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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On February 18 2014 15:47 Pniski wrote:And I don't celebrate Christmas - this fake sense of joy and happiness makes me sick. Show nested quote +If you spend most of your time on IRC, do you really have conversations with women to begin with ? I didn't do that all my life. When I went to college, I had plenty of experience dating girls. All I do now is sit back and wait for this nightmare to end. Some people call it life.
You must be fun at parties.
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On February 18 2014 21:47 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2014 15:47 Pniski wrote:This is something that I don't understand. Why people care so much about what their parents think when it comes to who they date? I've never consulted my parents on these issues, never talk about my short term relationships or anything like that. It's none of their business. If they can't respect the choices that I make in my life it means that they don't respect me and I don't want to have anything to do with people like that, even if they happen to be my family. And I don't celebrate Christmas - this fake sense of joy and happiness makes me sick. If you spend most of your time on IRC, do you really have conversations with women to begin with ? I didn't do that all my life. When I went to college, I had plenty of experience dating girls. All I do now is sit back and wait for this nightmare to end. Some people call it life. Are you a troll alt of Shauni's?
I'm putting $5 ABL dollars on it.
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If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly?
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On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly?
Would you want to do that? If yes, then go for it.
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On February 19 2014 00:20 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2014 21:47 Acrofales wrote:On February 18 2014 15:47 Pniski wrote:This is something that I don't understand. Why people care so much about what their parents think when it comes to who they date? I've never consulted my parents on these issues, never talk about my short term relationships or anything like that. It's none of their business. If they can't respect the choices that I make in my life it means that they don't respect me and I don't want to have anything to do with people like that, even if they happen to be my family. And I don't celebrate Christmas - this fake sense of joy and happiness makes me sick. If you spend most of your time on IRC, do you really have conversations with women to begin with ? I didn't do that all my life. When I went to college, I had plenty of experience dating girls. All I do now is sit back and wait for this nightmare to end. Some people call it life. Are you a troll alt of Shauni's? I'm putting $5 ABL dollars on it.
Cough it up, pinksi has been in irc forever, he cant be shauni's alt.
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On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly?
Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance.
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On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance.
As long as you groom yourself a little and you dont look like a complete troll, appearance does not matter. Thinking otherwise is a severe limiting belief. Sometimes if you want to compliment someone, you should just go for it! If she takes it well, why not ask for her number as well?
Dont come on too strong like "HEY IM BILL CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER?!?!" Because if you are tense, how do you e pect to make her feel comfortable? Just tell her what you think (like the most beautiful lady on the station) and ask for her number afterwards as a bonus!
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On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance.
What a load of nonsense. Please go read the TL guide to sex  Obviously, if you look and smell like a caveman, nobody is going to give you her number, but looks are not all that important. Being confident and putting the girl at ease is far more important. Note that most of the time, girls aren't looking to be picked up by random strangers at the trainstation, but as long as you're not a giant dick about it, there's no harm in trying. I'd strike up a short conversation first, though.
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On February 18 2014 20:55 raga4ka wrote:
It's hard to be motivated in dating because if you want a girl to like you have to act in a certain kind of way , but if you just want to get to know her first and don't rush the "romantical" stuff you end up being friendzoned . Sex and getting out of the loneliness is the only driving force in dating. Whatever comes after that is mostly based on luck .
I think you're misinformed about a few things, my friend. the best relationships, at least in my personal experience, and my friends as well, are the ones that progress slowly and naturally, and where both people can act like themselves. If you have to 'act a certain way' to get a girl to like you, then she's not really going to like YOU per se, but she's liking the way you're acting. that seems like being fake to me. the two best relationships I've been in, I was platonic friends with the girl for months before anything romantic happened at all. in the first one, she chased me for a while until I caved, realized I was interested and we started to date. second one was the same thing but opposite, where I was interested, chased her, and even though we were friends, she wasn't into me like that at first. But just hanging out with her and talking to her naturally made her more interested. I don't believe in the friend zone, from my experience.
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On February 19 2014 02:07 MightyBill wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance. As long as you groom yourself a little and you dont look like a complete troll, appearance does not matter. Thinking otherwise is a severe limiting belief. Sometimes if you want to compliment someone, you should just go for it! If she takes it well, why not ask for her number as well? Dont come on too strong like "HEY IM BILL CAN I HAVE YOUR NUMBER?!?!" Because if you are tense, how do you e pect to make her feel comfortable? Just tell her what you think (like the most beautiful lady on the station) and ask for her number afterwards as a bonus!
Bill, in general I agree with you, but I don't like the idea of leading with "OMG, you are the most beautiful lady here." While I have never cold approached someone(keep this in mind) it seems to me that leading with that is kind of shallow. Although... now that I think of that it might work on the shallower girls. My personal preference would be more along the lines of some situational opener or "Hey, you look interesting/cute/whatever", rather than commenting directly on physical appearance. And cute isn't necessarily physical.
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It was just an example  was thinking of what Id want to say to a pretty girl, then thought of my girlfriend and that I wanted to tell her shes the most beautiful creature in the world. Changed "world" to "station".
Anyway I would just say whatever honestly comes up in your mind without being too tryhard or judgmental. Dont overthink stuff. If youre comfortable, most stuff just flows out.
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Grabbed smoothies with this girl after class, it went alright but I really feel like I could really work on my coversation skills, anyone have some basic tips for those moments the conversation runs dry or have any games to play to invoke a more interesting conversation?
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K so after doing too much "business" last quarter, winter break, and early this quarter, I decided I was little better than those sleezy ass PUAs/fratboys so I stopped that stuff and decided to get a girlfriend. Going pretty well so far. :x
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On February 19 2014 02:15 Acrofales wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance. What a load of nonsense. Please go read the TL guide to sex Obviously, if you look and smell like a caveman, nobody is going to give you her number, but looks are not all that important. Being confident and putting the girl at ease is far more important. Note that most of the time, girls aren't looking to be picked up by random strangers at the trainstation, but as long as you're not a giant dick about it, there's no harm in trying. I'd strike up a short conversation first, though.
Sorry, but if you approach any random girl with any self esteem at a trainstation with only 3-5 minutes at hand, confidence goes to the back-burner and it's how you look and present yourself. Am I saying not to try? No. Just be prepared for a let down, if you rely more on personality than looks, and move on.
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On February 19 2014 10:53 Masamune wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 02:15 Acrofales wrote:On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance. What a load of nonsense. Please go read the TL guide to sex Obviously, if you look and smell like a caveman, nobody is going to give you her number, but looks are not all that important. Being confident and putting the girl at ease is far more important. Note that most of the time, girls aren't looking to be picked up by random strangers at the trainstation, but as long as you're not a giant dick about it, there's no harm in trying. I'd strike up a short conversation first, though. Sorry, but if you approach any random girl with any self esteem at a trainstation with only 3-5 minutes at hand, confidence goes to the back-burner and it's how you look and present yourself. Am I saying not to try? No. Just be prepared for a let down, if you rely more on personality than looks, and move on.
What you're saying is very, very true, but putting the girl at ease is also very important. If we go to an extreme with looks, I've known a couple guys who absolutely suck with girls, but are pretty tall and exceptionally handsome and can get girls that way (alcohol/party scene does help I guess). Looks do matter. I know dudes who good at the whole pick-up thing (approaching, socializing, etc.), but I don't want to tell them half of the reason they ultimately fail 99.9% of the time is looks/ethnicity. One such buddy told me his friend who does the same thing he does is decently successful. His friend: good looking white guy? Go figure.
If you're not some soft-looking guy, putting a girl at ease is extremely important. First impressions mean everything. When people ask you things like if you were in the military or if you were in a gang (lol LA people), it's obvious that you're not simply seen as some random, soft-faced college student. First off, presenting yourself well can break most of a person's initial thoughts of you before you approached. But then, what you have to do is start with most of the conversing, so that they realize the reality is you're a normal dude with too great a sense of humor and likes athletics.
Also, personality means a lot less when doing pickup. A girl won't see actual personality for a couple of weeks or more, and if you're doing pick-up, you usually only see them 1-2 times max and the goal, both between you and her, is just to fuck. She isn't looking to date or marry you, so doesn't really care a whole lot anyways. The only problem is when girls get a glimpse of your personality, see you're boyfriend material, and kinda try to stick around afterwards >_>
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On February 19 2014 10:32 Najda wrote:
Grabbed smoothies with this girl after class, it went alright but I really feel like I could really work on my coversation skills, anyone have some basic tips for those moments the conversation runs dry or have any games to play to invoke a more interesting conversation?
Dont make the mistake of thinking that getting a smoothie with girl is a date. Its irrelevant in the larger scheme of dating. Invite her to concert or dinner where you actually have the ambiance to make good conversation.
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On February 19 2014 14:55 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 10:32 Najda wrote:
Grabbed smoothies with this girl after class, it went alright but I really feel like I could really work on my coversation skills, anyone have some basic tips for those moments the conversation runs dry or have any games to play to invoke a more interesting conversation? Dont make the mistake of thinking that getting a smoothie with girl is a date. Its irrelevant in the larger scheme of dating. Invite her to concert or dinner where you actually have the ambiance to make good conversation.
It pretty explicitly was not a date, I had just talked to her for a total of like 5 minutes before that so I wanted to get to know her better first, which I'm not really sure I succeeded in. I mean I learned a lot about her in terms of what she does/school/plans but idk if I really count that as knowing someone.
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Stupid question time: when someone asks "Who are you?" fairly neutrally, what do you respond? This is just a though experiment. I realized recently there could be a lot more to the question than it looks like.
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On February 19 2014 11:37 JudicatorHammurabi wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 10:53 Masamune wrote:On February 19 2014 02:15 Acrofales wrote:On February 19 2014 01:56 Masamune wrote:On February 19 2014 00:37 JoeCool wrote:
If there is little time, let´s say like maybe two or four minutes at max (talking about trainstation) and you see a nice girl... would you recommend to just walk over and ask for her number directly? Honestly, if your good looking, it will work more often than not and show confidence. If you're average to below, it might creep a lot of people out (which is shallow and sad but human nature). I would suggest writing your number down and handing it to them instead. Although I think your method of startling might allow you to get their actual numbers and communicate with them with a higher success rate than them actually initiating texting with your number. Really depends on your appearance imo because there is so much limited information within that timeframe that all a girl can really judge you on is your appearance. What a load of nonsense. Please go read the TL guide to sex Obviously, if you look and smell like a caveman, nobody is going to give you her number, but looks are not all that important. Being confident and putting the girl at ease is far more important. Note that most of the time, girls aren't looking to be picked up by random strangers at the trainstation, but as long as you're not a giant dick about it, there's no harm in trying. I'd strike up a short conversation first, though. Sorry, but if you approach any random girl with any self esteem at a trainstation with only 3-5 minutes at hand, confidence goes to the back-burner and it's how you look and present yourself. Am I saying not to try? No. Just be prepared for a let down, if you rely more on personality than looks, and move on. If you're not some soft-looking guy, putting a girl at ease is extremely important. First impressions mean everything. When people ask you things like if you were in the military or if you were in a gang (lol LA people), it's obvious that you're not simply seen as some random, soft-faced college student. First off, presenting yourself well can break most of a person's initial thoughts of you before you approached. But then, what you have to do is start with most of the conversing, so that they realize the reality is you're a normal dude with too great a sense of humor and likes athletics. Also, personality means a lot less when doing pickup. A girl won't see actual personality for a couple of weeks or more, and if you're doing pick-up, you usually only see them 1-2 times max and the goal, both between you and her, is just to fuck. She isn't looking to date or marry you, so doesn't really care a whole lot anyways. The only problem is when girls get a glimpse of your personality, see you're boyfriend material, and kinda try to stick around afterwards >_>
Has anyone read "Blink" by Malcom Gladwell, or "Thinking Fast, Thinking Slow"? Fact of the matter is, looks are everything. Not only in the sense that the better looking you are, the easier it will be to attract the opposite sex. People judge others constantly, throughout the day from a very narrow period of experience. In a blink they categorize, stereotype and judge. Do they have power? Do they have influence? Are they trustworthy? Are they credible? Will I sleep with them? In a bar or a club where the music is often too loud to carry on an actual conversation this can be evident. People and girls will judge you by who you're with, how you carry yourself, how you dress, and more on the way you're saying what you are saying rather than what you're saying. In any situation, even if you're one to look for more meaningful relationships these initial and lasting impressions are paramount.
On to my own debauchery. I've never "picked up" a bartender before so last night was a first. Went to a bar by myself and ended up chatting with the owners and the regulars there. Here's a little nugget, go to a place on a Tuesday night when it's empty and make friends there. Next time you go, either with a date or by yourself you'll have allies, social proof, all that good stuff. If you like to go out, it's good to have a home base where you know everyone, and this is an easy way to do so. The more frequently you see these people, the stronger your relationships with them will be. I ended up talking to one of the bartenders after for a little while and she became pretty flirty. All bar tenders are flirty, it's their job to be (they may even do shots with you and stuff like that) but this was excessive. When she talked to me she would lean over the counter, fold her arms, put her head on them and talk to me all doey eyed. But more importantly, she gave me her work schedule and asked me which hotel I was staying in. So that was that. She has the type of eyes you can just drown in. And she's also pretty cool, a tv show geek and studying humanities in uni. I like her! We're gonna do more datey stuff before I return home.
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On February 19 2014 15:07 Najda wrote:Show nested quote +On February 19 2014 14:55 Dogfoodboy16 wrote:On February 19 2014 10:32 Najda wrote:
Grabbed smoothies with this girl after class, it went alright but I really feel like I could really work on my coversation skills, anyone have some basic tips for those moments the conversation runs dry or have any games to play to invoke a more interesting conversation? Dont make the mistake of thinking that getting a smoothie with girl is a date. Its irrelevant in the larger scheme of dating. Invite her to concert or dinner where you actually have the ambiance to make good conversation. It pretty explicitly was not a date, I had just talked to her for a total of like 5 minutes before that so I wanted to get to know her better first, which I'm not really sure I succeeded in. I mean I learned a lot about her in terms of what she does/school/plans but idk if I really count that as knowing someone.
For conversation skills, just talk to a lot of girls to practice it, and look at other people to see how they talk to girls. In the end you just want to have a good time and not be too conscious of yourself. Awkward silences are only awkward if youre really looking for something cool to say. Its okay to just break the ice by saying "awwwwkward!" And laughing about it. If she laughs just call it as well "hey Im making you laugh again  !"
And about not seeing it as a date: it doesnt matter! Before my gf I called every meeting with a girl a date to her. Like when she wanted to pay for coffee Id fistpump and say semi-loud "Best date I ever had!". But its the whole way that you carry it. As long as youre honest with your intentions and relaxed with yourself youll be fine.
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EPT
