically more important (or the job less important) because you sign a pice of paper and say pretty vows to each other. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32051 Posts
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LeeDawg
United States1306 Posts
On April 28 2014 17:25 Bongy wrote: If I may, why aren't you in a place where you can follow? ' Cause I just accepted a full time salaried position doing something I love. If I was still a part time shmuck doing something somewhere, then I'd consider it, but I'm not going to back out of a career path I just started into for a girl I've only been seeing for 6 months... | ||
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Bongy
Denmark151 Posts
On April 29 2014 03:14 LeeDawg wrote: ' Cause I just accepted a full time salaried position doing something I love. If I was still a part time shmuck doing something somewhere, then I'd consider it, but I'm not going to back out of a career path I just started into for a girl I've only been seeing for 6 months... Well, it seems none of you are willing to back out of the jobs, so the question you should bring up with yourself and with her is: Do I enjoy the picture in 10 years if I follow this career here without her, or do I see myself happier with her, but pursuing a similar career path in a different location (however hard restarting might be). Put your hapiness first, whatever the answer may be, since you're the one going to be living with yourself the rest of your life  I'm taking a similar, but different, step with my gf right now | ||
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Acrofales
Spain17986 Posts
On April 29 2014 04:58 Bongy wrote: Well, it seems none of you are willing to back out of the jobs, so the question you should bring up with yourself and with her is: Do I enjoy the picture in 10 years if I follow this career here without her, or do I see myself happier with her, but pursuing a similar career path in a different location (however hard restarting might be). Put your hapiness first, whatever the answer may be, since you're the one going to be living with yourself the rest of your life I'm taking a similar, but different, step with my gf right now Don't forget the risk too. Her giving up her dream job in Florida is a risk, and you giving up your seemingly excellent career options locally is also a risk. However, to make this relationship work one of you is going to gamble with your career. My girlfriend and I were (and in some ways still are) in a similar situation. She has taken a huge risk, and left a stable job to be with me, and she hasn't yet found a job she likes here (further complicated by the fact that she doesn't have a working permit, which is something you won't have to worry about). This is not making her very happy, but we lived apart for a year and realized it was make or break: either one of us moved (and I had the better paying job with far better career options, and additional knowledge that finding a similar job where she lived was next to impossible), or we broke up. Now, despite her dissatisfaction with her job, we are happy. Long story short: if one of you gives up your job, friends, etc. to travel halfway across the country/continent/world to be with the other, it's hard, but if the relationship is worth it, it's doable. | ||
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Bongy
Denmark151 Posts
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Riquora
Netherlands8 Posts
So, there is this Girl at my work which i kinda fancy, we normally take lunchbreak etc together and chitchat about almost anything there, now here comes the dillema, i straight up suck talking to Girls when i don't know them very well (like im not a dude Who goes out with my friends and go for the Girls, im just chilling with my friends) So as you maybe can understand it's hard for me to ask out a Girl, and i have no clue on how to actually bring it up without looking like a complete retard xd. A bit of info about us, she is 19 mot really close to 20 and im almost 24 and tbh i think the age gap is kinda big for us. Though she doen give me hugs and stuff like once in a while but im not really sure if they mean anything for her, or if she knows i fancy her, since they bright up my days by alot, so any help is really apprecieer | ||
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Orcasgt24
Canada3238 Posts
Do not forget your god damn method of payment in your coat at home! I left my bank card in my coat pocket and forgot I didn't put it in my wallet after using it to pay a bill online. Go on date, have good time, eat yummy food, drink delicious drink and then the bill arrives. FML Thank god she found the whole thing hilarious and teased me relentlessly as she paid. I don't think my face could have been any redder. | ||
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Slayers_Red.Cracker
36 Posts
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Slayers_Red.Cracker
36 Posts
On April 30 2014 14:25 Riquora wrote: Oke guys, i kinda need your help, please excuse me of any grammer etc, since english is not my First language and im typing this on my Phone. So, there is this Girl at my work which i kinda fancy, we normally take lunchbreak etc together and chitchat about almost anything there, now here comes the dillema, i straight up suck talking to Girls when i don't know them very well (like im not a dude Who goes out with my friends and go for the Girls, im just chilling with my friends) So as you maybe can understand it's hard for me to ask out a Girl, and i have no clue on how to actually bring it up without looking like a complete retard xd. A bit of info about us, she is 19 mot really close to 20 and im almost 24 and tbh i think the age gap is kinda big for us. Though she doen give me hugs and stuff like once in a while but im not really sure if they mean anything for her, or if she knows i fancy her, since they bright up my days by alot, so any help is really apprecieer Ask her out on a date, and be really frank about it. "Let's go eat sushi!". If she says yes, just fistpump and say very happily "It's a date, woohoo!" (or something). Sort of try to appear very casual about it, but do call it an actual date. Once youre on a date with her, just be yourself, try hold her hands, take her to places and just talk casually. Dont take it all too serious, as if it's a binary function. Theres a very big world between being married and being just friends. Dating is supposed to be fun, and even if it fails just remember the funny stories. If you treat dating as if its a fun thing to do in life which you thoroughly enjoy regardless of the outcome, its a lot easier to just ask people you like to go out and do stuff. | ||
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anatase
France532 Posts
This post is about what happened to me about 1 month ago now... Typing this makes me realize, it was only a month ago, but it felt like 3 or 4 already. Here it is: I have been taking chinese courses at the university since september. The class I ended up with is small, around 10 people, but there is a really good atmopshere and we have had the opportunity to share some drinks and etc... In this class was a girl,obviously, a nice, kind and interesting one, only to had she was simple yet brilliant - hell she's doing a PhD in stats - and awfully charming, with a smile that makes me instantly melt. Simply thinking about her smile makes put me on my knees. We planned with the class a trip to China, that's how close our group is and in order to secure some funding we all took the HSK examination (TOEFL/Cambridge for mandarin). After exam day, as you would expect, we went for to celebrate and had drinks, late during the evening we ended up 4 out of the 10 people. We were at a bar, we had been drinking without eating so much so we all were kind of tipsy, just enough for everyone to be at his/her ease. There, this girl which I digged in already, I feel we really connected, we discussed for quite some hours and at a random but frequent times our hands would get "touchy" and whatnot, and we would not lose eyesight of the others. She was responsive a 100%. When the 4 of us left, we all had to go different directions so nothing happened there, so we departed each one of us in our respective directions. However, I was hopeful, really hopeful. The girl and I continued to chat for a day or so and I asked her if she wanted to have a coffee somedays, to which she said yes. We discussed more and I was not derailed by any means of where this was all going. She is the kind of girl I could have been in a relationship, a real, long relationship, she's the kind of girl I wish I could be in a relationship by now. Anyway, there we were, some wednesday afternoon, having a nice talk around some coffee we have quite a lot in common as you would guess. It was 2 hours or so, nothing big, but it went incredibly fast. We talked a lot about asian food, she likes to cook, so do I. She had to go, so before leaving she tells me, "we should cook together sometimes, what do you think?" to which I glady answered enthusiastically . Couple days later, saturday, we set things up, this is going to be next week, on wednesday. She likes to drink some nice wine, fortunately I come from a region where we do quality ones. So I tell her I'll bring some. Everything seems to go just about fine, what could go fucking wrong? Hell nothing. I am extatic at that moment. the next days went by like a flash, I can't stop thinking about wednesday evening. I have this huge smile all over my face and all I can think of is: this is going to be awesome. Do i think something is going to happen ? yes I do. Do I want it ? OFC I do. Do i feel something must happen ? Yes i Do. So here we are, it is wednesday evening, I have to be there at 6pm, i'm here at 6 pm (I must add i'm currently living in Switzerland and being on time is important to people and to me). The evening goes by really nicely, we laugh and cook, discussed about more things, about the trip to china about more personnal things, about nothing and everything really. It just goes so fucking well. it's around 11:30, we've had some nice food, damn we are good cooks, we had some great times, we have been drinking but not enough to be tipsy or whatever. It is about time for me to go ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; So i tell i'll go and, and that moment i try to kiss her, and she just turns her head and we end up doing "la biz" (french/swiss way to say hello to someone of the opposite sex). ... I am there, all lost, i turn around, take my things and go to the door, and tell her I've had a great time and we are good cooks, we are. She tells me something like "yeah me too, we should do that again" (...) "Yes, sure". She closes the door. I am crushed She has been kind of distant since then, she has to see me since we are in the same class, but we just say hi to each others and that's it. It has been a month, is it a long period ? is it short ? I don't know. It really feels like 3 months have been by already, if not more. I've thought everyday of what happened, of her. Until a week ago or so, it was the first thing I would think about in the morning and the last thing I would think about before falling asleep. This has been haunting me, it still is. I apologized to her for trying to kiss her, telling I am sorry I got the wrong impression, hoping this wouldn't put a distance in between us. But it didn't change a thing, I've tried to comeback as we used to behave before, didn't work. She isn't responsive anymore. What went wrong ? After hours of wandering, I suppose I went too fast, or maybe I did not understood what she wanted, was it about just being friend ? But in our discussion she would make me feel so different, complimenting me and whatnot, this connection we had, she would be so responsive to me as well. I don't know. And this event, that wednesday, she invites me to her place to cook, telling me to bring wine, that's gonna be fun. It didn't make sense that she refused, that she didn't want to, does it now ? NO, it seems irrationnal it doesn't fit. But she did "say" no, and by moving to fast I probably killed a nice friendship or probably more, that's how I feel, that's how i've been feeling. Not only I've lost hope in anything but I also lost someone I actually care about. So here I am TL, I am sharing with you this destructive experience. Am I still crushed ? to be honest yes. I can't get over her because I don't really understand why this did not happen. I probably acted too fast, I was too enthusiastic, that's the best reason I can think of. But I am not going back to her; not for answers, not for anything. If she wants to speak with me i will. But I don't want to annoy or bother her, I've done harm enough, i am staying low for the time being. She doesn't seem to care at all. It will pass by, this feeling. I know it will. I know where it is coming from too. But I don't know why, it has only been a month for god's sake thanks for reading. | ||
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r.Evo
Germany14080 Posts
My guess would be from your description that you came off as more sexual at the very first event (which you described as touchy) than you actually were at the others. Coffee date with no or not much touching, fine, not the end of the world but also not great. And then when it comes to the cooking date all I'm reading is "cooking/laughing/discussing/having a great time" - which is all fine, but not enough for a sexual relationship. The last nail in the coffin is what effect her rejection had on you. If you're in such a situation and you can genuinely convey some kind of "Sigh, alright, I'll try again tomorrow!" without sounding disappointed but more in the vein of "I know I'll get you eventually and so do you (;" that can still do some wonders. tl;dr: If you like someone it's normal to be touchy with them. If they seem to enjoy it and/or become touchy with you keep escalating until a kiss is nothing more but a small step that had to happen eventually. If it ever feels like something insanely huge, you did something wrong. Go next, have fun and try to not get so emotionally attached so quickly - it's usually neither helpful nor healthy. | ||
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Shotcoder
United States2316 Posts
On April 30 2014 21:35 r.Evo wrote: Super classy case of not being persistent and/or sexual enough imo. As a general note, good bye kisses as your first kiss suck major balls, all you're doing is building more and more pressure for both you and the girl and in most cases you take away the chance to calibrate properly to her exact reaction since you're simply not there to witness it. My guess would be from your description that you came off as more sexual at the very first event (which you described as touchy) than you actually were at the others. Coffee date with no or not much touching, fine, not the end of the world but also not great. And then when it comes to the cooking date all I'm reading is "cooking/laughing/discussing/having a great time" - which is all fine, but not enough for a sexual relationship. The last nail in the coffin is what effect her rejection had on you. If you're in such a situation and you can genuinely convey some kind of "Sigh, alright, I'll try again tomorrow!" without sounding disappointed but more in the vein of "I know I'll get you eventually and so do you (;" that can still do some wonders. tl;dr: If you like someone it's normal to be touchy with them. If they seem to enjoy it and/or become touchy with you keep escalating until a kiss is nothing more but a small step that had to happen eventually. If it ever feels like something insanely huge, you did something wrong. Go next, have fun and try to not get so emotionally attached so quickly - it's usually neither helpful nor healthy. I agree with everything he said here, I actually think you should have made you initial "move" after the bar. Set the tone for everything else, you're both kind of tipsy so it's easier for both of you and it's a better intimate(being touchy and lots of eye contact situation) rather than the situation you had while cooking. I've been going through something with my old boss, I doubt you all remember that was months ago. Since then she's changed departments and so have I(got promoted beotches =D). I left about a week after she did and I went to first to train for my new position while she stayed on second and we kinda stopped talking a whole lot even though we were still really close friends(at least for me I tend not to keep friends very long because I move around). Two weeks ago...or maybe it was 3, I moved back to second shift so I started seeing her all the time, talking and hanging out on breaks and stuff. Small aside, this is the girl who has a "boyfriend" and a kid( use boyfriend loosely because she sometimes refers to him as baby daddy and I don't qualify someone who makes their significant other sleep on the couch just so they don't get woken up in the night or refuse to help with their kid except when its convenient as a boyfriend) Ok, so we're back to where we were right before I started walking her out to her car, and everything got complicated last time. We make sexual references to each other, we poke and touch each other all the time, she's stays up late to talk to me and we're starting to flirt really hard again. She's also stopped referring to me as "buddy" or "friend" and now I'm her "best friend" to everyone. Well I made the mistake of texting her while she was drinking one night and she started flirting really hard and I made a comment about how her being single would make this easier. She kind of brushed it off at first but brought it up later in a different conversation when I said "I wasn't happy where I was" to which I got something like "Me either". She's pretty vocal about her displeasure at work so I just thought that's what she meant so I was like "I don't mean just work" and she sent me "Yea I know, I'm not happy where I'm at either" And then another guy was hitting on her at work while I was talking to her, This dude and I went out with other co-workers the Friday before and he was telling her how she should have come to, and she could stay at his place and all this shit, she laughed told him she wasn't single and walked away and when we walked back into the room she was like "I would have stayed at your place anyways" Like it's this little shit that fucks with me really hard. And I today was a really wtf moment when we were talking about work again and I was explaining how I'm getting shit on by my fellow manager in my area and she sent me a 3 text spiel about how he's an asshole and nothing but fat and lazy and I care more than he does...etc etc. She's never defended me like that. So I don't know exactly how to read anything. I'm taking as we've just become such good friends that the flirting and everything has become normal and acceptable but there's that lingering doubt in the back of my mind that she's just waiting for me to force the issue. | ||
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